In this chapter: Roxas and Sora see a movie.
xxxXXXxxx
Ballad
Chapter Fourteen
"One Last Kiss"
xxxXXXxxx
Hayner and Roxas spent most of the drive home in silence. Roxas was trying to process everything he was just told, and right now this was more of a family issue that didn't warrant getting his friend involved. Hayner drove himself to his apartment and switched places with Roxas so he could have his car back. "If you need anything, give me a call," Hayner said with a yawn. It was well after dark, and when Roxas pulled out his cell phone to check the time, he was slightly worried that Namine had still never called him back after he said he was going out of town for the day. Usually she was better at keeping in touch than this. The light from the front screen of his phone read back that it was after ten.
Roxas thanked Hayner for traveling with him. He would have to find time later to do something for Hayner in gratitude for being such an amazing friend during this time. He sluggishly drove back home and made his way up the outside stairs to the door of his apartment, hoping that Namine wouldn't be too upset that he was coming home so late after being out the whole night before. A wave of guilt washed over him when he remembered Riku's story.
He never would have guessed that his brother could have had such a personality behind him. Maybe it would have been better if he had talked to Sora first before going all the way to the harbor to find answers. The Sora he knew wasn't some pothead rebel the way Riku seemed to describe him. And the Axel he knew definitely wouldn't be such a jerk to have gone behind his best friend's back for just a few measly bucks. Then again, he had never even known that his own sibling was gay. He felt like a terrible brother for that. The fact that Sora's betrayal seemed to have spearheaded Riku's downfall just made the spiteful flame in his heart grow. He wanted to go to Sora's apartment and tell him the consequences of his actions, but not now.
Exhaustion guided his key into the lock and he stumbled his way into the bedroom. Vaguely from the moonlight and the digitally lit faces of their alarm clocks he could make out a lump on the bed that signaled Namine was home and asleep. He sighed deeply, remembering that the night before last was just as simple as this, crawling into bed with the woman he loved. Now, he wasn't so sure.
He could hear the sheets rustle slightly as he sat down on the bed and took his shoes off. From behind him, Namine gasped and sat up. "Roxas?" she croaked, reaching out and touching his shoulder. "Baby, where were you?"
He looked over his shoulder and held her hand, smiling gently. "I just went on a little trip with Hayner. Sorry I got back so late." His smile faded when he heard her sniffle a few a times, a soft whimper escaping from the back of her throat. "Have you been crying?" he asked, reaching to his bedside table and turning on his lamp.
Swimming in a sea of used tissues with an empty box by her pillow was Namine, wrenching herself free from the confines of the bedspread and revealing her little nose, cheeks, and blueberry eyes all the same watery shade of red. "Roxas! Thank God!" she cried, flinging herself onto him and starting to sob once more. Instinctively, Roxas embraced her and rubbed his hands up and down her back soothingly.
"Nami! What's wrong? Did something happen?"
She kept crying, and Roxas found himself in a bumbling position and didn't know what to do with her. He could feel his shoulder starting to get damp from where she nestled her forehead. Namine was a fairly kept-together woman and when she cried there was usually a reason. Something had to be wrong, but she wouldn't say anything.
"Do you need anything? Do you want me to put on some tea?" Roxas hugged her tightly then loosened his hold so he could go into the kitchen. Through her snivels and hiccups, he heard an affirmative that she really would like something to drink. Roxas bulleted to the kitchen and opened the cabinet beside the stove. Namine almost always drank tea at any point of the day, rather than Roxas who preferred to go to the coffee house downstairs. The cabinet was nearly overflowing with different kinds of boxes and small bags. Grabbing one of the tea bags with a tag that had a crescent moon on it, Roxas sat some water in the kettle and placed it on the stove.
Finally taking a moment to relax, he leaned against the counter and wondered what on earth was happening to his fiancée. On the counter by their woodlands calendar, where Namine usually laid her keys and purse after coming home, was her small white cell phone with the new message light blinking. Curious about what she had been up to today, he swiftly picked up her phone and flipped it open. Immediately a small window popped up telling her that she had a new message from a contact named 'Radiant Garden,' probably something to do with flower arrangements for the wedding. He dismissed the message and began looking at her recent calls list.
Apart from the random calls from Roxas, Kairi, or Tifa, most of them seemed to be incoming and outgoing to Radiant Garden. The very last call made was to Kairi. Quickly, Roxas glanced into the bedroom and saw that Namine was still lying on her side, making shallow, hiccuped breaths. He gulped and pulled back into the kitchen, quickly going to her voicemail.
"One new message," the robotic female voice announced. "Message one." The person who left a message was a man, but he was speaking far too hushed and quickly for Roxas to pinpoint him as anyone he might know. "Hey… It's me… I, uh- I just got off the phone with, uh- 'The Boss', and… There's some news… I don't really know how to explain it, but there's options. Call me back, 'kay?"
That was delightfully cryptic. Roxas sighed and placed the cell phone next to her purse again, just the way he found it. The pot was starting to whistle softly and he made quick work to get a mug filled and bag in place before he rushed back into the bedroom. He placed the mug on her bedside table and sat next to her on the bed, rubbing her shoulders.
"Hey, it's okay, alright? Everything'll be alright…" Roxas had no idea what he was saying, or what he was trying to soothe Namine down for, but if there was ever a time she needed a pat on the back it was now. Perhaps the gentle pats weren't helping, as her sniffles started to become dry heaves. Roxas thought she was going to choke if she kept this up and pulled her away from his chest, looking at her face. He had never seen her so pale before. "Nami?! Are you okay?"
