Yellow. Sickly, citrine yellow that reminds me of a sticky sap, the kind that lured and trapped small animals. I feel as stuck as a helpless bee, falling into the vortex of yellow. Even when I blink, I see nothing but that infernal color, like it wants to swallow me whole.
Beyond the wretched yellow, I can feel the cold touch of clammy skin against mine. Bloodless fingertips touch my throat and press into the bite scar, drawing a shriek from my lips as I begin thrashing. No matter how frantic my movement, how violent, I fail to escape the burning claws.
In my ears, pounding as they are, a sinister laugh echoes. Goosebumps cover my skin, a bubbling nausea frothing in my gut. I blink again, but this time, I realized I'm blinking my eyes open.
That awful yellow, the pallid flesh of a hand cupping my face. My chest heaves with panic, had I been able to drag any air inside, I would be screaming. Maybe I am, past the ringing in my ears. The yellow creeps closer, and try as I might to lean back, I remain held in place. I can't shut my eyes this time, gazing right into the maw of the splitting grin in front of me.
"Did you miss me?"
I flinched awake with a sharp intake of air, feeling as if I'd just taken a plunge off the house and had woken up seconds before hitting the ground. I attempted to sit up, but a tight lock around my waist prevented me from getting very far. Briefly, I struggled, panicked by being immobilized. A drowsy mumble muffled against my shoulder soothed my distress. I murmured an apology to my half-asleep mate, though I didn't feel too guilty. His lack of being a morning person didn't fail to amuse me.
"You have to get up anyway," I whispered, to which Sasuke only sighed. He'd spoken about the meeting today for about a week, to the point it had gotten ingrained into my memory, too, not least because I didn't want him to go. It would be the first time in a couple of weeks that Sasuke had left me alone. He'd sworn his father wouldn't be in the house today, busy with his own work. That didn't shrink my anxiety. Even when the marks on my flesh had healed, they'd sunk past my skin and left scars that would take longer to get over.
Sasuke dragged himself out of the bed, his disheveled appearance often made me question how he managed to appear so graceful and composed the rest of the time. Vampires were painted as far too regal for Sasuke to be such a reluctant mess in the mornings. I stretched out on the mattress once Sasuke had left, slinking out of bed myself. "Are you sure you'll be all right today?" Sasuke asked, his voice raspy with sleep as he took his clothes from the dresser. It was the nth time he'd asked, but I appreciated the concern enough to not roll my eyes.
"It'll be fine, Sasuke," I promised. "Put your worries on the meeting. They'll need your focus." I slipped past Sasuke to get dressed, purposely skimming past him. I trusted Sasuke's diplomatic skills enough to know he would be fine, but it was his father I didn't trust. He put too much on both his sons' shoulders, leaving them to clean up any mess he made and to answer the questions didn't sit well with me.
Once I'd left the bathroom, looking semi-presentable, Sasuke was already downstairs. I found it easier to take a second to breathe without him hovering around me; if I were to show even a shred of my uncertainty, Sasuke would try and stay behind, and I couldn't have that. I already battled with my own guilt about our relationship, if he were to start throwing responsibility because of me, we'd never be allowed to stay this way. I liked the way things were, I couldn't fathom anything else changing when so much already had.
I was surprised to see my brother sitting at the kitchen table when I arrived—well, sitting was something of an overstatement. Slouched would be more appropriate, with the contorted way he sat bent in his chair, his forehead dropped against the table. I almost didn't want to take a seat for fear I'd disrupt him, but he hardly flinched at the scrape of my chair. "Rough morning?" I asked. He groused something that sounded suspiciously like "shut up" to me. I wondered how annoyed he'd be if I pointed out that he and Sasuke had much more in common than I believe either of them would want to admit.
While Alex was busy being face-down against the table, I took it upon myself to steal some of the food from his plate. "Are they both leaving?" I asked, figuring the only reason Alex would be up this early would be to see Itachi off. There had been talk of both men going, but it hadn't been a final decision.
"Their father ordered them both to be present," Alex raised his head to look at me. "Itachi wanted to go, anyway. Sasuke isn't the most even-tempered, but he's cunning. They balance each other out. Also, paws off my breakfast," he snapped, waving my hand away from his plate. It wasn't like he'd been too invested in it. From the corner of my eye, I saw a shadow moving into the room. It took a second for me to realize it was Itachi, but it took five for my heart to stop racing.
