HI! All Darvey fans, here is an update on my story. I refer to "Harry and Emily". These are two real like friends of my adult children. They grew up with my kids and they call me mom. Just wanted to let you know. Please R & R. Thank you - Carebearmaxi
Donna Meets Lily -
Chapter 23-
No One Like Mom
Donna removed the stage makeup from her face. This had been the tenth performance of The Taming of The Shrew and every time she removed that makeup she swore she could detect a new wrinkle or worry line in her forehead. It was now May. Almost exactly two months now since she had returned to California. For the most part, she was kept far too busy to wonder what was happening in New York. She had spoken to Rachel a few times since she left; however, Harvey never called or even texted her. It was not like her initial leaving. This time all of Donna's numbers and contact methods were in tact and Harvey knew every one of them.
Over the years, Harvey had certainly taken advantage of her availability when he needed her for something-even if it was just to say goodnight when Harvey was feeling unusually lonely. She had always been there for him. Now the one time that she needed him to be there for her, to support her, he jumped ship and did not want to tow the line with her. Unlike when Donna faced prison, Harvey had no capacity or ability in this area to help her. He just needed to be there for her which apparently was still seen as an emotional crutch that Harvey was not prepared to be.
Sometimes Donna thought she had imagined her whole affair with Harvey. Stemming from the moment she met Lily to the minute she had to leave the engagement ring on Harvey's kitchen counter. She thought he would have understood why she needed to go to California. Donna was not sure what she would do once the show closed in a month. Go back to New York? Audition for new roles? The answer was clear to Donna but she was not sure if Harvey still felt the same.
One item that became a nudge in he back of Donna's mind was the woman that she hired to replace her as Harvey's secretary. Donna did not remember Melissa Carlson being all that attractive when she interviewed her. According to Rachel, the woman went through a complete makeover with a set of tits and ass throw in for good measure. Rachel sent Donna a picture of Melissa and Donna was horrified. At the time of her interview, Melissa Carlson was a properly dressed but down-at-heel mousy blonde. Donna hired her because of Ms Carlson's past experience with legal eagles and the law. Donna, though not insecure on a daily basis, was not stupid and would never hire a beautiful woman without skills just to appease the office setting. Being beautiful for Harvey was Donna's job or had been because she was his special lady-not just his secretary. Harvey appreciated beautiful, smart women because he always he needed to depend on them. Also being nice too look at or even have a personality did much to help advance the PR of the firm.
In all fairness, Harvey was always proud of how loyal he was but that was before he forgave his mother for her indiscretions. Maybe Harvey was capable of having more than one woman at a time, maybe not. The subject was no longer high on Donna's agenda as it seemed Harvey never really meant to marry her.
Charles, the director, of the theatre group entered he dressing room that she normally shared with three other women. Donna had been the last one off the stage after the third curtain call. Charles was born in England but raised in California. His own parents were always in the theater. His father had been one of the featured actors in the British Shakespearean Company. His mother had had a few early movie roles and then devoted her life to bringing up Charles and his sister Caressa moving to California when Charles was a child because there had been more opportunity there than in England.
Charles came up behind Donna and looked at her in the mirror. He put his hands on her shoulders. Donna found his touching not uncomfortable but strange. The only hands she had ever really permitted there in the last couple of months were Harvey's, and she missed his hands, his mouth, his body, and his soul terribly.
"Wow, luv, that was the best performance yet. There's going to be a Shakespeare Revival yet maybe even a remake of the movie version. What do you say, luv?" Charles asked in his British accent which sometimes he affected because he knew he could.
"Well, I guess that would be ok if they wanted a red-haired Catherine instead of a dark haired woman like Elizabeth Taylor," Donna responded as she combed her long red locks out. She had heard this before she returned to California, so she knew he was using it as a seduction method-again. She was still dressed in her costume, and she was not about to give Charles a free look. He had been trying this ploy to see her undressed since he had given her the part. What does he think? I'm that much on the rebound that I am willing to sleep with this guy to keep my part? He's such a schmuck. Great director, but schmuck nonetheless. Louis would have had a field day with him. Not to mention Harvey who would have put this guy in his place by now. Oh well, girl, that ship has sailed. Get on with your life. Now that it looks like you may have one.
