Today was one that my sister would have loved, considering Amaya never got cold.
The day wasn't freezing, but I had never been a fan of cold weather nor the way it sunk into my bones and left me to shiver. Winter was coming to an end, but there were still days where the frost and wind stuck around, as unwelcome as they were. I pressed further against Itachi's side, where I'd taken up the space on the couch beside him while he read. A quiet laugh rumbled through him, and he raised his hand to rub my shoulder. "I've never met someone with such a vendetta against winter," he chuckled.
My ears pinned back in mock annoyance, and I flicked my tail against his hand. "It's not my fault you're warm, so stay still," I grumbled. He shook with laughter once more, but soon fell still again, returning to the perfect makeshift hearth. I'd never known a vampire to be capable of warmth, but Itachi was nothing if not a living contradiction to everything I thought I'd known, both about his race and about his status. Now, after having settled into our…situation, although less than ideal, I was comfortable with initiating closeness with Itachi like that. It was a step by step process, where we'd wandered past the occasional nudge or hair stroking. I wasn't sure where we were headed, but I was content with where we were.
Several days had passed, and it felt both like such a short amount of time and yet an incredibly long amount at the same time. I spent most of my time either on my own or with Itachi, and the awkward silence between us had burgeoned into amicable small talk and on to become…whatever this could be called. A comfortable companionship? I hesitated to venture past anything friendlier than a forced peace, considering we had little other option. Itachi was too peaceful to act as anything other than polite, even though moments like the current felt deeper. It would be too whimsical for me to believe in that.
Not once had I felt like a servant, a pet, or anything so degrading. Itachi spoke to me as he did to his friends or to his family, like my opinions mattered, like I was an equal. To people who'd never experienced the feeling of having your voice silenced, of getting treated like you didn't matter because of something as trivial as class, I couldn't express how validating and liberating it felt. Itachi's respect was ground-breaking to me, and his affection…
I had tried to warn myself against getting attached, but how could I not? Who could ever stop themselves from clinging to a safe place, to warmth or to food or to someone like Itachi? Every time I heard him laugh, or he turned to look at me with that gentle smile that made me feel like everything was going to be all right, at least for a while, I couldn't help the warmth that welled inside me. I felt safe, I felt happy, and those things were so unfamiliar that they were almost frightening. I was worried that if I allowed myself to sink into them, something would come to tear it all away.
Itachi was a noble, almost a prince in these lands. He wasn't a friend or a host or any other pretty word, he was a master, and in allowing myself to pretend otherwise, I was being a fucking idiot. My sister reminded me of it, I had to remind myself, now. He would move to people past me, it wasn't a matter of if, but of when. Like my life before, it was only a waiting game, and I didn't want to jeopardize the time that I did have.
But, despite that, I still soaked up his attention and every smile he aimed at me. Those moments were worth any price I'd have to pay later.
"Alex?" Itachi asked, his voice snapping me from the deep hovel of thought I'd dug. Flinching in surprise, I sat up some to look at him, my head cocked in curiosity. How long had I been so deep in thought?
"Are you all right? You looked quite lost in your head," Itachi asked, the hint of concern in his voice mixed with curiosity. I clenched my hands and dug my nails into my palms, hoping the sting would ground me.
"It's hard to focus on anything else when you're frozen," I muttered. My sarcasm-laced words seemed to reassure Itachi nothing was wrong, but he did smirk at me, and I knew he was about to retaliate. For a man famed for being stoic and serious, he had a wealth of sarcasm and dry wit of his own.
"Remind me to leave you rolled in a blanket in front of the fireplace the next winter that rolls around," he told me, to which I nudged his shoulder with my head with a groan of mock-annoyance. It was a joke, that was it—but for him to even say that I'd still be here in a year's time? It was enough to spurn a hopeful optimism in me. I thought I'd crushed that pesky shit a while ago.
"I'm comfortable like this," I countered, looking at the book instead of Itachi. I didn't recognize the words on the pages, and realized he'd long since gone on past where I'd stopped paying attention.
From behind the couch, I heard the doors creaking open as someone else came into the living room. The steps couldn't have belonged to Sasuke, who moved fast and almost without sound, thus that left only one another person. Excited, my ears pricked up as I straightened up and looked over the back of the sofa at my sister.
