Chapter 18: I'm A Mess, In A Dress, Can't Even Show Up On Time
I stutter in voice, I need to find a lie. I lie, "I wanted to see Prim. So I did." He nods and asks, "And why are you panting? Have you been running?" I nod nervously, "Yes, I mean I had to come home and make my husband dinner." He doesn't buy it, getting closer he asks, "Why is the bread warm?" I shakily respond, "Well because I did not want you eating cold bread." He nods and says, "Okay, fine." I breathe in relief that he bought the lie. He comes up to me and wraps his arms around me. I stay there stiffly. He sniffs me and I know he knows something is off.
He asks, "Why do you smell like bread a lot?" I register my brain for a lie. I answer calmly, "I was in the bakery. You wanted bread." He shakes his head and stares at me coldly, "No, you smell like it more than usual. You were with him right?" I shake my head, "No, you're wrong. I bought you bread. Why can't you understand?" He turns to me rapidly, and is face to face with me. I want to hide.
He whispers, "If you're lying to me and I find out, you will regret that Bread boy even existed." I swallow in fear. I nod and he backs off. He asks, "So when is dinner ready… Love?" I grit my teeth and say, "I'm going to start it now, Gale." He leaves and I hear the water running. I start to make stew with whatever I find. My mind wanders to Peeta, and he is like this with Madge. No, he would never be like this. He would be gentle, loving, helping, and would never want me to do anything hard. Instead of Gale, who has become… unusual. He has never acted this way. He wanted to marry me, and now that he has me, he doesn't understand that I am not in love with him.
Gale enters the room, cleaned and rid of the coal dust. He smiles at me and says, "Look at you." I ask, "What is there to look at?" He laughs, 'You look like a real housewife." I become furious, "Is that some kind of joke to you? Do you ever think I wanted to be your wife, Gale?" He looks at me angry, "Look if it weren't for me, you wouldn't be alive." I shake my head, "I didn't have to marry you. I could have hid in the woods." He laughs, "And what leave me and your family behind? You wouldn't stand more than a month without seeing your precious Bread boy." His words cut through because they are true. I respond, "He wouldn't approach me this way." He comes over to where I prepare the stew. He whispers in my ear, "How sad he's not here. Because he is with Madge, making love to her and not you." I lose my control.
I push Gale away and throw a cup near me to him. He dodges it and the glass breaks. I lunge at him, and he stops me placing me to a wall. And the fearsome side of me loses balance and I cry. I cry because its true, he would never be mine anymore with Madge being his wife now. I was robbed a life I could have fantasized, but we are only 16 year olds and we never had our real lifes.
Gale looks like he won. "That's right, Katniss. Accept reality." He lets go and I wipe my tears. He turns to the glass and says, "I'm going to pick that up and you're going to finish dinner." I nod and I finish dinner mechanically.
As we eat, Gale speaks about his day at the mines, but I am in another world. I dream of Peeta and I sitting in a meadow, with peace surrounding us at all time. Gale brings me back when he places his plate in the sink and says, "Thank you, Katniss. Not only for the food, but for you putting up with me." I am taken by this statement he says. He comes forward to me and gets down on one knee next to my chair. He takes my hand in his and says, "Look Kat, I know I haven't been what you want me to be, but there are some rules we need to follow now that we are husband and wife. We need to be faithful to each other, and act like we are a team. Is that okay with you?" I nod and he says, "Okay. I'm sorry." I take in his apology, but how longer are we going to play this game? He knows I do not love him. But nothing in this life is free. I answer politely, "I forgive you, Gale." He smiles and says, "Why don't we go to bed, lovely wife?" I take his hand solemly, and expect to know what is next. I give my body to Gale for the night in order to carry an innocent child who will enter a world of pain and sacrifice.
….
After Gale falls asleep, I lie awake of what I have done, and cry. Cry because of my misery living with him, and having a child with him, not Peeta. While Peeta sleeps next to Madge, I am here sleeping next to Gale. I take a deep breath which causes my sobs to increase. I don't think I will be able to see Peeta after what I have done. He doesn't deserve me after what I have done to him. But nobody said love was ever easy.
So this was Chapter 18. Sad chapter for Katniss. Many of you want her to be with Peeta but the thing is not only Katniss is suffering, but Gale is also. What? Yes, stay tuned to the next chapter. And the next, there is a plot twist. Thank you for reviews, follows and favorites. "According to you, I'm stupid, I'm useless, I can't do anything right." -According To You by Orianthi