I own nothing.

The strongest, richest, and most ridiculous Harry Potter Ever

This fic is an attempt to create the most ridiculous and absurd harry potter fanfic in existence.

Harry woke up in his bedroom because that is how most fan fiction began when they take place after the fifth year. It has been two days since Sirius died. And it caused him to change from a guy who followed Dumbledore blindly to an independent person literally overnight. Even though it is scientifically and physiologically impossible to change that much that fast if this story is to take place, that had to happen.

"That is it. From now on, I wouldn't listen to dumbledore. It has taken eleven years of abuse from the Dursleys, five years of near-death experience, and now with sirius dead, this is the only logical decision. If only I made this decision when the man didn't give me any training to combat anyone! And I will not use a capital letter to begin his name. " said Harry out loud.

Harry got out of bed and waited. The letter from the goblins usually arrives around this time in this kind of fanfic. And it wants to know why he hasn't been replying to their mail for five years despite not simply apparating to his house to check after he didn't reply for five years!

Right on cue, the letter arrived, because if it didn't the author would have to write a bunch of useless filler conversations everyone has read.

It read,

Dear Mr. potter (yeah, I will not use a capital letter to begin your name until you grow a spine, order's from Ragnarok)

I have explained this in countless fanfic, as it appears I am the only goblin around here, other than Ragnarök. You need to show up for your will reading and destroy dumbledore. He is the one who had sirius killed, stole your money and has been paying the weaslys to pretend to be your friends, which is good because you only made what, only two friends? And that too with people who couldn't find any friends of their own. Hermione is in on this too. Her blind loyalty towards the authority figures resulted in her regarding dumbledore as a composite of Ra and Zeus with a bit of Athena thrown in. And of course, ginny just wants you for your fame and money.

If all the fan fiction on this site doesn't answer your questions, contact me via this port key. It will activate in an hour. Do I need to tell you what the portkey is? It is this letter as it is in every other fanfic.

P.S. Wondering why we are not treating you with respect like we do in other fanfic? It is a Plot Point. It will be relevant later. And not going to use a capital letter for sirius's name either, what kind of person talks while fighting in a contemporary setting? Hasn't he read, speech is not a free action on tvtroopes? That only works for the characters in Anime, NOT in a contemporary setting with everyman characters.

Signed

The only goblin in Gringotts

The guy who betrayed you in book 7

Griphook

Harry read this without being surprised much. He had been reading fan fiction for the past two days after all and thus knew about this.

Getting ready to wear his rags for the last time, since he knew after getting his inheritances, he usually goes on a wild shopping spree and buys a new trunk, he posted on wizard facebook, "Can't wait to fire Snape!"

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As he stepped up the stone steps, which he knew he will end up owning very soon from all the fan fiction, he saw dumbledore being escorted to the VIP room.

A random goblin greeted him because he still hadn't come into his inheritance and thus can be treated like a commoner. Despite the fact, that he will own a hundred percent share of this place very soon and can fire all of them, a lack of common sense is to be expected from a bank that can't keep out three kids from breaking into a so called "top security" vault.

"griphook is waiting for you." he said, not using a capital letter for his name.

"What an insult. Does he hate him or want his job?" Harry thought as the goblin guided him towards another high-security room guarded by goblins with swords and spears because they work really well against area effect curses.

Harry saw griphook seated at a desk along with Gringotts director, Ragnarök, who held the position for a long time in countless fanfics.

"Well, Mr potter, have a seat. That's right, on top of that box. I still don't respect you, even though you will own Gringotts and may fire me." ordered Ragnarok.

Harry took the seat without questions and looked at the mountain of paperwork beside Ragnarok. It was literally a mountain the size of the Himalayas. How did it fit in a room? Magic!

"Well mr potter, (after seeing harry take his order without questions, he decided to stop using capital letters on Mr. too.) As you may have guessed, from the title of this fic, we are here to talk about your inheritance. Let's start with the numbers of inheritances, shall we? Even if you don't agree, I will still start with the number. We can discuss your powers later." Ragnarok began in a raspy goblin voice.

Harry only nodded, wondering just how many inheritances he had. If the fanfics are any indication, it should at least be all the family mentioned in the cannon and then a few more.

