Donna Meets Lily

Chapter 5 - Feelings Nothing More Than Feelings

Harvey rang the bell at his brother's house. It was the day before the birthday party and he had travelled by train cancelling the plane reservations that Donna had made for him. He enjoyed the train trip because it gave him time to contemplate his family's reaction when they noticed his very special redhead had not accompanied him.

"Do my eyes deceive me? My big brother is standing at the door!" Marcus exclaimed giving Harvey a big hug. Clamoring between them was Marcus' five year old son, Marcus, Jr. He loved when Uncle Harvey visited because M.J. could have a playmate all to himself and not have to vye for attention with his big sister.

"Uncle Harvey!"

"Hey, M.J." Harvey said as he almost fell into the doorway as little Marcus hugged his uncle's legs.

Kate came in from the kitchen drying her hands on a towel. Harvey had arrived just in time for dinner. Marcus had to leave shortly for the restaurant, but he was staying long enough to have a family dinner with his brother.

'"M.J., allow your Uncle Harvey in the door," Kate admonished gently. As she did this her seven year old daughter ran past her and collided with Harvey and her brother tumbling them all to the floor.

"Did you bring me a present, Uncle Harvey?"

"Of course, I did, Lynnie" Harvey said as he lay on the floor of the living room with both children sitting on his chest.

"Me, too?" Marcus, Jr. echoed.

"You, too, buddy," said Harvey trying to catch his breath. Meanwhile his brother and his wife enjoyed the fact that their children loved their Uncle Harvey and was happy to see him again after such a short time had passed.

"Yay!" The children both cheered.

"Ok, you two, get washed up for dinner and Uncle Harvey can give you his presents after you eat," Kate said as she watched both Lynnie and M.J. take leave of their uncle and swiftly head to the bathroom to wash their hands before dinner.

Giving a hand to his brother so he could help him up, Marcus laughed. Kate came over to Harvey and gave her brother-in-law a hug. Harvey held her close and remarked how happy he was to have had the welcome he did from the kids.

"They love you, you know," Kate mentioned. "They would probably like it even more if you could get them an aunt and have some cousins for them to eventually play with..."

"Kate..." Marcus said with a warning look at his wife's hinting that Harvey was nearing settling down.

Harvey hugged her close and just whispered, "Someday." Granted Harvey had had a three hour train ride to assess his relationship status with Donna. However, it was not enough time to decide what he really wanted to do and how it would affect his law practice. He knew Donna's rule was staunch and in order for her to break it, especially with him, would probably need a good backup plan or at least logic that would make her see that they could have both without him taking her for granted.

Kate had finished cleaning the dishes for the dishwasher. Marcus had been at the restaurant for a couple of hours, and Harvey had just tucked the children in bed giving his sister-in-law a few minutes to herself.

Harvey came into the living room to find a tired Kate dozing in front of the TV. She woke up when she heard Harvey's footfall.

"Kids finally asleep?" Kate said yawning and stretching a bit before settling back in her chair.

"Yes, I bounced between rooms telling stories and reading their favorite books. I finally decided to bring Lynnie in M.J.'s room so they could both fall asleep. Lynnie finally drooped and I tucked her in her own bed," Harvey said smiling.

"You really did not have to bring them presents again. You'll spoil them," Kate said to Harvey.

"Well, I'm making up for lost time. Besides I love doing it," Harvey said sitting down and took the remote from Kate.

"Watch anything you want, Harvey. Your room is all prepared and I will be sure to have breakfast for you."

"Kate, let me cook. It's the least I can do. I didn't do any of that last time I was here," Harvey said looking up at Kate as she turned to go to bed.

"Ok, Specter specials all around," Kate said. "I remember when you cooked for Marcus and me when we were first married and stayed at your condo."

"That's when I first bought it. Not much has changed," Harvey said quietly.

Kate sat back down and decided to say what she knew would be the topic of conversation when they joined Lily at her birthday party tomorrow night.

"Harvey?" Kate asked.

"Yes, Katie," Harvey said. He knew what was coming. He could feel it.

"May I ask you a question?"

"Sure. What can I do for you?" Harvey said looking at his sister-in-law. She was a petite woman with dark hair and large dark eyes and dimples in her round cheeks when she smiled. Marcus had met her in Gamblers' Anonymous. She was helping out with the refreshments when Marcus had mistook her for another addict. They soon had a date which led to another and before you know it Harvey was the best man at his little brother's wedding. Eight years later and here they were, Kate and he ready to have a conversation concerning Harvey's own marital aspirations.

"Are you in love with Donna?"

"I'm not sure. I spent three hours on the train trying to decide that very question. I know that I love her. I've told her which only led to her leaving me to work for Louis Litt."

"She's working for you now, though, right?"

"Yes, she came back after six months to help me out in a crisis you could say," Harvey extrapolated. No need to explain about Mike and his trial for fraud and the other involved areas of that dynamic.

"Were you glad?"

"Of course. I fell apart almost literally without her. I was so happy I wanted to reach out and hold her and demand she never leave me again," Harvey said sheepishly eyeing his sister-in-law.

"That's the first time I ever said anything like that out loud."

"Do you think she's in love with you?"

"I don't know. I know she loves me. She told me right before she turned around and walked out the door of my office to go work for Louis."

"Kate, why are you bringing this up now?" Harvey asked with a question in his eyes.

"Well, mom, will bring it up tomorrow at the party since she was really looking forward to speaking with Donna again. She'll be a tad disappointed that she's not with you. Consider it a warning," Kate said with a smile showing all her dimples.

She walked over to Harvey's chair and kissed his cheek.

"Good night, Harvey. Sleep well. Don't stay up too late."

