She's My Collar

By: KKM

Disclaimer: I do not own the Gorillaz or any related characters/songs. Gorillaz are © Damon Albarn and Jamie Hewlett.

Last Time:

"Noodle, wait!" he exclaimed in a hurry, stepping forward a couple of steps. He watched as she paused, but didn't turn to face him. "I, uh, won't. I won't bring anyone 'ere," he promised, unsure of why he felt it was so important to assure her. "I don't fink I'll be seein' anyone soon anyways…" he muttered to himself.

He could tell she'd heard it though from how her posture had stiffened. But she made no comment as she quickly walked back into the house leaving him alone with his thoughts again. Sighing, he looked up to the stars as if they could offer him any help, but was disappointed to only see a skyline of gray unforgiving clouds. A raindrop hit his nose followed by another on his forehead and another and another until he was drenched and sopping wet. But he stood there unmoving as he let the water mix with his silent tears and wash away at his lonely heart.

Chapter 15: Halfway to the Halfway House

He was at the bar again. For the past few weeks he seemed to be there more often than not. Since the incident with the Italian bird he hadn't bothered trying to get with anyone again. He just didn't have the heart to. So, instead he would come here and sit for hours. Sometimes he'd drink. Other times he'd just sit moodily in the far corner of the bar and stare off into space to try and pass the days. A lot of the time he'd mostly think about Noodle. He was still sore about everything, but he was coming to realize that this was much different than when he'd broken things off with Paula. Paula had rebelled and called him horrible things once she'd realized she couldn't sweet talk her way back in. She'd made him feel stomped on and insignificant. Noodle hadn't done that. She'd never once tried on purpose to make him feel like he hadn't been worth it. In fact, she almost seemed just as down if not worse off than he was right now. It was really bothering him because he was torn between his natural instincts to support her and the voice in the back of his head that kept him in fear of her betrayal. But that look she'd given him the day Russel had left… he just didn't know what to think.

On rare occasions when here, he would work on some music to try and distract himself from his restless thoughts. But even that was hard to focus on sometimes. He was actually almost done with the song he'd been working on for a while now, but something was still missing that he just couldn't put his finger on. It was almost like it was missing a whole verse – a small piece of the song's soul. It was as incomplete as he felt and it frustrated him to no end. Once fed up, he would grumble and fold it back up before stuffing it back in his wallet to try again later.

Every night he would go home around ten. It wasn't horribly late, but the house would always be completely still by the time he arrived. A few times he thought he could hear the detached sounding melodies floating through the house from the attic record player, but he was never brave enough to go look. He knew she was there, but he doubted that she'd want to be interrupted. So instead, he'd go to his room and down a couple pills and hope that his insomnia wouldn't hold out.

Russel had been true to his word and had called every few days or so. Things seemed to be going well in America and he alluded to the idea that the Americans rather liked their leader's rebellious nature so he'd used that to his advantage in their meetings. He'd often ask about how he and Noodle were doing and 2D's stomach would lurch each time he'd lied and said they were fine. From what Russ told him, Noodle was saying the same, so he wasn't alone in this deception. He missed the bigger man's company and often wished he'd just come back already, but he understood why Russ had to go and he wasn't about to make things worse by telling the truth of how he and guitarist were actively avoiding each other now. It just wouldn't have been right.

2D gave a small sigh of melancholy as he idly used his straw to play with an ice cube that had been floating along in his soda. He hoped he'd be able to come up with something to fix things soon. Despite what he'd told Noodle on that horrible night, he really didn't want to quit the band. And as much as he stubbornly avoided her, he really missed his best friend. But what to do, what to do…

He was suddenly jerked from his thoughts when someone uninvited plopped down across from him in his booth. He frowned, narrowing his eyes at his drink as he tried ignoring the presence, hoping the person would get the hint and piss off. But after a couple of minutes, it seemed obvious that the other person wasn't going to move anytime soon and he could feel the vibrations from the floorboards that signaled that his guest was jittering his leg under the table impatiently.

Finally 2D gave an annoyed sigh. "Wot?" he snapped, looking up from his drink. Then he paused in shock as he realized just who was sitting across from him. "You? I dun know wot made ya' think that I'd wanna talk ta' you bu' I don't, so ge' lost." 2D said rudely, as he scowled at the red-headed young man that was currently sitting in front of him. Jordan looked just as uncomfortable, but something in his face looked determined to make the other hear him out.

"I know you don't want to talk to me, but you will," he replied resolutely. When 2D grimaced and made a move to stand, the other man reached out to grab his arm in an effort to try and prevent him from leaving. "2D listen, this isn't about me. It's about Noodle. I know you probably don't want anything to do with me, but if you care about her even half as much as I think you do, you'll give me a chance." When the older man still looked unconvinced, Jordan sighed and gave him a meaningful expression. "Please? For Noodle?"