She was only able to gurgle out his name before having to push Roxas away, holding her hand in front of her mouth as her cheeks seemed to inflate. Immediately, she was in the bathroom, on her knees and hugging the toilet. "Namine!" At first it started out as thick wads of spit before she started to vomit. In an instant, Roxas was at her side and holding her hair back. After a few minutes of throwing up and more heaving, it appeared that she had gotten whatever was wrong out of her system. Roxas got one of the paper rinse cups from beside the faucet and filled it with tap water, handing it off to her. Namine swished the water around in her mouth and spit what was left into the toilet. Once she was sure she was finished, she flushed and wobbled to her feet.
"Roxas," she croaked, her voice terribly raw. "I'm so sorry, Roxas…"
"Shh… Shh… It'll be okay, Nami. Here, legs up." He wrapped an arm under her shoulder blades and knees to lift her up off the ground and carry her to the bed. She simpered and tried to cry, but her body had run out of tears. Within minutes of placing her on the mattress and under the covers, she had fallen asleep.
Roxas sighed and wiped a trail of sweat from his forehead. He had known Namine was having panic attacks lately, but he had no idea they were so severe. Maybe planning a wedding and being a full-time student was just too much for her. Roxas was starting to hate himself for not doing more for her.
It didn't make much sense to worry about it now; at least while she was asleep he wouldn't be getting any answers. He glanced at the tea mug and noticed that it seemed to have set long enough. Sighing, he took the mug and downed it in three large gulps. Belatedly, he wished he had made himself a hard drink, and wondered how bourbon would taste in chamomile tea. Hoping that the simple, not-spiked drink would help soothe his own frazzled nerves, Roxas grunted and started taking off his shirt and pants, readying for a nice, long sleep.
Or at least he had hoped. After lying in bed for over an hour he found that he couldn't sleep a wink. He didn't remember the moon always being this bright. And why were his legs feeling so restless? He felt like he could run a marathon right then. Looking up at the ceiling, the shadows cast were too contrasting to be caused by simple moonlight. Roxas sat up and looked out the window that was over the head of their bed. A street lamp was exploding its blinding tungsten light straight into his eyes, making it difficult to see around the room when he turned his eyes away. After rubbing his eyes and holding them open to get used to the darkness once more, his eyes settled on something in the corner of his room that he had almost forgotten about.
Axel's guitar.
Roxas sighed and simply stared at it for five whole minutes. He hadn't touched the guitar in days. In his mind he tried to remember his fingering. Holding his hand out in front of him, pretending he was holding a guitar's neck, he fingered a c-chord, d-chord, and… He couldn't remember any others. Vacantly, he reached blindly off the side of his bed and found his pants close by and felt the folded paper in the back pocket. Taking it out and looking at it with the aide of the street lamp outside, he looked over the notes that Axel had written down on a whim when they were playing two weeks ago on Halloween. Those had been fun times.
Deciding that it was stupid to play air guitar when there was a real guitar less than ten feet away from him, Roxas got off the bed gently, making sure not to wake the woman beside him. He detached the wire plugging the guitar into the amp and carried it with two hands, the way Axel had taught him, to the living room.
He took his place on the couch and laid the guitar in his lap, the cold stained wood and plastic feeling uncomfortable against his bare stomach. He placed the sheet music next to him and tried to play the music out one note at a time. It killed him that it was so difficult the second time around. Oddly enough, using the lyrics that Axel wrote down helped.
"Under this heart's spell, you cannot defend. It's the simple truth the night brings. You would never want this rendezvous to end, if only she stopped pulling strings. From the beginning you were the answer, the solution to the unspoken word. But for all of the times you left me for her, it seems my lonely heart feels the sting."
Roxas hummed along, remembering a lot better now that he had the actual guitar in his grasp and the music out in front of him. Axel really was a talented musician, and his notes were so clear and easy to follow. He plucked along slowly, wishing he could be better, but nobody got anywhere without practice. The lyrics still weren't sitting well with him. Roxas thought they could use a pick-me-up. Glancing around the living room, he noticed a pencil on the coffee table and grabbed it.
"This sounds like a whiny metal song," the blonde muttered bitterly. "This rhyme scheme sucks."
He was there at the inception of this song. It reminded him of something Axel had said about the guitar Roxas had chosen to play with. The red Fender, the one that was good with poppy, up-beat sounds. Maybe since Roxas took that guitar from him… it was leading him down an extended metaphor train of thought that he didn't feel entirely comfortable with.
"A-B-A-B-C-C-B structure… like a limerick or a nursery rhyme," he mumbled, harkening back to old music classes in elementary school. "Jack and Jill, A-A-B-C-C-B. Ladybird, A-A-B-B. Little Star, A-A-B-B-A-A." Roxas sighed and erased a mark he had made. "He made this way too difficult…"
Again, he started strumming with the c-chord. "Stay…" he mumbled, matching the note and humming along with the chords laid out before him on paper. "Stay… with…"
It sounded like it would work. He went into the kitchen and started writing down lyrics on the sheets of paper usually reserved for jotting down phone messages. "And you… too, have to… no, that doesn't work…" He couldn't comprehend how lyricists were supposed to write down their thoughts in rhyme. He was too confused to even think a cogent sentence. "A-A-B-C-C-B, just like in middle school, Rox," he spoke to himself, remembering English classes and creating poetry. Back then his poems were about his family and his pet frog he adopted from the park. Now, looking down at the paper he had set in front of him, it was an unintelligible mess of scribbles and holes caused by the eraser, but the main message was frighteningly clear.