She jumped a bit when she saw me, her eyes rounding with surprise. I smirked, having forgotten she wouldn't have been able to see me with the way I'd been curled against Itachi. "Cat got your tongue?" I teased her, prompting her to break her silence. Her lips thinned into a flat line.
"What are you doing?" she asked, weighing her tone carefully in that way of hers. She wanted to know everything, but she worded it in ways that made it seem like she didn't, like she didn't ache to pry.
"Reading," I answered with as much innocence as I could, like I had to hide something at all.
"Trying to keep your brother from freezing," Itachi dryly said, at about the same time. I snorted before I could stop myself. I saw the beginnings of a smile tugging at Amaya's lips before she caught herself and schooled her expression into a more neutral one again.
"I see," she said, and I narrowed my eyes. "You've got your work cut out for you, then. He pouts if it drops below seventy-five degrees."
First of all, I was appalled that my own sister would turn against me. Second, I couldn't believe Itachi had laughed at that. I could see when I was getting ganged up on. The moment was tense even with the humor, and I wasn't sure if was relieved or even more worried when Amaya broke her gaze away and continued her way to the kitchen. I sat still for a few seconds longer, torn between staying in my comfortable spot and chasing the lecture I knew waited for me.
My sister won out, and she probably always would.
I murmured an excuse as I placed my hand on Itachi's knee and pulled myself up, intending on heading to the kitchen. Amaya's meager time spent out of Sasuke's quarters in the beginning of our stay had gradually grown into longer hours, though she always moved fast and seemed on edge, like she was nervous staying in place for too long. It made it difficult to actually sit and spend time or even talk to her like I wanted, and I missed her more than anything. We'd had nothing but each other for years, and suddenly we'd gone to seeing one another hardly once a day?
Lately, I'd seen her out more, and she appeared less and less antsy. It led me to believe Sasuke had given her freedom of the house as Itachi had with me; or, at least, freedom to leave his room. Sasuke, on the other hand, I'd seen very little of, and I'd spoken even less to him. The extent of our conversations thus far had been one or two-word answers, very cold ones on my part while Sasuke, at best, was neutral towards me. I'd not forgiven him for hurting my sister, and I think he could see that.
I slipped into the kitchen, where Amaya had her back towards me while she filled a glass with water. Consciously, I walked a little louder, so she wouldn't startle when I spoke. "Amaya?" I asked, testing the water.
Without turning towards me, she set the glass down with a clink. "You and Itachi seem to be getting close," she commented, calm but never to be mistaken as casual. I was no longer "testing the water" but rather the ice, now, and it was thin. I didn't know what to say, what was I supposed to say? How could I look anyone in the eyes and tell them "hey, I know I'm by all accounts a slave and this man is the one who owns me, but he's kind and I like him!" without sounding crazy?
Even I thought I sounded crazy.
"It's hard not to, when you spend most of your time with them," I said. I winced at how defensive it sounded. Did she really have to talk to me like I was on trial? "Itachi isn't the same man from the rumors and stories, that's only a piece of him—"
"A piece," my sister interrupted, turning her head slightly towards me, "is still a part of him, and you can't claim to know anyone well after a couple of months."
I crossed my arms. As annoyed as I was with her closed-minded approach, she wasn't all wrong. But, she wasn't all right, and I wanted her to open her eyes and see that. "A part isn't all of someone, either," I reminded her. "He's got several sides, and he's a kind person at heart. What hope would a child of someone as powerful as Uchiha Fugaku have of being anything other than a warrior, a pawn?"
While I was speaking, Amaya's hands clutched the counter, and I saw them tightening until her knuckles were white. I kept waiting for her to cut me off and end the discussion, as she was so wont to do, but she never made a peep until I was finished, and then for several seconds after. Arguing with my sister wasn't how I wanted to spend our time together.
Slowly, her shoulders sagged. "Alex," she started, her voice soft and weak, but also so very heavy with disbelief. "Don't get yourself hurt."
That wasn't at all what I'd expected her to say...a long lecture about my naivete or how low my status and race were to someone like Itachi? Definitely. "I'm not little," I told her, somewhat snappishly. "I know things don't mend or work the way they do in stories. I only said I liked him. He's…easy to be around," I finished, awkwardly trying to explain how I felt without doing exactly that.
