"You know I'm angry at you right? I'm so darn pissed at you lil bro." Will Halstead couldn't keep the enormous smile off his face even as he tried to lecture his little brother. He was just so happy to finally see him.

"Damn you look old Will" Jay answered with a chuckle and with-in minutes of the Halstead brothers reunion they were already back at teasing each-other.

Jay had been up all night knowing that he'd agreed to see his brother the next day. It had been four years and he didn't know how Will would react. Their relationship had hit some speed bumps over the years, not to mention when Jay left for the army and when their mother passed away. Still there had always been a deeper connection between the two brothers, maybe it had to do with their father leaving them when Jay was 12 and Will 14. They'd been very different growing up but they had still always been there for each-other. They had never really needed words to communicate. But now it had gone four years, saying that Jay was nervous was an understatement.

Will hadn't slept either, when Erin had called to let him know the news he'd gotten so happy he started to cry. Will Halstead didn't cry. But now he did. Then he couldn't sleep, he had never really understood why Jay cut him off. Jay was two years younger but he'd always been more mature and acted as the older brother, he'd always been the one taking care of Will. Maybe he'd gotten sick of it, sick of always have to care for his older brother, maybe cutting him of was Jay's way to tell him that he just didn't care anymore. Will had thought about this for the last four years, about the reason to his brother refusing to see him. Nothing had ever hurt more. So yeah, he was nervous too.

But the moment the two brothers saw each-other all of the nerves disappeared, both cracked huge smiles that they just couldn't hide and hadn't that damn plastic glass window been there they would have embraced in a huge hug and likely never let go. The brotherly teasing followed shortly, four years or not, everything was already back to normal.

Still the situation was far from normal and they both knew that, after a few laughs Will's face turned serious letting out the question he'd grumbled over for years.

"Why did you do it, why did you cut me off? … I've really missed you lil-bro",

"I.. I just didn't want to destroy your life… again", Jay answered looking up from his hands where his stare had momently been.

"What? What are you talking about, you never destroyed my life, you could never destroy my life?", Will was utterly confused now. This was definitely not one of all the hundreds of possible reasons he had thought of during the last four years.

"Yes I have. I wasn't there for you when mom got sick, I wasn't there for neither of you. I should have been there." Jay was now staring down at his hands again, ashamed of his actions.

"Are you being serious!?" Will couldn't believe what he was hearing, he never knew his brother felt this way, maybe they should have actually used words more often.

"You were serving your country, you were saving peoples life. You were exactly where you were suppose to be. I know I was angry at you for leaving but that was just me being the un-mature me thinking I could keep my brother all to myself." he stopped for a second to breath as he'd been spitting it out so fast he almost lost his breath.

"There was nothing you could have done for mom, and that I spun out the way I did is all on me. Hey I'm the older brother here for good sake. I'm the one who should have been there for you when you got back, when you got back from a freaking war zone. And I wasn't, you had to lean on someone else, thank god Mouse was there. but It should have been me. I'm the one who messed up, not you."

Will knew he'd been rambling for awhile and Jay was still looking down at his hands. "Jay, just look at me.. please look at me and hear me when I say, that you never destroyed my life, you didn't do anything wrong. You are the best brother anyone could ever have asked for."

Jay was looking at him now and nodding as to show that he was taking in every word Will was saying. That's when Will realised that this was probably the first time he'd ever really told his brother how much he actually meant for him. They had never talked like this before with all things considered they probably should have. It would have saved a lot of heartbreak from both sides.

This was likely the first time he'd ever acted as the older brother and it was about time.

Now it was Jay's turn to open up.

"I just wanted you to have a life" he quietly said almost in a whisper. Then he raised his voice and continued to explain his actions. "I knew I could never win the trial nor that an appeal would help my case, I knew it was over for me but I didn't want that to stop your life. You always tried to stay positive, you always tried to come up with new ways we could appeal. I knew you wouldn't give up and I knew it was a lost battle. I couldn't see you give up on everything because of me. That's why I couldn't see you anymore, if I wasn't in your life, you could go back to Med, you could go back to your life, you could be happy."

Will shook his head over and over.. "Man I love you for that but you were wrong. How could I ever live my life knowing that my little brother, my little brother who means more than anything in this entire world to me was in here. No not only in here, he was on death row, scheduled to die and the entire world telling me that he is a monster. How could I live with that when I knew it was all bs because my little brother couldn't even, literally, hurt a fly." Will was crying as he spoke, it was the first time since the day their dad left them that he had cried in front of his younger brother.