Harvey smiled and said, "Good night, Kate. I probably won't sleep a wink tonight, but thanks."

While Harvey slept at his brother's house, Donna had a little soul searching of her own to do. She stayed for dinner at Rachel and Mike's apartment. The latter returned to the clinic where he could accomplish a little more work on the case he and Harvey were working. Besides he knew that Donna need a little girl time with his fiancee.

Closing the door behind her, Rachel returned to the kitchen and took the dish out of Donna's hand has she started to wash them.

"Come, you need to talk. Now that Mike's gone you can tell me what is really going on with you and Harvey."

"I don't need to talk. We're fine," Donna insisted and then the plate slipped out of Donna's grasp and crashed to the hardwood floor shattering into bits.

"I'm so sorry, Rachel! This piece wasn't part of an heirloom or anything, was it?" Donna asked trying not to panic.

"No. My mother is saving my grandmother's china for my wedding," Rachel joked. "Here let me. Pour yourself another glass of Merlot and sit down and relax."

Donna thought it strange that right now she was the one seeking a sounding board as yet she had served that purpose for everyone: Rachel, Mike, Louis, and especially Harvey.

Soon, Rachel had finished vacuuming the shards of glass from the floor. She was dressed in her jeans with bare feet and her long dark hair just hanging loose. All evidence of the soon-to-be lawyer having left her demeanor. She poured herself a glass of Merlot and sat down on the couch facing Donna.

"So, what is happening between you two? I can't have the Maid-of-Honor pissed at the Best Man at my wedding. It doesn't bode well for the next matrimonial couple," Rachel said with a smile taking a sip of her wine and eyeing Donna to see her reaction.

Donna did not look at Rachel on purpose. Donna took a long look into her wineglass and then a long sip of the dark sweet intoxicating liquid.

"Well, if you are referring to Harvey and me, I know your radar is off. Harvey and I are not a couple let alone prepared to walk the aisle," Donna stated finishing off her wine. She rose to pour another. At this moment, Donna did not care if she even went to work on Monday. She was still pissed at him. He did not even say goodbye to her or apologize for cancelling the plane reservations she had made. He cancelled both of them. She was so sure that he was going to ask her to come with him she could have bet a million dollars on it. However, that night when she claimed she had an audition, she had really spent by the telephone in her apartment waiting for the invitation to come. After four hours of waiting by the phone, Donna ventured to her local bar and flirted drunkenly with a stranger whom she had seen at the place for a while. Later not caring if she was taken for a hooker, she invited the man to her apartment for a nightcap and drown her sorrows in an emotionless act of sex. It was not even great sex, but at least she could exercise her love for Harvey out of her system until he returned and all that feeling returned with a vengeance.

"You know he had the gall to cancel both plane reservations without even consulting me or letting me down easy that he didn't want me to go with him!"

Rachel shook her head. She had known, of course, about the dinner with Harvey and his parents. However, Mike had told her that the dinner was lovely. He also indicated that Harvey's mother had gotten the completely wrong idea of the relationship between her son and Donna.

"Donna, come here. Sit down. What's wrong? Did you expect Harvey to ask you to go with him to Boston?"

"I guess I did. He would not even define our relationship. I felt we had grown a little closer. I should have known. This is Harvey. He is still harboring trust issues after reconciling with his mother." Donna took a long swig of her wine.

"Well, you said yourself he was still fragile."

"Not with me. He's always trusted me. I've always trusted him," Donna said looking at Rachel.

Rachel put her wineglass down on the glass coffee table and laid a comforting hand on Donna's arm.

"Donna, are you in love with him?"

"Who, me?" Donna asked making a face.

Donna then sighed heavily. "Yes. I have been in love with him for a long time. The funny thing is I know he loves me. He's told me. He just never told me how."

"I assume you told him you love him?" Rachel asked. She had never really known for sure but she had assumed a long time ago that Donna had told Harvey she loved him. Rachel was pretty positive that Harvey loved Donna, too, but in being a womanizer he was inherently afraid and mistrusting of attempting to being faithful and hold onto the one woman in whom he could trust completely and loved him despite all his faults and fears.

Donna turned on her seat crossing one leg in front of her on the couch and faced Rachel's concerned gaze.

"Do you remember when I told you that I had told Mike to break up with you?"

"Yes. I was rather angry when that happened. Why are you mentioning that now?"

"Well, during my previous conversation with Mike encouraging him to break up with you, he asked me how would he continue to work with you. Do you know what I said?"

"No. I have no idea."

"I told him that you can. The feelings just go away."

"Your feelings for Harvey didn't just "go away", did they?"

Donna's eyes misted and a tear fell from her face.

"I lied to Mike. I dampened down those feelings, but they are still strong and I think that if he ever wanted to break my rule I would be putty in his hands because I know I need him as much as he has always needed me."

"Your rule of not sleeping with men you work with," Rachel confirmed.

"Yes. That rule. It served a purpose. However, in Harvey's case, I think it served him too well. I think he sees it as a relief that I don't expect more from him. That's what's so exasperating! I do expect more from him! I know I shouldn't, but I do."

Rachel shook her head.

"You two make love so complicated. Mike and I have always thought that if you can't be or find a way to be with the one you love than what's the use in life? I know Harvey isn't romantic, but I know he loves you and cares for you so much."

Donna was silent. Then her cell phone rang. She frowned at the number it displayed. She did not answer her phone but let it go to voicemail. All at once, Donna placed her wineglass on the coffee table and then rose swiftly from her seat.

"Thanks, Rachel. I have to go. See you on Monday, I think." Donna kissed her friend on the cheek and hugged her.

Then like Mercury Donna had flown out the door. What was her destination, Rachel could only guess.