"Stay with me."
Roxas had never been a child brought up on abandonment issues. His parents loved him very much and his friends supported him one hundred percent. There was absolutely nothing that he needed in his life to stay, because wouldn't that suggest something was leaving?
He meandered back into the bedroom, where Namine still slept silently, and pulled his jeans back on from earlier that day. Without bothering to put on a shirt, he wrapped himself in his heavy winter jacket kept in the coat closet and stepped outside. In his back pocket was his cell phone, and he punched in the speed dial for his best friend.
"You must be some sorta masochist calling this late," Hayner garbled after seven rings. "I mean it. Seriously. I'm gonna fucking kill you."
"Hayner," Roxas sighed, "do you think I should be getting married?"
There was a long, pregnant pause on Hayner's end of the line as the blond paced along the concrete towards the outdoor stairs so he could sit down. Roxas almost felt that maybe their connection had been lost, but he pulled his ear away from the receiver to see that his minutes were still adding up and there was a faint sound of breathing on the other end. "Hayner!"
"I heard yah, I heard yah," he reassured. "Rox, this is a pretty big question… What's up? What happened today?" Roxas had remained tight-lipped about what exactly happened during their day trip to the harbor. He didn't want to bog his friend down with his family problems.
"It's just that… We're a little young, right? And that I've known her ever since high school and have never really been with anyone else… I mean, I'm not saying it's all about the sex or anything, I love Nami, but what if there's… God, sorry, I mean- It's just that I feel like I'm marrying her just because she's familiar and for the satisfaction of knowing that she'll love me for the rest of her life, too."
Hayner stayed silent for a beat until he was convinced that Roxas had finished. "But… isn't that what marriage is?" he asked blandly. "At least the whole loving someone forever thing."
"And I do love her," Roxas groaned, smothering his forehead into his palm. "Maybe I'm just getting cold feet?"
"Look, Rox, it's three in the morning," Hayner stated.
Was it? Roxas wasn't wearing a watch so he didn't know what the time was, but considering how early he had tried to go to bed, he wondered just how long he'd spent on the couch practicing that song and writing lyrics.
"…And I think you know my feelings about all this. Why did you call asking me?"
It was a great question, and Roxas was asking himself the same thing. Hayner had made his opinions clear ever since Roxas showed him the ring he had bought, that he thought his friend was too young to be getting into a commitment like this. Maybe it was for the satisfaction that if maybe, possibly, things didn't quite work out with Namine, then he would always have a friend looking out for him.
"Hayner, I… I think I cheated…" Roxas confessed, the word sounding so foreign on his tongue.
Once again, there was a moment of silence, but not before a long and exasperated sigh came out from his sleepy friend. "Was it Axel?" Hayner queried softly. On his end of the line, Roxas nodded, and even though Hayner couldn't see the action he took the lack of contradiction as a 'yes'. "...Roxas."
"It was last night," Roxas said in a rush, clutching his arms and leaning forward so his head rested on his knees. It was just too damn cold tonight. "My birthday- whatever. We got drunk, but I..."
"No need to elaborate. Thanks for sparing the details," Hayner chuckled. "Y'all didn't go all the way?"
The mere thought made Roxas' face explode, and he was glad his face was hidden smothered in his lap. Going all the way with Axel would be absolutely unthinkable. He could hardly believe he even let the redhead touch him, much less anything else. "No, we didn't…"
"Well then, it isn't cheating!" Hayner announced in a congratulatory way. Roxas was left confused on his apartment steps.
"…What?"
"It's only cheating if it's sex," he explained. "Everything else could simply be considered… social discourse, or something."
Roxas was fairly certain that there was a line between having a conversation with Axel and having a blowjob with Axel. But perhaps, Roxas reasoned as if seeing the light, Hayner was somewhat right. What Namine doesn't know won't hurt him. However, simply thinking that seemed cheat-ish.
"Hayner, I don't think I can do this… I don't think it was just physical. There were some feelings behind it."
"Dude, chill, I- Do you need me to come over? I mean, I…"
"No, no, Hayner, sleep," Roxas commanded, shaking his head and sounding pitiful altogether. "I don't know what's wrong with me." He paused, looking at the specks of dirt and leaves resting on the steps with him. He took a dried leaf and started shattering it until there was nothing left but the stem and veins. "…Everything was so simple a year ago… a month ago."
That seemed like a lie, too. This time a year ago, Sora would have been coming home from his honeymoon and moving into his new apartment with Kairi. It was still completely unbelievable about what had happened over those two short weeks at the harbor. Better yet, how could Roxas had been so blind to not realize that Sora probably wasn't staying the night at a friend's house to study all those times in high school? He was probably at parties getting drunk and high and vandalizing city property. Roxas didn't know whether to be livid at Demyx for being a bad influence or disappointed in himself for not catching on about his own brother's behavior.
"I really need to get back to sleep, Rox," Hayner sighed, his words almost coming out as an garbled slur as Roxas could imagine him lying in bed with his face pressed up against a pillow. "Call me tomorrow if you still wanna talk. But food for thought: I think you're forgetting about the elephant in the room here, pal. G'night."
