What You Wish For
Hey guys! Hope you enjoyed the last chapter. Here's the next. What happens after…? How's Olivia going to take making the next move? How's Elliot going to deal with that? And what about Fin? Hope you enjoy. Read and review. I don't own them, you know the drill.
It was early when Olivia woke. Her eyes slowly adjusted to the darkness of the room and memories of the night came flooding back. Drinks at O'Halloran's, dancing with John, kissing Fin…oh god! Fin! Her body reacted immediately at thoughts of Fin making love to her. Olivia squeezed her eyes shut. When she opened them again she was still there, in Fin's bed. She wasn't sure if that was a good or a bad thing. She was overwhelmed by emotions. What had she done? She had been perfectly capable when she'd made the decision to sleep with Fin. And she didn't regret it, she didn't think. But had it been the right choice? They'd had sex. No. It had been more than sex. But that was something she couldn't think about right then. Fin had feelings for her. He'd never hidden that fact. But now she realised they went much deeper than she'd originally thought. Did she have feelings for him? Did she want to be with him? Oh god! They'd had sex. Without protection. Which was the point, she guessed. What happened if she got pregnant? Maybe she should have thought this through more.
Her head was churning. Too many thoughts and feelings at once and the after effects of a little too much alcohol. She needed water. Her gaze fell to Fin as he slept. He lay on his side, facing her. One hand was stretched out on the mattress towards her. It was as though he instinctively knew she would need some space but wanted her to know he was there. Olivia smiled, grateful that he was so understanding. She slowly eased her way out of the bed to go to the bathroom. She'd barely taken a step when his voice cut through the dark, soft and sleepy.
"You leavin'?" There was no accusation in his voice, no expectation, merely a question.
"How'd you know I was up?" Olivia asked.
"I'm a cop. I sleep light." Fin's eyes shone in the darkness, watching her.
"I was getting a drink." Olivia explained with a glance towards the bathroom. Fin nodded, still watching her. Olivia moved to the bathroom, turning on the faucet and drinking greedily. When she looked into the mirror she hardly recognised the person staring back at her. Her eyes were bright, despite the lack of sleep. Her skin glowed and she looked…happy. It was not an emotion she spent a lot of time feeling these days. With a sigh, Olivia ran a hand through her hair and turned off the water. She decided to push her thoughts down for the time being and enjoy being with Fin. He was asking nothing of her, and she knew he had her back. He wouldn't hurt her. She had to keep telling herself that.
She made her way back to the bedroom and slipped under the sheets. Fin hadn't moved and his eyes found hers in the darkness. He took her in, studying her expression. Reaching out, he pulled her to him and kissed her gently.
"We can talk in the morning, baby girl. For now don't worry. Just enjoy the moment." His hand smoothed over her hair and down her back, holding her to him. Olivia sighed against him, realising just how easily Fin made her worries disappear. He kissed her again, with more passion and moved until he was above her. With the same slowness, the same gentle movement he entered her, bringing her pleasure and release until they both slept. As Olivia drifted into slumber in his arms she thought to herself – this is what I wished for.
Elliot couldn't sleep. His thoughts were on his partner. Where was she? He'd called her cell twice and received no answer. A drive past her apartment building showed the lights were out but that meant nothing. She was probably asleep. But why did he have this niggling feeling? Why did he feel like he might have missed his chance?
It felt like being a naughty child with a secret. Olivia couldn't help the flush that kept staining her cheeks. Elliot had commented more than once and her excuse that the office was hot didn't seem to be flying. He'd given her a long, assessing look before returning to his paper work.
How she longed for a case. Anything to get them out of the office. Every now and then her gaze would drift over to Fin as he worked. Memories of his hands on her, his mouth on her, his body on her kept flooding her mind and then she would blush. Then Elliot would give her his look and the whole cycle would happen again.
She still couldn't believe how amazing Fin had been. She'd woken the next morning still wrapped in his arms and for the first time she hadn't felt the need to run. She'd been content to lie there. She knew that it meant she trusted Fin, but she didn't know if she trusted her feelings. She didn't want to hurt him. When he'd woken and kissed her she was even more confused. They had sex before he'd made her breakfast. And then they had sex again, on the kitchen counter. It was like she was 25 all over again. Fin hadn't argued when she insisted on going home. Instead he'd simply kissed her goodbye and said he'd call. But she'd called him first. That night. He spent the night, and subsequently, the rest of the weekend. Most of it they spent in bed.
