The Manly Art of Hunting

"Stop, please."

Elsa murmured into the sheet of paper she held in her hands, as she sat at the desk in the library. She had a stack of papers to review, another stack to respond to, and a third stack that required action on her part. The problem was none of the stacks were getting any smaller. She hadn't gotten any work done all morning. It was impossible for her to concentrate. And the reason she couldn't concentrate was …

Click, click, click … the sharp sounds of Fitzwilliam's boot heels sounded in the room. She had been pacing for the better part of an hour now, going from one window to the other. Originally the plan had been for her to read quietly in a comfortable chair while Elsa worked, but apparently sitting in a chair, no matter how comfortable, was something that eluded Fitz. She hadn't been reading for twenty minutes before she was up and pacing.

Click, click, click, click … pause. There was a shuffle as she made a quick turn. Click, click, click.

Really, Elsa blamed Anna. On any other day, right now Fitz would be training with Anna in the courtyard. But her sister, with a grace only she could muster, had taken a bad step the other day, fallen, and sprained her wrist. The physician had forbidden her to practice for at least a week.

"Please stop," Elsa asked. Fitz wasn't listening or was concentrating on something or both and didn't seem to hear her. The pacing continued.

Click, click, click ….

"Stop. Pacing." Elsa said tightly, her hand coming firmly down onto her desk where a small patch of ice appeared.

"What?" Fitz, pulled out of her musings, stopped short and looked over at Elsa. She seemed genuinely puzzled, as if she didn't fully understand the problem.

"Stop, just stop. Please stop. I can't work with you pacing back and forth like that. It's … intolerable."

Intolerable was never a good sign. "I'm sorry."

Elsa looked from her stacks of work to Fitz and back again. "You know. I'm not sure this was my best plan. I think that maybe you need to go do something … someplace else."

"Oh?"

"Anything … you need to do something, anything but not here." She got up, grabbed Fitz by the arm and began to lead her from the room. "It's a big castle. I am sure you can find things to do." Elsa seized on the first thing she thought of as a suggestion. "Riding."

"You want me to ride in the castle?" Fitz smirked in an attempt to be charming.

Elsa pushed her toward the door. "I hear you can take a bicycle down the stairs if you're careful."

"I'm not sure ..." Fitz tried to turn around, but she was held fast and firmly. Frustration seemed to have strengthened the Queen's grip and well as her resolve.

"Go talk to a painting. Climb on the roof. Try on the armor downstairs. Anything you want, but whatever you do, you can't do it here." And with that she pushed Fitz out the door and shut it behind her.

Elsa walked back to her desk, sat down, and breathed in the silence. Her nerves settled; her head cleared. Now – now she could get some work done.

Several hours later

"Ahem."

Elsa looked up from reading a rather dense proposal on salmon hatcheries when she heard someone clearing their throat.

"Your Majesty," Kai began. Behind him was the entire staff of the castle, the cooks, the gardeners, the grooms, maids and footmen, and the Captain of the Guard.

"Is there a problem?" she asked hesitantly.

"Well, your Majesty," Kai began again. "It's the Lady Fitzwilliam."

Elsa blinked. That was a rather formal title. She didn't think Kai's use of it boded well.

"You see ..."

"It's intolerable!" The head groom interrupted. "She won't leave me alone. She keeps asking if she can help. If I wanted someone who didn't know the business end of a pitch fork, I would have hired one from the village, not some blue-blood from damned Avalon."

His outburst started everyone yelling at once. The cooks wanted her out of the kitchen. The gardeners wanted her out of the garden. Even the guards complained that someone was going to get hurt if she kept swinging a pike around like that.

"Alright ..." Elsa said, considering her options, but she couldn't be heard over the din in the room as the complaints about Fitzwilliam reached a fevered pitch.

Kai brought everyone to order again, with a loud, "Excuse me!"

"Alright," Elsa repeated. "I'll speak to her." The problem was she had no idea what she was going to say. It wasn't like she could censure Fitz for … essentially being Fitz. Asking her to stop doing things was a like asking the sun not to rise or a fish to climb a tree. It was possible to ask, but you were unlikely to be successful.

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"Anna, I just don't know what to do." Elsa had pulled her sister into the parlor for an impromptu tea. Tea was safe; Fitz would rather be keel hauled that attend a tea. That left Elsa alone to enlist Anna in the plan to "find Fitz something to do."

