We Could Have Changed the World

:(. Sorry. Life got in the way. Trigger warnings people. There are some things in this chapter much like last chapter so read at your own risk. Just remember that this story is rated M. Here goes nothing.

Deidara smiled mischievously at the young teen before him. "You're such an idiot."

Itachi stuffed the pizza within his mouth. "You're an idiot with me."

The 16 year old blond laughed slightly. "Uncle Fugaku said no junk food after midnight. And on top of that, we have school tomorrow."

Itachi looked toward his best friend, his eyes shining, knowing the blond well enough. Deidara was a silent child, always cautiously observing the world before he jumped in and got hurt. Always jumping at the slightest touches; at shoulder pats as if something terrible had happened to him. Always distantly smiling and wondering why people were so nice. He was forced into being an introvert by the terrible things that occurred in the past.

And yet, if there was one person that could bring out some sort of psychotic animal within the blond, it was Itachi Uchiha, his best friend.

Deidara's lips pierced at the pale smirk he was given. "Fine, if you're so scared, go keep watch."

There was a slight silence that echoed over the entirety of the room; over the pizza, over the messed up sheets, over the static of the movie neither payed attention to.

Itachi smiled as Deidara grabbed a slice of food with a determined look. "I'm not scared, un."

Itachi gave a victory laughed. Just as he bit into the food, the door opened and the blond yelped, dropping the pizza. "We were just going to bed, uncle Fug- Sasuke?"

The ten year old stood by the door timidly, slightly waving. Deidara's face was still rosy, the tint making Itachi laugh rather loudly.

"What are you doing up, otouto?"

Sasuke stood on the tip of his toes as if trying to look over something. "I wanted to come watch the movie with you two."

Itachi smiled softly. "Come on then-"

"You're not getting Sasuke-kun in trouble too." Deidara grimaced.

Itachi fell back onto the bed with a loud laugh. "Fine. Let Sasuke have a slice then."

Sasuke ran over quickly, grabbing the piece and munching on it happily. When he was finished, the ten year old grabbed for another.

"Deidara! Itachi! You two better be asleep!"

Obito's voice made Sasuke giggle and run out the room and the two teens freeze.

Deidara looked toward his friend in horror, who in turn pushed the empty pizza box off the bed and ducked beneath the covers, Deidara following suit.

They laughed quietly beneath the covers, attempting to be silent before Fugaku came in. "You're so stupid." Deidara laughed. He stuck his tongue out. "I'm telling your boyfriend."

Itachi smiled in the dark. "I don't care. You're an idiot with me."

Deidara's exhilaration weared as his eyes fluttered continuously. He didn't know this feeling in his stomach because never in his life had he received it. As Itachi hugged him close, the teen laughed sleepily.

Itachi did too. "Goodnight...love you."

"Love you too."

It wasn't the love Itachi had for Kisame and Deidara knew he loved his friend the way Sasuke did. It wasn't a romantic love, but more of a close one. The love one held for someone they deeply cared for.

And it was so strong, this protective love that radiated off of Itachi, that it made Deidara's silky blue eyes well with tears. Frustration and happiness of actually having loved.

"Don't…" Itachi trailed sleepily. Once before, his hugs made the blond flinch, scared of a past that followed him. After some time, they made him tense up, cautious of what the pale boy would do. Now, they made him cry, a wakeup that only a year prior, hugs to Deidara were sexual and purely lustful.

And what Deidara failed to notice was Itachi breaking him away and away from his shell. And Itachi hoped that his hugs would soon bring a soft smile to the teen's face.

"Sorry." Deidara muttered. Sorry for being hurt and mistreated for so long he'd forgotten fairytales.

"Not your fault." Came the near silent reply.

Deidara smiled softly. He would never tell his brother how much he deeply cared for him. How much he loved him. Even his love was too much for him, he felt paralyzed, he wanted to sleep inside Itachi's lungs and breathe his blood and be smothered.

Naruto stared at the blank face of the man before him. "What are your thoughts, Deidara-san?"

In response, as it had been for the past month, Deidara merely looked toward the other blond. "Nothing."

"Are implying that there is nothing in your head? That you have stopped thinking?"

Deidara looked toward the genius. Then his striking eyes skimmed the clock. Only an hour into this session and Naruto grew closer and closer to breaking his walls down. "Un, I guess."

Naruto's grin was crooked, almost like a smirk as a single side opened and displayed his fanged tooth in the front. It was cute grin. "That is openly impossible, Deidara-san. the modern human brain is only 2 percent of our body weight, but it uses 20 percent of our resting energy.

Constant thinking is what propelled us from being a favorite food on the savanna—and a species that nearly went extinct—to becoming the most accomplished life-form on this planet. Even in the modern world, our mind always churns to find hazards and opportunities in the data we derive from our surroundings."

