When I woke, it took me a while to realize that I wasn't still drowning in a hazy, fitful slumber. To test the certainty of my consciousness, I peeled my eyes open despite the grainy feeling still in them. Wow, what a regrettable choice that had been. A heavy numbness blanketed my body, leaving my limbs feeling limp and useless. Tentatively, I flexed my fingers and found that I could move again, an immense relief compared to my bout with paralysis last night. That had to be a good sign, didn't it? I moved my head to the side, hoping to get a look at the window and gauge the time, but a dreadful throb in my neck made me flinch and stop in my tracks. A pained, hoarse groan bubbled up my throat, similar to how I imagined a dying cat sounded.
"Finally awake?" a voice near the foot of the bed made me start, thus making that throb and the leaden feeling in my limbs worsen. Right, reminder; no sudden movements. I cut my eyes to the side to see Sasuke hovering at the edge of the bed. My heart skipped a beat and I wanted to sit up immediately, but I already knew that would be a poor decision. Through the panic clouding my judgment, I could see now that Sasuke was still. He stayed where he was and made no offer to reach for me. He looked nothing like he had last night. The jerky, hostile movement and snarling were all replaced with cool, collected words, and a lax posture. I couldn't help looking into his eyes, anticipating the captivating red from last night to engulf me once again, but they had reverted to their familiar pools of black. It was a relief I never thought I'd feel. In that moment, I thought I saw Sasuke look away, but I might've imagined it. It was hard to hold my eyes open for long enough to get a good look at much of anything.
"Am I dead?" I rasped, and sure, I meant it to be sarcastic, but a part of me was genuinely curious. Sasuke snorted, a reaction I'd least expected. An annoyed scoff was closer to my expectations.
"Something tells me it would take a lot to kill you," he answered. Somewhere in my sluggish mind, I hoped, that he wouldn't take that as a challenge. With a painful, dry swallow, I dragged myself into a vaguely upright position. I was sure I looked as bad as I felt, and I was afraid to look at my neck. Sasuke glanced at it once I was up, but he was quick to turn away from me once he had, which wasn't a comforting sign. With trembling fingers, I reached up to touch the wound. I winced, even being as careful as I could while skimming over the mark. It wasn't a jagged, open hole like I'd anticipated. I could feel no torn skin, only two, almost unnoticeable pinpricks in my flesh. The patch of skin surrounding them was hot, and still tender.
"You have permission to leave the room. I have…something to attend to, today." Sasuke scared me out of my sinkhole of thought, and I yanked my hand down from my throat. He was already gone by the time I'd looked to where he'd been standing. His eagerness to get out of the room dumbfounded me, but I couldn't say it upset me. The air was easier to breathe once he'd left, and I wasn't afraid to take a step without it pissing him off. At any rate, I could use the time to myself. First things first, the bathroom, to clean the wound off.
I hefted my legs over the side of the bed and stood, only to stumble to the side at my first step. Okay, first things first would be relearning how to walk. I couldn't know how much blood Sasuke had taken when he'd fed, but my body was protesting the loss like hell. It took a few extra minutes to get to the bathroom, but once I succeeded, I smiled viciously into the mirror at my victory. My satisfaction was transient, once I caught sight of the blood on my neck, smeared across it and with two thin trails leading down almost to my shoulder. It wasn't a horror scene like I'd read and heard of, but it was still a startling sight all the same. No wonder Sasuke had been so averse to looking at it, I didn't want to, either. But, no one else was gonna take care of it, so that left me. Resigned, I took one of the towels from the rack and dampened it to clean off.
The blood had dried and was hard to scrub away without hurting the still aching area, but at least it was no mangled gore show like I'd thought. In fact, it was underwhelming, compared to everything I'd come to fear. Some of that was a bit prejudiced on my part, or at least, it was over-dramatic. It was only a stereotype that vampires killed to feed, something from old scary tales. Sure, some did, but it was uncommon and almost barbaric... It was the kind of thing you saw on the streets, when a group of starved vampires found and preyed on one, unfortunate person out alone. I'd seen it happen, you heard the panic from people who worried that a monster would come for them, too. Most preferred to take what they needed, which wasn't half as much as the entire body held at any time, whether the vampire was starving or not. Sometimes they might need to feed from more than one person to satiate their hunger, if it was that intense.
Once clean, my neck was adorned with two tiny red spots. The area surrounding it was still inflamed and a little sore, but I had nothing to treat that with. I didn't know how to care for a bite-mark from a vampire, because I didn't know anyone who'd ever lived to have to. Blood slaves were always hidden away, and those who died could tell no tales. Somewhere in my mind, I wondered if it was going to get infected or have some other painful side-effects.
Shaking, I set the towel down in the hamper. Even that simple task was enough to drain me. Well, at least I could move at all. Last night, I…I didn't want to think about what I thought was going to happen. Seeing Sasuke like that still sent a shudder down my back, and it wasn't something I ever wanted to see again. Never had I thought of a vampire as animalistic. That word tended to stay reserved for my own kind, but last night, that was the only word I could use to describe Sasuke's starving violence. Why he had lost control like that so bad, I wasn't sure, but I prayed it wouldn't happen again. I doubted I could handle it happening that way again, and it was by pure luck I had snapped him out of it before he lost himself completely.
