~~.~~
Yellow is associated with joy, happiness, intellect, and energy.
~~.~~
"Y/N! Y/N!"
I looked up from the documents in front of me and saw Chanyeol waving his arm over his head as he tried to get my attention. I rolled my eyes, getting up from my chair to see what he needed me for. I bent down to look over his shoulder at the laptop screen he was gesturing at. He had the wolf mv open on his laptop and was marvelling in the fact that so many people had watched it in such a short amount of time. I watched his face, his tan complexion lighting up with the bright smile that stretched across his face.
His joy was purely infectious, and I felt unabashed joy in that minute that I hoped it wouldn't stop. All the hard work they had put into everything they did was paying off and I felt overjoyed to be with them for it.
I looked up as someone came to sit with us, my eyes connected with Sehun's as he greeted me with a small smile.
"안녕하세요." (Hello.)
"Sehun, have you seen this?" Chanyeol interjected, causing Sehun and I to break eye contact and look at him. He grinned, as he points at the screen.
Sehun looked down at his friend and shook his head before Chanyeol started off on a whole rant about how big they're going to be and that this is only the start for them. Sehun smiled because he was excited and I watched the two of them, just thankful that I could be sitting in the same room.
~~.~~
Their schedule was packed.
We were all shuffled between South Korea and Hong Kong as the boys promoted their music and new appearance. Cameras flashed everywhere they went, their silhouettes stood out against the bright lights as they made their way from city to city, each with a sea of fans waiting for their arrival.
I watched them from the sidelines, my tired eyes lit up as I watched the boys I had come to know well live their dreams. I got to see the rise of stars, and I would not have traded that for a good night's rest or a home cooked meal. I was with them; I didn't need to be anywhere else.
~~.~~
I'd caught his eye at one fan meeting. My eyes had drifted up from my phone as I doubled checked the schedule for the third time in five minutes, we had to be wrapping this up soon if we were to remain on time. My eyes had scanned the table before they came to land on Sehun who was staring at the girl in front of him like she was the only person in the world.
I never admitted it to him, nor did I ever feel the need, but the jealously that rose within me as I looked at the two of them had me shooting daggers at the side of his head. It was ridiculous, and I knew that. Sehun was not mine and yet I felt that I had some sort of claim to him, though he never gave me any reason prior to make me believe that I did.
Our eyes met when she moved onto Jongin, who sat beside him and Sehun looked over my way. His eyebrows knitted together as if he didn't understand the expression on my face. I blinked quickly, relaxing my face as he gave me a small smile. Against my better judgment I returned it, feeling my cheeks heat up with a blush that I hoped wasn't noticeable from the distance, before he turned back to the next girl in line.
Out of his gaze I scolded myself for acting like a teenager, butterflies flying in my stomach as I tried to shake the way he had looked at me, lazily almost but no less beautiful, from my mind. I swallowed thickly as I checked my phone again, admitting to myself quietly that I was unfortunately and inappropriately a little bit in love.
~~.~~
Despite how busy they were, I began to notice that Sehun made excuses to approach me. Whether he was asking how I was, or staying up late to watch a movie in the dorms, I noticed his presence more than the others. And as much as I enjoyed his company, there was a part of me that felt as though we were doing something wrong, despite never actually doing anything that could get either of us in trouble.
That was until one night as my eyes began to drift shut that I heard the snap of a camera near my face. My eyes flew open, knowing exactly what Sehun had just done and shot daggers at him, my mouth set into an unimpressed line.
"Delete it."
He smirked, his finger pressing repeatedly against the screen as he no doubt worked on sending the photo of me to the rest of the members and staff.
"Sehun…" I warned, my exhausted state lowering my usually high tolerance of annoyance.
He glanced at me, his expression the definition of innocence as he raised an eyebrow.
"Delete it." I repeated slower so he didn't misunderstand, not in the mood for games.
"No."
I stared at him, not willing to believe how rude he was being, playful or otherwise. I sighed, pouting slightly as if I were a spoiled child who got in trouble.