The singer sucked in a sharp gulp of air for a moment and closed his eyes in contemplation. Finally after a moment of internal struggle, he sat back down and wrenched his arm from the other man's grasp. "Fine. For Noodle," he agreed, continuing to glare. Mentally, he congratulated himself for not jumping across the table and taking everything out on the kid. 2D was not in nature a very violent person, but he felt that Jordan had seriously wronged him and taken away what he most cared about and loved.

"Good," the younger man gave a sigh of relief and then his blue eyed gaze softened into what the singer recognized as full-blown regret. "Look, Noodle doesn't know I'm here right now. I-I haven't talked to her since that night for obvious reasons, but you really need to know what happened. It wasn't what you think at all," he said in a rush, hoping that the blue haired man wouldn't lose his already thin patience with him. "I mean, we were just messing around…" he gulped a little, realizing that this didn't sound any better and backtracked a bit. "We were just hanging out for old time's sake while you guys were in the office. She told me she had a boyfriend, I just didn't have any idea it was you. I mean, I wasn't about to try anything either because she was obviously uncomfortable bu-"

"Hold up, slow down," 2D interrupted, putting his hands up to stop the other's rambling. He winced a little as the beginnings of a headache started to set in. "You're no' makin' any sense. Wot do you mean fo' ol' time's sake?"

A look of realization came over Jordan's face and much to 2D's surprise he gave out a small laugh. "You don't recognize me either; incredible. Though I guess part of that's my fault. I told her not to bring it up because I, well…" he realized he was rambling again and looked up at 2D with an embarrassed smile. "I'm lil' Jordi from the Dirty Harry music video," he explained, then proceeded to pretend to pick his nose to jog the singer's scrambled memory.

2D's eyes widened in sudden recognition. "Holy shit," he muttered knitting his brows together as he thought over this piece of information. That would mean that this kid wasn't exactly a stranger then, but what was he trying to say?

"Yeah, it's me. But uh, well we just kind of bored waiting so Noodle mentioned she'd had some stuff and asked if I was game. I said I was," he paused and gave 2D a genuine look. "She really cares about you. She made it very clear that we were only hanging out and that she didn't want to betray her boyfriend."

"But what 'bout wot I saw?" 2D asked in exasperation. He was trying very hard to control his breathing as a ball of panic began to unravel in his disheveled mind. If he lost his composure now, he might never find out the truth. This opportunity was too important, no matter how painful it may be.

"What you saw was exactly like she said," Jordan continued, rubbing his neck nervously. "She'd found that purple cape that looked like the one Murdoc was always wearing and was pretending to be the queen," he chuckle a bit at the odd look on 2D's face. "She was pretty out of it. But anyways, she'd just declared the room as hers when she tripped and almost fell flat on her face. I had just enough sense to catch her when she kissed me on the cheek as a way to thank me. I honestly don't think it meant more than that. Like I said, she was very adamant that she had a boyfriend and she doesn't really strike me as the cheating type to be honest. You know what I mean?"

The singer had suddenly become very pale. No, before this he'd never think that his little love was capable of what he'd thought he'd walked in on. His mind was going a million miles a minute as he tried very hard to recall every single detail of the night. He remembered how light and carefree she'd been before she'd noticed him. He could now clearly see the look of anguish and horror as she put two and two together almost as if she knew the horrible images and thoughts his own mind was composing. Noodle knew him better than anyone; better than himself apparently.

"But I just had to find you," Jordan was saying, having not noticed the blue haired man going rigid in his seat. "I mean, I could tell how much you two obviously loved each other by how upset you both were. That look on your face… and then after you left she was completely inconsolable. It was all I could do to get her back upstairs to her bedroom without anyone noticing. I felt horri- Hey, wait! Where are you going?"

But 2D had heard enough. He tossed a few bills on the table and left as fast as his legs could carry him. When he made it outside, he began to hurry through his neighborhood in a run. How could he have been so stupid!? Of course Noodle would never have cheated on him! He was the daft one for even daring to compare her to the sort of trash that Paula was. Oh god, and then he'd almost – No, he couldn't think about that now. He was so overwhelmed with guilt he could barely see straight. He had to see her now and make things right or he knew it would be the biggest mistake he'd ever make.

He was completely out of breath by the time he made it to the house. He leaned heavily against the front of the door as he wheezed trying to catch his breath. Due to a mix of severe anxiety and years of smoking like a chimney, it took him a little longer than he'd have liked to gain his composure. His face was bright red and his skin was clammy when he finally pushed the door with all his might and began to run through the house with the grace of a rhino trying out for ballet.