"Sure they would if the redhead was you, luv," Charles kept saying in his annoying affected British accent.
When it looked like Donna was not giving Charles another night without a free peek at her naked body, he took his leave and sent Rebecca in. She was Donna's dresser and sometime understudy. Rebecca was a little shorter than Donna and a brunette. At first there was resentment between the two women because Charles had initially promised the part to Rebecca. However, when the fiery flamehaired Donna Paulsen returned, Rebecca was out and had to settle for being understudy and dresser to the new blood.
What turned the tables between the two was when Rebecca realized that Donna did not want anything to do with Charles himself and was not willing to sleep with the director to keep her presitigious part. Rebecca admired that because she was the same type woman.
"He's bouncing around in here again, huh?" Rebecca said as soon as Charles walked out the door and shut it behind him.
"Well, luv, you know he only wants to look at me goodies," Donna said affecting the same cockney accent that Charles used.
Rebecca giggled and began to help Donna out of the gown she had been wearing in the last act. It was extremely heavy and the corset left red marks on Donna's waist after Rebecca untied them.
"I'm glad we only have six more performances of this," Donna said. "I'm getting pinched by all the cinching of this corset. Look, I now have red welts on my back and belly."
Donna looked in the mirror and frowned.
"Becky, do I look ok?" Donna said as she pinched her cheeks to get color and tried to rub a worry line from her forehead.
"You? Do you really need to ask? You look beautiful. A little tired, but still beautiful," Rebecca said honestly.
"Thank you, Rebecca. I needed that," Donna said turning around and reversing positions with her friend in front of the mirror.
"You're beautiful, too. So where's your man tonight? I didn't see him out there," Donna asked.
"Harry?" Rebecca asked. "He's with his mom tonight. She's been sick, so he felt he should spend some time with her."
"Really?" Donna said. It sounded like an excuse to her, but, not every man had mother issues like her man (ex-man) did.
"Yes, he is really close to his mom. She was a single woman and raised Harry and his sister, Emily alone."
"I hope she is ok then," Donna said and gave her friend a hug.
"Say, since you haven't got your guy right now, and I don't have one, you want go out for a drink?" Donna heard herself ask.
"Sure. It's only after 10. We have a day off tomorrow, so why not?" Rebecca said smiling.
Harvey lay in his bed alone. His thoughts were constantly of Donna. Harvey felt only a small bit of doubt in letting Donna go. If she had rather be out in California pursuing a career in a shallow industry than with me beginning a life together then so be it. I can get any woman I want. Maybe I'll hit on Missy. She doesn't seem to have any hiccups in a boss/secretary mutual advantageous relationship. Not like Donna. Goddamn it! I had to wait until we were both not working for Cameron Dennis before I could even get in the front door let alone share her bed!
Suddenly Harvey's cell rang, he looked at the clock which read 1:00 am and then he looked at the number on his cell. It was his mom's number.
"Mom? Everything ok?" Harvey asked horrified to think that something was wrong with his mom after they had just gotten back to a point of being mother and son.
"Yes, Harvey, everything with me is ok. I was just worried and Marcus said you cut him off earlier. What's going on?"
"Well, Donna hasn't come back if that's what you were wondering. As far as I know she's still in California pursuing her acting career." Harvey said a tad bitterly. Donna. Who am I kidding? I can't come on to another woman let alone try to sleep with my current secretary. It seems now that I have had mindblowing sex with Donna again she has ruined me for all other women.
"I know this is going to sound foreign to you because you didn't talk to me for 20 years, but here goes. Did you try to call her?" Lily asked.
"No. Why should I? She left and that was it. So I assume that although she said yes she would marry me she had cold feet or decided acting was more important. I don't know," Harvey's voice raised in volume noting the rage he held inside. The fury because Donna was the only woman whom he ever wanted to marry or even conceived of having that type of commitment. Not even Scottie. When he and Scottie were together, albeit briefly, Harvey made it point blank he was not ready to put a ring on her finger.