I almost missed the twitch of my sister's shoulders as she tensed, only to loosen a second later when she let out a rather bitter scoff. I didn't like the change in her, and I was about to say as much, when she turned to face me. When she looked at me like that, like she loved me more than anything and yet like I was also stressing her into old age, I felt like I was a child again. I felt five years old, clinging to my big sister's hand as she stood in front of me, like she was standing between me and the rest of the world.
She didn't have to do that anymore. She didn't have to be the shield.
I was in her arms before I'd even registered either of us moving. I wrapped my arms around her tightly and rested my chin atop her head. I could hardly remember when I'd surpassed her in height, but she'd once been so smug about her being taller. I smirked against her hair.
"I just want to keep you safe," she whispered, and my chest tightened. "I don't know how to, anymore."
I wanted to ask her what; what did she want to protect me from? Itachi, our future, myself? Instead, I gave her a careful squeeze. "You don't have to protect me like you did when we were kids. I can take care of myself, now." And, though I didn't say it out loud, I had Itachi now, too. Amaya didn't see it that way, not how I did, but Itachi was keeping me safe and I had no doubts he would continue to. I trusted that much.
Amaya scoffed. "You'll always be my little brother," she murmured. "It'll always be my job to worry about you."
Maybe that was true, but everyone also had an obligation to worry about themselves. "Someone has to worry about you," I told her grimly. "And I'm not about to pass that job to Sasuke."
Amaya laughed at that. Not a chuckle or a sarcastic snicker, but a laugh. It would've been a cold day in hell before I thought she would ever laugh at a mention of his name, but there she stood. The devil must have been shivering.
"I think Sasuke still needs to learn how to take care of himself," Amaya muttered against my shoulder, before she reluctantly pulled away. I stared at her for a moment, dumbstruck.
"And taking care of himself is draining you dry?" I sounded much harsher than I meant to. If Amaya felt bothered by it, she didn't let on.
"I do believe I'd be dead if he'd drained me," she replied sardonically. "So, no. He does need to eat, though." She rubbed her arm uncomfortably at that. I don't care if he needed to eat. He could starve, for all I cared. "Just like Itachi does."
"They're nothing alike!" I snapped. I didn't immediately recognize that I'd rushed to defend Itachi, but Amaya looked like she had. Hell, she may have set it up that way. "Look. Itachi has been nothing but kind to me," I paused to take a deep breath. "He's never so much as raised his voice at me, and he treats me like a person. I'm surprised he even has those rumors against him."
Amaya lowered her eyes. "You can never take people at face value, Alex. There's always more than meets the eye."
That unnerved the hell out of me. Why was she even trying to defend Sasuke—was that what she was doing? Or was she trying to dissuade my defense of Itachi? I wasn't sure which would have upset me further. In fact, had my sister not left the kitchen and left me stewing in my own confusion, I'd have launched into a tirade about both, surely. The only thing saving me from staring to hiss about it to myself was Itachi's mother, who happened to walk in at that precise moment between me snapping. Itachi came in behind her. "Oh, there you are!" Mikoto smiled, "I proposed the idea of heading out for a bit to Itachi. It's warming up a bit, now, and I think a day out to the nearby forest would do us all some good!"
Actually, some fresh air to clear my head sounded perfect. "I'd like that," I told her, her contagious smile tugging at my own lips.
"Wonderful, where's Amaya? I thought I heard her," Mikoto asked, bewildered. I cocked my head towards the hall. The whole place was bafflingly like a maze, what with the corridors that led to every room in the house. Why not one exit and one entrance, it'd save a lot of time.
"She just left. Maybe she headed back to Sasuke," I said, and god help me, I tried not to hiss his name. It hadn't worked too well.
Mikoto appeared unfazed by it and nodded her head. "I'll fetch them both, you two can head out to the car, if you please." Her heels tapped away on the tile. I exhaled a long sigh, wary of spending the day with Amaya after our…revealing spat, much less with Sasuke around.
"Are you sure you won't pout the whole time?" Itachi asked from behind me. I didn't bother turning to face him when I rolled my eyes.
