A/N: And chapter 4 is there :) I finally have some idea where this is gonna go & I hope you'll like it. For now enjoy this x

"Agent Weller" Director Hirst's voice welcomed him when he stepped inside her office.

It was a very tidy room with white walls and dark wooden furniture. The walls were mostly barren except for two framed diplomas that had been recently hung up in the name of Eleanor Hirst. Said woman was currently standing behind the table that was as orderly as the two bookshelves on the other side of the room and the sideboard on her left side.

The whole office was well-kept and cleaner than he remembered it being when Pellington had sat in it, it had gotten a slight womanly touch but without the gimcrackery, safe for a plan bouquet of flowers on a small table used primarily for smaller briefings.

Kurt took in the room and then took the extended hand he had been offered with a curt nod "Director Hirst." Just as he was about to take a seat on the chair in front of her table she shook her head and with a small smile walked around the table, pointing towards the other one in her office. They both took their seats.

"How is Ms. Doe doing?"

"Jane's fine" he replied shortly but felt she wanted him to elaborate so he did "The doctor cleared her and she's at home now."

Hirst nodded slightly, knowingly "I heard she wanted to leave…?"

"She did… she uhm" his mind was racing, not sure what she was getting at "She left me a message that she would leave and then-"

"The hospital called" she finished his sentence, not unfriendly. Apparently she had already done her homework. Kurt wasn't sure why she was asking the questions if not for…

"Do you want to fire her?" his eyes flew up at hers and cold certainty gripped his heart. Her shaking her head didn't do much to reassure him. "She's having a rough time… I mean her family committed one of the most terrible attacks on American soil in recent history… she's blaming herself… She needs some time and-"

"I think she should take up sessions with an FBI psychologist again."

Kurt stared at her flabbergasted "O-okay, do we already have a new psychologist?"

Director Hirst raised her eyebrows and looked almost amused "Why, yes, AD Weller. Just last week we ran a background check on him after a phenomenal interview and he signed the contract about three days ago. The contract has your signature on it as well."

"I- Uh- It does?" he stammered, cursing himself for forgetting to ask Brianna what he had signed.

"I think it's about time you fully concentrate on being the Assistant Director of the NYO again" he heard her say from far away and when he refocused on her, she looked at him patiently "I know what happened was terrible. It was terrible for everyone and I know that you and your team blame yourselves above everyone else because the Sandstorm case was your case."

"We don't" he choked out hoarsely "We already talked to Dr. Sun about it and she declared us fit for field duty. And now that we have a new FBI psychologist I'm sure he is going to say the same thing. The team is fit, a little shaken but how could they not?"

"I know, I know" she sounded almost reassuring but he already felt the But coming.

"Jane Doe, however, is a different topic-"

"She's part of our team."

"And I never doubted that for one second" she shot him a look "But if you would let me continue, please. All of this has shaken her foundation like no other and I don't blame her for that, it's only natural. I don't blame her for the attack either, I believe Ms. Doe – Jane – has done everything and more for this country like any FBI agent. But does she know that? Does she believe it?"

Kurt was a loss for words. He wanted to tell her that, yes, Jane knew that no one blamed her but he knew that she would spot the lie immediately.

Seeing that he wouldn't respond just yet, Director Hirst continued, "Right now I don't see her fit to perform field duty. I want her to take up counseling again until our psychologist can tell us with certainty that she's on the road of recovery. Her self- destructive behavior of the past few weeks would only put her and your team in unnecessary danger and I cannot permit that."

"Director Hirst" Kurt felt his hands starting to shake and he clenched them into fists to get it under control "I agree with you that she should take up counseling but I think taking her out of the familiar environment would do more harm then good-"

"Which is why" she interrupted him "She will continue being part of the FBI but she will work from the office or Agent Patterson's lab or if something comes up help with translations. We will find a way for her to stay on your team as long as she's in therapy. If things start looking up we will integrate her into field duty again but if not-" she shot him a stern look "We will only put her back in the field if she comes to terms with what happens."

"Yes, yes of course" he felt lightheaded at the possibility of Jane not getting better but he knew she would. She had to. She loved him. That had to count for something.

For a long moment Director Hirst simply watched him intently, giving him time to take everything in and he was thankful for it. He was still reeling from the new information but he was also hopeful that, eventually, there would be a light at the end of this long dark tunnel. He just hoped it wouldn't turn out to be another train crash.

"Okay" she finally said and he returned his attention back to her, leaning back in his chair when he felt the atmosphere and topic change. "This morning there has been a meeting of some government agencies and also COGs. Since you couldn't attend due to… personal reasons" she gave him a knowing look but he didn't comment on it "I'm going to update you now."

"The new president attended the meeting-" she began and he frowned at her "It's official now?"

"Yes. Former president pro temprore of the Senate Senator Samuel Pierce had been declared designated survivor and sent to Dallas, Texas before the government came together in D.C. to discuss the latest terrorist attacks when they themselves became victims of the even bigger attack. Since 1971 the designated survivor is appointed when all potential successors of the president come together in one place but since then, we have never needed him until now. That's why it all took a while to get officiated" she paused, letting it sink in.