"We'll try not to take too long, it shouldn't take too much time." Itachi bent to press a kiss to my brother's forehead. An instinctual part of me bristled, something I suspected may never vanish altogether, no matter how much I knew Itachi wasn't a threat, not to Alex. Old habits die hard, and mine were proving themselves immortal.
Cool fingertips grasped my chin and tilted my face up, where Sasuke laid a kiss against my mouth. "Try to stay out of trouble, I'll be back as soon as I can," he murmured.
"No promises," I grinned. "I know you'll do great, don't worry about things here. We'll take care of it." My brave front only seemed to appear when I needed to be strong for someone else's sake. I'd take what I could get. I watched the two men leave, avoiding the scathingly arrogant look I could feel my brother aiming at my back. "I don't want to hear it Alex," I warned him, my ears lowering down in annoyance.
"I remember feeling that exact same way not too long ago," Alex remarked snidely, his fork pointed at me. "What was it? 'We can't break the law or jeopardize their status' wasn't it?"
For someone I loved so much, I couldn't stand my brother. "It's selfish and reckless," I retaliated, forever mindful of the dangers such a relationship brought, "but I'm starting to care less and less." I wasn't sure how awful of a person that made me. Alex's wicked smile didn't diminish that guilt much.
"Sorry to say, but after all the shit I've put up with, I'm in the mood to be a little selfish." Alex cocked his head with a wink as he stood, whisking away his cleared plate to the sink. "We never cared about obeying the law before, I'm not about to start, now. Are you really going to let someone rip away your happiness because of a few old-fashioned assholes?"
"You need to learn a more eloquent way of speaking if you're going to live up to your new life," I muttered, taking my leave of the dining room and the foul-mouthed rant. Breaking rules back when we were kids had served a different purpose; we'd needed to eat, needed to survive. I don't think I'd call a broken heart a matter of survival. I'd likely change my mind if one of us got jailed for pursuing a relationship with the men who, legally, owned us as one would an animal. Itachi and Sasuke both could attempt normalizing our lives all they wanted.
"Maybe you should learn not to walk away from people talking to you." I started when Alex bumped into my shoulder, nudging me to sit on the couch. He draped himself across the arm of the sofa, fulfilling his catlike lineage with limp grace. "You're honestly afraid, aren't you?" Alex asked, his sarcasm melding into genuine empathy. "What do you think is going to happen? Do you think for a second that they would let anyone take us away? Sasuke would kill them for it."
My hand wandered to comb my fingers through Alex's hair. It had gotten a little longer, I realized as I let it slide through my fingers. It was another reminder of the time that had passed. "It isn't only us I'm worried about," I confessed. "Itachi and Sasuke had their entire lives planned for them. They were born and bred to live up to their family's expectations, what are they going to do with us ripping all of that to shreds?" I worried the hem of my shirt with my free hand, a stray string catching on one of my fingernails. I wanted to pull on it and see if I could unravel the entire thing, much like I was trying to unravel my own head.
"You know you talk like they don't have a choice?" Alex's dry question made me snap out of my daze. Startled, I glanced down at him.
"I don't mean it like that, but—"
"But you do. You always think you have to fix everything, like you know what's best. Sometimes other people have a choice, too, and they chose us."
Alex sat up, balancing on the armrest in a way that would've made me fall flat on my face. His last words were ringing in my ears, almost deafening me. They chose us. Whether it was a stupid choice or not, we were all stuck together in it. "Why does it feel like we were born into a whirlwind?" I said, my eyelids slipping closed.
Beside me, Alex huffed out a laugh. "I don't know, but I'd like to find the damned exit." I grinned in agreement, but the moment didn't last. It came to an abrupt, terrifying end. From behind us, the sound of shattering glass made my breath catch in my throat. The shards crinkled to the floor before heavy footsteps crunched over them, too loud in the silence that had fallen over the rest of the house. My heart jumped into my throat, but as I launched off the couch, the motion sent it careening through the floorboards. Alex was already on his feet, his gaze trained on the entryway. I nudged him behind me with an arm in front of him, a snarl already forming in my chest. The footsteps were coming closer. I had no means of protecting us, no means of defending either myself nor Alex against an intruder. Adrenaline was clouding my thoughts as I raced through my meager options, but I only had one that provided any hope. If one of us could make it out, we had a chance.