It may not have been my doing at all, but at the time, it had felt that way. It felt like the only thing I could do to bring Sasuke back enough. Starvation did terrible, uncontrollable things to vampires; I'd heard rumors, but last night, I'd experienced it. Sasuke was far from a rabid animal that functioned solely on instinct, I knew that well enough. His temper, however volatile, was awful, but he wasn't...he wasn't what the people at the compound were, what villains you read in books and hated were. Sasuke was so many things, things I didn't know of and didn't understand yet, but he wasn't a monster. I wanted him to be, I think, as heinous as that sounded. In the beginning, I'd at least wanted that. I didn't want to feel anything other than hatred and rage, I wanted to believe in the one thing I had left; that anyone who bought my life was a demon. Sasuke wasn't black and white, and that hurt more than any hit or cruel word could. It meant I couldn't put him in a box. I couldn't look at him and know that he was heartless, worthless, or monstrous. He was a boy, he was a person like me. That was the most dangerous thing about him.
I took a slow breath. I wasn't innocent, either. I'd done things I didn't want to look back on, all for the sake of survival or protecting those I loved. Vampires, like any other race, had their darkness. How often did a vampire lose control like that, though? How often did they starve and it took over their body, their minds? If it was a common occurrence among their race…I understood why they bought blood slaves. Blood slaves were popular, and kept in the homes of vampires or at their sides in cases where the vampire couldn't leave, hunt, or only wanted easy access to food. Often, blood slaves died from overuse from their vampire masters. Who cared about a servant, whose life only had meaning when they gave you yours? Last night, I thought I'd learned the true reason Sasuke had bought me. When I woke up that morning, you can see why I wasn't sure if I was alive or dead, stuck in some sort of purgatory.
Chills crept up my back. I could still feel his hand on me. On my abdomen, there were tiny, shallow nail marks where he'd dug his fingers in after I'd made my plea, like he was struggling to drag himself away. What if he hadn't, what if he hadn't stopped? What if I hadn't said the right words, and—
He hadn't. Sasuke was many things, I could attest to a few, but that wasn't among them. The bloodlust did things to him, changed him, until only core instincts remained. But, he still hadn't gone through with it. He had fed, but he'd had no other choice. He had fought his own instincts so he wouldn't kill me, or anything else his hazed instincts would've driven him to. I dropped my head into my hands when a fresh bout of dizziness overwhelmed me, my mind still too jumbled to keep up with the turmoil. From the start, I'd been content to think of Sasuke as a beast, as the vicious murderer vampires got painted as. He thought lowly of me, and I could think lowly of him.
But my brother, what he'd said about not understanding why Itachi wasn't fitting into our ideal of black and white morale, I couldn't get that out of my head. Up until last night, I knew Sasuke to be bad, cruel. This morning, I'd woken up knowing Sasuke wasn't an evil person. Not to his core. That realization left me more shaken than the bite, and the bite was pretty bad. Sasuke had protected me, even if it'd been protecting me from himself. I pulled my hands away from my face with a frustrated groan, I wasn't in a place to cope with everything whirring in my head. I needed to get something in my stomach that would raise my blood sugar. I had the freedom, and I needed to take advantage of it.
Getting down the stairs was an ordeal, one that I thought might end in me tumbling down them. I felt like I had an awful case of vertigo, and a long fall wouldn't help that at all. My stomach was writhing inside me, but I hoped that eating something might help me regain some energy and clear up the wooziness. I was lucky to remember the way to the kitchen, and while the sight was a relief, the three people in it were less so. Alex and Itachi were sitting at the table, the lingering of a smile was still on my brother's face when he turned towards me after I stumbled in. Mikoto stood near the sink, her knife cut halfway into a green onion. She was staring at my face, aghast, before looking to my neck. Her eyes widened at the sight, and yeah, it wasn't pretty, but enough to warrant that reaction?
Feeling self-conscious, I covered the mark with my hand, and that snapped her out of her shock. She cleared her throat and schooled her expression into a smile. I didn't believe it much, after seeing her stunned, almost frightened reaction. "Good morning," she started, and I could see she was struggling not to glance at my throat. "You could use something to eat. Sit, it's almost finished."
She hadn't asked, she'd ordered. Maybe I looked worse off than I thought, they did say the mirror tended to lie. At least she seemed well aware that I was in bad need of food, but that made me wonder how familiar she was with situations like this. Did vampires often take care of their...suppliers? With a shaky smile that I doubted was as reassuring as I'd have liked, I took her suggestion and slid into a seat at the table. Instead of joining a quiet breakfast, though, it felt more like I'd just stepped out from behind a curtain to get gawked at by wide-eyed spectators. Alex's eyes were the size of dinner plates and his face had gone pallid. Itachi was less overt, he didn't appear at all horrified or disgusted like my brother, but the way he watched me still made me feel like I needed to keep my hand over my neck. It was like he was trying to gauge something, like I was on trial, and I was uncomfortable as it was. The wound was still hot against my palm, and it hurt to touch, but it was better than everyone staring at it.
"You look like you just woke up from the dead," Alex's strained comment came. I huffed out a throaty laugh.
"Thanks, that makes me feel terrific," I answered wryly. Alex's expression relaxed some, because if I was well enough to joke, I must not be dying. I could tell that he had a dozen questions brimming on his tongue, but with the other two in the room, he wasn't going to pry. Not yet. Unfortunately, I wish I could say the same for Itachi.
"How do you feel?" he asked, and I wanted to ask him if my appearance wasn't clear enough. I gave a half-hearted shrug of my shoulders and managed to make my neck ache. Genius.
"Like I'm gonna faint, to be honest," I told him. I figured there was no real reason to lie to him, and if anyone, he would best understand it. Unless this was the first time Sasuke hadn't finished someone off. Was that why he and Mikoto were so shocked, was I not supposed to be alive? My stomach churned at the thought.
Thankfully, Itachi didn't look like my answer was surprising. That was more soothing than anything. "That will dissipate throughout the day. The food will help," he explained, "but try not to exert yourself too much."
