What You Wish For
Chapter 15
Yay! Another chapter. And to make up for the last one being short I've written you a long one here! What could be worse than being in the hospital while your partner (the one you love) is lying in bed dying? Having your ex-wife show up, probably! What's going on with Detective Stabler now?
I own nothing! Read and review and make me happy!
Enjoy
Fic
The feint smell of antiseptic wafted on the air. It mingled with the scent of flowers, overcooked peas and the distant smell of flowers. All of these aromas barely masked the unmistakeable smell of urine and death.
There was noise. Constant noise. It was distant, but it was there. Wheels rolling on linoleum. A feint beeping noise. Muffled voices. Somewhere, someone was crying. It wasn't a panicked wail, or even the cries of grief. Just a constant sob. It was the sound of sadness.
"Elliot."
His name mingled in with the cacophony of sound. It blended with the general noise of it all. It was rolled around; a leaf on the wind.
"Elliot?"
His brows furrowed as his name became more insistent. He could see it now. It was red. It was large. It hurt his eyes, even though they were closed. His brain throbbed with it and he willed it to go away.
"Elliot!"
This time his name came with a hand. A hand that gently shook his shoulder. Elliot felt his brain grinding into gear. Consciousness was coming towards him at a startling rate. He ran his hand across his face, clearing his eyes.
"Hey." There was a face now. Elliot startled, sitting upright.
"Liv?" His voice was husky, his throat dry.
"No, it's me."
Squinting against the fluorescent lights Elliot focused on the face that was making the noises that had dragged him from sleep. His brain was foggy and he tried to remember what was going on. He vaguely remembered refusing to leave Olivia's room and Don having to force him. He had the faint memory of taking the medication offered from the same male nurse who had sutured his leg. He remembered the wash of calm that hit him and then nothingness.
"You ok?"
Realising the face and voice were still there he doubled his efforts to refocus.
"Yeah, just groggy." Sitting up properly he stretched his neck, feeling like he'd gone through the ringer with a perp. His eyes took in the plastic chairs, the dull carpet and he realised he was back in the emergency waiting room. Slowly his eyes returned to the person in front of him.
"Kathy?" His voice held his surprise.
"Here, have this." His ex-wife handed him a cup of coffee. Taking it gratefully Elliot tried to get his brain moving faster than molasses. He sipped the coffee and let out a sigh. It was strong. That was good.
"What are you doing here?" It came out harsher than he had meant it to and thankfully Kathy merely gave him an understanding smile and sat in the seat beside him.
"Don called me." She said simply. The surprise must have been evident on his face because she gave him another gentle smile. "I know, Olivia is your emergency contact now but obviously she…" she trailed off, not wanting to say something insensitive.
"Why did he call you?" Elliot softened his voice but was unable to keep out his frustration.
"You were shot, Elliot. And you had to be medicated because you wouldn't leave Olivia's room. Don thought you might need a familiar face."
"He told you what happened?" Elliot was glaring into his coffee. He wasn't angry with Kathy. In all honesty, he wasn't even that angry with Don. The Captain had followed protocol, but had also done what he thought best. Elliot understood why he'd called Kathy. But it didn't make it any easier.
"He gave me an outline." Kathy said graciously. Elliot understood what she meant. Even when she had been married to him she had only been given the barest information about cases. Elliot had never been a sharer and rarely talked about the job at home. It had been a bone of contention between them because he had shared those things with Liv. Kathy had never been able to accept that he had wanted to shield her and their children from the horrors he faced at work. Liv was on the job with him. She saw it too. She understood. Now that Kathy and he were divorced she would be told only the bare minimum.
"You didn't have to come." Elliot managed. He was grateful she was there, despite everything. But it didn't make it any easier.
"I know, but I didn't think you would want to be alone." She put her hand on his shoulder. "Can you tell me what happened, Elliot?"
Elliot felt his eyes well and his body shudder. Whether it was the effects of the medication he'd been given, or the last 24 hours, or the proximity to his ex-wife, he didn't know, but suddenly everything was too much to handle. He felt the tears fall and he viciously swiped them away. He tried to find his voice but his throat was tight and he couldn't form the words.
"I… I can't…" he managed to choke out before his body wracked with sobs and he crumbled into his hands.
Kathy had seen her husband cry a total of five times in their marriage. Once for each of their children's births and once after he returned home from a case that he was particularly closed lipped about. She had managed to find out, from John, that a child had died because Elliot had chosen to save Olivia from a serial killer. Elliot had never discussed the case with her. She had tried but he was taciturn and would leave the room whenever she brought it up. But she would never forget finding him crumpled on the sofa the afternoon he'd come home, crying as though he had lost the most important thing in his world.