In spite of himself, Deidara's cheek quirked slightly. "Alright, smartass."

Naruto laughed brightly. "It seems you've grown exceptionally sweet and tender, Deidara-san."

The patient only laughed in return. "You ask me a lot of questions. Things I don't like talking about."

"I am required to do so."

"...If you weren't required, would you?"

"I would still pry. You are very much a broken soul. But, I promise I will mend your wounds. I promised. And I will not go back on my word."

"You've said, un." The 25 year old mumbled, embarrassed.

"Don't worry." Naruto reassured. "Your files are extremely confidential. I won't tell Itach-"

"I'm not worried about Itachi." Came the harsh interruption. It came out as a harsh slap. But Naruto's own eyes watered. Because he knew the pain behind the wall.

Although rash, Deidara's pain was invisible, subjective and open dispute unless it was someone's own pain. His aches were worse, always taken to be less then they were and hardly ever thought of without the possibility of the sufferer magnifying his troubles. Sometimes Naruto thought the reaction someone had to Deidara's pain told more about that person than they liked.

"I Believe...that is the trigger, Deidara. I think knowing what happened between you and Itachi will help me understand what hurts you the most."

Deidara turned away. "He doesn't hurt me. I don't care."

They remained in the aura of silence for a while until Deidara hid his face within his hands. His sobs, so heavy with sorrow and discomfort made the genius close his notebook.

"Where do I start?"

Naruto smiled sadly. "Wherever you want, I suppose."

Deidara laughed as Itachi tickled his side. "Stop! Haha!"

Itachi sighed, exasperated. "Come join with me.

"Join with you?" The 15 year old asked in confusion.

"The soccer team. Join the soccer team with me and Kisame."

"Why do I have to?"

"Because." Itachi sang. "I'm not leaving you behind."

"This is where the turmoil started?" Naruto questioned, writing. "Was it soccer that closed you out."

"No. Just the people. I was on a team. Me, Itachi, Kisame, Kakuzu, Hidan, Pein, and a few others not worth mentioning."

"How long were you on the team?"

"Until I dropped out of high school senior year."

A silence ensued as Deidara shook memories from his head and lied upon the couch.

"It was good while it lasted. All the way until I turned 17." He covered his face. "And in that gym…."

Naruto covered his own face, attempting to show that Deidara was the broken soul and not him. "Who was it?" Because Kami forbid if it were Itachi who did it.

"...Kakuzu.." Deidara turned in the seat, away from Naruto and the world. So that he could tell this story to no one.

"You don't understand how it felt. To feel cherished and then to realize it was a lie. Just to get closer to the prey. I lost my life that night."

He did not stop in his sobbing. He wanted to heat up the truth...make it so hot that Naruto felt what he did in those moments.

"I can never smell cigarettes without recalling my rape. The odour takes me back to my own insides burning, ripping, bleeding. They take me back to lying half naked, shaking in the back-room of that youth centre. With every recollection I feel less of a man, less desire to see another day. I want to die, Naruto."

His sobs hurt Naruto's eyes and the genius stopped writing.

"You don't know how it feels to have the world watching you because you have a pretty face. But they think you're perfect. I'm not. I'm not perfect. I'm covered in cuts and unhealed bruises. Semen from the past. Five bullets wounds in my face from my mother's body. I have my father's deranged personality. I'm not worth anything on this earth."

Deidara watched Itachi climb into Kisame's car. "Are you sure you don't want us to help clean up?" The raven asked.

The soccer team had finished volunteering with the younger kids' field day, where they played games and ate. The gym within the youth centre needed to be cleaned and Deidara volunteered so that Itachi could sleep.

"I'm fine." He stated as Kisame started his engine. "Now go before I change my mind."

Itachi laughed and blew a kiss. "Love you."

"Love you too."

He watched until the car was completely out of sight before returning to the gym of the youth centre, the moon giving it's only glow in the dark placed.

Deidara bent, grabbing hold of the broom before he even thought about mopping.

He didn't hear the feet shuffling behind him. Strong hands pushed him into the wall in front of him. It stung, and sent swells of pain through his body. A chin rested on his shoulder, whoever it was breathing into his ear.

"Please don't.-"

"Shh. I'm not going to hurt you, baby."

Deidara tensed as he heard the voice of his friend. Of his teammate Kakuzu. He should have known. The itchy skin. The smell of cigarettes.

Itachi's name nearly left his mouth, when lips clamped down on his ears. They were light at first, and then the person bit down harder. The blond squirmed against the wall. The teeth turned to a tongue. It slid over the rim of his ear and caused him to cry out a bit. Two hands slid down his sides and landed on his waist, just above the hem of his jeans.