Right, there went my plans of running a marathon that day. Darn. I gave him a shaky thumbs-up, relieved that he knew what I should do. That meant this wasn't uncommon, that he and Sasuke didn't feed to kill, didn't it? "Thanks for the tip."
I lowered my head to the counter right after, already drained, but I thought I caught a smirk on his lips on my way down. No, I doubted it. Must've been my imagination. I was too weary to be curious, but with my forehead pressed to the table, it was easier to pretend I wasn't about to pass out for the second time. From above, I heard Alex snicker at something, but looking up would've taken too much work, not to mention I felt like I'd invaded a conversation as things were. It was growing clear to me that Alex got along well with Itachi, if his earlier smile was any indication. By the time Mikoto came and set two bowls down on the table with a gentle clink, I was almost ready to leave the two in front of me to themselves. I was uncomfortable around Itachi already, but seeing how not uncomfortable Alex was with the older man made it worse. Rarely had I seen Alex so loose and at ease, he tended to act more taciturn and shy. He preferred closing people off and gauging them from a distance. He wasn't unfriendly, but old habits die hard when you were used to having to guess if someone was friend or foe.
Now, when I looked up and saw Alex smiling so freely at Itachi, I wasn't sure how to take it. It was nice, seeing Alex relaxed and obviously not suffering with our…forced arrangements. But, I couldn't avoid feeling unnerved, too, because I couldn't see Alex growing close to Itachi as panning out well. Itachi stood to leave the table, murmuring an explanation about his father requiring his assistance in a meeting that day. Alex nodded his head in a goodbye. That should've been it, a simple, formal goodbye. I narrowed my eyes at the hand Itachi rested atop my brother's head before he left.
No, I didn't see any of it panning out well at all.
"Amaya," Mikoto started. She waited until I looked at her before continuing, "Sasuke should be in soon, I'm leaving this here for him. Please let him know it's here," she told me, before she sat a thick folder down near the sink.
"I'll make sure," I promised her. Jesus, not only did I look bad, I still sounded like someone who'd chain smoked for sixty years.
Mikoto followed her eldest son out, leaving the room in a peaceful quiet. I was too busy with my breakfast to worry about it, and it wasn't for a few minutes that Alex spoke to me. I found I'd rather enjoyed the silence. "He bit you."
I paused, spoon halfway between my bowl and my mouth. Alex was only stirring his food, meanwhile I'd inhaled half of mine already. The writhing in my stomach had morphed into an emptiness. I didn't know what to say to my brother, as his words weren't a question, but a statement, an accusation. All three of them could see Sasuke had bitten me.
"Did you…" Alex trailed off, uncomfortable, before he finished the question I was waiting to hear. "Did you let him, or did he…?" Alex didn't use the word "force" in his question, but I could hear it all the same.
I let my spoon drop a little too hard into the bowl. I regretted doing it when Alex flinched, but I didn't want to talk about it. Not about what had happened, not about Sasuke, not about anything. I didn't want to piece it together, I wanted to box it all up and burn it, leave it with the other ashes in my mind. Instead, I looked my brother in the eye, and I lied. "No. He didn't. Now, let it go, Alex."
A wave of suspicion washed over his face, preparing me for the event that he was going to do the exact opposite. I opened my mouth to repeat my wish for him to drop it, but before I could get a word out, my neck lit up with pain. Both of my hands shot for the mark, where I felt a throb pulse beneath my palm. I heard Alex say my name, but I couldn't get any words past the pained gasp still choked up in my throat. With all the willpower I could muster, I grit my teeth and swallowed it back, keeping one hand clapped over the wound as it continued to ache. The thought that it might be like that forever crept up in the torrent of other, equally panicky thoughts in my head.
It only lasted a moment. It was a long, breathless moment, but it quelled almost as soon as it had started. Shaking with adrenaline, I released the breath that had gotten stuck in my chest and blinked my eyes to clear the spots from them. As intense as it was, it'd been brief, but I was afraid to move and cause it to start again. I looked up at Alex to reassure him I was all right and it was nothing serious, but he was no longer looking at me. His expression had turned into something menacing and stone cold. For a second, I thought it was directed at me, but I saw he was looking past me, instead.
I turned to look over my shoulder to see Sasuke coming into the kitchen. He paused when he saw the two of us sitting at the table, but his initial surprise wore off fast, and he turned his gaze to me. "Did my mother leave a folder here?" he asked. He hadn't acknowledged Alex, nor the odious look my brother aimed directly at him. I nodded towards the counter that Mikoto had set the brown folder down on, struggling to ignore the murderous aura rolling off Alex. A tense silence fell over the room while Sasuke picked it up and began to sift through its contents, all the while Alex watched, looking every bit like he was going to hop the table and the counter to try and get to Sasuke.
I nudged my brother's leg beneath the table to distract his attention. Once he glanced at me, I shook my head at him. "Don't say anything!" I mouthed at him. I didn't want to add "fight prevention" to my list of things to do that day. More than that, I couldn't let Alex hurt himself. I'd seen him fight, I knew better than anyone that he could take out a full-grown man if he really tried, but Sasuke wasn't any man.
Alex's lip curled with disdain, but he made no moves to argue. Relief sagged my shoulders. I wasn't sure how Sasuke would take it if Alex snapped at him, and I wasn't willing to find out. He might not do anything at all, considering Alex didn't—Alex wasn't—
Considering that Itachi oversaw Alex, Sasuke might just allow Itachi to handle it. I didn't believe that, though, not after seeing Sasuke's temper firsthand. I would rather not take the chance. Alex had a temper of his own, only unlike mine, his was calculated and sharp. If it clashed with Sasuke's, I didn't doubt it'd burn the whole place down.