Donna was different and always had been. It was just that it had taken too many years and too much anger to realize she was whom he needed in his personal life outside of work. Reconciling with his family and his mother especially brought that home to him. His mom had found Bobby. His brother, Marcus, had Kate. Donna was his home. He meant it when he whispered it into her sweet smelling skin the night he proposed.
His mom had asked him a question.
"What did you say?" Harvey asked.
"Did you ever read that letter she left you?"
"No. I just threw in my desk drawer at work. I figured she could say nothing in that letter that I would want to read. I think she wanted to mentioned everything before I told her to leave the ring on the counter and get out of my apartment."
"Harvey!"
"What?!"
"This is the woman who has loved you since you were nothing. She helped you become successful. She guided you to do things the right way. She made you come back to me. What was that you said that time when Cameron Dennis was burying evidence and he was blackmailing you to practically keep him in office?"
"Yes, Donna provided proof to Jessica to get me off the hook." Harvey explained.
"And you resented her for it as I remember the story goes," Lily said to her son.
Harvey shook his head. "That was different. She went behind my back..."
"Because she knew she couldn't do it with your knowledge, Harvey. Donna knows you better than you know yourself. She loves you in spite of that fact."
"Mom!"
"Harvey, read the letter she left you. If there's nothing in there to change your mind then fine. She's gone forever. However, I know that woman loves you and all she wants to know is that you still love her and support her for what she wants to be."
Harvey lowered his head and reconciling with himself and to appease his mother, he said "Ok, mom. I will read it first thing in the morning."
"Goodnight Harvey. Love you," Lily said yawning.
"Goodnight mom. Love you, too," Harvey said and hung up the phone and scooted down the bed to assume some comfortable sleeping position. As he scooted down the bed he ran his hand down the empty side of the bed where Donna had slept so many nights just a few months ago. Memories of the night he proposed flooded his brain and before going to sleep he almost wept.
Later that morning around 8:00 am, Harvey reported to his office.
"Missy," Harvey said as he walked into his spacious office. After a few months of residing in Jessica's old office, Harvey still felt out of place almost like he was only a substitute until the right resident returned. He did not think for one minute (maybe he did) that it was because Donna was not the first person he saw before he ventured into his office for the day. Not that Missy was bad on the eyes, but it was not Donna. When Donna worked for Louis, Harvey knew that he only had to walk down the hall and she would be there.
As soon as Harvey sat behind his desk, Missy sauntered into his office with his calendar and a pad to write down any new requests. Harvey looked up to see the tall, blonde, very attractive woman standing before his desk and longed for it to be Donna. Although Donna would not necessarily come in every morning to go over his calendar for that day, she would sometimes share what she had done the previous night. This always provoked a teasing session between he and her. It was only in the last few months that that teasing contained a little touching affection. Harvey now realized how he missed it. It had no place in the office, but he missed it and Donna, anyway.
"Harvey, you have a 10:00 am and I have this brief ready for your perusal," Missy said as she presented Harvey with the finished pack of paper.
"Thank you, Missy," Harvey said.
"Anything else?"
Missy still stood before his desk and just gazed at him.
"Are you all right?" Missy asked. She noticed how much more quiet he had become since she started her tenure at PSL. Harvey was not hostile the day she started, but she definitely was seeing a bad side to Harvey. Never talkative except to Mike or Donna or other specific people, he seemed to have shut down altogether.
She did not wait for an invitation but she decided that he needed some loving. Silently she came to sit on his lap. She tried to kiss him and Harvey was not thinking for a minute and let it happen. She was definitely a good kisser. Unthinkingly he was kissing her back.
"Harvey!"
He quickly upended Missy at that moment, and she landed on her rump on the carpet.
"Mom?" Harvey saw and could not believe it was her.
Missy regained her feet and was horribly embarrassed. She fled out of Harvey's office to an unknown destination.
"Harvey, you're a grown man I know and what you do in your office is your own business, but what the hell was that?"
Harvey lowered his eyes like he was a naughty boy who got caught with his hand in the cookie jar. Instead of retaliating and projecting his frustration onto his mother, Harvey only responded. "I lost my mind for a minute."
"Is this how you and Donna started out?" Lily wondered. She knew it probably was not because he had told her about Donna's rule. However, the last few months she knew the "rule" had been abolished.
