"Now the chapter that covers the powers that comes with your inheritances!" Ragnarok grandly declared, starting the chapter to loud applause from the live audiences.

"Since all the fic usually have you put a drop of your blood on a parchment and a list of your skills comes out, even though skill means developing it through training, we will do the same."

Lord Powers and Master Lock, Co-Chief of Ridiculous Potter Abilities department, London branch, Gringotts, created to deal with so many abilities locked in various fic, began, suddenly appearing out of nowhere. They speak the same thing, at the same time, and are known as Power Locked when together.

"But to add a little fun, we will do it the parody way." Ragnarok stated.

"What do I have to do?" asked harry fearfully. Knowing the author, he knew it will be something really ridiculous.

"Why, remember what that medi-wizard portrait that suggested to Ron in ST mungo when he thought he had Spattergroit?" Power Locked asked.

"No. It has been a while since the book came out." Harry mumbled.

"Let me refresh your memory, then. You will stand in a barrel full of eel's eyes at midnight during the full moon with the liver of a toad tied around your neck, and parchment will come out listing your abilities." Griphook Revealed, roaring with laughter.

"What?" asked harry, horrified. Then he brightened.

"But the full moon has already passed. And I have a bone to pick with Dumbledore and Snape, who will show up in the next chapters. Which means I need powers, which means you need another way for me to get a list of my powers."

Shaking his head at hary's genre blindness and omitting an r on his first name out of spite, Griphook explained,

"This is a parody. For the last time, this is a parody of fan fiction. Did you expect logic here?"

Power LOCK led harry to a barrel full of eel eyes, toad, and tadpole, which magically appeared. He then tied the liver of a toad around his throat, just as the full moon appeared, not because of the application of magic but due to the failure of logic.

As harry potter lay coughing up tadpole and toad like ron threw up slugs in book 2 while remembering Umbridge, a parchment came out describing his abilities in excruciating detail.

"Hmm, I see. I see. Everything appears to be in order. You are supremely awesome, even though you are supposed to be a plain old kid and an everyman in an extraordinary setting." Power Locked remarked.

"This mysterious ability can turn you into an actual, real, highly competent political leader overnight, as well as allow the growth of a spine." Ragnarok remarked.

"You can also win the undying loyalty of people you had limited interactions with." Read off Griphook.

"An extreme plot shield, though that will be nullified in this fic, since it is a parody." Ragnarok stated.

"The natural mega super genius and ultimate and absolutely supreme grand master who ever existed at everything, until the next fanfic at least." Power Locked read further.

"The ability to draw thousands of pictures of various self-insert girlfriends better than Picasso and Leonardo the Vinci is also included, as is the power to make songs better than Michael Jackson about her." an unsurprised Griphook stated.

"On the magic side of things, you have everything." Power Locked informed a Recovering Harry.

"What do you mean everything?" Harry asked

"Well, you can create and master spells that the founders hadn't managed in the last few thousand years on the fly." A nonchalant Power locked answered.

"You can also manipulate the elements: fire, air, water, earth, fungus, and cheese." Griphook continued reading off the parchment.

"Hang on; no one has that as an innate ability in canon,"." Harry protested.

"A million animagus and patronus form and you are also a metamorphmagus." Ignoring Harry, Griphook continued.

"That is not canon either. Animagus and patronus take shape from the user's personality." Harry continued.

"I think this is a reference to how many versions of you there are in fan fiction. Split Personality tends to develop from all that." Power Locked explained.

"About you animagus form, you can actually become more than one million animals. You have nonexistent variation too." Griphook stated.

"What are Non-existent variations?" Harry asked, dimly seeing where this conversation was heading.

"Well, here is how it works. Name any animal, and then add the word Dark or Shadow in front of it. For example, you have Dark wolf, Shadow lion, Dark Hawk etc."

"There is no such thing as a Shadow Lion or Dark wolf." Harry replied.

"Does anyone care? It sounds edgy, so it's good." Griphook dismissed it with that.

Power locked decided to start another plot point.

"Let's discuss your intelligence, shall we? Even though you displayed some good deduction in canon but made some monumental blunders, now you are the smartest person who ever lived, will live, or exists in any fiction."

Griphook started to say, "Your IQ is 100 Googolplex to the power of one million googolplex and"

But Harry interrupted him.

"You can't measure IQ that high. There are not enough people that smart to sample a test like that. It already gets useless past 170. Also, when did I take an IQ test?" He cried.

"Point is", Ragnarok said in a bored voice, " it is a good way to drive home how smart you are."

"And you are definitely smarter than Hermione; you just never applied yourself because Dumbledore messed with your mind." Ragnarok added.

"You see" Griphook continued, "She was holding you back. You were a mega genius all along. But she insisted you copy her homework to keep you dumb and never realize your full potential, on Dumbledore's order, of course."

"I have not made monumental blunders." Harry, still coughing, suddenly exclaimed.

"Well, alright I have made a few mistakes, the train incident in book 2, not simply knocking out Pete Pettigrew in book 3, and getting Sirius killed….. Oh, I see what you mean. Where have all these powers been all this time, anyway?"

"The reason you can't use any of these powers is because of the plot point where 99.9999999999999999999999999% of your powers are locked by Dumbledore", Ragnarok informed him.

"So now we need to unlock your super mega ultra awesome powers. Dumbledore is going to show up in the next chapters, and you need to be prepared." Power Locked Declared.

"You no longer have an actual plot shield, so the fact you defeated the darkest wizard in existence with your mediocre abilities will not fly anymore." warned Griphook to a still coughing Harry.

"Speaking of Dumbledore, It is funny how under main characters, this author put Dumbledore and Harry, but Dumbledore only had a one-second cameo in the first chapter and hasn't appeared at all since then. Why did this author mark him down as the main character and not have Dumbledore appear at all?" Harry asked, frowning slightly.

"Wizards!" exclaimed Griphook derisively, "haven't you seen the category of this fic? It is a parody. The author is parodying the other fics where the main character is absent and the self insert OC takes the center stage, usually for a long time."

"I see." Harry mumbled. Laying flat on his back, hoping the author will write the next chapter soon, so he can stop the coughing and take the Diagon Alley trip, he fainted, ending the chapter as the screen faded to black.

Authors note: Well, here it is. Reviews are welcome, as are any suggestions. Requests for parodying other fanfic clichés of harry potter, ideas, or anything else are good too.