As thick as the silence between us was, I was grateful to get the chance to finish the meal in peace, because it was starting to clear my head. I wouldn't be running up and down the stairs or anything, but at least I could make it up them without stopping to hold onto the railing for life.
Interrupting the tight silence, there was a sudden twinkling noise that rang throughout the house and echoed from further down the hall. My ears pinned down at the sudden sound, as did Alex's, and I straightened to look at Sasuke for answers. I was hoping he might tell us what it was, but all I saw was his back as he left the kitchen and turned to head for the front door. That'd been a doorbell? Had there been any neighboring houses nearby, they'd have heard the stupid thing.
Alex glanced sideways after Sasuke, waiting until he was out of earshot. I prepared myself for what my brother was about to say, but I don't think I could have been ready for what left his mouth. "He was watching you," Alex whispered, and though I wasn't looking at him, I could feel my brother's gaze boring into me. I tried to shrug the revelation off, but I didn't have any more guesses than Alex did.
"He was probably trying to make sure I wasn't about to keel over," I grumbled. Hopefully that was all, and he wasn't gauging to see if I was ready for him to feed again. Then I may really die.
Alex made a harsh sound somewhere between a scoff and a growl that grated my ears. "As if he gives a fuck. Give me your dish, I'll wash them. You look like you need to go back upstairs."
Upstairs sounded far away, and too stuffy, but I wasn't in the mood to argue with Alex, not when he started getting bossy. "Thanks," I handed off my bowl, "I'll make it up to you, once the bullshit wears off." I heard Alex snicker on my way out of the room. See, like I said, even after glimpsing death I was sarcastic, I was gonna be fine. I paused at the bottom of the staircase, considering my options, but my only real choice was to go back to the bedroom. The only three places I knew about in the house were that one, the kitchen, and the washroom. The latter two didn't have a good enough place to lie down, unless I wanted to face-plant on a counter top. Thus, I heaved a sigh and resigned myself to a trek up along with some boredom today. About halfway up the stairs, my ears pricked up, having caught the sound of an unfamiliar voice. I remembered the doorbell ringing and realized that, unfortunately, the guests must've stuck around. I'd come too far and wasn't about to head back downstairs to loiter in the kitchen, so I continued up. I mean, by technicality, this was my home, too. The closer I got to the top, the clearer the voices became.
"It's lovely to see you Sasuke, it's been such a long time!" a feminine voice gushed. The way Sasuke's name left her lips was softer, as if that alone earned reverence. They were in the corridor, so there went my chance of slipping back to Sasuke's room unseen. I turned the corner around the hall, and the sight of two young women greeted me, as well as Sasuke standing nearby, his jaw tight. The first was a tall, lissome blonde who had her hair tied back and her hands clasped in front of her. The smile on her face was anything but friendly—she didn't want to make only friends.
The other woman was shorter, more compact, she had her rosette hair cut closer and choppier. She was busy with what looked like a journal, where she was scribbling something in quick strokes. "Yes, if only you'd gotten this finished sooner," she added in a clipped tone, her annoyance was blatant. An innate alarm sounded inside me—Sasuke wouldn't lose his temper, would he? She was obviously no slave, the pink-haired girl's clothes were noble, tailored, and it was clear she had no fear of him in her. He wouldn't put his hands on a noble woman, I had nothing to worry over, but it wasn't as if anyone could reach inside them and flip their worries to the 'off' switch. If they could, a lot more would get done, I bet.
True to what I'd (hoped) expected, Sasuke only sighed out a low, impatient sound. "I got it as fast as possible, now it's up to you and Hinata. Naruto and I did all we could," he said. I wasn't privy to what was going on, nor did I have much desire to be. Curiosity killed the cat, and I doubted satisfaction would be bringing me back. If what they were discussing was the thing that Sasuke had been working on the past while, it was both too stressful and too boring for me to bother asking. He'd been nothing but annoyed at every paper and every glance at his phone.
The smaller woman straightened and snapped the journal shut, the pen in her hand pointed at Sasuke's chest. "You two had better pray it's enough," she warned. "This treaty between us and Lumen is important, and Hinata is worried if it falls through that relations between your clans will suffer, too."
I flinched upon hearing "Lumen" leave Sasuke's mouth. A treaty with the city of light? Is that what Sasuke had been working so hard on the past few days? That was far greater than anything I could have assumed, no wonder the pair seemed so on edge. Before I realized how long I was standing there, eavesdropping, the blonde woman happened to glance to the side and caught me. It was too late for me to slip back behind the wall. Her eyes hardened, losing their supine glow, and turning into a suspicious scowl. "You, what are you doing! Lurking around corners and eavesdropping on personal conversations?"
My face warmed when she called me out, and all three sets of eyes turned to me. Sasuke cocked a brow at me, but when he didn't say anything, I realized he was awaiting an explanation as much as the women were. I didn't exactly have that. Why couldn't he have sent me back to the room instead, like I wanted for a change? "I–I wasn't trying to listen, I just needed to get past you," I began a shaky excuse. "I didn't know anyone else was up here." The more I tried to explain, the less it looked like it was helping. The blonde turned a scorned look to Sasuke.
"Who is she?" she asked, sounding like she had taken personal offense to my being there.
My pride stung a bit at that. She couldn't have asked me, just as well? Before Sasuke could open his mouth, I was the one providing the answer. "My name's Amaya, nice to meet—"
"I wasn't talking to you!" the blonde snapped, startling both myself and the pink haired girl, who gave her friend a look. Something told me it wasn't an uncommon part of the blonde's personality. Said woman turned her sharp gaze back to Sasuke, softening it into a patient smile. "Sasuke, who is this girl?" she repeated her question, melting her voice. I sure wasn't going to try again after that outburst, Sasuke could waste his breath.