"No, mom, you know it didn't!" Harvey responded disgustedly. For a moment he thought back to his old resentment and wanted to say "How dare you?" However, he managed to put his mouth through a filter this time and looked down at his fingertips splayed over the papers on his desk.
Looking back up and realizing that the woman, in fact, now in front of him was his mother, he asked, "Mom, what are you doing here?"
"There was an exhibit in the Museum and I wanted to see it and take some pictures for a lecture I'm giving at school."
"You didn't think to tell me at 1 am that you were coming?"
"No. I had not decided to actually come until after our conversation."
"Well, a little warning would have been good. I could have had Ray pick you up at the train station or airport. How did you get here?"
"Bobby and I drove down together," Lily said firmly giving a challenge to Harvey should he ask any more questions.
"So, you didn't call me from Boston you called me from a hotel?"
"Yes. I thought since we were pretty close that it would be safe to call you."
"Well, I guess you have a knack for being secretive. I just would have liked some warning."
"I'm glad I didn't give you any warning after what I witnessed. Did you read the letter?"
Harvey sighed heavily and sitting back down leaned back in his chair. After a minute just staring at the desk drawer in which he had placed Donna's letter, he opened the drawer slowly and opened the seal. It was a good long letter.
"Do you want me to leave while you read it?" Lily asked kindly.
"No, mom, that's ok. I don't mind," Harvey said as he slowly unfolded the parchment he held in his hands. He read it aloud softly. He felt he had nothing to hide from his mom.
Lily appreciated the fact that he trust her enough to read it semi aloud.
March 18, 2017
Dear Harvey,
By the time you read this, I will be on a plane back to California to pursue my acting career that I put on hold for the last 13 years (except for six months)while I was dedicated to supporting you, guiding you, and promoting your career. I never minded it because I fell in love with you from the moment we first talked in that bar. However, I decided never to be a fool for any man, but apparently my love for you and your care of me blinded me into thinking I could look forward to more.
I love you, Harvey. I know you love me or you would never have asked me to marry you. I want to be your wife. Hell, I feel like I've been your wife for the last 13 years. Above all else, I want you to be happy. If you feel I am no longer the means for you to be happy please marry someone else like Scottie or continue your womanizing. Then I also give you leave to not finish this letter because whatever I say after this you won't really care. I know you heard me say that all I wanted was for you to be happy once before when were discussing your relationship with Scottie. I know you still have feelings for her and I know she still has them for you. When you were in the hospital she told me that you had told her proudly of our new relationship and that you wanted to marry me; in fact, that you had asked me during that lovely idyllic stay in Boston at your childhood home. She begged me to say "yes" to your proposal.
But that is not why I said yes. You know I have had relationships with other men and they all coerced me into a choice - them or you. I have always chosen you mainly because I know you can't live without me and I couldn't picture you out of my life. Why do you think I said I would work for Louis? I thought I was doing something for myself, but Gretchen showed me that I was nowhere near ready to let you go. I'm strong and eventually I would have accepted the fact that I wasn't seeing you on a daily basis or coercing you into emotional epiphanies that you would never have yourself.
My last boyfriend, Mitchell, wanted us to move in together. I will tell you what I told Louis. When I started picturing a life with him, I knew he was not for me. However, when you asked me to marry you, I could picture a life complete with a house in West Chester and children running around the yard. My biological clock is ticking and if I ever wanted to have children now would be a good time. However, the only children I could ever think of having would have big deep soulful brown eyes and, perhaps, red hair. To have you as my stallion is not the total reason why I wanted to marry you, either.
I want to be your wife simply because I love you and I am in love with you and have been in love with you for a very long time. No one compares to you and I know you may deny this I have never met a more caring man than you. Maybe you kept buying me gifts to keep me under your beck and call, but I would have been your slave no matter what you did to me. It's just nicer that you loved me back in your own way and took me into your confidence because I know I am good for you.