It was an unfortunate fact that walking away from your problems didn't mean they would stay where you left them. I wasn't even sure which problem I was trying to leave behind when I left Alex in the kitchen. Suddenly, it felt like there were dozens of them all raining down from a fat cloud above me. I'd wanted to keep Alex safe, and inadvertently, I was worried I'd only placed him in even greater danger. Itachi was taking care of him, but for god's sake, I'd never anticipated them forming any sort of bond. I'd trusted Itachi to protect Alex, and now I wanted to protect Alex from the very thing I'd thought would keep him safe.
Protect him from what, though? How could I explain that to Alex, who already rushed to defend Itachi, when I didn't know, myself? I couldn't stand the thought of Alex getting hurt, and now, physical hurts weren't the only threat. If Alex had grown so attached to Itachi that fast, what would happen when we had to leave? Nothing lasted forever, and certainly not our time with the Uchiha family. We were servants, pets, not guests. Itachi, being the eldest, would be the first sold off to an arranged marriage. If he hadn't already started to meet potential spouses already. An enslaved ibrida had no place beside a noble. Alex and Itachi both were already pushing the line in the brazen acts of affection like the one I'd just walked in on. I hated seeing the wounded look on Alex's face, but if I didn't warn him…he was going to get his heart broken.
Our time had an expiration date, and the realization made me queasy. Once a house decided they no longer wanted their servant, they often killed them. If they were spared that fate, then they got resold. Entering that compound again was so painful a thought, it made me want to collapse with the force of it. I couldn't allow that to happen, not again, not to Alex. They would separate us; it was by pure, cold luck that we were still together, now. If Itachi and Sasuke didn't get rid of us, I would have to find a way for Alex and me to break out before then. If I could even tear Alex away from Itachi, by that point. God, how had I not seen it coming? I'd seen the way Itachi had smiled at Alex in the beginning, and I'd brushed it off. Alex trusted Itachi so much. I just didn't want Itachi to turn out to be something else, despite my brother's affection and faith…and his belief that he could take care of himself.
Or of me. I snorted, remembering his comment on Sasuke. Guilt soon followed my brief bout of amusement. Alex's callous opinions of Sasuke weren't wrong, not…not entirely, yet I'd been too fast to defend Sasuke. I'd turned my argument about Itachi around. But it was me who had lived with Sasuke, me who'd witnessed his temper and his flaws, his smile, and his hesitance over any shred of kindness, like it confused him.
I froze, right outside the bedroom door. Alex was fucking right, wasn't he? He'd been right. Itachi had been raised in the spotlight; to be a warrior, a deadly weapon honed by a man who thirsted for power. And Sasuke was no better, a second-born who'd been placed under unattainable expectations to live up to. Itachi and Sasuke both were born into roles they'd had before they had names. That cold husk of empathy I'd been crushing for days now was starting to burgeon into a deeper well. I didn't remember much of my family, and I'd spent over a decade wishing for parents, for someone to take us in…but looking at Itachi and Sasuke made me wonder if Alex and I were lucky. Fugaku had scarred his kids. Itachi's temper was controlled, refined—Sasuke's…Sasuke had to have learned from someone.
My stomach sank, and along with it, bits of the hatred I'd had my claws buried in so deeply. I couldn't hide from that realization, because I'd been there. I knew how easy it was to be manipulated, to fall into a cycle because other people were shaping you into something else. No one else knew how easy it was, not until they were the manipulator, or the child. When I was a child, I had lashed out at countless people. I'd had nowhere else to put my anger, and I only knew one way to handle it. I'd had someone to protect, back then.
Black and white, grey? No, color was bleeding into my view, and it was changing the entire canvas.
The door creaked as I opened it to slip inside, and I found it to be a bit of a challenge to paint a neutral expression over the unease and shock still roiling inside of me. I was lucky Sasuke was still where I'd left him—reading, too absorbed to raise his head and notice my perturbation. He'd taken my spot in the window seat, though. So what if I didn't technically own it, I'd made a little home out of that place. "Don't vampires burn in direct sunlight?" I mumbled, my petty comment purely sarcasm.
Sasuke cut his eyes over the top of the book to look at me, appearing unimpressed. "Do you howl at the moon at night?" he replied dryly.
I snorted as I plopped onto the bed. "Touché."