"Run," I breathed, ordering the command under my breath. Alex looked at me, stricken, his eyes widening in shock.
"I'm not leaving you behind!" he hissed, reaching out for my arm.
I yanked it back, gritting my teeth so hard it hurt. It was all I could do not to lose myself. It hurt to send Alex away, but it was my only hope of getting him out. We had no idea who had broken in or what they wanted, but I was willing to bet they weren't going to be very happy to see witnesses. "Go! Get out of here!" I snapped, this time shoving him towards the kitchen. "Find Mikoto and stay with her!"
Alex's eyes misted over with pain. It was the last I saw before he wrenched away, his clenched hands shaking as he darted for the kitchen. I watched him turn the corner right when the first shadow loomed out of the hallway. I felt frozen, glued to the floor with panic as a tower of a man lurched into the room, his teeth too big for his mouth when he sneered at me.
Swallowing around the cottony feeling in my mouth, I steeled myself against my terror. "I suggest you leave while you still can," I warned coldly. "You've already tripped the alarm, you've got five minutes if you want to get out in one piece." I supposed it was too much to hope Sasuke or Itachi would return before those five minutes were up.
Behind the beastly man came a soft, derisive chuckle. "There's no need to put on airs, Amaya. We both know you're lying."
Hearing my name from an unfamiliar voice made my hair stand on end. "Who are you?" I called, my voice was starting to rise. I took a step back when the owner of the voice circled around the larger man—this one was young, somewhere in his twenties. The light bounced off his glasses and cast an eerie glint.
"You spent so long trying to escape imprisonment," the young man tutted, his lips stretched into an ugly sneer. "Yet you ended up right where you belong, anyway. It's a shame how fate works, isn't it?" The man sighed as he walked towards me, his shoes clicking purposefully against the floor. For every step he took forward, I took one back, all the way until I felt the wall against my back. I pretended my shiver was from the cold surface.
"Time's ticking, four-eyes," I bared my teeth in a smirk, all false bravado and rage. "Fuck off and maybe I won't punch your glasses into your skull."
The smaller man raised his hands in mock surrender. "Temper," he admonished, the cryptic smile not wavering once. "Why not come quietly? Lord Orochimaru won't be pleased if I had to mark up his experiment."
Ba-bum. Ba-bum.
Blood pounded in my ears. It had been years—the only time I'd heard the name was when I uttered it myself. I'd thought they'd forgotten about us, we were only two children among dozens of experiments. I had never thought I'd have to see another white-coated monster in my life.
I still didn't plan to. If I was going to get dragged back, I was going to break a few bones. I clenched my hands at my sides, prompting an eager rumble from the hulking man. The entire room shook as he stomped forward, his yellowing teeth bared in a grin. The bespectacled man sighed and shrugged, looking hardly put out. "Have it your way. Hotaru," the big man cracked his knuckles, "make sure she won't be able to put up much of a fight."
My fists and legs swung in a wild, aimless array of punches and kicks. Some landed against nothing but air, others collided against soft flesh or hard bone. Thick, calloused hands wrapped around my throat like an iron shackle, slamming me back against the wall hard enough to crush the air out of my lungs. The man grunted in pain with each hit I landed on him, but they did jack-shit in loosening his grip.
He balled his fist and punched me in the face suddenly, causing blood to fill my mouth and choke me. I spat a pink froth onto the floor, my head spinning as my body got yanked around and tossed haphazardly to the ground. I screamed in pain as a foot planted itself in my side, kicking me onto my stomach. Sweaty hands gripped my wrists and yanked them behind my back to tie them together, all while another hand buried in my hair and dragged my head up. I pried open one eye to glare at the young man who had taunted me; not a hair on him was out of place. "I warned you, didn't I? Don't let it be said I wasn't fair," he tisked, dropping my head back to the floor. "No sign of the boy, let's take the girl for now."