Roxas was in the disposition to brood about his brother's love life, not his own. Especially after going out of his way to not think about what happened the night before. However, there was something to be said about contriteness. Leaving Axel's apartment that morning in such a state was probably Roxas' all-time low. He looked at the face of his cell phone for a moment and wondered if the redhead would even be awake at this hour. Would it be okay to call and apologize? How do you even apologize for something like this? He knew that the conversation would probably lead to something along the lines of a separation, and for some reason putting something so definite into words didn't sit well with Roxas. He stood and placed his cell in his back pocket, deciding that a walk would be exactly what the doctor ordered.
oooOOOoooOOOoooOOOooo
"Again," Axel sighed, strumming his guitar. "Xig, you're still messing up that bridge into the second solo. Didn't you look over the music I gave you?"
"For the last time, this is pointless," Xigbar spat, holding up the crumpled sheet of music paper with notes haphazardly filled it. It was impossible to decode without their old frontman there to translate Axel's thought process into something legible.
"You're a fucking music teacher, Xig."
"I teach classical music to twelve-year-olds," the guitarist growled, tearing the paper in half. "Not worthless pierces of emo trash."
Marluxia stopped drumming and wrapped his hands around his sticks. "C'mon, Xig. That's a little harsh."
"What's a little harsh are these lyrics," Luxord sighed, agreeing with the guitarist and picking up a piece of the torn sheet music from the floor. He read over the paper and rolled his eyes towards the seething lead singer. "Axe, it's been a long day for everybody. I have a meeting with the bank tomorrow and I'd like to be awake for it."
"And I have to be there, too," Marluxia grumbled, looking wearier than usual like all the others. Axel sighed and combed his fingers through his hair. All the stress was causing his hair to fall out, and he caught a chunk of red between his fingers. He was really starting to hate that color.
"Okay, I get it." He dropped the hair on the floor of his apartment where a late-night rehearsal was taking place. "Sorry I yelled, Xig." The long-haired guitarist shrugged and the two bumped knuckles.
"Ain't no thing but the scene, brah," Xig replied. "Stress is a killer. Get some sleep, you look dead." Axel raised his eyebrows in agreement and rubbed the bags under his eyes. He definitely felt dead. "I have a lesson tomorrow morning anyway." He paused to look at his wristwatch as Axel knocked a cigarette from a box on the coffee table.
"Yeah, okay. Let's break for the night then."
The band sighed collectively and started to pack up their instruments. As Axel was placing his guitar on the rack with the others, Marluxia approached him apprehensively.
"Hey… I was just wondering if it was okay for me to leave my set here tonight. I'm really wiped and I don't feel like dragging it across town."
Axel nodded absentmindedly. "Yeah, sure, I don't mind."
Marluxia bounced his head wearily and looked as the others were detaching their straps and placing their guitars in cases. He absently smacked his palm with his tape-wrapped drumsticks. "And I was wondering, I guess this is stupid, but… You were serious about the tour, huh?"
Axel blinked, pausing in his inhale of his cigarette. "Of course." He looked down at his apprehensive drummer, twisting his sticks in his fists at a rate to start a fire. "Mars, what's wrong?"
"It's just all very short notice," he mumbled. "And… We're leaving in a month on an East Coast tour when we've never even toured the state…"
"Feel like we skipped a step? C'mon, Wayfinder is a friend of the band. They contacted us first and followed through with the deal. Terra's a great guy."
Marluxia didn't say a thing as he remained lost in thought. Axel laughed and smiled for his first time since days ago, continuing on with his train of thought. "Now I know Marluxia Floris to be many things, but at a loss for words isn't one of them. What has your tongue?"
Marluxia sighed and shook his head. "Nothing. You just picked a really crap-tacular time to go on tour." Luxord finished packing his bass and stood at the entryway with Xigbar, motioning for the drummer to follow so he could drive all of them home. These late-night rehearsals were a killer for everyone. "Goodbye, Axel."
The leader didn't like how there was a sense of finality in his voice.
The others bid their farewells and waved goodbye. Axel nodded and saw them out, leaning in the doorframe one moment longer as he made sure his friends made it safely to their car in the lot below and enjoyed the brisk air outside after the heated moment in rehearsal. For a moment, as brief as it was, he could have sworn he saw a flash of warm gold in the cool blue light of the winter night.
Axel rushed out the doorway and leaned on the rusted, painted-over railing. He could have sworn he saw it. If only for a moment. In the shadows caused by Luxord turning on his car's headlights it was gone, but he knew he was there. Roxas.
oooOOOoooOOOoooOOOooo
It seemed ludicrous to be back in school once more. It was the longest weekend of his life, and now it was simply the start of something almost nostalgic. He remembered a week ago sitting in this same seat listening to this same professor speak without this horrible burden on his shoulders.
His only solace was that Namine wouldn't be home when he returned, because of her art classes. And the simple fact that he saw this as a consolation made him cringe. It was absolutely pointless to be in class today. He was thankful that the class was so large that nobody would notice. He took his leave quickly, choking back his discomfort until he was outside walking the campus sidewalks.