It was after that case that her doubts and fears regarding Olivia had been cemented and she'd never quite believed her husband's assurances that there's was merely a partnership.
Seeing Elliot cry like that in front of her once more she felt those old doubts resurface, despite her best efforts. During the divorce, they had gone over Olivia's involvement in depth. Elliot had been adamant that Olivia had played no part in their drifting apart and she had finally accepted this. In fact, she was slowly moving on. But seeing Elliot's reaction to the events from the day before made her question, again, how platonic the two-officer's relationship was.
Reaching out she swallowed the voices that were turning her thoughts and put her arm around Elliot's shoulders, comforting him. She held him as he sobbed, his anguish bringing tears to her own eyes.
It was a long time before his body shuddered to a halt. He had cried himself dry. Elliot felt shamed at being weak, at allowing himself to lose control. He felt Kathy move back, sitting close but giving him his space. He appreciated that she understood him so well. In that moment, he understood why Cragen had called her.
In a situation when he was on the brink, it was Olivia that reined him in, calmed him, gave him his control. But Kathy had been his anchor at home. Don had known that while he couldn't give Elliot Liv, Kathy could help him gain the control he needed to be there for Liv.
"How is your leg?" Kathy asked, leaning back to get a better look at him. Elliot had to think for a moment before he remembered that he'd been shot. As soon as he allowed it into his head he realised that his leg was throbbing. The stitches burned and his calf was aching. His cheek was also throbbing and he caught Kathy eyeing it.
"I'm going to guess that wasn't from the bullet." She gave him a knowing smile, and Elliot had to look away as shame bubbled again. Fighting Fin had not been his finest moment and if they hadn't been so pigheaded maybe Liv wouldn't be here. He clenched his fists against his knees, anger taking the helm. His brain was too tired to struggle with the flood of emotions. He wasn't feeling very in control.
"Elliot, talk to me. Anything. We can talk about what happened to Olivia. Tell me what you're feeling. What can I do to help?" Her pleading voice grated his shot nerves but also triggered a deep-seated feeling of responsibility. Despite being divorced, Elliot still felt he owed Kathy an explanation. They had been married for 20 years. You didn't just stop confiding in someone at the flick of a switch. And he wanted to confide in her. He wanted to tell her the whole sorry business about Fin and Olivia and the mess that was happening. He wanted to tell her about the baby. But he couldn't. He couldn't tell her
"I…" he tried to find the words. He was saved from answering as footsteps headed towards them. Looking up he locked eyes with the nurse from the night before.
"How are you feeling today Elliot?" Michael asked, looking between Elliot and Kathy.
"I've felt better," Elliot admitted, struggling to his feet.
"I'd imagine so. You were pretty upset last night." Michael's tone was calm. Elliot had the good graces to look chagrined.
"Sorry."
"Look, I understand. I see a lot here. I know how hard it is to be put on the inside of the situation suddenly."
Elliot nodded. He felt Kathy place her hand on his arm.
"Do you remember what happened?" Michael looked between the two, gauging the relationship.
"This is Kathy, my ex-wife," Elliot offered, reading Michael's expression and guarded tone. Michael and Kathy exchanged a polite smile before Michael returned his gaze to Elliot. Elliot tried to plough through the fog in his head.
"I remember not wanting to leave the room. The Captain was trying to calm me down. I think… I think I got mad. And then I woke up here."
"You got pretty agitated when the doctor suggested that you leave Ms Benson's room. Do you remember taking the medication I gave you? Do you remember me explaining to you that it would help you to calm down?"
Elliot wracked his brain. The memory formed, foggy and disjointed. The Captain was looming over him, not angry, but concerned. He was holding Elliot into the seat. Michael was there offering him a cup of water and some pills. He remembered rejecting them, trying to knock them away. He could hear Cragen's voice urging him to take them.
"Yeah, I remember." Elliot looked down. "I lost control."
Michael nodded, his sympathetic eyes on Elliot.
"Are you feeling any better?" He asked. Elliot nodded gently, ignoring the fact that he felt like he'd been hit by a bus; his calf burning and his head aching. He wasn't here for him. A thought suddenly struck him.
"Where's the Captain?" He realised that he had no idea what had happened to Cragen since last night.