I thrashed and shrieked a rabid mess of threats and obscenities when I was slung over the orcish man's shoulder. The entire time he carried me out, I had to fight the urge to look up and make sure my brother hadn't come out of hiding. I didn't want to give the pair any idea that Alex had been home with me. I could do nothing but pray with all my heart that he had found a good hiding place and would stay there, safe, until Itachi came back. If Alex was safe, what happened to me didn't matter.
I wheezed out a pained curse as I got tossed into the bed of a van, the metal bed jarring every bone in my bruised body. Before the door slammed shut, I screamed a final promise of death towards my captors, for all the good it would do me. It wasn't until the engine had revved and I could hear gravel spinning from underneath the tires that I allowed my eyes to shut, burning tears having started to slip down my cheeks.
This was not a dream.
"What a brazen waste of our time," Itachi's voice was calm, but his knuckles were white on the steering wheel, belying his annoyance. It was, perhaps, an asinine choice on my part to allow Itachi to drive us back. Unfortunately, he had already gotten behind the wheel before I'd even reached the car. With the silent rage rolling off him in waves, I wasn't about to ask Itachi to move. The drive back gave me a little time to sort through the files we'd gotten, (at least the meeting hadn't been a total waste) when I wasn't clinging onto the safety handle above me.
"We knew it wouldn't yield much," I replied, for all the good my chiming in would do. I doubted Itachi was seeking any remarks. "The information they were willing to share will do us some good at least. They're closing in on a decision, and it looks good for us. Tsunade has witnessed this tension for as long as she's been alive, Itachi. She wants to unite our cities as much as anyone."
Itachi cut his eyes towards me without another comment, but I noticed the strain in his knuckles loosening gradually. Itachi had every right to feel frustrated; every step forward we took, someone else knocked us back two. The elders in the city of light were as opposed to a treaty as those in our own home, too trapped in tradition to see a future with change. We were battling people in our own city at this rate, just as much as were in Lumen. "Our tenacity is going to outlive the bastards, anyway," I muttered under my breath. Itachi attempted to cover his snort with a cough, but it ruined his look of disapproval all the same.
"I'm thankful we convinced Naruto to wait for us. He isn't going to take the news well." Itachi's shoulders sagged, mimicking my own dread. Naruto had suffered during these last few months of tentative peace while we tried to reach an agreement. Having been born in Lumen, Naruto's parents had both been targets of political assassins. They'd been killed not long after Naruto had been born and, in fear that he would be killed as well, it had been decided that they would send him here. Citizens in our city had treated Naruto like an outcast, a monster; those in his birthplace looked on him like he was a traitor.
Growing up alongside my family had meant Naruto had a modicum of power, and he'd taken that and run with it. People respected him as an adult even when they'd hated him as a child, but he had toiled for that respect and love. He'd had to prove himself more times than I could count. For someone born into the title I had, I couldn't imagine Naruto's struggles. He'd been a voice for both cities in time, and especially in the past few months. He'd lent his influence and loyalty out to prove that the treaty would benefit all of us, and seeing Tsunade—someone Naruto had once trusted—take so long to reach a decision was hurting my friend.
"We're all stretched thin," I sighed, "it's out of our hands for now and we need to let it run its course. Any further meddling will only backfire." I hoped I was right for all our sakes. I could already see the disappointment coming, and even when it was out of my hands, I couldn't help but to feel guilty. It was partly my family's fault that this treaty deal was so difficult. My father was too paranoid, too hungry for power and control, and that was being fed by elders in my family. Trying to undermine my own family was…challenging, to say the least.
"He got there before we did," I heard Itachi say. I glanced up to see Naruto's car in our driveway, but he was only getting out, he must've only just arrived. When he leaned against the trunk of his car, the stormy expression on his face warned me he already anticipated how the meeting had gone. I steeled myself before I left the car. As odd as it sounded, I felt more comfortable approaching skeevy political leaders in enemy territory than I currently did Naruto. He was a far greater force to be reckoned with, even when I knew he'd never lay a hand on me.
"What's that?" Naruto asked, nodding his head towards the manila folder I was holding. "More shit for us to sift through while they sit on their asses?" His voice was practically a snarl.