Her room was empty when he arrived and he nearly shouted out in frustration. He finally knew the truth and she wasn't here? But she just had to be! He couldn't just roll over and give up on this. Not when they'd been through so much heartache already. Oh god, what would she even think when she saw him? So much pain and all over nothing. This was all his fault. There was no excuse for it.

Somewhere between his mental rant and feelings overload he'd paused in the hallway tugging at his hair and gritting his teeth to try and clear his mind so that he could think properly. Thank goodness he hadn't actually drank anything of note at the bar today or this would have been twice as hard. "C'mon, Stu" he pep-talked himself, trying to get his panting under control. "Think. Think, you bloody bastard!"

And then it was as if the house suddenly sympathized with his dilemma. He slowly straightened his posture and looked up dumbly as a hauntingly familiar tune slowly made its way to his ears.

And suddenly he knew exactly where to look.

Meanwhile, Noodle found herself once again in the attic staring numbly at the spinning record player that she had once been so proud to share with her blue haired love. The collection had grown considerably since then with both of their records adding to the already impressive library. She'd found herself up here quite a lot these days. On some level this room brought her the comfort of happier times where she could imagine he was beside her enjoying the simple pleasures of take out dinners and good music. But mostly it brought her a considerable amount of grief as she thought about how quickly things had spiraled out of control and went wrong.

Though it had hurt, it had never been a shock to her that he had drawn to the wrong conclusions. She'd always understood the inner-working of his tattered mind better than he did at times. No, what bothered her was that she'd thought for certain that if they'd talked about it everything could have been resolved. She'd never realized just how badly scarred he was until she'd witnessed his hard resolve first hand. She'd been foolish to think that she could somehow get him to look past her short-comings to see the truth. She'd waited too long to make a move and that thought alone was enough to break her already fragile heart into tiny pieces.

She'd been blind to it until the day Russel had left them. She'd thought she'd had more time to glue the pieces together. But when she'd seen that hickey plain as day on his neck, she knew that she had lost. It was a realization that was very painful. She felt like she had put her entire life on the line when she'd perused him and she'd known it would be hard. But she just couldn't believe how careless and sloppy she'd been. This all could have been prevented if she'd just waited after the rehearsal for 2D and planned the nice day at the park with him that she'd thought of earlier that day. She should have never stolen that stuff from Murdoc and she certainly should have never let loose with another man.

It was with shaky hands that she opened the record player and put one of her least favorite records on the turn table. Plastic Beach held so many horrible memories for her that it wasn't even funny. She understood why Murdoc had made the album, but she hated it all the same. It made her laugh bitterly to think of how he'd tried to replace her with that rusty replica. He'd even had to contract other singers to sound like what he'd thought she might've sounded like had she been there. She didn't care that he did it out of guilt, it had all been wrong on so many levels. Especially with what he'd done to poor, sweet Stu at the time. But right now all of the pain and sorrow of this album seemed to resonate deeply in her soul.

One song in particular seemed fitting

The sad, tropical notes that signaled the beginning of To Binge filled the small attic and she let out a pained sigh as she practically deflated and sat heavily on the floor causing the record to skip a little.

"Waiting by the mailbox, by the train…"

She thought back to how long she'd waited and dreamed to be in 2D's arms. It was almost sad how perfectly planned out everything had been. She'd chosen him after all. He'd been the only one who she'd ever felt comfortable around. He'd always been so sweet and perfect always seeming to know just what she needed to feel better when she was down. Her mind flashed back to how understanding he'd been back when she'd been so vulnerable and broken all those years before.

She stifled a quiet sob she hadn't realized she'd been holding when his sorrowful lyrics joined her imposter's.

"I wait to be forgiven, maybe I never will.

My star has left me, to take the bitter pill.

That shattered feeling, well the cause of it's a lesson learned.

Just don't know if I could roll into the sea again.

Just don't know if I could do it all again she said, it's true."

She honestly had no idea who Murdoc had originally written that song for. But in this moment, it reflected herself and 2D's tragic relationship nearly perfectly. Only their roles were reversed in her mind. She was the one who had driven him away and she was the one who wanted more than anything to beg for forgiveness. But if given the chance, would he ever take her back? Or, like her cyber twin alluded, would he stay aloof and forever questioning what could have been?

As her tears continued sliding down her cheeks, she closed her eyes and sang along. Her heart fluttering as the words leaving her lips seemed to pierce her very soul.

"But I just have to tell you, I love you so much these days.

Have to tell you I love you so much these days, it's true…"

Her voice died in her throat as the thump of the trap door sounded behind her and she let out a gasp as her wet emerald eyes met his dark troubled ones. She felt lost in time as she watched him lift his tall form up from the entrance like she'd dreamed he would so many times. Once free, he reached out to her with a pained expression on his face.