Roxas had nowhere to go. He thought about bumming around the convenience store or maybe going to the student union, but all of those places harvested awkward memories of what was expected from him. He remembered Fuu giving him copies of her zines, trying to place the pieces of the puzzle for him as much as she could without telling him directly. He felt like such a fool. But in the end, no matter how he looked at it, this was not a new problem. It would have been so easy for him to just talk to his brother that he was upset he never had the balls to do it in the first place. The heavy feeling followed as he walked aimlessly across campus.
He looked up and found himself standing beside a tram stop. Of course, with the tram leading straight to his brother's apartment complex waiting in front of him. The ride was short, and all the while the thoughts rushing through his head were different remixes of the same song.
"What the hell am I doing?"
"Roxas?"
His older brother was standing in front of him, pulling him out of his current state of mind. At some point while he was lost in thought he had gotten off the tram and had arrived at Sora's doorstep. Seeing the brunet for the first time since yesterday brought back so many horrific memories of Riku's story that he saw red.
There was a sickening crack when Roxas' fist collided with Sora's cheek. There was blood, definitely, spilling profusely out of the nick in his skin caused by Roxas' engagement band. Sora was knocked to the floor and he curled up into a small fetal-position ball, cradling his face.
"OW! Shit, Roxas, what the FUCK?!"
More profanities spilled from Sora's mouth as Roxas simply stood in the doorway watching. Suddenly, he felt cleansed. At least a small part of boulder on his back was chipped. He sighed, a flighty grin crawling across his face at the sounds of Sora whimpering.
"Wanna go catch a movie?"
"Nnnnowwwwwkay…"
oooOOOoooOOOoooOOOooo
On their way to the theatre, the brothers stepped into a walk-in pharmacy so Roxas could buy Sora some band-aids. It was the least he could do after the surprise attack. But just to make his brother really feel ashamed, he made sure to buy the Barbie brand.
"So… why'd you punch me in the face?" Sora asked, sucking in air in a tight gasp as he rubbed a bandage on his cut. Roxas was impressed that the brunet was able to hold his tongue from all questions until this much later.
"Oh, you had it coming," he said with an optimistic sigh. A few moments later they arrived at the Drafthouse and looked at what was screening for the day. Roxas stood in front of the large building so he could get a good look at the marquee. "So what'll it be today? It's Super Star Monday. This week's Chevy Chase."
"Roxas…"
"Eh, I know you were never a big fan, but it's The Three Amigos…"
"What's the deal? Don't you have class today?"
Roxas turned to his brother and shrugged his shoulders. "I decided to skip today." He pulled out his wallet and sifted through. "Three Amigos it is. I don't have enough cash for a matinee…"
"Roxas, you don't skip."
"Yeah. You didn't, too. Did you?"
"Well, yeah. In college I missed a class or two…"
"And what about high school?" Roxas asked as they walked up to the booth. "Two please. Three Amigos."
"Oh, wow. That was a long time ago…" Sora muttered, chuckling slightly. There was something taboo about skipping school in high school. Since it was required by law to attend, students would get calls from the faculty if they were marked absent for a period. Roxas didn't remember Sora ever getting calls from the school, but maybe it was because the brunet was just really good at covering his tracks. Sora stepped up beside Roxas and purchased the tickets. "But I was too busy studying for the SATs to skip."
"How does that song go? I know where you go, and everybody you know. I know everything that you do or say. So when you tell lies I'll always be in your way."
They stood facing each other in the lobby, Sora with a blank expression on his face, but Roxas could tell behind all of that the gears were turning quickly. "…Sex Pistols. Really? I didn't think you'd like them."
"You wouldn't really have known, would you? Because I was always the kid that liked Rufus Wainwright and Simon and Garfunkel?"
"Well…" Sora started, pausing for a moment, "…you were."
"I should've known something was up about you when you started listening to Adam Ant and Blink-182."
Sora softly mouthed 'one-eighty-two' in that bombshell's wake. In all recent memory he couldn't remember the last time he ever purposefully listened to metal. "Have you been getting enough sleep?" he asked without hiding his concern. "You look dead… and I thought you liked Adam Ant."
"I do," Roxas hissed, as if it brought him to great pains to admit. They ended their face-off in the lobby and continued walking to their theatre. Roxas didn't want to tell Sora that he couldn't get to sleep last night and ended up walking all the way to Axel's place. He had no idea they would be practicing that late, and seeing all of them there made him panic. There was no way he could have talk to Axel about last night, impossible. "That's not the point. The point is that you lied to me."
"When did I ever lie to you?" Sora asked. "And that one time when I said I didn't like Chevy Chase doesn't count. I just wasn't in the mood for National Lampoon's. Is that a crime?"
"When did you start liking horror movies?"
"What is with all the random questions today?" he questioned, rubbing his cheek. "And random acts of violence." Roxas was somewhat proud of himself that he was able to leave such a mark. Up until today he had never been a part of any aggression, save for pointless squabbles when he was in elementary school and restless. He never even once threw a punch, and now he had Sora walking next to him with a bruise on his face. Inwardly, he hoped that Kairi wouldn't mind that her husband would be returning home with a swollen cheek. Although for some reason he doubted she would even care at all.
Sora made a humming sound with a pondering inflection. "I guess it would have to be the summer before last," he answered, his voice growing distant. "…A friend recommended them."
It hurt Roxas that Sora still thought of Riku with such a degree of sentimentality. What hurt him even more was that it was obvious the brunet was thinking about him, but he was still keeping this secret. They walked down the aisle and took their seats in the middle of a relatively empty theatre, filled mostly with college students and retired people. The opening announcements were almost over and soon the show would be starting.