"Calm down," I warned him. He sank back against his car some, blowing out a long exhale. I couldn't fault him for it, but I wasn't going to stand for him taking his irritation out on me, either. "These are files Tsunade's assistant gave us. I haven't gone through all of them, but some are reports and others contain economic statuses. It's valuable information that she was willing to share, we should be grateful. I told you we were heading in the right direction."
Naruto ran a hand down his face with an irate mutter. I expected another complaint to come forward, but before he could speak up, Itachi's voice broke in.
"Sasuke, look at the windows." The distress in his voice was palpable enough to make my hackles rise. It made me not want to turn and look—if I didn't, I could stay in the moment that nothing was wrong, that everything was still okay. Once I turned and saw the broken glass, some of the shards still jagged in the windowsill, all that fell away. I was running for the house with Itachi still calling my name, too gone in my panic to understand that whoever had broken in may still be inside. The door was standing wide open when I burst in, Amaya's name falling from my mouth in a shout. No answer came.
Itachi and Naruto rushed in behind me, but I hardly heard them past the ringing in my ears. Distantly, I heard Itachi calling out for Alex and our mother. The silence in the house was heavy on all of us, but when no answer came for Itachi, either, I realized he was suffocating as much as I was. I was seconds away from running upstairs to search for any signs of them. Though, the stone silence spoke volumes of how awful it would be if they weren't answering. Images of the worst-case scenarios flashed in my head, from Amaya lying in a pool of her own blood in our room to someone breaking in and wrenching the two of them away. All when we had promised to keep Alex and Amaya both safe.
"Itachi!" Alex's frantic voice came from up the stairs. I hardly had time to look towards them before the younger man was racing past me and into my brother's open arms. A sob wracked the Feles' body while Itachi tried in vain to soothe him, his arms locked around Alex's waist. As relieved as I was to see him, the relief was ice cold; it hurt more than it soothed. I glanced up the staircase, waiting with baited breath, but no one else came down.
"Where is she?" I asked, breathless. Alex's violent shaking worsened, I could hear his teeth clacking when he struggled to speak. "Where is she?" I demanded once again, my fists trembling at my sides. Why wouldn't he fucking spit it out already?
Itachi gave me a look as he moved his hands to Alex's shoulders, trying to get the boy to look at him. "Alex, listen to me, we can't understand you. You have to calm down, can you tell us what happened? Are you hurt?" Itachi implored Alex to listen, but it did us no good. Alex was in shock.
I flinched when he suddenly dropped to his knees, sinking like a stone before Itachi could catch him. "She's gone," Alex whispered, his voice so faint I nearly missed it.
I knelt beside him and reached out to take his arm. "What do you mean?" I asked, commanding he clarify. "What happened, Alex? Where's Amaya, are you saying someone took her?"
Alex nodded his head in a motion so jerky it looked like it had to hurt. "They took her," he rasped, panic having scratched his voice raw. "They broke in and they took her—she made me run, and they took her!" He fell into another sob that sounded like it was wrenched from the bottom of his chest. It was a horrible, heartbreaking sound.
"Who was it?" I hoped my voice sounded kinder this time, but to my own ears, it sounded like I was talking through water. I felt like I was sinking. "Who took her, Alex?"
Alex didn't answer for a minute, but it looked like he was trying to, only that the words were getting stuck in his throat. Finally, he heaved out the answer, for all the good it was. "The whitecoats, they came and took her—they're taking her back to the lab, I know they are! She'll never make it out!" Alex's hysteric shouting dissolved into a full-blown panic attack moments later, leaving me without any hope of getting him to talk again. Itachi wrapped the younger boy in a hug, his weak attempts at hushing him were fruitless.
I sat back on my heels and pressed my hand against my forehead, any efforts to impede the oncoming migraine were futile. "What the hell does he mean with whitecoats?" I snapped, my fangs cutting into my own lip when my rage lapsed my self-control. And what lab was Alex talking about? A doctor's lab? What purpose would—
My eyes snapped wide, the bitter taste of realization covering my tongue. The epiphany was as jarring and sudden as a crack to the head, leaving me to feel dizzy and sick. I blacked out for all of a second, but if I'd been about to sway, I didn't notice. Naruto reached out to steady me, concern crackling in the movement.
"Sasuke?" he asked, hesitant.