"Noodle," his voice was barely a raspy whisper. But that one syllable had so much raw meaning behind it that she couldn't help but tremble as hope slowly began to worm its way into her heavily beating chest.

"2-2D?" she stuttered, gazing at him longingly as if afraid that she was seeing things.

"No," he shook his head, his brows furrowing with concentration as he took a couple steps forward. "No' 2D… Toochi." He said with a meaningful look. And suddenly she realized he knew and had forgiven her. That was all she needed to suddenly launch herself at him, knocking him backwards as she clung to him for dear life. He released a painful grunt when his back collided with the hard wood floor, but couldn't be too bothered about it as he hugged her waist back just as tightly. Both of them stayed silent a moment, just holding one another as tight as they could as if the world would end if they let go. 2D buried his face into her dark purple hair and clamped his eyes shut as it suddenly hit him how badly he'd missed her and how much she meant to him. He put all of his love, fear, and guilt into that hug hoping she'd understand his message.

And she did.

As she relished in his familiar butterscotch scent with his lanky arms winded around her she suddenly felt a sense of elation. She looked up at him with a watery smile and pressed their lips together pouring all of her love and forgiveness into him. And just like that, the horrible storm cloud that had taken over her mind, body and soul began to clear and was replaced by the comfort and warmth that she so desperately needed.

"I missed you so much," she murmured against lips, still refusing to let go even when he leaned up to sit. She leaned her head against his chest as he continued to hold her close, and listened to his racing heartbeat.

"I was so stupid," he admitted, giving her a squeeze as he rested his head on top of her messy hair. "I was so stubb'n I coulda' lost you foreva'. I probably would've too if Jordy hadn' knocked some sense inta' me."

"Jordy?" she asked absently as she seemed to burrow against his chest. He smiled a little at her antics.

"Yeah, I ran into 'im at teh bar. Lil' bugga' wouldn't le' me alone until I agreed teh listen to 'im and I'm glad I did." He inhaled sharply and pulled away from her a little so that he could look at her properly. "Noodle, I shoulda' neva' put you froo all tha'. I know you're noffin' like her. But in tha' moment…" he trailed off weakly.

She frowned a bit and placed a soothing hand on his cheek. "It wasn't all you, Toochi," she said with a sigh. "If I hadn't been so difficult and told you what was going on this would have never happened. I felt guilty because I knew how bad you felt about lying to the others so I pushed you away because of my own insecurities."

"Oh, love," he breathed, leaning in to kiss the tip of her nose. She scrunched it with a small giggle and mock-glared at him. "From now on, I'm no' gonna le' that stuff botha' me. I've learned me lesson. I'm no' gonna le' that get between us again. We'll tell 'em when we're ready, if we're eva' ready."

"You really mean it?" she asked in surprise, looking him over for any signs of doubt.

"I mean it," he promised, looking determined. "I love you mo' than anyfing."

"Even more than your little vacuum friend?" she teased, though her left eye twitched at mentioning the other woman. Her expression quickly switched to amusement though at how comically horrified 2D looked as his arms stiffened around her.

"I swear it din' go any further 'an that!" he defended, his eyes widening as he tried to explain in a panicked tone. "I mean I thought I was- but then I didn'! I couldn' cuz she jus' wosn't you an-" she took pity on him and cut off his ramblings with a finger against his lips.

"It's okay, Toochi. I understand," she said, biting her lip and looking down. "We've both done some pretty deplorable things lately…" she trailed off and then looked back at him earnestly. "But I really love you and want this to work. We can do this, I just know it! We just need to be more open and honest with each other."

"I c'n do that," he nodded before leaning in to capture her soft lips in another kiss. This one was slower and more savoring as if he was sampling his favorite slice of cake. When he opened his eyes again they were warm and seemed to bare his soul to her. "Noodle, will yeh be my girlfwiend again?"

"You betcha!" she grinned. And so they began again.

A/N: This chapter was so hard to write. I kept writing and re-writing! But I wanted it to be perfect, so I hope I got it right. It was just as painful if not more so than for you guys to hold out on all of hose depressing break-up chapters! We've still got about four more chapters to go and then the epilogue.

To Binge is my favorite song on the Plastic Beach album. It literally gives me chills each time I listen to it. There's just so much feeling in that song, you know? If you haven't seen it already, look up that song live. I promise it's very entertaining. Damon Albarn is extremely into it and at one point in the song he gets right up in Little Dragon's face and I swear to god you see a little glimmer of fear there. I don't think she knew quite how to respond to such a passionate man, lol. He deeeeefinitely put that little somethin-somethin' into that performance! I think it's even better that he obviously didn't notice her discomfort and just kept right on going like it was the most normal thing in the world. LOL.