A/N: So this is a bit of a departure from my standard fare. It's what happens when you decide to write the moments alluded to in your story to amuse your friend. But it got out of hand ... and now I have to share. It's entirely dialogue, which ended up being harder than I thought it would be. The time frame jumps all over the time in which "Happily Ever After" is set ... with one foray into the future. Oh, and all of these snippets take place in Elsa's bedroom ... hence the name ...
Pillow talk
"... build a snowman? ...Ack! ... Oh my ... sorry ... sorry, sorry, sorry ... really, really sorry."
"OUT!"
Slam!
"It's alright. Are you alright? Come here. Breathe. Breathe. Please breathe."
"I can't … believe. She just ... didn't even ... didn't ..."
"Breathe. Don't talk, just breathe. Your heart is racing. Are you going to have a heart attack? Please tell me you're not going to have a heart attack."
"Of course it's racing …. she just walked in …. like that ….. walked in …. Why the hell would your sister just walk in?"
"She's used to walking in …. we slept together … well not slept, slept, but you know … and I guess she didn't notice ….and we didn't lock the door."
"How could she not notice? Honey, I know you're quiet, but you're not that quiet."
"Anna can be oblivious sometimes … and what do you mean – by that?"
"Nothing. I mean not anything bad … oh … oh bloody hell! We are definitely locking the door … every night."
"I don't think she'll do it again."
"She'd bloody well not. And what the hell? 'Do you want to build a bloody snowman?!' Did it look like I wanted to build a snowman? NO! I was bloody busy. And a snowman?"
"It's a thing, from when we were kids."
"A snowman? In the middle of the bloody night? This is why she invades people's bedrooms?!"
"It makes sense … if you'd been there it would make sense. Although the charm has worn off a bit after the fiftieth time or so."
"Now you're not making any sense."
"Don't worry … really, it will be OK. Just calm down."
"Yes, it will be OK. I'm going to be OK. Anna might not be OK when I see her again, but I will be. I'm … I'm calm. See. I'm calm. Heart rate down. Calm. Calm. Breathing. Utterly calm. Utterly. Calm. ... And you know, maybe there's a bright side."
"What bright side?"
"Maybe Anna picked up some pointers, a kind of a reference point; you know in case she was curious."
"Oh God!"
"It's alright, Elsa. You'll be alright. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe ..."
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"So after that I said, 'really I don't think it matters how many trees we cut down, the soil just isn't good enough to …. Are you listening to me?"
"No, not really."
"Very well – at least it seems I can count on your honesty if not your attention. So what did you do today?"
"I told you, shopping."
"Why don't I believe you?"
"It's true, and what happened to 'I can count on your honesty.' And wait … wait ... yes, there was something else. I just remembered it."
"And … this is?"
"Olaf's been playing with children from the town."
"Yes, he usually does. I think the staff generally encourage it."
"Yes. Well … well he's telling them that you can make babies with your hands."
"What!?"
"I guess he means himself and Marshmallow. But, well, I was a little concerned about the more suggestive implications. When these children go home to their parents and say that the Queen ..."
"The book. He's going to read the book."
"Honey, I think you're putting a lot of faith in the mythic powers of this book of yours."
"No. It will work. It will explain … a lot of things. About babies anyway. I can have the 'how snowmen are built' discussion."
"Have you looked at this book recently?"
"No. But I'm pretty sure I know where it is."
"Hmmmmm. Just remember I warned you."
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"He read the book, didn't he."
"Well, I gave it to him. It has quite a few pictures."
"Right so, then. Yes."
"Problem?"
"Depends on how you feel about his coming up to me this afternoon and feeling around my .. my ... well, I think he was looking for something."
"Oh … god."
"I told you this wasn't going to work."
"Was … was anyone around?"
"I think eventually Gerda will be able to scrub that image from her mind."
"Oh god."
"And your sister."
"Oh …... god."
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"Hmmm, this is a surprise. A fire. I thought, you know ... the cold didn't bother you.
"Something like that."
"Elsa, it's September. And even if it weren't ... you don't usually build fires. You have people for that. So why are you ..."
"It's nothing."
"Nothing? Really? Wait, what is that?"
"Nothing."
"Uh .. here ... let me see ... Is that? Oh my god it is ... a book ... that book ... the book. Elsa, you can't blame a poor defenseless book because you don't have the nerve to tell Olaf the difference between babies and snowmen, men and women, and private and not private."
"I can blame whomever I want. Just be thankful it's the book."
"You know you'll still have to explain some of this to him. Fill in the gaps a bit ... it seems like there are a lot of gaps."
"No, I don't. I thought about this. Now that Anna's getting married, she can explain it to him ... in a year or so ... or Kristoff."