It took me a moment to swallow the nausea down. "I think I know who took her and tried to take Alex," I admitted, my voice sounding like loose gravel. Itachi's eyes were heavy and expectant as they all waited for me to continue, the only other sound that of Alex struggling to breathe. "Orochimaru."
Itachi flinched at the name and I felt Naruto's hand tighten on my shoulder. It was the only answer I could come up with. "It has to be him. Amaya described him almost exactly when she told me she and her brother were stolen and trapped in a laboratory as kids." I ran a hand through my hair, growing more distressed by the second. "The 'whitecoats' must be the doctors that perform his experiments. I don't understand why he would want them back, how would he even know where they were?" I snapped, yanking away from Naruto and storming towards the broken door.
"You know how." Itachi's cold voice brought pause to my own rage, if briefly. I turned to face him and demand explanation, but the sight of his eyes, usually so warm and dark, stopped me dead. They were a deep red, a color they hadn't been in ages. Itachi almost never allowed his control to lapse. I had to remind myself that he was as angry as I was; Alex was safe in his arms, but they had broken in and put him in as equal danger as Amaya. "You stood in Fugaku's way, Sasuke. You and Amaya angered him and he wants to punish you both." Itachi straightened, Alex still encased in his protective embrace. "He never cut contact with Oto, not after all the money and slaves Orochimaru delivered to him. Fugaku must've told Orochimaru he had Alex and Amaya here to get rid of them. After Orochimaru figured out they were lost experiments, he'd never turn them down."
Fury launched through my bloodstream and into my nerves. Without any other place to exert the onslaught of adrenaline, I curled my fist and threw it into the wall, cracking it under my knuckles. "I'll kill him," I snarled, blood tinting the words as my fangs once against cut into my own lip and tongue.
"Sasuke, you need to calm down," Naruto's words filtered in through the red haze curling around my focus. "Losing yourself isn't gonna help her. We have to get to her before something happens to her!"
Where would we start? Where was I supposed to go? "We don't know where they could've gone. He wouldn't have taken her to the hideout in the city, it's too close…" It was too obvious.
"You don't know that." Itachi gathered Alex into his arms, the boy having finally begun to quiet, he looked like he was delving into a state of catatonia. His breathing was short and shallow, and his eyes were glazed, like he couldn't see or hear what was happening around him. He needed to get help for the shock he was setting into, fast. "Do you think that Orochimaru believes you'll go after her? She was sold as a pet to you, she wasn't meant to be anything. He trusts that none of us here will care enough to go after them." Itachi cradled Alex's head beneath his hand, carefully walking past us. "It's our best chance right now, Sasuke. You'll have the element of surprise. I have to tend to Alex, I'm sorry…"
Itachi looked pained as he glanced at me, but I could never fault him for putting his mate first when Alex needed it. I clenched my jaw as I nodded. "Naruto and I will go. If we aren't back by nightfall…" I trailed off. There was no need to finish the sentence. Naruto had come to stand beside me, his fists clenched and crackling with malicious intent of his own.
"Don't fight unless you have to, little brother. Be safe, and be smart about this."
Itachi was almost gone when Alex raised his head, a clarity entering his eyes that gave them a startling depth. I had never seen him look at me with anything other than contempt, but this, this was bigger than either of us. We both wanted one thing; Amaya home safe, and the people who had absconded with her killed. "Bring her back."
"I'll settle for nothing less."
Waking up to a world of utter darkness had never been a phobia of mine, but it jumped to the top of the list pretty fast. When I peeled my eyes open, there was no difference as to when I'd had them closed. My attempts to sit up were thwarted by the cold metal wrapped around my wrists and ankles, chaining me to the hospital bed I was laid up in. It had been years since I'd last sat on one—I never thought I would again. I doubted I'd ever possess the courage to visit a doctor after what had happened. I supposed it had been foolish of me to believe facing my past traumas would be on my own terms.
My lungs constricted with panic once I realized I couldn't move, not even enough to raise my limbs off the bed. My head was the only part of me I could lift enough. Without my vision, what good was it going to do me aside from serving to make me feel even more claustrophobic? I turned my head this way and that with only emptiness in every direction, unable to feel anything but gelid iron restraints and the smooth, familiar sheets beneath me. My clothes had been removed in my period of unconsciousness—of which I had no estimate of how long I'd been out. It could be hours, it could be days, and I wasn't sure it mattered. My clothes had gotten replaced with a plain medical gown.
