The anxious murmuring from around Rus made her squirm with anxiety. Pretty and fiery Lily already went to Gryffindor, not that there was any doubt on it but still… and Rus was still there, waiting for her name to be called out.
Though, it was a real victory to have her mother owl the headmaster for a change of her name on the roll call — she will be called as Ruslana Snape, not Severus Snape from there on, and the thought made her giddy with joy.
"Snape, Ruslana!" called out a severe looking witch, who introduced herself earlier as Professor McGonagall (and never before had Rus aspired to be such a witch someday).
Rus went to the Sorting Hat, stumbling a bit before sitting and having her vision obscured by the … smelly… hat.
"I'll have you know, Miss Snape, that I smell perfectly fine for a Hat that spent a few centuries on children's hair without getting washed even once."
She let out a small squeak at that.
"I'm sorry", Rus mumbled to the hat as an apology.
There was a chuckle in her ear, and she could feel the hat moving around her head.
"No matter, no matter. Now, where to sort you?"
She could ask the Hat about her sorting? Mother never said anything about that.
"No I dare say she did not — Eileen Prince was a snake that much was clear. But you have cunning and bravery in spades, and while Hufflepuff might be a good fit for you, you are not loyal to just anyone. You are loyal to but a few. But courage? That you have more than you even know. Gryffindor could be good for you, and you would be great with them…"
And there was temptation. To go to Gryffindor, to be with Lily and Sirius, learn with them. But… would she truly be brave if she did not allow herself to reach her full potential?
Would she truly be brave if she hid behind her friends?
"Well, I see that the lessons of both Salazar Slytherin and Godric Gryffindor shall stick with you. Ambition and cunning, indeed. Then, better be…"
"Slytherin!"
Rus was brave. She was, or she wouldn't have gone to Slytherin without the support of her friends.
Still, in the dark of the night, after having to fight to get her space and things respected, she didn't feel so brave.
The girls weren't too bad she supposed, but when they caught sight of her underthings… they had become so mad. — Mother hadn't manage to buy new ones to go with her new clothes, and she absolutely refused that Lily's mother spent any more money on her.
She was just not worth it.
(but she didn't dare voice those thoughts aloud, for Rose Evans would scold her so hard her ears would still be ringing a day later).
(she wasn't blind, but the suspicion was better than be explained yet again how Rus' happiness was priceless when it wasn't).
Especially the one named Aurelia Carrow. She started screeching about how her parents told her that those were bad traditions and that someone as dirt poor as Rus obviously was didn't even merit the avoidance most purebloods had.
Oh and there were a few words about how she was as "dirty as your blood and body, mudblood".
The whole scene escalated when Livia Crabbe started shouting at Aurelia and her besmirching of Traditions, and how her parents were obviously wrong.
At this point, the whole dorm started shouting, and Rus couldn't help but feel a tightness in her chest that wouldn't go away.
Her breathing was speeding and she couldn't hear anything past the ringing in her ears and the Carrow's spiteful words. Everything felt so much, too much. She couldn't do it, not now, just… she couldn't.
It took her a bit of time until she finally felt a hand on her back, rubbing circles and finally noticing her heavy and rapid breathing.
"Come on girl, that's it. Breathe in, breathe out. Again."
Rus took a look at the one trying to calm her through tear-filled eyes (and when did she start crying) only to be met face to face with the Girls' prefect.
She smiled at Rus, a bit pained but mostly reassuring.
"Alright I think that's enough excitement for tonight. How about you go shower and change into your nightclothes and I lay the ground rules to the rest of the dorm, hm? Come on."
And Rus went, on unsteady legs, but not before thanking loudly Livia Crabbe for standing up for her.
The other girl looked startled, but the smile she sent in answer made her look radiant.
The next morning didn't start any better. Though not as loudly — but the poisonous glares Carrow continue to send her all morning made her feel uneasy.
At least, Rus had a companion in Livia Crabbe who was loudly and proudly supporting the Old Traditions.
"I'm part-Black you see", she told her when Rus asked at breakfast, "even if the Heir currently support the New Traditionalists, we Crabbe are proud to follow the Old Traditions under the rule of the Blacks. Anyway, it would have broke out, you know. Carrow's been itching for a fight since I met her on the train."
It didn't make Rus feel any better, but she was glad to have Livia-takes-no-bullshit Crabbe on her side.
"They're all following that new upstart revolutionary… what's his name already… oh right. Voldemort. Yeah so that one. Most Old Traditionals suspect that the guy isn't a pureblood, seeing as how he's supporting some Muggleborn bias, but nobody say it very loud since the last few that did were found dead in their bed", she whispered when everyone was distracted by the timetables' distribution.
She then motioned to a few older years.