Silence had just fallen over us both (not quite comfortable, but no longer tense and awkward as before) when a gentle knock sounded at the door. I sat up as it opened, and Mikoto stepped inside. Her gaze bounced from me to Sasuke, and I thought I saw a glimmer of something in her eyes, but even if I'd caught it, I would never be able to even guess what it'd been. "Sorry to interrupt," she smiled, "we're heading out to Hoshikage Forest for a while, since it's so nice. Would you two like to accompany us?"
My ears perked up at the prospect of a trip out, past the same stone walls I'd been staring at for countless hours. I caught myself before my excitement ran away with me, but only by a margin; I still practically tripped over it. I turned to glance at Sasuke over my shoulder, certain the hopeful glimmer in my eyes would convey how much I wanted to come along. Sasuke looked at me for a moment before he sighed, marked his place in his book, and stood. "I suppose it couldn't hurt," he answered his mother, who smiled in appreciation of his acceptance.
That didn't hold a candle to mine, I'd all but bounced off the bed and out the door before Sasuke was away from the window. I was worried he'd leave me behind, and even with his agreement, I still felt a tad wary. With nothing to compare to, I still wasn't sure how most servants lived, but I somehow doubted that going on outings was too common. I wasn't going to stand around and question it, not when I had a real chance at getting outside, again. I wasn't meant to stay cooped up inside for so long, which wasn't something I'd ever thought I'd worry about. Hoshikage Forest was somewhere I'd only read of; it was fabled to be beautiful and peaceful, but it was on Uchiha property, so very few ever got to see it. It was a privilege I wouldn't take for granted and I'd have to remember to properly thank Sasuke and Mikoto both.
Itachi and Alex were waiting by the door by the time the rest of us got there, and Itachi was laughing into his hand at a story I must've missed. Alex was wearing a satisfied smirk on his lips, until he turned to face us, and it fell off his face to be replaced with a look of surprise. I let a gentle smile tug at my lips, hoping to relax him some, and he mirrored it after a pause. He glanced over my head right after, and his eyes hardened, belying his disdain.
"I'd hate not to take advantage of such a beautiful day," Mikoto murmured. She clasped her hands together as she spoke, her eyes glittering as she led the way outside. I trailed behind Sasuke towards a familiar car. After a moment of trying to asses why it was so familiar to me, I realized it was the very one that had brought me here. The time that had passed had flown by so fast, I couldn't believe it. Sasuke reached it first and placed his hand on the handle of the far back door, where I'd first gotten thrown in by him. I was taken aback when he opened it for me and turned to glance at me, waiting on me to get in.
I hurried to clamber in, though my mind still hung back on the polite gesture; one that treated me as a person, and not as an object or animal. Alex slid into the seat beside me and both doors shut while the other men went to take their seats. The glass separating the seats remained up, providing me a fraction of relaxation. I didn't think I was ready for a car ride of tense silence.
"How chivalrous of him," Alex deadpanned. "How long until he slams your hand in the car door?"
I cut my eyes to look at him. "He isn't going to do that," I said, and I hoped. I may have been leaning too far over the edge of hopeful, but I believed I had enough reason to rely on what I said. Sasuke's penchant for aggression was dwindling, and he hadn't so much as knocked his shoulder against mine since the last time we'd clashed. Nor had I purposely attempted to antagonize him. Not seriously, anyway, but the occasional sarcastic banter would pass between us. "Sasuke is…unpredictable," I granted, "but things aren't what you think them to be."
Alex turned his head to look out of the window, avoiding confrontation. "Sure. He's not worth your defense of him, I hope you know that."
I examined my hands, where I had them folded in my lap. "I hope you know getting so attached to Itachi is likely to hurt you in the long run," I told my brother.
He stiffened and his head turned slightly to the side. "I'm allowed to have my own feelings, Amaya." He crossed his arms. "I'm not going to pretend I hate it here. It's the first warm, safe place I've known since…since home," he said, his voice catching in the middle. "There's food, water, shelter, and Itachi is…" Alex's voice wavered and I waited him for to continue, and after a moment, he did. "You don't have to make it sound like I've committed a sin just for having feelings."
Great, now I was the bad guy. I sighed and my shoulders sagged as I exhaled the tension. "I don't mean to. I only want to make sure you don't get hurt. Itachi may be kind," I glanced towards the window, as if I might be overheard, "but he is also nearly royalty in this city. I don't know how this will end up."