I scrunched my nose in annoyance, both upset that the woman wouldn't let me talk, and now that my headache was starting to return from all the new excitement. Was it too much to ask to just go lie down? Sasuke cast a wry look towards me, erasing my hostile expression, and back towards his friend. "She's a slave. Itachi and I brought her and her brother here a few days ago," he cut his eyes at me, "and I believe she was lying about it being nice to meet you."
Was that a joke? Did I really live to hear the cold jerk's sense of humor, and it was sarcasm? I was so stunned, I hardly noticed the blonde girl's affronted look. She sniffed and lifted her chin to stare at me down her button nose. "I can see she's one of those inbred ibrida mutts," she snipped, "as ratty as they come."
I bristled. The comments about my race were growing redundant and old, couldn't someone use a little originality? I had plenty of flaws to point out aside from the one I couldn't help. My innate sense of pride bubbled forward. "I'm sorry not all of us can look like a grandmother's porcelain doll," I snapped, worsening the burgeoning ache in my head. Annoyance wasn't the greatest remedy for a migraine; noted. The woman, while stunning and royal, had an attitude that soured that enough that I felt the comment could still hold some traction.
A snort came from the pink haired girl, who covered her mouth in an attempt to stifle it. Sasuke turned his head away—which, at least he wasn't aiming a threat at me right about then, something I'd completely prepared for. I was sure he'd have plenty to give me later. I needed to start considering the costs of my words before I used them, but that insult felt worth it. A venomous look stormed over the blonde's face, clouding her good looks, and it was only then that it struck me; maybe Sasuke wasn't the only person who could throw a punch. Fortunately, the only thing the blonde threw were her words, but she could wield them well.
"You dare to disrespect a maiden? A pathetic slave like you doesn't deserve to be in our presence!" she snapped, furious. She called me the mutt, but she was acting more feral than most other ibrida I'd met. I was tempted to tell her that it wasn't, you know, my choice to be there in the first place, but I doubted she'd have cared. She only seemed to grow more annoyed whenever I opened my mouth.
"Ino," Sasuke said, snapping her attention to him almost before he'd even finished saying her name. I was thankful he'd put a stop to it before it had a chance to start. "You and Sakura are here to take the documents and get to work, not waste time." Well, I was less thankful for how he worded it.
The girl with pink hair, Sakura, secured the journal within her coat. She started to open her mouth, but Ino beat her to it, garnering a huff from Sakura at the interruption. "Oh, but Sasuke, you must be lonely out here," Ino cooed, as if Sasuke were much of a social butterfly. "What, with company like that? You could probably use the entertainment." It took me a moment to process the sultry purr in the word, to which my eyes widened, and Sakura's face paled at the insinuation. I doubted either of us wanted to be a part of the conversation anymore.
Sasuke's gaze flashed towards me—I thought it had, but it had happened so fast that by the time I looked at him, he was staring back at Ino. I shook off a shiver that trickled down my back. Her callous way of referring to me, like I was nothing but some sort of inconvenience, was gnawing on my last nerve. I'd dealt with enough of that commentary from Sasuke, why should I have to put up with it from anyone else? For fuck's sake, why couldn't people see past their own bigoted lenses? I didn't have to stand around and let everyone put me down like I wasn't deserving of humanity, god damn it!
"You know," I started, teeth grinding, "I'm not a 'that', I have a name. If you can't remember it, you can at least use 'she'," I finished in a growl. Surely that wasn't too much to ask. Sasuke wouldn't afford me that much, but taking it from everyone else—oh, my god. My rage goggles had made me forget there was an audience of two other people watching all that unfold, and Sasuke was among them. I couldn't even bring myself to face him and see what hell I'd brought on myself.
Right on cue, the blonde woman cupped her hand over her mouth and whirled towards Sasuke, her blonde ponytail whipping behind her. "Sasuke, you can't allow her to talk to me like that! Do something!" she implored, lacking the hostility she'd aimed at me only seconds ago. Had I not had other problems then, her ability to switch faces so quick would've impressed me. As things were, I was only impressed I was even still standing.
I took a step away, itching to creep back around the corner and escape downstairs, when Sasuke glanced at me, and froze me in my tracks. Exasperation colored his expression, preparing me for the oncoming storm. I swallowed my voice down in fear any bartering would make it worse, as much as I wanted to snarl at him that this, like the incident with his father, wasn't my fault. But, I was the pet, I was beneath Ino. It would always be my fault, wouldn't it?
Ino's eyes cut towards me as well, a satisfied smirk on her lips, but neither of us were prepared for Sasuke to turn on his heel and start to head away. My mouth fell open at the complete disregard, not only to my lashing out, but to Ino's plea. "I'll deal with her later," Sasuke brushed off, without even another glance back. "Sakura, before you leave, I want to discuss what intel you've picked up from that idiot spy—" Sasuke's voice trailed off as he walked down the corridor, still in the midst of the conversation I'd intruded upon. He wasn't going to allow anything to stand in the way of his duties, as he walked with the other woman, headed downstairs. He appeared closer to her than to the blonde, who looked aggrieved as she watched them head off. It provided me with the shallowest satisfaction.
Ino narrowed her eyes at me, straightened up, and smoothed out the front of her dress. It was all far too calculated, and I had a feeling I'd made an awful enemy without even trying. Well, I hadn't tried that hard. "I certainly hope you're good for something besides being an insolent little eyesore," she snapped, shoving past me on her way to follow her friends. The bedroom suddenly looked like it would be far too boring; besides, once Sasuke realized I had followed, I was sure he'd send me away, so might as well.