"Nuthin' fom da Admalty, huh?" Anna wasn't a big tea goer either, but there had been the promise of krumbkake, one of which she was now talking around.

"Please, Anna finish before you speak," Elsa said, and then winced as she realized now she was starting to sound like her mother. But really, was she the only civilized person in this castle?

Anna swallowed and reached for another pastry. "Nothing from the Admiralty?"

"No," the Queen grumbled, "and I've half a mind to go down there and let them know they need to process her application before there is a castle-staff led revolution in Arendelle. But I promised her I wouldn't say anything."

"I'm sorry I can't help," Anna looked at her bandaged arm. "Stupid wrist."

"I know, but we have to find something for her to do."

"We? How we?" Anna smirked, "I think this is a 'you' problem."

Elsa fixed her sister with a withering look. "Anna, if the cook kills me because she's been interrupted in the kitchen one too many times, then you're Queen."

That wiped the smirk right off Anna's face. "OK," Anna clapped her hands together, making a face when her wrist twinged. "What are WE going to do then."

"I was thinking something outdoorsy," Elsa began explaining the bare inkling of a plan that had come to her. She was counting on her sister, who had much more experience with the actual outdoors than she did, to help her fill it in. "Something far away from here, I mean not in another country far, but something that would take more than a couple of hours. Maybe a couple … three or four … days?"

Anna pondered the options. "OK, but she doesn't know much about Arendelle. I'm not sure she would have any clue what to do or where to go to do it."

"Which is why we need to provide the idea … or provide the someone who can provide the idea."

"Yeah, but who do we know …."

Their heads swung toward each other in perfect synchronization. "Kristoff!" They exclaimed at the same time.

Anna jumped right in. "Kristoff could take her … not ice harvesting, he doesn't like amateurs along when he does that," which was something Anna knew from painful experience. "But hunting or fishing."

"That's right, he goes hunting." Elsa's eyes lit up. She chortled in joy and hugged her sister, positively giddy at the idea of Fitz on a lengthy hunting expedition. "And I know Fitz hunts, she's talked about it." Elsa looked at Anna, "Would you ask Kristoff to take her hunting?"

"Me? He doesn't listen to me," Anna scoffed, trying to make it seem like it was an influence problem and not a 'Kristoff really doesn't like a whole lot of people hanging out with him, and you know Fitz, this could really backfire, and when it does I don't want to be the one responsible' problem. "You're the Queen; you go ask him. He'll listen to you."

"Fine," Elsa sighed.

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"Kristoff, please, you would be doing me a favor."

Kristoff tilted his head as he looked at the Queen, and squinted, hoping that perhaps he had just not heard her properly."Let me get this straight. You want me to take Fitz hunting …."

"Yes," the Queen answered before he could delve into her motives.

He frowned and shuffled his feet. "Is this an … order, Your Majesty?"

"No, of course not," Elsa replied, managing to sound both hurt and a bit imperious at the same time. "I don't go around ordering people ... to do things like this."

"Yeah, um, so then …." Kristoff scratched the back of his head and looked everywhere but at Elsa. She had said it wasn't an order. He would take her at her word. "You know I'm really busy right now. Ice stuff. And I'm just not sure that it's a good time. Or a great idea." He shrugged apologetically. "So no?"

Did he just brush her off? Now, Elsa wondered if it was too late to make it an order. Then it occurred to her that Kristoff's interests were aligned with Anna's. "It's not an order, but as I said, it is a favor. The kind of favor an older sister who is in charge of her younger sister until she is twenty-one might ask. A sister who may or may not listen to her advisers who are strongly recommending that said younger sister be limited in her ability to 'wander around and get into trouble.'" Elsa added the quotation marks with her fingers.

Sven grunted. Kristoff tried to affect a casual tone as he studied his fingernails and said,"Limited?"

"A curfew. Locked doors. Assigning a guard when she's out of my sight. A chaperone, perhaps. There are any number of limiting measures that have been brought to my attention."

Sven brayed a warning to his buddy.

"Since you put it that way," Kristoff shot a look at Sven, "I can take her tomorrow, but only for a couple of days."

"Five days." Suddenly the Queen felt more confident. Negotiating, even with stubborn parties, was something she understood and had become proficient at.

"Three days."