And now she couldn't stop thinking about it. How could he sit there looking so cool and calm when all she could think about was ripping his clothes off and taking him there on her desk? When every glance at him brought back memories of him taking her on her sofa that morning? How could he be focused right now?
With an angry growl that had all three men looking at her in confusion Olivia slapped the paperwork down on her desk and stormed to the locker room. Maybe the punching bag would help her shake off her agitation. Sitting at a desk all day certainly wasn't helping.
Elliot found her, sweat soaked, beating the punching bag to a pulp. Stepping behind it he held the heavy bag, absorbing her blows. Olivia didn't meet his eyes until she had exhausted herself. Finally, spent, with limp arms she flopped onto one of the benches and took a deep gulp from her drink bottle.
"Want to talk about it?" Elliot asked, sitting beside her.
"Nothing to talk about El," Olivia hedged. She really couldn't talk about this with him.
"Maybe I can help." Her partner gazed at her, trying to catch her eyes. Olivia denied him, her eyes fixing firmly to the bottle in her hands.
"It's nothing El. I'm just feeling antsy sitting around all day. You know how much I hate ass duty." She attempted a smile.
"Let's go get some lunch. My treat." Elliot tentatively rested his hand on her arm. Olivia finally turned to look at him and he smiled. "Knew food would get your attention." He grinned.
"El…" Olivia started to protest. With all of her mixed feelings about Fin she just didn't know if she could handle any more about Elliot.
"No excuses, Liv. I want to spend time with you. And you need to eat. Two birds, one stone. Go get showered." He stood, giving her a matter of fact look and leaving the gym. Olivia sighed in frustration. Damn him and his sexy control freakish-ness.
Liv made her way back into the locker room and showered quickly. She didn't feel any better for her workout. If anything, it left her feeling unsatisfied in the way that only one thing could possibly make it better. Guess it's true what they say. When you've gone without for so long… She chuckled lightly at her thoughts and did up her blouse. She was getting addicted to sex. Or addicted to Fin. She wasn't quite sure which.
Elliot was waiting for her when she re-entered the squad room. Fin caught her attention, giving her a questioning look. Liv didn't get the chance to respond as Elliot's hand settled on her back and he ushered her out of the door. They went to their usual diner, snagging a table and ordering. Olivia could feel Elliot looking at her and she caught his gaze.
"What's wrong, El? Something on my face?" She teased. Elliot frowned, realising he'd been caught out.
"You're such a cop," he chuckled, sipping his coffee. "I'm just trying to figure out what's different about you today."
"What?" Olivia's eyes widened in shock.
"I don't know. You seem different. Something's changed. Did you get a haircut?" Elliot was studying her closely.
"Um…yeah." Olivia lied, looking away quickly. Goddamn Elliot. He was too perceptive for his own good.
"Oh. Well you look good." Elliot gave her his charm smile. He didn't think a haircut was what was different but it was a start. He felt like Olivia was hedging him and he didn't know why. He wanted their relationship to be back to normal. Or better than normal. He didn't want this. He wished he knew how to fix the mess he'd made.
"Thanks," Olivia mumbled, her cheeks turning red. A compliment from Elliot was a rare thing, even if he didn't know why he was giving it. Olivia's stomach flip flopped as her feelings for Elliot assaulted her. She almost moaned when his hand reached across the table to rest on hers. Her eyes locked to their hands.
"How was your weekend?" Elliot asked, innocuously. Olivia met his gaze.
"It was alright." She managed. He was going to know she was hiding something. Oh god! Liv hated lying to him. She wanted to confess the whole thing and beg his forgiveness. She didn't want him to think badly of her.
"Do anything special?" Elliot was eyeing her over the top of his coffee cup. His eyes were scolding blue; so sharp and piercing. Olivia could have lost herself in them.
"Same old stuff. How bout you?" Deflection – always a good defensive tactic.
"Good. The kids say hi." He smiled when Olivia smiled at that. He knew she cared about his kids; that was one of the many reasons he loved her. "I called you a bunch of times."
Ah, there it is. Olivia thought. She'd seen the missed calls but figured she would arouse more suspicion if she called him back in the state she was in on the weekend than if she ignored them. Besides, she had been plenty busy with Fin.