Ino, too, seemed to share the same belief. When I trailed behind her into the lounge room, she cast an expectant look towards Sasuke, her face smug as she waited for him to kick me out. I wouldn't have been that put out, but she made me want to dig my nails in the carpet and stay to be spiteful. Sasuke never spared either of us a look, he was so focused on what he was discussing with Sakura. Of course, he was aware I'd come along, there was no way to doubt that, but he didn't appear bothered by it. Not at all like Ino was, at any rate, who muttered a hateful insult my way. Her hatred stung some—I hadn't anyone to talk to aside from Sasuke, and the moments I had with my brother were too brief. I still couldn't understand why she was so disgusted; the only thing I'd done wrong was being in the wrong place at the wrong time. I wasn't keeping Sasuke captive against his will and hiding him from her. It was his fault I was here, not mine. If she wanted him to herself, she could fucking have him, see if I cared. I was sick to death of people slinging their vitriol and abuse at me like I was nothing but an outlet.
I stormed out of the lounge room to head to the kitchen. A glass of water had miles more appeal than Ino's vilification, and I was hoping it'd ease my pounding head. Much to my chagrin, apparently following me to continue her vituperation was more appealing than staying and trying to weasel her way into the conversation with the others. I hadn't realized Ino had trailed behind me until I was already in the kitchen, and I heard her clear her throat. I almost crashed into the counter in my haste to turn around, my heart in my throat. "Do any of you make noise when you move?" I complained, now giving serious thought to proposing they wear bells so people could keep track. I was thinking that it might get a smile from her, but her scowl deepened. My stomach dropped and I winced, both in pain and dread.
"You will never be anything to him. All you are is a slave," she seethed, poison dripping from her words. "Don't fool yourself into thinking you're worth anything here." She held her head high, her pride and elegance further driving the words into my chest. She felt that way to the bottom of her heart. It struck me that there was nothing I could do to change that, to somehow soften her opinion, much less gain her friendship. Who the fuck was I kidding? I wasn't there to make friends. I shouldn't have even met her or the other girl, had I stayed where I should have.
If only she'd been privy to the enmity between Sasuke and I. She wouldn't feel any need at all to remind me how low I was on the ladder. How she could ever believe I was any hindrance to her was miles beyond me, and if she thought I was happy where I was, she needed a punch from reality. I don't know if she thought I was stealing time or attention away from her, or if she thought Sasuke was too good to ever have a slave. Either or, her privilege was showing, and it was cutting me. Steeling myself, I shrugged my shoulders, as careless as I could. "How could I be under such an impression?" I drawled, "I don't believe he's much of a fan of anything, you included." I was on thin ice, and any second it was about to break.
Ino's eyes rounded into owlish proportions and a shrill gasp jumped from her mouth, as if I'd told her the world was going to end and the last thing she'd see was going to be me. After days of taking all Sasuke's flagrant temper, all wrapped up with violence and censure from a man who used words as a warrior used weapons, I was strung to the breaking point. I couldn't halt my tongue, I couldn't swallow my temper, and when she opened her mouth again, it was the final straw. I couldn't do anything to Sasuke, but she was just so easy, she was right there. She was determined to push me over the edge, to shatter my last ounce of self-control. How could anyone stand to have everyone around them take and take from them without giving anything back? Ino's lips parted, and out launched another tirade. "Don't you dare speak of him like you know anything about him, you—you whore!"
"Crack!" The sound my fist made when it cracked across Ino's face filled the entire kitchen, but it didn't compare to the shriek that erupted from her mouth, screaming Sasuke's name for the entire country to hear. It was only once the ringing in my ears stopped that I realized the gravity of what I'd done. My eyes widened in horror and I yanked my arm away to back away from Ino, who was holding her face, crocodile tears welled in her eyes. What had I done? I'd just assaulted a noble woman, that crime carried extreme consequences in the streets. God only knew what would happen now that I was, quite literally, the property of a noble. It took me all of two seconds to decide what I should do. My brilliant plan? To run. I darted out of the kitchen, the burn of adrenaline scorching through my veins under the guise of panic. Fight or flight was a powerful reflex, and I'd already fought, thus my only other choice was to run, even without anywhere to go. It wasn't like I'd make it to the room upstairs and the problem would melt away, or that Sasuke couldn't get to me with terrible ease.
From the kitchen, I distantly heard Sakura asking Ino if she was all right, but I didn't hear Sasuke at all. For about two seconds, I thought that was a good thing—but all good things come to an end, and mine did when I crashed right into him.
I wasn't sure which hurt worse, the collision with his chest, or the floor when I careened off him. He did stumble back a step, leaving a glimpse that he wasn't such an immovable force, but that did nothing to alleviate the panic filling my lungs. The full weight of what I had done still hadn't landed, I was trying so hard to detach myself from the reality of what was about to happen. Three seconds of grim satisfaction, and for what? Because I couldn't control my temper? Because I let my heart run ahead of my brain? I don't get why people say running is good for your heart, it did too much of that on its own. The mark on my neck flared up with fresh pain, drawing a wince to cover my face. He could kill me for lashing out at a noble, I might never see Alex again, I'd be leaving him alone. I would never see freedom again, or get to experience so much of the world that I'd never gotten the chance to. Sasuke could kill me before I could even take a breath to beg him not to, and the reality of that had only sunk in then.
"Why did you hit her?" Sasuke asked, his voice too calm and steady for my liking. It was like waiting for that precise second for a bomb to go off. Tick, tock, tick, tock.