He didn't know what to do. He hoped that this was a cruel joke, a dream. The lips moved down to his neck and nipped at the tender skin. Deidara knew this would be bad. His skin bruised so easily, he knew it would make a mark. It seemed like his captor did too. They began to suck at the skin furiously, never stopping when Deidara let out a noise of panic.

Deidara did not move when Naruto came to hug him. He did not stop crying.

"I'm so sorry. Itachi left me. He never asked what was wrong. But he knew, Naruto. I swear he knew. Together we were supposed to understood what terror was: I'm not human anymore. I'm a shadow. I slip out of my own skin, like molting, shedding my own history and my own future, leaving behind everything I ever was or wanted to believed in. I know I'm about to die. And it's not a movie and I'm not a hero and all I can do is whimper and wait."

"There's nothing to be sorry about, Deidara."

"Please make it stop."

"Tell me. What do you want me to stop?"

Deidara shuddered, shaking as Naruto squeezed tighter. "I'm sorry."

"Have you seen Kakuzu around?" Itachi asked, voice thick due to the toothpaste in his mouth.

Deidara tensed upon the bed, happy that the teen stood in the bathroom. "No." His voice barely above a whisper.

"It's crazy. He was here a week ago. Sensei said he dropped from the soccer team and moved."

Deidara looked up sharply as Itachi walked in and jumped upon the bed. "Why are you so jumpy so lately?"

"Can I tell you something? Please, Itachi, it's eating me."

The Uchiha sat upright, protective and alert now. "What?"

"Last week when I was cleaning the youth cent-"

The sound of Itachi's phone made Deidara jump, his eyes scanning. When seeing Kisame's name pop up, he faked a smile. "Go ahead. It's nothing."

Eagerly, Itachi answered his boyfriend and ran from the room.

Deidara wiped his face, trying to be strong when he knew everything would fall apart. He wasn't dead then, but he knew how it felt to be. But when he was, it was like being inside a book that no one read. An old one. It was up on a library shelf, so he was safe and everything, but the book hadn't been checked out for a long, long time. All he could do was wait. Just hope Itachi would soon pick it up and start reading.

But he never did. He never even asked about it. Even though Itachi Uchiha swore he'd always listen and love never mattered so much, he forgot. And Deidara grew colder and colder.

He became colder and distant to protect himself.

After the session and getting Deidara to calm down, Naruto offered to bring Deidara to his home. And maybe deep down, the genius himself believed suicide watch would never end.

Deidara's soul had been broken so badly that it hurt everyone it touched. The glass would ever leave Naruto's foot and it stung each time he thought of helping Deidara. The man was beyond such a thg until he dug even deeper.

He looked over to his patient i the passenger seat, nearly asleep after his fit. "Are you alright, Deidara?"

"I'm just tired, un." The man whispered, cuddling himself tighter.

"I….I understand." Naruto smiled sadly. "Don't worry. My home is very welcome and you don't have to stay in yours. In fact, since our life spans are so short, you can stay anywhere you'd like As long as I can observe you."

Deidara simply hummed and his eyes widened to alert as they pulled into Naruto's driveway. On the porch sat Itachi, waiting happily for his best friend.

"I don't want to go out there yet." he whispered in pain

Naruto sighed. "You cannot avoid hi-"

"I'm not scared of him. He left me, un. He left me, Naruto."

"Please…" Naruto stated aloud. "This is the first step in this new journey. You don't even have to say anything to him. Just go in the house, alright?"

"Okay" came the fearful whisper.

Itachi not seeing his former friend yet, waved very drastically. Naruto never had the time to smile as he turned to Deidara. Tears filled the broken man's eyes as he hid his face, hid his smile. "It hurts you know? He still makes me smile even though I feel so betrayed."

Abruptly, the man opened the door and Naruto did as well. Itachi smiled brightly at Deidara. "Hello. Hi. How are you?"

Deidara stared, neither happy nor angry. Eventually, his eyes averted done and his hand clenched the bag strap over hi shoulder. "I'm fine." He lied.

Naruto smiled softly. "Go ahead in the house, Deidara. I'll be in there soon."

The long haired male nodded, keeping his head down as he stepped forward.

"I.." Itachi began, eyes squinted in confusion as he chewed on his hand, slob running down his chin as he stared at Deidara as if he new something. "I think I hurt you and I'm so sorry."

Deidara froze and looked up. Naruto saw. His emotional pain seeped out in his eyes. He sensed what was inside that troubled him, yet also there was so much goodness there too, bravery, tenacity. Deidara held on like a fighter, every morning rising at the ringing of "the bell." All the genius could offer him was a brighter horizon, a hope that one day he'd be free of his pain.

"I know." He whispered, and ran into Naruto's home.

'Ita….why'd you say that?" Naruto asked, mildly curious.

