But

by sierra.steinbrecher

Have you ever seen something on someone's profile and inherently disagreed with it? I'm taking those and rewriting them as I see fit.

6. Lessons

IMPORTANT THINGS MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME!

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION. "You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL. "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC. "Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC. "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT. "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY. "Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS. "Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM. "Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck?"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA. "You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER. "This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY. "If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE. "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION. "Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY. "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION. "Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING. "You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE. "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP. "Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR. "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT. "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS. "You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS. "Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM. "When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. And my favourite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE. "One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

IMPORTANT THINGS MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME!

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. "These cookies are delicious! Thanks for baking them!"

2. My mother taught me RELIGION. "Okay, recite the Saint Michael Prayer."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL. "We're going back to pioneer times for history class."

4. My mother taught me LOGIC. "If you don't take care of the chickens, soon you won't have them."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC. "Take out the trash, or it will start smelling."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT. "Make sure you pack your toothbrush for the camping trip."

7. My mother taught me IRONY. Someone has to make things funny when accidents happen.

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS. "Science Class, everyone!"

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM. "Now lower yourself down into the splits."

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA. "Just one more step."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER. "We do not go hiking in the rain."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY. "If your brother has to do chores, so do you."

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE. "And it moves us all-"

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION. "You need to develop good habits."

15. My mother taught me about ENVY. "You are beautiful, so are your sisters. You can be beautiful together."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION. "Only five more hours until we get there."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING. "Grab the ball!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE. "Don't move that arm! It's broken!"

19. My mother taught me ESP. "You will die in seven days."

20. My mother taught me HUMOR. The above was a joke read from a fortune cookie. Classic.

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT. "When you do your responsibilities without being asked, you're an adult."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS. "And that's why we all have blue eyes."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS. "Did you know you have Native American ancestry?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM. "Now we must pray."

25. My mother taught me about JUSTICE. "Two wrongs don't make a right. So you can't hit her."

I've seen the first list everywhere, and it infuriatesme every time. That is NOT a good mom, at all. In fact, I'd almost call that abusive. I know it's meant to be funny and witty, but it's really not. So here's my answer, real life answers that happened in my childhood, that are still kind of funny. Also, I was homeschooled, and my mom was AWESOME. I know everyone thinks that, but for me it is true.