Stumbling over my words, I tried to decide if talking would even be worth the effort. It wasn't like it'd make that big a difference, no excuse would make up for my action. Still, it came pouring out anyway. "She was saying all these things, she just wouldn't shut up. She even followed me when I tried to ignore her annoying mouth!" I spat, still incredulous that, even though I'd tried walking away and leaving it alone, the situation had followed me. Sasuke wouldn't even give a damn, it was always going to be my fault. I didn't have a single person in my corner, here. Even with my brother living in the same house, I had never felt so alone. It was a sinking realization.
The corner of Sasuke's lips twitched up, but he continued with his cool, unwavering tone, as if he were talking to me about the weather, and not all the ways I had royally messed up. "Your inability to ignore her is no excuse for assaulting a maiden," he said. What had happened wasn't a banter between some kid and their schoolyard bully; Ino had taken my very existence and demeaned it. I had no choice in being here, and she wanted to make me feel like it was my fault, like it was a privilege. I hated what Sasuke was doing, like he was dragging out this conversation just for his own amusement.
I huffed out a bitter scoff. "Some maiden she is," I snapped, "she would have torn off your clothes on those stairs had you been alone. If she wants to call anyone a whore, it's—" I clicked my mouth shut before I could finish the sentence, but it was too late. Sasuke cocked an eyebrow down at me, finally getting a grasp on what exactly had happened.
"She insulted you and you lost your temper and hit her," Sasuke clarified, "you have terrible control over your anger."
Pot, meet kettle. I pointed a finger at him, sarcasm and disbelief warring to be the main tone in my voice. "You have no room to discuss anger management!"
Sasuke's lip curled in disapproval and he reached down, grabbed a fistful of my hair, and pulled me up and onto my knees. I cried out at the sudden pain—now I wasn't sure when I'd felt worse, this morning, or right now—but he paid it no heed.
"Watch your mouth," he warned, almost idly, "and get up, you're going to apologize." Sasuke let go of me long enough for me to get to my feet, albeit I was unsteady. The ground beneath me might as well have been a rushing river, for all the balance I had. As demeaning as apologizing to the woman felt, there were no better sounding alternatives. I dragged my feet behind Sasuke on the way back to the kitchen, where Ino was holding a damp washcloth to her reddened cheek. Sakura stood off to the side, her arms folded and appearing as unimpressed as I was. If only she had come alone, maybe today could've turned out to be good. At least she'd left me alone, that might be the best I could hope for.
Ino's eyes widened comically when she caught sight of me walking in behind Sasuke. She threw her arms around Sasuke in a loose embrace, clutching onto him. I stumbled back a step, both in surprise and to avoid her hitting me in her exuberance. "Sasuke, you can't keep this girl around! She's dangerous! What if she turns on you and hurts you?!" Ino exclaimed, hanging onto him. She spoke like she was protecting him, but I doubted she wasn't doing it for her own protection. A painful combination of wanting to laugh and nearly throwing up twisted in my gut. It would be a cold day in hell before I could ever land a hit on any vampire, much less Sasuke.
Sasuke was rigid as stone, his hand hovering above Ino's waist as she clung to him, but he didn't touch her. If anything, he looked entirely uncomfortable. My neck began to pulse with rhythmic pain, making it challenging to grit out a sincere apology. Her broken-up expression served to make the apology somewhat worth the waste of air, at least. Leaning forward, I bowed my head, keeping my hands clenched behind my back. "I'm sorry I struck you, Miss. It will never happen again."
The words tasted sour. Ino sniffed at me without accepting them, but I wasn't about to complain that she wasn't speaking to me. That was what had started this ordeal, and I was going to catch hell later. The apology was the tip of the iceberg, I was certain. Sasuke managed to push at Ino's waist so that she would untangle herself from him, though she pouted at the distance. She was through talking to me, but oh, not to him. With her eyes still glistening, she rested her hand on his chest. "She can't stay here, she's deranged! Filthy animals like her have no place with—"
"Ino," Sasuke's voice turned hard, causing a flinch both from Ino and from me. "That's enough. I think it's time to finish things up."
Ino stared at him in awe for a moment, gaping, but she scrambled to collect herself and traipse along his side when he turned to head back to the lounge with Sakura. It was dutiful, chagrined, as she lacked the cheerfulness she had earlier. I didn't dare follow again; I watched Sasuke go, my eyes boring into his back until he was out of sight. He'd just stopped her from insulting me—hadn't he? Or was he only shutting her up because he was annoyed?
I stormed up the stairs to stow myself away, eager to escape from any other possible trouble. Of course. He'd only stopped her so he wouldn't have to put up with it, anymore. He wouldn't do anything for my benefit, he'd made it abundantly clear what I was to him. Now he had the audacity to pretend? After a moment of softness, of leading me to believe things might not have to be awful, he would revert to insouciance or worse, aggression. I had no way to anticipate what might come, Sasuke was too unpredictable, he was too much of a storm.
I hated him.
I hated his brash and volatile personality, I hated his dehumanizing words, I hated him for the torrent my life had turned into, and I hated that smug, humored smirk. I hated how his hands, so hard and unrelenting, could change into something gentle. I hated those eyes of his, the spark of stubborn pride in them, the way that the cold lake of onyx cracked to reveal something warmer underneath. I hated the throb in my neck, the ache that felt empty and reaching for something I couldn't understand.
I hated.
My hands itched to pummel something, to tear my frustration out and paint the walls with it, but I was stuck in this house with nothing to feed my anger into. I could give the walls a punch or two, but the ensuing fallout after that would be enough to level the city. I looked at Sasuke's desk then, where sheets of blank paper and fountain pens called out to me. My hands itched with something new, something I hadn't gotten the chance to do in such a long time. Violence wasn't the only way to exude emotion, it was only the easiest. There was no way Sasuke would miss one or two sheets of paper, would he? If he did, he could go chop his own tree and make more of the damn stuff.