The film was hilarious, as always, and although Sora was laughing and quoting along throughout the entire movie, Roxas simply wasn't in the mood. He was too distracted by the small stage area in front of the screen. This was the same theatre that Axel had taken him to for music video night. That was the evening they first kissed…
Before Roxas could spend any more time thinking about it, Sora was standing up and stretching as the end credits began. "That was a nice break from the monotonous," his brother announced with a yawn. He hissed slightly when he stretched a bad nerve in his cheek and winced. "Is there anything else you wanna do today that won't end up in me getting punched?"
Roxas didn't say anything as they left the theatre, but it was obvious his silence had reached a point in Sora that the brunet felt the need to start coming up with idle conversation.
"Did you ever wonder why they charge so much for popcorn?" Sora asked. "It's because that's how the theatre gets money. See, in the first few weeks of a movie coming out, a large percentage of the ticket sales goes to the film companies. It isn't until weeks afterward when a dominant portion of the ticket sale for a movie actually goes to the theatre itself. That's why they mark up the popcorn and candy at least three hundred percent. It's because that's really the only way the theatre can stay afloat. Of course, there's other ways like buying their tee shirts and merch."
Roxas astoundingly did not care about theatre ticket sales. "Have you ever done drugs?"
Sora scowled. It seemed like his brother was trying really hard to ignore that Roxas was waiting on him to magically come up with a reason to why he was acting so surly. "What is the deal, Roxas? How come all of a sudden you just waltz into my apartment and clobber me, take me to the movies, and then ask all those random questions?"
"If you've been paying attention, they weren't random," Roxas replied, watching as it slowly dawned on his brother what he was getting at. The taste in music, movies, drugs, the lying… It all led back to a specific time in his life that Sora wanted to keep hidden. But there was no way Roxas could have known about any of that, unless Kairi squealed. After their talk yesterday night, he wouldn't be surprised.
"…No way."
He was lying. Roxas' face turned red as he asked the next question. "Does the band 13 Hearts mean anything to you?"
He watched as his brother's eyes narrowed and he tried to swallow a lump in his throat. "Roxas. What did you do?"
"I think I'm the one who should be asking the questions." Roxas nodded his head towards the sidewalk in the direction of his apartment. They had reached the fork in the road where Sora would usually wave off and head back to his own home, but instead he followed a half-step behind his younger sibling. "How long were you planning on keeping your little secret under wraps?"
"It's not a secret," Sora insisted, but Roxas begged to differ. "It's more like… my past. It's nobody's concern but my own."
"Your past has screwed so many people over."
"I know, but-"
"But you kept on living in your own blithe little world, completely ignorant!"
"Who told you?"
"I had to find out for myself. Thankfully I had a little help from friends to push me in the right direction. I don't understand how you can just go on and live your life like none of this happened…"
Sora scratched the back of his head and felt really disheartened. "Roxas… who told you?"
The blonde paused, seeing how much this answer meant to his brother. "A lot of people," he replied. "13 Hearts… they're going to be playing the reception at my wedding. Demyx pushed me into asking you for answers when I found out that Axel and all of his friends wanted to kill you."
"Those guys don't mean it…"
"I found out from Fuu some of the background. About how 13 Hearts used to be the biggest thing in the Harbor, looking to make a name for themselves in Bastion. But something horrible happened that made the lead singer break up from the band."
"…Riku's not in the band anymore?" Sora asked. This was the first time he had ever heard news of the punk's activities since he left that summer over a year ago. He suddenly stopped walking and stared at the pavement at his feet. Roxas stopped stalking forward and turned to read his brother's expression. He seemed absolutely crushed and about to cry at any moment. "Fuu is his sister… You talked to her?" His voice was starting to quake.
"We met through the band. Axel's the lead singer now. Namine made me scout them out to see if they would be any good for some covers during the reception. And they are really, really good."
"I know, right?" Sora replied with a longing sigh. There was a very long pause when he decided to speak up again. "…So, if you know about Riku, then I guess you know…"
"Yeah, I know."
"Are you disgusted with me?"
"With your behavior, definitely… But with your choices…"
"It's not a choice," Sora growled through gritted teeth.
"I know it's not," Roxas sighed. "Believe me, I know… But you know what really wasn't cool? Leaving him high and dry like that."
Some of the finer details about that summer's events seemed to have faded from Sora's memory with time, but he definitely seemed to catch on quick enough. "You would rather I'd stay? Call Kairi up and tell her the wedding's off and run the harbor with some boy I just met?"
"Okay. I almost hate to say this, but no. That wasn't what I was talking about. In a perfect world this whole affair would have never happened."
"It wasn't an affair. It's only an affair if you're married."
"Why do people keep saying that?" Roxas whined, throwing his hands up in defeat. "I mean, in this past year, have you had an honest-to-God affair with anyone?"
"…Do you really want me to answer that?" Sora asked with a nervous, half-grin half-grimace.
"Sora!" Roxas cried. His brother's right cheek where Roxas had slugged him tightened up like it was expecting another blow. "Oh my God. Seriously? Does she know?"
"Kairi? Well, duh. I mean… Wait, have you been home since last night? I remember Kairi telling me that you were gone, like, all day and Namine was really shaken up about it." Sora was smart enough to assume that the reason why Roxas suddenly knew so much about his past was that he spent a majority of yesterday doing some super sleuthing.