"Well, you are the sole heir to the property of every single famous wizard and witch in history. They include but are not limited to Merlin, his three students from that movie the sorcerer's apprentice, Balthazar, Morgana, and Nicolas Cage, king Arthur, Nicholas Flamel, Baba Yaga, the four founders, the Peverell, and a few thousand others the author can't remember because their names weren't mentioned in canon. Do you have any questions?" Griphook finished

"Yeah, only one. How can I be all that? I read the fanfic. It is usually just a dozen." Harry said

"See why I don't use capital letter for your name? Ragnarok angrily asked. "This is a parody fanfic. Of Course the author will exaggerate. And you think this is a lot? This is just your wizard inheritance; we still haven't gotten to goblin, elf, merpeople, dementor, phoenix, unicorn, dragon, and every species in "fantastic beasts and where to find them. And of course, there is your plant inheritance; you are the offspring of every plant in "one thousand magical herbs and fungi". Note that these are only species from the canon. We will get to noncanon inheritance later on, but they include anything on your Category."

"What do you mean by my category?" asked Harry, still trying to come to terms with all the inheritances, especially being the offspring of fungus.

"For the most part, series with everyman characters such as yourself. Percy Jackson and the Animorph series come to mind, as does Lorien legacy. But characters that are not consistent with this setting, such as Dragon Ball Z are out. Can you imagine Vegeta following the minister of magic? He will blow the hell out of them if they tried anything remotely similar to what they did to you with the blood quill. The mere notion of the DBZ cast going to Hogwarts doesn't go well. The setting doesn't match. Ichigo would have blasted into Malfoy manor if death eaters killed his friends. Know the setting. Anything not compatible is out. The crossover just doesn't work. That is also the reason this author will not parody that kind of fanfic, IT. JUST. DOESN'T. WORK." Ragnarok finished his lecture, punctuating the last sentence for emphasis, as per TV tropes.

"I see" was all harry could say, even though his dumb brain did not.

"Now, that was the inheritance on your father's side or the magical side. Let's begin on your mother's side, shall we?" Without waiting for harry's answer, he continued, "Here is the easy way to do it. Think of any family name that has gone extinct since the beginning of time. Note, I said time, not civilization. Time. Anything you can think of, its sole heir is you."

"Ok," said harry. Not knowing what else to say. Thus proving Ragnarok is right that he is an idiot, at least that's what the goblin thought.

"Now, let's go over your money and properties, shall we?" asked Ragnarok. Without waiting for an answer, because harry just proved he can't answer anything, he began.

"You have googolplex galleons in each of your vault, which is a few thousand googolplexes. But since you also own Gringotts, you can make money, thus your net worth is literally infinite. And also because this author wants to make this as ridiculous as possible, you can make any amount of money, from zero to infinity, within plank time. Are there any questions?"

"Yes. How can I have a googolplex dollar? 1 Googolplex is more atoms than the entire universe! Not just planet earth, but the entire universe!" Exclaimed harry

"Ah yes, about that. First, it is a few million googolplexes. I know I said a few hundred minutes ago, but plot holes are to be expected. And the reason it is like this is that this author read a fanfic where harry had more money than in existence on the planet, a hundred trillion. He just wants to make sure he topped that and no one can stop him. To ensure that, any number anyone says, even if it is infinity, you have infinity more." explained Ragnarok.

"As for the properties, any business in the muggle world is yours, including but not limited to Honest-John's Dealership, Microsoft, Google, apple, nokia, any oil business, Rolls-Royce, Mercedes, etc. You own a hundred percent share. And you own every mansion, estate, and island on planet earth." Griphook explained.

"I see. This parody is just in chapter one, and things are already this ridiculous. I wonder where this will end when it is over. " Harry thought out loud.

"Well, it will end with you gaining every power in the superpower wiki, including omnipotence omniscience and omnipresence." Ragnarok said, spoiling the ending without a spoiler tag.

And now, to mirror the fanfics this one parody's, this chapter will end abruptly and won't be updated for a while.

Author's note: Stay tuned for the chapter next week. I will try to keep updates consistent when my internet is fully functional. Also, let me know about any grammatical or punctuation mistakes. Reviews are appreciated.

Author's Note 2: The Various characters that appear in the different chapters are NOT the same characters. They are alternate timeline counterparts. They may share the same experiences from the other chapters in some cases but are ultimately unique.

This is to ensure I am not limited by continuity constraints and can write a chapter as the idea hits me without having to work it into an existing plotline, and to ensure crossovers between various characters from different chapters can take place.