"Please," I tried through clenched teeth.
He looked as if he was thinking over my request before he smirked and went back to his phone. Without thinking about my actions, I launched at him, sending him falling back against the couch as I landed awkwardly on his lap. Not deterred by the position, I grabbed for his phone, my fingers closed around it for a second before it was snatched from my grasp again and held high above my head.
I crossed my arms over my chest as I leant back, trying not to think about how much our bodies were touching.
"Sehun."
His eyes shone mischievously as he stared up at me, a plan forming in his mind that I was sure I'd know about very soon.
"You really want me to delete it?"
"Of course."
"Then you have to do something for me." I wanted to wipe that smirk off his face.
Against my better judgment I played along with his scheme, uncrossing my arms from my chest and waited for him to continue.
He looked to be hesitating for a moment, before his eyes turned hard, full of resolve.
"Kiss me."
I sputtered before I was able to place a hand over my mouth, sure that I heard him wrong. "W-What?"
He smirked. "If you want me to delete it, you have to kiss me."
I shuffled my hips trying to get myself away from him; this is not what I had expected to happen. He grabbed my hips tightly, holing me in place. "This is highly inappropriate, Sehun."
"So is the way you look at me during fan meets and around the dorm. It's inappropriate for us to sit and watch movies and fall asleep together." He paused, staring at me with those beautiful dark eyes of his and I almost felt all the walls around me come crashing down. "It's inappropriate for you to kiss me, but I want you to do it anyway."
"Sehun…"
His eyes smouldered as he stared up at me, and I knew that there was no sense in arguing, I knew that I wanted this. But my job was important to me and so I pushed him away and climbed off his lap. He let me go this time, hurt at the rejection.
"I know you want to."
It's not like that wasn't obvious.
"That doesn't make it a good idea."
He looked away, yawing as he stretched back against the couch. I looked down at him. "I'm going to bed." He said abruptly, standing up from the couch which caused me to shuffle back. "I'll see you in the morning."
I nod, ready to leave it at that. He went to step by me before I felt myself being drawn towards him by an arm around my back. I gasped in shock as he pulled me against his body; I caught the glimmer in his eyes before his face was moving towards me and I had no time to react before his mouth connected with mine. My eyes squeezed shut as I willed the moment to pass quicker. He pulled away soon after, his hands resting on my shoulders as he gaged my reaction.
"Sehun," I breathed, reaching up to touch my lips.
He smiled slightly and pulled away from me completely. I stumbled before catching myself and watched him walk towards the door.
"Goodnight, Y/N," He said before he was out of sight.
I stood there for another five minutes, long after I heard his bedroom door shut, my mind racing as I tried to find a rational reason as to why that just happened, and why I allowed it to. Did he not realise just how utterly stupid it was to get involved with each other?
It was one thing to give each other longing teasing glances and subtle touches, but it was another, almost dangerous thing to know how the other feels.
How could he be so careless?
Why was I wishing he would do it again?
~~.~~
"We're number one!"
The atmosphere coming from the tables in the corner of the restaurant was overwhelming. Twelve boys surrounded by the close members of the staff grinned from ear to ear as they celebrated all of their hard work.
I sat squished between Sehun and Chanyeol, no one understanding the concept of personal space as too many people crammed around three small tables cluttered with food and drink.
Everyone cheered and yelled as the managers gave their speeches, each praising the boys for their hard effort over the year. I sat back in my seat as much as I could and watched them. I could tell just by looking at them that they were exhausted and yet every single one of them was here and grinning and happy, that I almost forgot just how hard it was for them to get where they currently were. And I smiled because this was only the start for them. I had come to know all of them in more depth, come to care for each and every one of them and it felt sitting there in that moment like I was with family.