Now saying that I want you to know the main reason why I wanted to return to California. You never let me finish my sentence. I wanted to pursue something for myself. You know that after being office manager and the fiasco of "The Donna" I was restless for something of my own. I want something of my own much like you have carved your career as "your own". I didn't need it permanently. Just a temporary fix to see if I could achieve something. I needed to do this before I became your devoted wife and perhaps devoted mother of your children. I would have gladly done this in New York, but it is hard for me to say "no" to you when you need or want something. I have, in essence, spoiled you. I didn't care because you always took care of me in some material way and sometimes in a nonmaterial way when we would celebrate the day I came to your desk. I always looked forward to that anniversary because we were just two friends shooting the shit and having a nice dinner along with it. Sometimes I wished it had gone farther, but you did your damndest not to break my "rule". Even on the night of procuring my freedom on the Liberty Rail faux pas, you respected my rule. Now I realize you were scared to lose me in another way which happened anyway because you were too scared to take that leap.
It took courage for you to ask me to marry you knowing what my reaction would be. I applaud you for that. You did grow, Harvey, and I am proud of you. However, I need you to do some more growing and know that I needed this before I would have been known not only as Harvey Specter's fabulous sexy secretary but now as his sexy fabulous wife. Before I submerge myself in you again, I just wanted something that was all me. Something tangible of which I could be proud and perhaps show our children one day. Something that when someone asked about their parents they would not just say: "Oh yeah my dad's this kick ass lawyer and my mom was his secretary until they got married."
Instead they could answer: "Yes, my dad's Harvey Specter a kick ass corporate lawyer. The best closer in Manhattan. My mom? She's the former Ms. Donna Paulsen a wonderful actress who did a lot of Shakespearean Theater. She had the starring role in the remake of "The Taming of The Shrew". (Nothing official yet, but my director (a predator) really thinks that it may come my way, so does my agent, Bernie.) Sorry, I digress. Our children would continue to talk about us: once she did that she married my dad and had us. She had been my dad's secretary. She was also the inspiration for an electronic secretary. Harvey and Donna Specter: The Dynamic Duo."
I hope you understand why I'm here. If you need me for any reason you have all my numbers and can text me to just say goodnight like we used to when we slept across town from one another and was lonely for each other's voice.
I love you Harvey and besides your mother I don't think you will ever find anyone who would take such good care of you and love you so unconditionally as I have and would love to continue to do as your wife.
Please call or write. Rachel will have my address here in California if you feel the need to actually write a snailmail letter like this.
Love you so much with all my heart
Donna
Harvey folded the letter and carefully placed it back in the envelope. He looked up at his mother and the only reaction she needed could be seen in his big dark eyes.
"Mom, I really screwed up."
"I know, but she'll forgive you. She loves you so much and I know she can never say "no" to you. She hopped on the first plane back when she knew you were in the hospital."
"She hints at being given the lead in a remake of 'The Taming of The Shrew'. I do not know if that's true or not. She'll be gone a long time if she decides to take that job."
"Well, then, it's all the more reason to go out there and claim her. You can wait until she gets what she wants. She's waited more than enough for you, I'm sure."
Harvey looked at his mother. Again he felt reprimanded. Nothing like a 45 year old man feeling like he's been reprimanded by his 65 year old mother.
"How would that look? I'm managing partner now. I can't just get up and leave. This firm is just regaining its credibility. No, I can't go right now. I will just have to hope that she will come back to me without coercion."
Lily rose from her chair and decided that Harvey had had enough discussion about his love life. She desperately wanted her son to be happy. She knew Donna was it for him. She felt Harvey was it for Donna. However, Lily understood where Donna's head was at the moment. It was sort of the same she situation with her art. Gordon was not Harvey, but he may as well have been enveloped in his career and touring and calling home only to check on the kids and telling her from 3000 miles away that he loved her. Lily had affairs and that was absolutely the wrong way to gain a name. She became that "notorious Mrs. Specter" in the neighborhood and everything wrong escalated from there. Especially when it came to Harvey. She felt so responsible for his predicament with women. That was one reason why she had been so happy when she met Donna and heard Harvey talk about her.
"Well, you have my number if you need to talk. Love you, Harvey," Lily said as she turned to leave.
"Mom?" Harvey called back.
"Yes."
"Thank you," Harvey said smiling.
Lily smiled as she left. Glad that she was able to be there for her son.