"Oh yeah, sorry about that. I just wanted to tune out for the weekend." Elliot nodded, accepting and understanding that. Olivia sighed with relief.
"And Fin got you home alright?" Elliot watched her closely. Only the fact that she had been a cop for so many years allowed Olivia the strength she needed to school her features.
"Yeah, no problem." She gave him a light smile, as if it hadn't been a loaded question.
"I would have driven you home." Elliot said slowly. He seemed to have something on his mind. Olivia's brow furrowed slightly.
"It's no big deal, El. Fin was leaving, and he offered me a ride."
"Yeah, but you're my partner." Elliot insisted. Olivia's frown deepened. What was this about?
"Of course I am, El. It was just a ride home." And a ride all night, Olivia's nasty inner demon whispered.
"Yeah, but I'm the one who's supposed to look out for you. I'm the one who should make sure you aren't too drunk to be alone. I'm the one who…" Who you are supposed to throw yourself at. He wanted to say it, but didn't. He knew Olivia would likely punch him for that.
"Elliot. You are my partner. And you do look out for me. We're here now, aren't we? You're making sure I eat." Olivia squeezed his hand gently, feeling electricity burn through her at the touch.
"It's not enough, Liv." Elliot confessed. He looked pained. "I care about you. I want you to know that. I want you to know…" he trailed off, trying to steal the courage to tell her. "I care about you as more than a partner, Liv." His eyes found hers.
"I care about you as more than a partner, too, El. You're my best friend. Gee, no fight we have is going to change that." She chuckled, trying to lighten the mood. She didn't like Elliot's intensity. He was starting to freak her out.
"No! Liv, I…argh this shouldn't be so hard." He ran a hand over his eyes, trying to gather his thoughts. "You'd think at my age I'd be able to tell a beautiful woman that I have feelings for her!" He growled in frustration before his eyes widened, realising what he'd just said.
"You…" Olivia's mouth had actually fallen open in surprise. She felt her phone vibrate in her pocket but her mind couldn't process that right then. Had Elliot just said what she thought he'd said?
"I like you Liv. A lot. In a non-partner-ly way." He chuckled at his own awkward confession. "Liv? Say something. Please."
Olivia Benson's world had actually just come to a standstill. After seven years of pining after her completely unattainable partner, he had chosen the day after she had decided to move on with her life to confess his feelings for her. He either had the worst timing on the planet or he was a complete and utter asshole. What did this mean? Was he asking her for a relationship? After all this time was he finally saying what she had longed to hear? Or was this just Elliot feeling guilty for being a jerk one to many times and thinking this was the only way he could make up for it?
"I know its kind of out of the blue," he chuckled, still trying to garner a reaction from his partner. "But I just…I don't want to lose you Liv. I don't know what's going on with you, but I know something's up. I want you to know you can trust me. You can count on me. I want you to…to give this a chance. To give us a chance." His mind conjured the image of his partner on Fin's lap and he felt a surge of jealousy race through him. "I hope I'm not crossing the line with this."
"I have to go." Liv stood up abruptly, knocking her coffee over. Elliot stood too, brushing coffee from his jacket, giving his partner a confused look.
"Liv, wait." He tried, reaching for her. Liv shook her head. She looked like a deer in the headlights; eyes wide, body tense. Elliot realised he'd cornered her and mentally slapped himself. He should have eased into this. "Liv, I'm sorry. Sit. Let's talk about something else."
"I have to go." She said again, more firmly. She quickly exited the diner, stopping outside to take a deep breath. Her stomach was roiling and she felt like she was going to vomit. Glancing over her shoulder she saw Elliot sitting at the booth, his head in his hands. She felt awful for leaving like that but she just couldn't take any more. She needed air. She needed space. She needed Elliot not to be looking at her like that and not to be saying the words she had longed to hear him say for so long. She quickly walked away, letting the cool air slap her in the face as she tried to gather her thoughts. Feeling her phone vibrate again she pulled it out of her pocket. There were two texts.
You ok, baby girl?
Fin
The second was from Elliot.
Liv, I'm sorry. Please don't shut me out.
El
Olivia frowned as she read them, thinking. What should she do? They were both concerned about her. Both wanted to look after her. Both wanted her to be happy. And she had feelings for both of them. But which would make her happy? With a sigh, Olivia hit reply.
Come to my place as soon as you can.
Liv.