As the tears ran he looked at Jay now smiling as he remembered that day… "You do remember the fly incident don't you.. you told me that 'Will, what have that fly ever done to you? What laws have that fly broken for you to feel the right to take it's life' I first thought you were joking and killed the damn bug but you were dead serious. You took the phone and called 991 telling the dispatcher that you needed to talk to the police because your brother had just brutally killed an innocent fly. They also took it as a joke, but five year old Jay Halstead was not joking around. I've never seen you that angry at me" Will said with glanzy eyes as he chuckled.

"Well that fly hand't done anything, someone had to defend it", Jay answered back with a smile, his eyes full of tears.

"So no Jay, you cutting me of would never stop me spending every day thinking of you, missing you."

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry… I really thought I was doing the right thing." Jay was looking down as he spoke but then he raised his head and looked straight into his big brothers eyes "I've really missed you too and I love you…" he went quiet for a second and then asked "would you mind visiting me again?"

That was the first time Jay could remember that he'd been this vulnerable around Will, likely the first time he'd ever told him he loved him. They hadn't shared the world "love" a lot in the Halstead house, their father had been a macho guy and expected his sons to follow, when he left both of them had felt the obligation to take over his role.

"Of course I will, and hey I love you too", Will replied and as he did he felt how this conversation had gone way too deep and emotional, more than neither of the two brothers was really comfortable with so he decided to ease it up a bit.

"So Jay… that Detective chick, what's that all about?"

"Uhmn.. Detective Lindsay? What about her?"

"Seriously dude. In seven years she is the first person who have ever showed any doubt about you being in here, she told me it was the way you acted, that it didn't add up or something. What did you say to her?"

Will noticed how a smile spread in Jay's face at the mention of the Detective but still he was getting nothing out of his brother who just shrug his shoulders and said "nothing really, I just helped her with some cases that's all."

"How did that even start?" Will looked puzzled as he added "I mean why did they or well she come to you for help, a…. convict, I'm sorry for saying it but you know, a convict that everyone at CPD seem to hate..again sorry for the words."

Jay just shook it off "Hey Will you don't have to be sorry, I know it's not your words and I know what they see me as."

The younger Halstead brother then went on to tell the entire story of how he first came into contact with Detective Erin Lindsay, how it started with the Turners case and how she continued to visit for his help with other cases. How he actually helped and how great it made him feel.

During the entire time he was talking Will couldn't miss the huge smile on Jay's face nor how his eyes where glowing.

"So you like her?", Will suddenly said with a smirk.

The smile fell from Jay's face, but now he was blushing… which he tried to hide but failed. "What?"

Will started to laugh… "Oh my, you don't just like her you are falling for her"

Jay didn't find this as fun as his big brother did, not at all. "So you say that the first woman I see in four years… I fall in-love with, geez Will give me some credit."

"I'm not saying nothing lil bro, I'm seeing it. Your reaction when I first mentioned her name, your face now the entire time you've been talking about her and that blush as I said you like her… it's all over your face, say what you will but I can see it."

Jay was hiding his face in his hands as Will spoke and was then suddenly hit by the realisation that his brother was right. He hadn't understood it until Will spelled it out for him but he liked, no he was falling for Erin Lindsay. Just the thought of her made him smile again and Will could see the dimples forming behind those hands.

"There it is… you know I'm right, just admit it."

Jay let his hand slip down from his face revealing the big smile "Okey, maybe you are.. but you have met her, how could I not?"

Will just smiled at his brother while Jay's face became serious again "but please Will promise me not to tell her, she can't know… If she knows she'll run and man I need her. I hate to admit this but her coming here has changed everything."

Will nodded at his brothers request, though he didn't understand exactly how she'd changed everything he knew she had, because for starters he wouldn't be sitting here talking to Jay right now if it wasn't for Erin Lindsay.

Still he felt the need to let him know. "I won't say anything, but I don't think your the only one with feelings here Jay. She truly cares about you, I only met her once but I know that much."

"Don't be stupid. I know where I am and I know what I am to her. I've accepted that. I just don't want her to leave. I love solving cases, I love helping and she makes me feel like a detective again."

Will understood and he knew very well what that meant for his younger brother, so he didn't say another word about the matter.