"So, we'll find out. Together," Alex said, and held his hand out. I closed my eyes as I took it, squeezing his warm hand in mine.
The air out in the forest was fresher, more tranquil than the air in any city. I took in a lungful of the crisp, piney air and let it weave into me. I glanced beside me, where Sasuke stood, and appreciated the serene look on his face. His eyes were soft as he looked up, where the sunlight filtered through gaps in the leaves. Up ahead, I noticed Mikoto had paused, her slim fingers running through her hair to push it back.
"Wonderful, isn't it?" she asked, and I didn't know whom she was addressing. I found myself nodding anyway, too awestruck to verbalize. "If you'd all like to explore a bit, I say we meet at the lake in the heart of the forest around sundown. It gives these two a chance to see the forest," Mikoto grinned.
Itachi shared a look with Alex, and my brother nodded before walking side by side with the older man down a brightly lit path. It was like they spoke without exchanging a word.
Beside me, Sasuke hummed and nudged against me, gaining my attention. He nodded his head towards a separate path, this one dimmer with the overhead foliage being thicker. Content, I followed his lead. Even if I were to get lost, I doubted it would be bad in a place like this. The surrounding emerald and pleasantly warm sunlight were too peaceful, I'd gladly fall lost amongst them.
"You look entranced," Sasuke said, and I realized he'd glanced over his shoulder at me. "Have you never been in a place like this?"
"Not quite," I answered. "I've been in my fair share of woods, but like this? It's a scene out of a story book." A stunning scene, at that. "I spent tons of nights sleeping out in forests, and none of them compare to this."
Silence fell over us the two of us, and it stretched on several seconds until Sasuke finally broke it with a tentative question. "What happened that you ended up in that position?"
His sudden curiosity confused me, and my inherent alarms rose. I wanted to tread carefully, but the urge to divulge something I'd bottled up for only myself (and parts of it for my brother) was alluring. What could Sasuke do with the information? "We lost our parents when we were little. It opened the door for a…pretty bad group of people to take us in. We lived in a compound-like laboratory for years." I wrapped my arms around myself to ward off the chill, though it was warm out there. "It was a bad place. We broke out a few years ago, but it wasn't like we had anywhere to go."
I hadn't realized how dismal the story sounded, even as anemic as I'd told it. It wasn't until I'd shared it that it struck me that it wasn't exactly something to share, but Sasuke had asked. He had stopped walking somewhere in the middle, and I'd stayed a step or two behind him, stopping without even noticing. "You took care of your brother?" Sasuke asked, his voice solemn. In the moment I saw his face, I thought I saw a glimpse of horror in them, but he'd turned too fast and started walking again before I was sure.
"Of course." I couldn't imagine ever not.
Sasuke hummed ahead of me, a musing sound. "It sounds like you two walked a rough road."
I wasn't sure if that was empathy lining his murmur, or if I wanted it to be. I wasn't sure why I wanted it to be, if so. We fell into companionable quiet as we hiked along the pathway, up until we reached a clearing. The sound of streaming water was soothing to my ears, and I moved to the side for the sight of a lazy river to greet me. Sasuke leaned against the trunk of a strong oak tree as he watched the river.
"My brother all but raised me, as well," Sasuke shared. My ears pricked to attention, encouraging him to continue. It was so rare for him to open up, I latched onto the moment. "Our father, as you might've gathered, isn't much of a fatherly person. He cares more for money and power than his children." Sasuke turned his head, now facing me. "Our mother was often ill and left to her bed. Neither Itachi nor I knew much of a childhood, but I guess things are turning out fine, now."
I mulled Sasuke's words over in my head, applying his words to myself as much as him. There were problems, neither of us were perfect and we still struggled with toxic parts of ourselves, but…we weren't settled with them. We were trying. "Yeah. Yeah, you're right."
Sasuke smiled at me. When he smiled, his entire face lit up. It was like watching the stars slip out from behind a rain cloud. Sasuke glanced to the water, and his smile sharpened into a smirk—it wasn't the cold foe I was so familiar with, but a playful one. I watched him divest himself of his shirt, and instinctively took a step back when he took one towards me. "Sasuke, don't," I started, but I never finished. His hand caught mine and tugged me forward, where we both crashed backwards into the shimmering river. The cold water flowed around me, sinking through my clothes and even my skin, it felt like.