"I can't believe you can't discuss sex with a snowman."
"If you think it's so easy why don't you do it."
"I will."
"OK, go ahead."
"I will, but you won't like it."
"What do you mean, I won't like it?"
"What do you think I mean?"
"What are you planning?"
"Oh, nothing."
"Nothing?"
"Hmmmmm..."
"You're not going to do it, are you? See it's not as easy as all that ..."
"May I borrow those little dolls you have ... of you and Anna? With the little crowns on?"
"Absolutely NOT!"
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One year later
"Elsa?"
"Anna?"
"Yes, ummmm ... may I come in?"
"Of course, but shouldn't you be in bed? It's a big day tomorrow. You want to be well rested."
"Yes, ummmm ... about that."
"What Anna, what's wrong?"
"It's ... well, I'm a little embarrassed ..."
"You don't have to be embarrassed around me. I'm your sister."
"OK. Sooooo ..."
"So?"
"You know how tomorrow I'm getting married?"
"Yes, Anna, I am quite aware that tomorrow you are getting married."
"Yeah … well, I'm nervous."
"Anna, it's perfectly normal to be nervous, but it will be fine. The rehearsal went wonderfully, and I had your dress taken up a little bit so that there would be no tripping. The food is planned and mostly ready, and I have to say the cooks have outdone themselves. There is chocolate in forms I didn't even know existed. Fitz swore that she wouldn't take Kristoff out drinking again, and he seems to be mostly recovered from last week. And Kai and I have gone over the guest list three times, and no one from the Southern Isles was even invited. Everything will be fine."
"But … but that's not what I'm nervous about."
"Oh? What is it then?"
"Elsa … I'm … I'm … I'm nervous about my wedding night."
"Oh."
"You told me that you know … since I was your heir, and you weren't going to marry, that I was sort of …. in charge … of producing heirs. And you know that's great, and I'm happy … and proud … and I understand about you … and Kristoff seems really excited about it … and well, you know, about that part in particular … but I don't know what to do … how you do … that thing … it … and I … I don't want to get it wrong."
"Ah ..."
"I mean, I know it's probably not fair coming to you … you're my sister … but you are my older sister. And … I didn't know who else to ask. Mama said that when this day came, and you know, I had questions, that there was this book in the library I should read. Well, I think she wanted me to read it then, but it seemed kinda … boring, you know. And not really important at the time. So I didn't. But I went to look for it the other day … and Elsa … it's not there."
"Oh … well … about that ..."
"So, really I don't have anyone to go to except you … unless you know where the book is? Mama said you read it."
"I did."
"Do you know where it is? Fitz thought you knew."
"Did she? Really?"
"Soooo? Do you?"
"Anna … I'm afraid that book was destroyed. Sadly. Destroyed. By an unexpected fire."
"Oh … I see."
"Yes."
"But you read it, you said so. So you can tell me what it said. You can … you know … describe what we'll, uh, Kristoff and I, will be doing. You can describe it to me, so I won't be surprised. So I'll know what to do. Right? I know you'll do a great job. You were so wonderful at reading stories when I was little. You could describe anything. You're a great describer. And you don't even have to do voices if you don't want to."
"Oh Anna, I'm not sure I can ..."
"Please … please Elsa. You remember don't you? And you know what's in there …in the book ... what to do … I mean you and Fitz …."
"It was a long time ago, Anna … and Fitz isn't a … it's different."
"Now you're treating me like Olaf. But I really need your help, Elsa. Really."
"OK, OK … just give me a minute."
"Thank you. Thank you, you're the best sister ever."
"You're …. you're welcome."
...
...
...
"Uh … uh Elsa?"
"Yes, yes right. You're waiting... So. A man has. No, we can get to that later, let's start... Well, a woman has, you know …. Anna, why are you laughing? I can't do this if you're laughing."
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry guys, I... I just can't keep from … oh god … it's too funny! The look on her face! It's too funny!"
"What? Why are you sorry? Who are these 'guys?' Wait I hear laughing ... who is that laughing? If it's not you then …."
"Run! She's on to us! Run!"
"Run? What? Who? Oh … Oh!" door slams open "Oh, come back here! You come back here! All of you! Come back here right now! Come back here, so I can kill you. Kill you all! I'm going to kill all of you. All three of you! Frozen. Frozen ice statues in the garden. Try laughing when you're frozen! YOU CAN'T WALK DOWN THE AISLE IF YOU'RE FROZEN! And if ANY of you think ANY one of you is sleeping ANYWHERE near me EVER AGAIN you're MISTAKEN! Frozen AND sleeping in the stable!"
"Ma'am …. is there a problem?"
"GAAAAH! No, Gerda, everything is fine. Just fine. Just. Fine. Thank you."