ROXAS
CHAPTER 27
Thinking of you starts fires I can't put out
Saturday night was empty and quiet at home. Sora was walking around like a zombie not even bothering to look where he is going. I swear he walked into closed doors at least five times. I knew it had to be the fact that he cancelled with Riku, I never asked him to. He just feels like one of us can't have a boyfriend when the other doesn't. he feels as though I am a child he must put before everything else in his life.
When Axel called I felt my heart skip. I couldn't believe he was calling me after everything. I was sure he would never want to be around me again. He didn't really call for me though. He called to ask me to do something for Riku, and I only did it because I knew it would fix Sora too. How could I have said no?
I set my phone down without a word thinking Axel would either wait for me or hang up, and headed to Sora's room. At that moment he was hanging from the bar in his closet upside down. I pulled him down and started stripping him of his Pj's.
"Sora you're going on a date with Riku in 15 minutes so get dress." I say simply as I hand him the clothes and walk over to his dresser for his eye liner.
"Roxas I am not going!" those were not the right words and when I glared at him I know he wished he could have taken them back. He knew not to yell at me or disobey me.
I ran toward him eyeliner in hand as I tackled him to the floor. He screamed and fought against me for a moment or two but soon gave up and allowed me to put the eyeliner on his face. After I was done he promised to go.
I walked back to my phone to tell Axel he was going to be there shortly.
Then Axel asked me to be his best friend. I felt a pain in my heart. I knew it was stupid to be close to him in any way, it would just mean pain in the end. However, I am an idiot and I still needed to breathe the same air as him so I whisper okay and hung up.
After Sora left the house was even quieter and the air was thicker too. I couldn't help myself from thinking of Axel. His larger hands that could hold my face so gently and his huge smile that made me feel like I was the only boy he saw. How could I just be his friend? It was all I could think about.
Then I started to touch myself. I no longer to touch myself without thinking of Axel and I could no longer think of Axel without touching myself. It was slowly killing me. Each touch felt like fire as I imagined his hands. I knew by now I was breathing Axel's name. Calling to him as I removed my shirt and pants. I lay out on top of my sheets hoping the cool air in the house would calm me down. But I was still thinking about those fiery touches.
After I was done I cried. I cried for wanting him, for not taking him, for letting him in so close. I cried for the people who left me and cried for those would leave me in the future. But mostly I cried for Axel, knowing that this whole time I was hurting him.
I couldn't handle that thought anymore.