Easy access. Easy to replace when the bloodstains grew too much.
My breathing began to hasten, the sour taste of panic rising in the back of my throat. If I were to vomit, I wouldn't know where to lean, nor was I even certain I could lean over enough not to choke. When I'd first awoken to that encompassing darkness, I had thought I had died. I thought it was purgatory, a void that I was lost in. There were several numb seconds, seconds that nothing felt real, including my own body. Those were blissful moments before my body caught up with my brain, and my nerves became an inferno.
Pain. Pain that wracked my body to its core, that left me gasping and with tears dripping from my unseeing eyes. I kept hoping that the more I blinked, perhaps some semblance of my vision would return, but it remained dark. Now my hope was that it was all a dream—a nightmare, actually, because I couldn't live in a world that was dark.
When I turned my head to the right side, I groaned as a throb pounded in my skull. Blood had pooled beneath my face, where a gash had been bleeding for god knows how long. I remembered then, my violent arrival to the lab. A feral entrance graced by my thrashing limbs and snarling, shrieking cacophony. For my troubles, I'd been rewarded with a heavy beating that ended with my skull against the concrete floor. I didn't much appreciate earning that reward. Bruises and dried blood littered the rest of my body. Some from the guards struggling to subdue me and others from myself, where I had banged against walls and floors and other people. I had lost myself in those moments, I'd let myself turn into the animal that so many people believed I was. I was starting to believe the slurs, myself.
With every breath inward, the stench of death and sterility burned my nostrils. It didn't make the task of trying not to retch any easier. The only thing I could take comfort in was knowing Alex was safe, back home where he belonged. That alone was enough relief to keep me from giving up completely. I had to be strong for other people, now. I couldn't be selfish.
A door somewhere to my left squeaked open, prompting me to stiffen. Doing so was painful, but inevitable. Following the eerie creak was a silence that left me with baited breath, but soon enough came a sound much worse than any ominous silence could be. Footsteps, slow and steady, headed towards where I lay prone on the hospital bed. "Hello, Amaya. It's been quite a long time."
Revulsion curled in my stomach, curdling what little I had inside it. My lips were pulling back in a hateful snarl before I'd even thought about the reaction I wanted to have. A sneering laugh cut into my ears like razors, dripping with supercilious bite. "Still fierce, even for someone so weak," the voice crooned, laden with false pity and calm. The words were like honey, sticky and hazy as I struggled to focus on where they were coming from. They felt like they were coming from all around the room, and I began to wonder if they were real at all, or if I had started to hallucinate.
"Crack!" A fierce pain lit up my cheek as my head swung to the side. No, it was real, all right.
"Still a monster, hurting those who can't fight back," I wheezed back. Freezing, clammy fingers dug into my face and held me still. I didn't have to have my sight to know he had leaned down and was mere inches from my face. "Orochimaru."
"You and your wretched brother are nothing but ungrateful mistakes," Orochimaru hissed, his words ghosting over my mouth. I pursed my lips tightly together and willed myself not to shrink away. "I took you under my wing, empowered you, and you run off with the gifts I gave you?" He shoved my face away as if I'd burned him, a disgusted hiss accompanying the action. "I should have eradicated the two of you when I had the chance, I should have known you would be nothing but a failure."
I lunged against my restraints, rattling the entire bed like a lion in a tiny cage. "You shouldn't have stolen us, you serpent!" I screamed, years of bottled pain spilling from my mouth. "You take innocent children and you destroy them, someone should have killed you years ago!"
When I was a little girl, I had looked to Orochimaru as a guardian, as someone who had given me a home and would keep me safe. It had taken me a matter of days to see how wrong I'd been, it was taking me years to trust anyone else the same way. Orochimaru had given me a home, in his own twisted way; in a cell, like an animal. Like the rest of the tragic cases, Alex and I both had been subject to tests of countless sorts. Orochimaru had an insatiable hunger for power, and that often manifested in what he did to the children in his care. He had mutated kids, turned them into unrecognizable beasts with shocking strength and endurance. He had struggled to channel energy through children so that they might wield it themselves—electricity had become an obsession of Orochimaru's. He wanted to harness that power, to see if he could force a live body to generate, to conduct, to control.