"Not all of them though — if you have any problems with the girls in the dorm and I'm not here, you go to Narcissa Black, she's the Head Girl there. Remember her?" Rus nodded while examining the ethereal blonde who was the perfect picture of a Lady. "She's in the same case as you, so she might have a few pointers anyway. Her and her fiancé are both Followers of the Old Traditions, and they don't give a f— sorry, they don't care about others' opinions. Narcissa is a Black, so nobody dares crossing her."
Livia then pointed the girl next to Narcissa, a tall and dark-haired witch that Rus remembered well from the evening before.
"That's Andromeda Black. Rumor has it that she's involved with a Hufflepuff, but she's been cunning enough to keep things quiet. She's also the Girls' prefect, remember when she went into our dorm to calm things down? She's also wicked with her wand, and she might teach you some tricks if you ask her. She already seems to like you, and she's my cousin. She might agree."
Livia also told Rus about all the little things about Hogwarts: the rivalries, the mysterious stairs, the different teachers, how to make sense of the layout of the place.
She taught her little spells, to tie her shoes and make sure her uniform was spotless — "We're Slytherin Ruslana. You might not be the richest, but I'll be damned if I see you presented as less than the gem that you are."
Livia Crabbe was a godsent gift, and Rus couldn't thank her good star enough for her.
Friday came, and with it several confrontations with Carrow and her little crew. They all were careful enough not to start it anywhere near Livia's friends or numerous cousins — and if Rus wasn't deep enough in her problems, she'd totally start a rant on how everyone seemed to know each other here.
But with Friday came the potions class that was both Rus' all-time favourite, but also the only class Slytherins shared with Gryffindors.
While Livia wasn't all that happy to be dragged with Rus to see Sirius and Lily, she was at least graceful enough about it — "Well I guess that at least he's a Black. And your friend seems decent enough."
Rus didn't expect to fall nose to nose with the cutest boy she ever saw.
Wide brown eyes opened in surprise, brown skin and hair that had the apparent inability to stay flat and a startling tooth-gap.
Too bad he had to ruin it by opening his big mouth and put his metaphorical foot in it.
"Sooo… you're the boy-girl the slimy snakes have been crying about?"
Truthfully, while Rus would have loved to send a blistering list of curses to the arrogant Gryffindor, Lily was there first to start shouting at him and… surprisingly enough, Sirius went and punched the boy. Hard.
He was talking with him minutes earlier, but when the Gryffindor tried to attack Rus, Sirius didn't hesitate before hitting.
…Rus probably shouldn't flinch from Sirius after that, but she couldn't help it.
(Father had the same dark look in his face whenever he was too deep in his bottles.)
Sirius stopped where he was, and instead of hugging her, he put his hands in his pockets before smiling brightly at her.
(his dark eyes were full of understanding).
(neither noticed Lily suddenly startling or the worried look she shot at Sirius).
"So. How is Slytherin treating you?" asked Sirius to Rus, placing himself between her and the boy on the ground.
(James Potter was still a bit stunned by what happened. Also, ouch).
Rus smiled back, and gestured to Livia. "That's Livia Crabbe, she's been teaching me the ropes and how to survive in Slytherin."
Sirius nodded at the girl, bowing his head in a greeting. "I'm grateful that you looked after my friend Heiress Crabbe."
Livia smiled at him only then.
"Finally someone with a bit of culture. Thank you for addressing me as my right title, Mr Black. And you are very welcome, Miss Snape is a darling treasure, and her wit and cunning place her as one of the most successful snake I've ever seen. Certainly better than all of our roommates."
Sirius only waved his hand a bit, missing Rus' wincing. "Nonetheless, I am glad for your patronage of my friend Heiress Crabbe. And I insist that you call me Sirius — my brother will come to Hogwarts next year and they'll soon be enough of us that you will confuse me by calling me Mr Black. Oh, that reminds me, Grandmother—"
He was cut off by James Potter's irate shout.
"Hey! What the hell man! I was just talking and you hit me?! Just like that?! And now you're making friends with a Snake?"
Sirius looked ready to murder the other Gryffindor on the spot, but Professor Slughorn arrived at this point, and while some called the man weak in Slytherin's house, he was certainly enough used to hard-headed teenagers to put an end to the starting feud.
Though the glares the boys were sending each other only said it was a temporary truce.
Rus managed to snag Livia's attention once they were put in pairs and to work on the day's potions — the fact that there was no security measures of any kind didn't fill her with confidence over Slughorn's competence as a teacher.
"Mind telling me what exactly happened? I think I missed a bit of subtext there."
Livia sighed but nodded her head in agreement.
"Fine Ruslana, but you better make this potion perfect while I'm explaining to you. It'll take some time."
And so Rus started to neatly cut the roots just as her mother taught her while Livia explained to her who exactly James Potter was.