I resurfaced with a cry of outrage and shock, pushing my arms through the water so I wouldn't bob below again. Behind me came a chuckle from the culprit, and I whirled around, being sure to splash Sasuke in the process. A laugh bubbled forward, orotund and sincere. That was a first in a long while. The water dripped from Sasuke's hair and down his chest as it heaved with laughter. Our voices mingled together as we splashed in the water, no longer noticing how cold it was or how the sun was setting and beginning to cast shadows around the clearing. I noticed nothing except for Sasuke's blithe smile, and all the ways it made me feel like I was on top of the world. It was beautiful, enthralling, but looking down made me dizzy and made my heart jump to my throat.
It was as addictive as any pill.
Regrettably, we couldn't stay in the crystalline river for long. The setting sun was our clock, and it was already nearing time we should meet with the others. I let my arms drop back into the water and sunk below the surface, my hair billowing out around my face. When I popped back up, I opened my eyes to find Sasuke had moved closer. The deep amber glow of the sunset gleamed on his skin, water drops still lazily rolling down the planes of his chest and stomach. His hair was longer when it was wet, clinging to his chin and neck. Absently, I reached up and brushed back the wet strands from his face. His own hand rose to cover mine, clasping our fingers together.
I looked up into his eyes, surprised. I was too afraid to move, my breath trapped in my lungs until Sasuke was the one who first snapped out of our little bubble. He withdrew his hand, as if realizing what he'd done (or rather, what I'd done) and lifted his gaze. "We should go." He waded past me, swishing the water against my waist. I remained frozen for a second, my face warm while the rest of me remained chilled from the water. I was starting to wonder if I was really imagining things. If I wasn't, things were getting out of control, and they were snowballing fast. I was only waiting for it to hit me and bury me alive.
Once reaching the shore, I shook my head to get rid of as much excess water as I could. My clothes would just have to dry on their own, even as I tried to wring them out a bit. Sasuke snickered off to the side, and I cut my eyes towards him. "Not a word," I warned him, understanding that I'd shaken off like a dog might.
He held his hand up, as if saying What? I didn't say anything.
There were no more revealing conversations on our way towards the meeting spot, but the silence was comfortable, even amicable. Sasuke appeared thoroughly familiar with the forest as he trekked through it, not even pausing to observe any surroundings as he led us towards the lake. I heard voices before I saw our respective family members; Itachi was the one talking, and I heard Mikoto giggle. Sasuke ducked beneath a curtain of branches and leaves that looked like it only covered more dense foliage, but when I ducked under it as well, it revealed the lake, concealed by trees all around. There was plenty of room around the shore, and the others were seated around a fire they must've made while waiting on us.
I took a seat beside Alex and folded my legs, eager to sit by the fire to warm up. The evening air was getting cooler, and it was a poor choice to sit around in wet clothes. Alex looked me over with wary curiosity. "What on earth did you two do?" he asked, inching away as if I might try and soak him, too. A hug was looking pretty tempting right about then.
"We swam in the river. It was refreshing, but I suggest waiting for summer," I said, combing my fingers through my damp hair.
"You seem to be getting close with him." Alex's contentious comment made me stiffen. I glanced at him from the corners from my eyes, too unwilling to face him head on. His cool, calculative gaze didn't make me any more willing, either, as he sat with his arms folded. I was offended he'd take my own words and weaponized them against me, but how could I be? I was falling into the same trap I'd tried warning him against. I was a real winner, wasn't I?
"I only spent a little time with him. It's nice out here, how could I not have fun?" I answered evasively.
Alex snorted. "Sure, whatever." He leaned his head back. I knew he didn't believe a word I'd said, but that was all right. I wasn't sure I did, either. Itachi happened to approach the fire at that moment, coming to sit beside Alex. It was an innocent enough scene, until he reached around my brother's shoulders to wrap an arm around him. Alex leaned into the older man, accepting the invitation. A sour combination of guilt, concern, and resignation curdled inside me. I ached with apprehension of what Itachi might be playing at, why he was behaving so affectionately towards Alex; but I had no other option but to stay away from it. Alex was right, he wasn't a child anymore, and I couldn't control him. I certainly couldn't control how he felt. If Itachi made him happy, who was I to judge that, stop it, or try to poison it with my own misgivings?