My body had begun to shake. "What have you done to me?" I seethed through grit teeth. "Why can't I see? Why can't I move?" There were so many questions brimming at my lips. I wanted so badly to see, to know where I was so that I might plan some sort of escape. How far had Orochimaru taken me away? Would anyone even come to search for me, if it mattered at all?
"What use would that be?" Orochimaru asked, as if he were speaking to a young child asking a pointless question. "You're nothing but an experiment, a tool. What purpose does a servant having sight serve? I won't stand to lose you twice, after all."
"I'm much more than an experiment!" I dug my nails into my palms, the pain helping my mind ground itself. I could use all the help with that I could get. "I moved forward, I did fine without you. You can't fucking feed me your lies like you did when I was just a child!" Those years had passed. They were gone, along with the child I once was. The people here had taken all that.
A fist drove itself into my stomach, crushing away the air I had. Suffering another blow to my already abused body made me hack a curse out. While I coughed for air, Orochimaru sighed somewhere above me and continued talking. "Don't fool yourself, child. I made you useful. You're no good unless someone else makes you so."
His long fingers combed my hair away from my face, where it had stuck with sweat and blood. The caress was so gentle, so innocuous, I could forget the hands belonged to a monster. Almost. The jarring contradiction between his hands was dizzying, as if the violent ones and the soft ones belonged to entirely different people.
"Did you truly believe you could have a pretty life, up in that mansion?" Orochimaru tutted, his hand now falling to rest on my leg. I winced at the cold touch, distress and disgust a whirlpool in my gut. "That you could escape your past? You tricked yourself into believing they cared about you, didn't you? Do you honestly trust what they say, Amaya? That Sasuke could love a whore he picked up off the street?"
Hearing Sasuke's name leave the snake's lips made something in me snap. My bones cracked as I yanked against my binds, snarling and spitting obscenities. Orochimaru's hand pulled off my leg, offering me the slightest satisfaction. "Don't say his name! Don't you ever talk like you understand me or anything that's happened!" Orochimaru didn't know anything, he couldn't, he didn't.
"Oh, Amaya. You were always so stubborn, so foolish." Orochimaru's hands returned to my legs, as if I wasn't trying to shatter my own body with my squirming and bucking. If only I could cover my ears—if only I'd been deafened instead of blinded. "Sasuke is far, far out of your league, you must know that. He may pity you, but he could never have a life with you. Why choose you over the maidens in his own class?" Orochimaru leaned forward, his cold breath against my lips. "How could you think your lovely prince would ever love someone like you?"
"Get out of my head!" I shrieked, tears spilling from my eyes, all hot and stinging. "Get out! You don't know anything! You know nothing about how to feel anything!" I couldn't breathe. My chest was tight, crushing my lungs and heart. He was lying, he was lying, he was lying!
"He couldn't care more for you than he would a pest," Orochimaru's laugh was breathy and cruel against my ear, where his lips made me shiver. "No one is coming for you, child. Sasuke never loved you, but me? I always took care of you. I take care of all my projects, don't I?"
A hand wrapped around my throat, and when the room fell into suffocating silence, I realized I had been screaming. My lungs felt worn raw, as if I'd scraped them with my voice, like tires on asphalt. The only things in my head now were Orochimaru's words, and I had no way to block them out. The devil's clutch doesn't loosen once it has you where it wants you.
"How does it feel, being a vampire's whore?"
I flinched at the awful accusation, but Orochimaru's hands were too tight for me to get away. My heart began to sink, dropping from my chest and through the floor. I shuddered as he trailed his fingers from my throat and to the hem of the gown I was wearing. "You give in to such simple charm so easily, listening to lies. He told he loved you, how beautiful you were?"
There was a deafening sound as the cloth of the gown tore, ripped open by claws and long fingers. I screamed, wrenching the ugly sound from the recesses of my burning chest. The cold filth in those claws and fingers burned into my flesh, searing into it to never be washed away. I began to plead, to shriek for help, to beg Orochimaru not to go through with this. I no longer heard half of what I said, my ears had begun to ring too loud.
"Why don't I show you who you truly belong to?"