Itachi shook his head as if it hurt. "I think I known, Naruto."

Itachi smiled as Kisame kissed his neck softly. "We'll live forever together, right, Tachi?"

"Yeah, shark-man-" Itachi froze, nearly tensing in his boyfriend's arms.

"What's wrong?"

Itachi moved back a bit, looking over to sasuke and his father who sat in the car waiting. "Speaking of forever….I saw Kakuzu on my way back up to Konoha. In a bar."

"Really? How was he?" Kisame wondered about their former teammate.

"It doesn't matter. But he said some things that unsettled me, Kis. He was drunk and he just kept saying something about Deidara."

"He and Deidara never really talked though."

"Exactly. He kept asking about him and then he...he said something...something about...oh Kami."

Itachi inhaled sharply, feeling heavy with guilt. "What?"

"He raped Deidara, Kis. He fucking put his hands on my best friend. Put his shit in my best friend and left. He ran, Kis. That bitch ran. I wanted...I wanted so bad to kill him. Deidara was mine to protect him and I ignored him after everything. What would you do, babe? If a trusted friend raped you?

Would you jump? Would you feel pity for yourself? Would you think about your family and your childhood and your dreams and all you're leaving behind? Would it hurt? Would it feel like dying? Would you cry, like Deidara did?"

Kisame shook his head. "Did you talk to Deidara yet?"

"No..but I will. First thing tomorrow morning. I'm going to tell him I'm sorry and how much I love him. I'm so so sorry. I'm going to tell I hurt him and I'm so sorry. I miss him, Kis. He's my best friend and he's probably afraid."

"That's good. Let Deidara know you care. It's probably why he stopped talking to everyone of us."

When they were done talking about Deidara, Itachi got into the car as his mother did.

Fugaku turned out around. "Kiss your boyfriend enough, kid?"

Itachi blushed and lowered in his seat. "Tousan." He whined.

Fugaku laughed and turned to start up the car. "Alright. Aren't you all excited for this family dinner?"

Mikoto grumbled softly and Itachi gave a soft smile; Sasuke laughed. "I am tousan." His otouto's innocence reminded Itachi of Deidara and the twenty one year old prayed, more than anything, that Sasuke didn't have to hold burdens like he and Deidara.

"That's the spirit, small duck. Itachi, take tips from your brother." Fugaku joked. "He's always happy. Even when he was younger. When you gave him a pickle, he was so happy. The kid disappeared for five minutes."

Fugaku laughed very hard. "He came back and showed me a fly and he says 'daddy, I killed a fly.' I'm watching him eat his pickle and I say 'how did you kill it all by yourself.' He smiles at me in between bites and he says 'I hit it with my pickle.'"

Itachi began laughing haphazardly.

"Maybe because he has a boyfriend. That's why he's always happy." Itachi smirked.

Sasuke blushed and glared hard. "I do not."

Fugaku laughed heartily. "Sasuke, please don't say it's one of those dorky boys at school. If you're going to marry someone, marry someone smart...like that Neji kid or Ino."

Itachi blocked out the rest of the conversation as he thought of things to say to his best friend tomorrow morning.

It seemed unfair that no matter how much he strived to be the man his conscience wanted him to be, it would keep taunting him with his failures. Each time the regrets reemerged he would diligently analyze them again, hoping that this time his mind would be satisfied with his self professed remorse, but it never was. Like an unforgiving specter it would be back tomorrow to haunt him all over again.

'I hurt you, Deidara. I am so sorry and I love you.' it would be the first thing he said tomorrow morning. Now all he had to do was wait.

His thoughts were broken by his mother's yell and being heavily thrashed in his seat. The moment between balance lost and impact was one he would be wincing about for weeks to come - reliving that precious second before his collarbone snapped in two and tore right through his skin, glinting white in the broken headlights.

Where was the luck for him? In those many fips? Where he turned and could not see Sasuke anymore? Where he could hear his mother yelling 'my babies?' His unguarded head, on the last flip, had somehow found the only large rock that flew in, crashing right into the back of his pain had almost brought him to the point of blacking out, maybe it would have been easier on him if it had.

The rock that smashed against the parietal of his skull, which held the thinnest part. Itachi stayed awake during the entire crash, wondering if he would ever see Deidara again.

"I just known, Naruto." Itachi muttered, smiling a bit as Deidara's face popped into his head. "I just known it."

There you guys have it. Yes, the last flashback was the crash in Tachi's perspective. And yes, his final thoughts were reuniting with Deidara. The rock that flew through the window hit Itachi's Parietal and his pterion, the thinnest and weakest part of the human skull.

Once again, I am so sorry for being late. Life is a bit possessive at times, but I can handle him. I hope you guys liked it. All I need is a bit of motivation to keep me going. I love you all.