Was I any fucking better? If my brother sank, I hope Itachi sank, too. Maybe we were all going to sink. The roiling ocean that had been my life since our abduction was becoming too seductive to not collapse into the waves.
"Mother, I'm heading to the cliff to watch the sunset." I heard Sasuke tell Mikoto, ending the soft conversation he'd been sharing with her. He clicked his tongue a couple of times, and my ears straightened. I stood, albeit reluctantly, from the warm fire to follow him. I'd hardly thought about the way he'd called me, or how I'd immediately known he wanted me to follow him. It'd been nothing short of obvious to me, but I caught the way Alex's eyes narrowed before I left. Had I not already proved Sasuke wasn't out to kill me? Or was Alex now afraid of the very thing I was? Because if so, we were caught in a spinning wheel.
It wasn't a long walk. The pathway was a winding twist upwards, until the shade gave way to the warm amber and cerise glow of the setting sun. My breath caught in my chest in a gasp, the sight catching me completely off guard. The rise was dotted with gorgeous flowers; they looked like lilies, with a soft lavender color. They were opening as the sun set lower, stretching up to the stars as they began to peek out in the sky. Sasuke walked close to the edge of the cliff, looking out over the expanse of forest below and the deepening indigo sky above. I hung back, hesitant to get anywhere near the edge, but Sasuke turned to look at me expectantly.
I grit my teeth, inching towards him, but I stopped short of the drop. He arched a brow in inquiry. "Something the matter?" he asked, to which I shook my head in denial. He reached for my hand and tugged me closer to him, and suddenly, there was something the matter. I stiffened and closed my eyes tight, but the brief glimpse of the ground so far below me made my stomach shrink. I pressed back against Sasuke, my back to his chest, and willed him to please, not let go. Heights had always made me wary, left me feeling like all my insides were getting tied up in knots.
I felt Sasuke shaking with silent laughter. "You could have said you were afraid of heights," he told me, his arms sliding around my waist. "You're all right, I've got you."
"I'm not," I protested, "I just don't like them." But, with Sasuke's arms keeping me from wavering, I felt safe enough to pry my eyes open a little. The sight was worth the pick-up in my heart beat. It was breath-taking. Violet bloomed across the sky, spilling across oranges and pinks as day melted into night. Stars were beginning to pop up, and the flowers were almost fully opened, now. The stretch of emerald in every direction below made me feel like I was looking out at a green ocean instead of treetops.
I rested my hands over Sasuke's arms where they were held securely around me, my eyes wide with wonder. Sasuke chuckled behind me, his breath fanned across my neck, and I shivered. I tilted my head to the side, against his shoulder. He glanced down at me, and I expected us to both return our sights to the sky, but we didn't. We lingered a moment, and I was drawn to the shape of his mouth, the way his lips were soft when they weren't set in a sharp frown. His eyes flickered across my own features, and I felt them heating up from his scrutiny. I shouldn't have turned my head, we were so close, too close.
I will never be sure who moved first. All I know is one moment we were still and looking at one another; the next, my eyes were shut, and my lips were pressed against Sasuke's. They were cool, but soft. I relaxed against him, allowing my fears and doubts to swirl down a drain for the short time I could. I didn't want it to end, I realized. If I could spend as much as I could up here with him, I would give up the rest of my time to. My neck flared with a hot fire, but it wasn't at all painful. It was warmth and pleasant tingling.
When we broke apart, the sky was now almost entirely dark. My lungs crackled from the lack of air, but it was nothing compared to the longing I felt once we'd separated. Sasuke blinked his eyes open and glanced from me towards the sea of trees below us. I, too, turned my head, unable to look at him without my eyes getting drawn to his mouth again. His arms never loosened from around me—a good thing, I was sure, because I believed I'd have fallen.
What had I done? This was like a crime, to trespass across the common servant and master bond. It had to be against a law, and if it wasn't, it crossed social barriers that could crucify Sasuke's reputation, perhaps even mine, should I ever have to leave the Uchiha. What we were doing was dangerous, I could have come between him and an engagement I wasn't even aware of. If Fugaku had controlled his children with such stringence as they grew up, surely he would choose even their spouses. Yet, Sasuke had kissed me, and I hadn't pushed him away.
Perhaps we'd all been doomed from the start.