"At least four, I want to make sure she gets the chance to experience the beautiful Arendelle countryside properly." She used her 'final offer' voice and added a touch of queenly glare.

Kristoff knew when he was beat. "OK, four days. Is she any good with a bow?"

"I don't know. But I'm sure you can ask her," Elsa replied happily. "When the two of you are making your plans."

"Right, sure." Kristoff nodded at the queen in resignation as she swept out of the stable, her step much lighter than when she arrived.

Kristoff wasn't feeling the same joy, however. It wasn't that he didn't like Fitzwilliam. She was reasonably likable. She seemed a decent sort, well, once he'd determined that she didn't have her eyes on Anna, she'd seemed decent. But his time away from civilization had become precious to him, and now that he found himself spending more and more time here at the castle, living at the castle, one important part of that time away was his solitude. He liked being alone. He had grown up with trolls, and he had also spent much of the rest of his time on the ice in the company of other solitary men. He found people … loud … and unhelpful, if not outright dishonest … and much more difficult to deal with than reindeer. And Fitzwilliam, she wasn't particularly solitary or quiet. She was always sort of there, bigger than life, right in front of you where you couldn't ignore her, taking up a lot of space and a fair amount of the air in the room. Four days suddenly seemed like a long time."

"So Sven, it looks like a hunting trip in the next couple of days." Sven grunted in reply. Kristoff continuing, "Yes, it will be interesting." Sven stomped and made other reindeer noises. Kristoff replied, "No, I don't think I could have held out for more carrots in trade for taking her."

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The answer was Fitz was not an accomplished bow hunter, but she managed to find a very nice cavalry rifle in the armory. She was familiar with the weapon and knew it would make short work of either a stag or a wolf. She had been in the process of cleaning it and restocking the patch box when Kristoff found her.

"What's that?" he asked looking at the rifle.

"My weapon of choice," she said patting the stock fondly. She pulled it up and sighted down the barrel. It felt good in her hands. "So, what are we hunting? Stag, boar … wolf? I know you have a wolf problem here."

"Ummm, no. I was thinking more like a rabbit. Grouse. Maybe a duck?" Kristoff was staring at the rifle.

"A duck?" Fitz chuckled, "Stalking the wild duck? Bravely following it back to its lair?"

"Yeah, because it's just the three of us, and if we run into a pack of wolves …. we run."

"Just the three of us?" Fitz had already gathered it would not be a typical hunting party of her experience where the servants always greatly outnumbered the hunters. "You, me and … the Shooting Captain? Hound Master?"

"Sven!" Kristof answered indignantly. How could she forget Sven?

"Oh yes, Sven." Fitz looked over at the reindeer. She whispered to Kristoff only partially in jest, "You're not worried we might end up bagging a brother or a cousin of his or something?"

Sven gave Fitzwilliam a look that told Kristoff he'd better be sure to stay between Fitz and Sven when they were near any cliffs or crevices. Elsa had made it pretty clear she wanted her Fitz back.

"The answer is 'no,' because I don't hunt reindeer, which means," Kristoff plucked the rifle from her hands, "You're not going to either."

"Wait, what are you doing with my …"

"If you shoot a rabbit with this, there won't be enough of it left to skin."

Fitz frowned. It was annoying, but Kristoff was right.

"I'm pretty sure I saw a shotgun around here somewhere; we can load it with small shot. Less chance of missing, much less chance of ripping whatever you're shooting at into a million pieces."

"A shotgun ..." Fitz scowled. "That's hardly sporting."

"This is not about sporting," Kristoff said firmly. "It's about eating. It's about hunting to eat what you kill."

"Alright, alright," Fitz held up her hands in surrender, although she did think it was a little false of him to put it that way. It wasn't like they had to hunt to eat. They weren't marooned on an uncharted continent. They were in a castle. With kitchens. And cooks. Cooks who could make rather tasty sandwiches if they wanted to bring something with them … just in case.

Then she remembered her last exchange with the cook. A chef's knife waving under her nose as she was being summarily ejected from the kitchen. Suddenly Kristoff's plan acquired more merit. She decided it was better … safer really … to dine on rabbit … or duck …. or Kristoff's hat, if it came to that, then ask for anything from the kitchen right now. And she would bring libations, enough rum could make anything edible.

A/N: More to come, I promise.