Sehun turned to me, a shy smile on his lips as his eyes rake over my face taking in my expression. I smiled back at him, having grown the fondest of him. He leaned against me slightly, the action going unnoticed by everyone at the table as we're all crammed so close together. I tried not to react as I felt his hand rest against my thigh, stroking lightly against the tight fabric of my jeans. Since the kiss a month ago he had never been so forward, it went so far as to make me question if the kiss actually even happened or not. His attitude towards me was how it always was, close, but not too close. But as his hand stroked my thigh in a way that said nothing of just friendship, I was more than positive that I was not imagining anything.
"Sehun, stop it," I whispered quietly, looking at him out of the corner of my eye so I didn't bring attention to us.
He grinned, squeezing my thigh lightly before resuming stroking it.
Chanyeol leans against me shoving food into his already full causing me to tense up against Sehun's hand. If someone were to catch us, even if that person is Chanyeol, t will spell disaster for everyone. I squeezed my eyes shut, before standing up suddenly. Sehun's hand fell from my thigh back into his lap as everyone stares up at me.
"화장실 가 고 십어요!" (I want to go to the bathroom!)
Somebody started laughing under their breath, but I was up and out of my chair in an instant walking swiftly to the bathroom in an attempt to escape Sehun.
I stop, slamming the door behind me and locking it before I rest my hands against the sink. I look at my reflection, taking in the flush on my cheeks and curse myself for getting so obviously worked up. I take deep breaths, trying to get my breathing under control before I can head back out there. I'm going to have to sit somewhere else; no way can I sit next to him again and be subjected to his bold childishness with everyone present.
What the hell has come over him? How could any of him think that doing that at any time would be a good idea?
I have to put an end to this.
I felt my stomach twist at the thought of letting him go. That can't be good.
I step away from the mirror, fanning my cheeks quickly to cool myself down, straighten my clothes and step out of the bathroom.
I can't allow Sehun to affect me like this.
~~.~~
"Ten…"
My throat was rough as alcohol ran through my veins, my smile wide as I stared at the people who surrounded me. A sea of people who I had come to know and love over the course of the year.
"Nine..."
Baekhyun walked in front of me and refilled my cup; I smiled at him sweetly, placing my cup against his in cheers before he moved along.
"Eight…"
I walked by people, my legs wobbling slightly as the alcohol coupled with heels made me unsteady. I made my way carefully around a group of my co-workers successfully before my heel snagged on the rug causing me to tumble forward.
"Seven…"
I squeezed my eyes shut tightly preparing myself for the impact with the floor that never came. What I found instead was a hand under my elbow holding me steady before my mind caught up with what was happening and allowed me to straighten myself up.
"Six…"
His eyes reflected the light of the fairy lights strung above us, and I don't think I had ever seen someone look so beautiful. My skin burned from where he still had a hold of my elbow, it was almost painful, but in the most pleasant way that I had never experienced before.
"Five…"
He stared down at me, a small smile on his lip.
"Four…"
Someone bumped into my from behind sending me crashing into his chest. My drink spilled down the front of his shirt, but he still held me tightly against his chest, unconcerned of the people around us.
"Three…"
My whole body burned at the proximity and my brain worked overtime to try and get my mouth to form words. I pulled back slightly and stared up at him through glazed, drunken eyes.
"Happy New Year, Sehun."
"Two…"
He frowned slightly, placing a finger against my lips, running it along them lightly as I melted into the touch. I stood still against him as he leaned in closer; I could have counted each individual eyelash as his breath tickled my face.
"One…"
His lips meet mine in a mess of tongue and teeth as I wrap my arms around him to bring him closer against me. I'd like to blame it on the bottle of gin I had flowing through my system that caused my body to explode with sparks big enough to evoke a fire within me. But that would hardly be fair.
Because it was Sehun, the one who made my head spin and my cheeks flush. It was because of him that I didn't give a thought to the people surrounding us. It was because of him that the shout of,
"HAPPY NEW YEAR,"
was all but drowned out by the sound of my heart racing and I kissed him and embraced him and loved him with everything I had in me.
He was the one to pull back, his lips swollen and eyes burning bright as he stared at me with a grin.
"Happy New Year, Y/N."
I didn't make any New Year's resolutions that year.
I didn't need to.