"Captain Cragen left to follow up back at your station. He took the evidence. I assured him that you would be fine here, and I know you're not going to make a liar of me." He gave Elliot a look and Elliot knew it was a warning. He nodded. "He will be back later. I thought you might like to get that leg looked over again." Sensing Elliot's argument, Michael raised his hand. "I want to check your stitches and give you a shot to stop infection. Then, I thought you might like to see your partner again."
"Is she awake?" The question was out before Elliot could help himself; the hope in his voice evident.
"I'm afraid not. She's still in a medically induced coma. However, I thought it would be helpful for you to sit with her."
Elliot nodded quickly. He followed Michael, forgetting about Kathy until she appeared beside him. He was grateful she was there. Reaching out he gave her hand a gentle squeeze, knowing that she understood what he was trying to convey.
Heaving himself onto the bed he realised he was still in hospital scrubs. His skin felt prickly with dried blood. As his head finally began to clear he realised he must look a sight. It was little wonder that Kathy kept looking at him with such concern.
"I'm fine." He told her, quietly. "This isn't my blood… it's…" He trailed off, not able to finish. Kathy nodded again and watched as Michael pushed the pant leg of Elliot's scrubs up. He peeled back the protective gauze and wiped antiseptic over the sutures. They were red but not inflamed. Elliot was glad that at least they didn't appear to be getting infected.
"These are looking good. I'd say you'll have them in for a week, tops. Keep it dry and clean and you should be fine." He replaced the gauze with a fresh one and taped it down. Turning to the trolley he retrieved a syringe. "I'm going to give you a shot as a precautionary measure. Roll up your sleeve."
Elliot did as he was told.
"Is his leg going to be ok?" Kathy asked from behind them. Michael looked up at Elliot, ready to honour his wishes about sharing information with his ex-wife. Elliot nodded.
"He'll be fine. This was a surface wound. The bullet grazed the calf, tearing the top layer of flesh. As I mentioned to Elliot, here, the stitches should come out in a week or so."
"Can I see Liv now?" Elliot asked, pushing his sleeve and pant leg down. He was eager to see his partner.
"I think we can manage that. But I need your word that you will do as you're told. Your partner is still unstable and I need to know that we aren't going to have a repeat of last night."
"Yes. You have my word." Elliot would have sold his soul at that point if it meant getting to see Liv quicker.
Michael nodded and led the way. Kathy followed, having not been told she wasn't welcome. Elliot had forgotten she was there, so intent was he on seeing Liv. As they approached the doors to the room Michael turned and gave him a face mask and a stern look.
"You can stay for 10 minutes, Elliot. Do I have your word?"
Elliot nodded quickly, pulling the facemask over his nose and mouth. He gently pushed the door open and moved to Liv's bedside. She looked much the same as she had the night before. Sitting in the seat he gently took her hand, his eyes searching her face for any sign of movement. He couldn't bring himself to look at the tubes piercing her body, didn't want to listen to the rasp of her breath through the aspirator. He couldn't bring himself to do anything other than look at his partner and will her to be ok.
Outside the room Kathy watched through the glass wall. She saw the tears trickle down her husband's cheeks. She was shocked to see the state Olivia was in. When Don had called her, and said there'd been an incident she'd been worried, as she always was when the call came through. But she'd imagined it to be a minor incident like many of the ones she'd been called to before. Nothing could have prepared her to see Elliot, sedated and covered in blood in the waiting room. Nothing could have prepared her to see Olivia, swollen, battered and with tubes covering her. Nothing could have prepared her for the anguish on her ex-husband's face as he looked at his fallen partner.
"Is she going to be ok?" She found herself asking Michael. The man was watching Elliot through the window with a pensive expression. Upon hearing her question, he turned his gaze to meet hers.
"It's touch and go at the moment." He glanced back at Elliot. "There were complications in surgery."
"From the bullet wound?" Kathy had enough experience to know a bullet wound when she saw one. Michael nodded and sighed.
"She was shot through the abdomen and leg. The bullet that pierced her abdomen caused the most trauma, terminating the pregnancy and causing significant internal bleeding. The other tore her calf." He paused, as though considering his next words. "I don't think Elliot is taking the news well." His eyes returned to the officer who was now resting his head on Olivia's limp hand.
Kathy felt the blood drain from her face.
The pregnancy.
Olivia had been pregnant.
Her eyes fell to her ex-husband once more. Her heart thudding in her chest she struggled to find her breath. She had to get out of there. With a final furtive glance through the window at the two partners she turned and fled.