"I stopped by, but she didn't say anything. She fell asleep not long after I got home." He recalled how he found her sleeping in a sea of tissues and had obviously been crying a better part of the evening. They walked past the coffee house and into the garage entrance towards the stairs. He wouldn't let Sora get away with this again. "Who was it? Someone I know?"
"Rox, c'mon, what's the point of all this? You're only hurting yourself in the end," Sora sighed, stepping in front of his younger brother and beating him up the stairs. He waited by the apartment door and leaned against the frame. "I can assure you that everything's just fine in my neck of the woods. Maybe you should worry about your own."
Roxas unlocked the door and stepped inside, followed shortly by his brother who shut the door behind them. The first thing that caught Roxas by surprise was Demyx in his living room. He was drinking tea with Namine and Kairi. Kairi seemed perfectly at ease with the punk's presence in the room while Namine sat with her knees shaking together and her cup close to her lips. When the door shut, she turned around quickly and looked both relieved and terrified that Roxas was home.
"Honey…" Roxas said slowly as he dragged his eyes across the room as he assessed everybody's reactions, "What's going on?"
"Roxas, sweetie, have a seat."
The blonde nearly jumped when Sora's hand collided with his back with a rough pat. "Have a seat, brah." Roxas did not like one bit how his brother sounded like the people down at the harbor. What surprised him was when he took a seat on one of the guest chairs in the corner of the room rather than sitting on the couch next to Kairi. There was plenty of room between her and Demyx.
Roxas cautiously took his seat next to Namine on the loveseat, although with the current climate of the situation he sat with a gap between them. The way she was sitting with her knees together and her arms in front of her left her totally closed off. She placed her tea cup on the plate on the coffee table and sighed.
"Are we starting?" Kairi asked, slouching on the couch. It was at this point that Roxas really started to notice the stark differences between Namine and her sister. Kairi was so unbelievably relaxed, even in such a tense atmosphere. The redhead woman turned to Sora and raised a brow. "You were out with him all day, I guess. Did you tell?"
Sora shook his head. "Didn't really come up."
Kairi rolled her eyes. "And I know Nami didn't. Okay. Roxas, Sora and I are getting divorced."
He didn't exactly know what to think about that. His eyes turned to look at a suddenly very interesting crack in the wall plaster. He wondered if he was supposed to feel upset, because he wasn't. Although it seemed to answer the question for why Namine was so upset last night. All the same, he wondered why they had gathered together in his living room to tell him this. He especially wanted to know what Demyx was doing here.
The punk seemed to catch on that he was being looked at oddly, and raised his hands in a defenseless pose. "Oh! I'm just here for moral support…"
"You see, Roxas, I've always sort of based our relationship on my sister's," Namine started. Roxas didn't know if he should laugh that his fiancée was basing their relationship on the little redhead firecracker that was married a gay man. "But not too long ago, on one of the nights you were out… doing whatever it was you were doing… She came to me and told me some very surprising things about her and Sora's relationship."
Roxas blinked and turned to Sora. "So she knew all along?" he asked, regarding his affair with Riku.
"Of course I told her," Sora replied as if his little brother was an idiot. "Y'see, I kinda learn from my mistakes. I don't keep secrets in my relationship." At that last statement he turned his head and looked towards no one in particular, but Roxas couldn't help but feel that it was directed towards him. He had kept his infatuation with Axel a very close guarded secret, and the only person that knew was Hayner, and he could trust Hayner. However, he didn't know if he could trust Axel to not tell his friends. Since Demyx was a friend of both Axel and Sora, maybe Axel told Demyx who told Sora who told Kairi who told Namine. All color fell from his face.
"Th-then why did you stay together for a year?" Roxas asked. A year was a long time for people so young. He was beginning to understand everyone's concerns about him marrying early, although he was convinced this was for what was best for him. It seemed to make sense that Kairi would be smart enough to see the problem quickly before a year passed.
"We were lazy," Kairi answered with a lofty grin. For some reason, that sort of attitude seemed typical of his sister-in-law, too. Or perhaps living together with Sora for a year made some of his bad habits rub off. "See, Sora told me what happened the minute he came home. We talked about it. I decided that what he did didn't make me love him less. I did worse things with worse people, and Sora was able to see past all that," when she said this she glanced at him and smiled fondly, "so the least I could do was return to favor. Sora insisted that he really loved me and wanted to stay together, despite everything."
Now that Roxas stopped to think about it, Kairi was the first woman he ever remembered Sora being in a relationship with. He had always figured his older brother was too focused on studies to worry about relationships, so he followed in his footsteps, at least until he met Namine.
Although with newfound knowledge about Sora's past, he could easily assume that his brother was with far more men than women. But he did seem to be drawn towards Kairi in a way he had never felt with another man, that is until he met Riku. Maybe like there was something in the Strife brothers' genes to attract lead singers in punk bands like magnets, there was something in the Gibson sisters' genes that made them irresistible to the Strife brothers. What a sorry show of fate.
"I've always looked up to Kairi and her relationship with Sora. It was like they were perfect for each other and when I found you I thought I found the person who would be perfect for me… But… I think it might be best to learn from history and correct mistakes before they happen." She turned from her spot on the loveseat and gripped his hand tightly.
"I think we should call off the wedding."