"He's the only heir of the Potter Family — and born late to the Lady of the House, which makes him a treasure in their eyes. He wasn't socialized at all, which means he has no idea of the political clout he may or may not have, and was horribly spoiled by both his parents and really Dorea Black should have known better than to do that. But anyway, that means that James Potter was never taught the Old Traditions, or little enough that it doesn't matter for him. Also, since he was never socialized he has little idea of who are his allies or not, and who he will offend by his opinions. Basically, and crudely put: he's a spoiled little shit who has no idea of what he's doing."
Rus let out a quiet giggle at the rude way her friend described James Potter, but had to agree with her.
Come Monday, Sirius and James Potter had apparently managed to put their feud at rest (though, not without two black eyes and a crooked nose for James and Sirius' deep scratches on his cheek).
And James went to Rus and apologized.
Deep bowing and all.
While Rus wouldn't exactly forget, she could certainly forgive him since Sirius started to teach the rude boy the how-to's of the wizarding society, and Potter was making a real effort to learn.
Sirius didn't tell her how they managed to reconcile each other, just mentioning that late-night trips into the Forbidden Forest were a great bonding activity, and Rus should certainly do it too.
Rus let it wisely at that and resolved to not put her nose in this.
(especially with those rumors of werewolves on the ground. True or not, Rus was safe inside the castle and certainly didn't want to have any problems of the furry kind.)
Weeks and days flew by, and suddenly Rus found herself being summoned to the infirmary by Nurse Pomfrey — Livia told her that Nurse was the proper term as Mrs Pomfrey was a nod to the muggleborns' manners, and Healer was not her formation.
Narcissa Black was the one to bring Rus to this meeting, all discrete but reassuring smiles at the younger snake and little tips on the "how-to" of make-up that Livia tried to teach her.
"Not to disparage Livia's skills of course," had said the Head Girl, "but matter of fact is that our faces will always work differently than hers — you won't have the same highlight or even the same foundation. It's easy enough, but she wouldn't have any idea, she wasn't taught. It's too bad her elder sister died before she could teach her, but Grindelwald wasn't discriminant in his killings."
Turned out, Nurse Pomfrey was asked by the ministry to do a check-up of all the First year coming at Hogwarts. She explained it easily enough, once she waved Narcissa away.
"Matter of fact dear is that the war in both the muggle world and the wizarding world made our population far less numerous. As such, the ministry wants to ensure the health of every child lucky or rich enough to get to Hogwarts," she waved her hand before adding dryly, "Of course, it's also a matter of re-election I believe."
The Nurse frowned after a moment, but soon she smiled at Rus.
"Well, not in perfect health but to be expected of a Muggleborn. You'll have to be inoculated with magical vaccines, and we'll do a schedule for it. Don't want you getting sick in the middle of the school year" she said as she patted Rus' cheeks.
"You have a few old fractures that will need resetting, but we can do that over a weekend, I'll just have to send words to your teachers so you won't have to worry about homework while on heavy dulling potions and what else— oh that's right! Did you have anybody tell you about body transitioning in the magical world?"
Rus blinked back at Nurse Pomfrey.
"Body trans— uh I'm not sure I heard right. I'm sorry Nurse Pomfrey."
She only smiled back.
"To be expected, I expect most muggleborn never hear of the fact that it's possible to feel another gender, never mind changing your body to fit it. That's what body transitioning mean, my dear. To make your body fits the way you want it to be. What changes will be up to you and your Mind Healer, but at the very least we can stop puberty for a few years to let you think about it."
Rus mulled over this quietly, before asking in a small voice.
"Um. I'm sorry Nurse Pomfrey, but what about this Mind Healer? I mean. I don't have much money, and certainly not enough to pay for—"
Nurse Pomfrey laughed at that, waving her hand lightly.
"Don't worry about that my dear. You remember what I mentioned about the ministry ensuring the health of every child attending Hogwarts?" she asked, and continued after seeing Rus' nod. "Well, in that particular case it's actually a national measures: every school, no matter what they make the children attending pay for their education, has the ministry pay to make sure the children are up-to-date with their vaccines, but also that urgences are taken care of freely and that dental care is also free for them. But for Hogwarts children, the measure is larger and will stay all your life: every healthcare you might need is paid for by the ministry."
Nurse Pomfrey paused there before turning fully to Rus and continuing.
"In your case, that means that we'll together make an appointment with Saint-Mungo's Mind Healer — and don't you worry if the first one isn't to your liking, you might have as many appointments as you'd like — and then they'll schedule you for any operation or regular potions you'll have to take. Then, they'll call me at Hogwarts, and I'll make sure you take those potions or take care of your health."
Rus had her eyes wide-open in amazement and hope, almost tearing up at the thought that she wouldn't have to fight anymore.
"They… They can make me a real girl?"
Nurse Pomfrey shot her a very serious look at that before kneeling in front of Rus.
"My dear, let me tell you something: you are already a real girl. If you want your body changed to accommodate your idea of what it should be, we can certainly do that: but you are a girl. No matter what."
Rus nodded timidly, her tears running freely on her cheeks.