I took a seat at the desk and reached for a pen. The way the ink soaked into the paper, forming loopy letters that burgeoned into sentences, it filled me with a deep-rooted contentment. I wasn't reading what I wrote, I only kept going; they weren't coming from my head, but my heart. My mother was the one who found a way to curb my temper; she said writing out your feelings was better than lashing out at the world with them. You might hurt yourself or someone else, but writing never hurt anyone. I could expel my everything onto the paper and it would soak it up, as pleased as could be. Plus, a paper couldn't lash out, no matter what you told it.
I don't know how long I sat at the desk, scrawling my anger out. I was too lost to hear the door opening. In fact, had Sasuke not been so close to me when he spoke, I may not have heard him at all. "I'm surprised you know how to hold a pen," he derided, but it lacked the malevolence I was used to hearing him talk with.
I started and dropped the pen. From behind me, I heard Sasuke chuckle. I exhaled a long sigh and, solely for the spite, reached for the pen and twirled it in my fingers. "The 'sneaking up on me' bit is getting a little dry, isn't it?" I asked, leaning a little over the paper so he wouldn't try and look at it. Unfortunately, that might've enticed his curiosity, because he reached down and pulled the paper out of my shadow to get a better look at it. The several seconds of silence, complete with me ducking my head and awaiting either a lecture or a mocking scoff, were unbearable. See? That was why I'd been so hesitant to take a book off the shelves; I didn't hear him coming, and it was too late to hide what I was doing. It was the last thing I wanted anyone to condescend.
Finally, to my immense gratitude, Sasuke pulled away from the paper. I was going to snatch it back when he spoke. "That's not bad."
There was a pause, where I was waiting for him to tack on an additional "for a slave" or something along those lines, but it never came. Cerise rose onto my cheeks as I reached to pull the paper back. I wasn't sure how to handle a compliment from Sasuke. "I used to write when I was little," I explained. What came over me that drove me to share that with him was beyond me, but it was already out. He acted like he never remembered my name, so it was probable he wouldn't remember that, either. "I guess it's still in me."
Sasuke leaned on the desk, looking down at the paper, still. "Why did you pick up writing?" he asked, and although there was some incredulity in it, like that hobby, out of all of them? there was also genuine curiosity. His question sent me reeling for a moment; it was the first time he'd asked anything about me. I hadn't thought of having a conversation like this with him, it'd never struck me that he would ever be interested. It was the closest to normalcy I'd had in days, and it startled me to find out how much I craved that.
I leaned my chin onto my palm so I could look up at him. "My mother put a journal and pencil in my hand and I never put it down," I admitted. "She said it was the best outlet for your feelings. Whether you were angry, or sad, or even had good news to share. A paper would always be around to share it with. She thought it'd be a good outlet for me," I shrugged. "I used to be a bit of a temperamental child," I shared a wry smirk with Sasuke, who could make use of an outlet, himself. And no, I didn't count. His lips curved in return, less of a smirk and more of a lazy smile that threatened to chase heat onto my face again.
"It suits you," he told me. I glanced at the paper with a fond look, both for the hobby itself and of the memory of my mother saying something similar to me, a long time ago.
I felt a sudden greed to know something about Sasuke, too. If I could share something about myself, I wanted him to impart something. It was a two-way street. At least, I hoped, and we weren't two cars about to collide, because we had done enough of that. I was tired. "What about you, you must have something you enjoy doing, aside from all that work?" I ventured. It was an impulsive question, but still, it was only fair. I also managed to avoid tacking on "and violence" at the end, too.
Sasuke appeared startled by my inquiry, and I believed he might denounce it and end the conversation right there. I was disgusted with myself at the disappointment I felt, but after a beat, his expression softened some. With his gaze turned out the window, he shrugged with a nonchalance that bothered me. I don't know why it bothered me, but it did, to see someone's lack of passion. Even I had one, Alex had one, most people I knew had something they were passionate about. Seeing Sasuke lacking that pulled at something in me, and spilled color over the black and white I'd tried so hard to preserve. "I've never had the time for something like that," he eventually said, speaking softly enough that I nearly missed it. My brows furrowed, but he continued. "I suppose training and sparring counts. It keeps me busy." He shrugged once he finished, listless and unaware of my perturbation. That was it, for someone still so young? Fighting? Was that all Sasuke had done, his entire life?
Was that why those rumors about he and Itachi existed?
The distant ambiguity of Sasuke's voice reached deep inside me, an aching familiarity that made me sag in the chair with the weight. "It keeps your mind off things," I added for him, so he wouldn't have to. I doubted he would've, to begin with. That was why I wrote; it was an escape from your head, your thoughts, and everything that was crashing and burning around you. I'd wanted to pretend I was the only one who felt that. We were both guilty of that much. Sasuke stiffened and wrest his gaze from the window to stare at me. The warmth was there, past the frosted black glass of his eyes. It was starting to bleed through, like light filtering through the dense forest.
With a slow nod, Sasuke answered, "I suppose."
It was the first time we'd spoken to one another, not shouting with anger or defense. That was a huge step of progress, but with progress came some exhaustion, at times. Especially when you, unwittingly or not, were fighting progress so hard. A smile rose onto my lips. Sasuke's eyes remained on me for another moment before he tore it away and pushed off the desk, clearly escaping the conversation. I watched him leave, the silence I sat in both comfortable and leaving my chest bubbling with anxiety. I felt like I was sinking, drowning.
I wish drowning hurt.