A million thoughts raced through Roxas' head. No! This was impossible. Memory after memory with Namine flashed through his head. Meeting her in high school, the way her blonde hair had framed her face then, the way her eyes sparkled. He suddenly realized he didn't see that sparkle anymore. The was she would always have paint on her skin or clothes. The way she smelled like her parent's house when they walked home together. The way her breath hitched when they made love. The feeling of her eyelashes blinking against his shoulder blades when she hugged him in his sleep. Her teeth when she smiled at him. It struck him that he hadn't really enjoyed any of these things in several months, possibly longer. What happened to them?
"No," Roxas said softly. "Nami, why?" His voice was starting to rise, and for a moment crack. Namine gripped his hand tighter and turned to the rest of the people in the room.
"Thank you for coming," she said patiently but with a hint of anxiety. "I think I can handle this from here…"
Sora nodded and stood, leading Demyx and Kairi out of the room. "I'll talk to you later, Rox," Demyx said before closing the front door behind him.
"Roxas, sweetie, I'm so sorry…"
"But I'm not like him! And you're not like her! You can't compare yourself to your sister, Nami! There weren't any mistakes!" Roxas cried out. Namine wrapped her arms around his shoulder and let him bury his face into the crook of her neck. She whispered kind words to him calmly. In her embrace, Roxas could feel the rapid pace of her heart like never before.
"It's okay, babe. I know you're upset. I'll do everything I can to make it better, but we just can't get married. In good faith, I just can't."
"I'm sorry!" Roxas blurted out in hysterics. "I promise it won't happen again. It was just a kiss! I didn't want to spend the night!" Although his words came out as broken gasps, Namine seemed to catch onto token words like 'kiss' and 'night'. She gently pulled him away and looked him in his bloodshot eyes.
"Honey, what are you talking about?" she asked in a rhetorical tone. "I-It's not you, it's me…" Namine held his chin up so he didn't have any choice but to look directly at her.
"I'm pregnant." The pit in Roxas' stomach reached a new low. Namine couldn't even look at him anymore. "And… I don't think it's yours…"
xxxXXXxxxXXXxxx
HAAHhaahA So we're kind of in that home stretch. I was kind of purposefully vague answering questions about how long Ballad was when I was originally reposting because I didn't want to A) scare people off my how long it was and B) scare even more people off because it was going to be a lot longer with the extra stuff I've been writing. So, originally Ballad was 17 chapters long (20 including the b-sides), plus two extra chapters at the end (so 22 total). I'm restructuring the story at the end slightly so some of the extra chapters I wrote later after the story originally "ended" are part of the entire story. The bonus material I'm working on fits after the "ending" and the extra chapters. I have no idea if this makes sense, but we're getting there, guys. Questions will be answered. Cuties will be smooched. There's a light at the end of this tunnel.
In gaming news, I started playing Dream Drop Distance! I was really frustrated with the fighting system at first, but I'm starting to get the hang of it! Still learning how to deal with the spirit buddies that fight with you (I wouldn't mind them so much if they didn't look JUST LIKE THE EVIL SPIRITS TRYING TO KILL ME only in lighter colors). I've gotten through Traverse Town, Notre Dame, Tron world, and now I'm in Pinocchio world. I love love LOVE Sora's side of Pinocchio world (like I've probably mentioned in the past, if not here then definitely on tumblr, I'm a huge sucker for roller coasters, and I love shitty amusement parks. Like, the ones that are creepy but in an endearing way and not in a homicidal clown way.) Riku's side gives me horrible flashbacks to the KHI level and fuck that level amiright? The levels seem uncomfortably HUGE, especially since I'm using such a small screen (I have a pearl pink 3ds, but have been wondering if getting the pink 3ds xl is worth it even though the color isn't as cute…) It also sucks that I'm limited to only looking side-to-side. I wanna look up and down too! And that the jump and attack buttons are switched. I'm like 11 hours in and I'm still messing up on that. I can only play if I have hours of free time (so usually only on my days off) because if I try to play I will spend over two hours on it, easy. I get kinda peeved at mobile/portable games that make you use save points but they're few and far between (a byproduct of the worlds being ridiculously huge?) If I want to stop playing for a while, I have to get both boys somewhere memorable so I won't go back to the game a sometimes 5+ days later and wonder what the hell I was doing. The map system they use is completely pointless and difficult to navigate. BUT I WILL SAY- I'm enjoying the cutscenes and learning what happened to the characters after KHII. A lot of it's been spoiled for me, but I've been trying to remain willfully ignorant of a lot of things so I can still try to be surprised about a lot of it. (Like, I kept seeing fanart of Saix and Axel giving each other Meaningful Stares, but I had no idea they used to be friends until I played BbS. Little things like that surprise me, and it's nice to be surprised by a 13-year-old franchise and a years-old game, lol. (i'm sorry i could talk about this forever im obviously a fan…)
So. I really hate to do this, but I think for the remainder of the story I'm gonna have to switch permanently to an every-other-week updating schedule. There's just too much to write and I just don't have a ton of free time to do it T_T; Also got a couple other projects I need to be working on that pull rank over this for the time being, so… I hope you guys aren't upset and will chill with me til the end! Next update will be June 1st!
And as always, PLEASE REVIEW! Hearing your nice words really goes a long way in keeping me motivated to continue writing! Last chapter had the most reviews I'd ever seen and we even passed the 90-review mark! You guys are great and I hope you'll keep REVIEWING and FOLLOW/FAV-ing!