"It is official now and the Secret Service – or what's left of it – is currently guarding President Pierce at all times. It will take a while for the rest of the government to be newly elected and it's still not certain whether or not there will be early elections but that's where we currently stand. President Pierce has taken part in the latest meeting and all government agencies have updated him on the current state of their agencies."

"Have there been any bigger personnel changes?" Kurt wanted to know.

"Yes" she nodded "Some agencies have put some of Shepherd's designated COGs into position after they ran every background check and lie- detector- test on them known to mankind and people like Jake Keaton who passed both are now Director of the CIA and all sorts."

He didn't know what to make out of this new development. Jake Keaton had tortured Jane and he doubted he could ever get over that but at the same time… he had truly believe Keaton when he had said he only wanted the best for their country and he was almost certain that he couldn't be corrupted. So was it a good choice?

"Has anyone found a link between the COGs?" he asked the question that had been burning on his tongues since they had found out "In one way or another Jane's tattoos and our investigations brought those people into the positions Shepherd wanted them in. Did she want them there because she honestly believed they would do well for our country or is there something else that we missed?"

"The NSA, CIA, FBI, DIA, INR and every other national intelligence is currently working on that with most of their resources but as of today, no one has found anything on any of the COGs. They're questioning and checking everyone, though, and at least one of them had definite links to Sandstorm but there hasn't been anything but a few payments over the year and he has disappeared."

Kurt nodded. He had gone through the questioning as one of the first people and he had tried to keep in touch with at least some others who had to go through the same thing. Could he even be sure that he himself hadn't been corrupted? When Ellen Briggs had paid for his training?

"So, some of the COGs are now in office" he recapped aloud.

"Affirmative" she replied "And some aren't… if you take yourself for example. The agencies are allowed to put them into office – after the background checks – as they please, mostly. Also" she continued then "they're going to build a new monument for the victims of all attacks… as if that is going to bring any of those people back."

The last sentence had been so quietly muttered, almost to herself, that Kurt almost didn't hear it. He agreed with it, though, but he also knew that those victims had to be remembered and they had to keep the spirits of the rest of the people up and a monument had always seemed to be a good place for people to grieve at.

Clearing her throat Director Hirst caught his attention again "Shephard has been declared enemy of the State and the president personally wants to meet with you and your team. He wants access to all files concerning the Jane Doe/ Sandstorm case."

Kurt nodded "Of course, he can have any file and information he wants. Is he going to come to the NYO or are we going to D.C.?"

"President Pierce has agreed with me that it would be a lot easier for him to come her than for us to move the files and everyone on the team to Washington. He will visit the NYO in two days, so you better clear your schedule for Thursday."

"I will. Will that be all?" Kurt had already put both hands on the chair's armrest to push himself up, preparing to leave.

"One more thing" she said then "He is going to want to speak to Ms. Doe as well."

He froze mid-motion "He can't. You said yourself that she's not in the best state of mind and-"

"I know. But this is a matter of national security and I don't think the president will take no for an answer… I just thought you should know that, and she should get the heads up, as well. To prepare for it, mentally."

"I guess" Kurt sighed in defeat "Thank you, Director Hirst."

"You're very much welcome, AD Weller. You can go now."

Glad to finally be released he shook her hand once more and turned, walking to the door with his mind spinning with all the information he had just gotten. Maybe he would stop by his office to take a few things home with him. Laptop, a few files… Yes, he would do that before he would pick up some take-away from Jane's favorite Indian place.

"Weller?"

He turned his head back to Director Hirst who was standing now, as well "Yes, ma'am?"

"I believe Ms. Doe is at your house at the moment. How can you trust her not to run again?"

He smiled a sad small smile "I don't." And with that he pushed the door open and left his superior's office.

"Jane!"

The woman had just pulled open the apartment's door only to come face to face with one of her best friends, who had her pulled into her arms far too quickly for her to react to it.

"Did Weller tell you I was coming over? What's with all that sand?"

"Uh-" Jane frowned, patting the blonde's back awkwardly "Sand?"

It was then that Patterson took a step back and took a closer look at the tattooed woman, taking in the jacket she was wearing as well as the weary look on her face. Her own face dropped and her voice fell.

"He didn't" she answered her own question quietly "You were going to leave again, weren't you?"

Jane didn't really listen, however, her eyes were fixated on the floor. "Sand" she whispered quietly, squatting down and taking a handful of it only to let it trickle through her fingers immediately. In alarm her eyes shot up and she studied the hallway cautiously. The sand was all over the floor but the majority of it was in front of Kurt's apartment.

"Jane?" Patterson tried to pull her back from her thoughts that were running a mile a minute but she didn't hear her. Instead she stood up abruptly and looked towards the staircase. "Jane? Jane!" Patterson was pretty much yelling at her when she set in motion towards the steps, grabbing her arm before she was out of reach.

"Where do you think you're going?" she demanded to know, tightening her grip around her friend's lower arm.

Jane's eyes didn't really meet hers, instead they were traveling all over the place and the look in them… wild and somewhat… frightened? "Jane?" she tried whispering again "Let's get you back inside, okay? I'll make you a tea and we can talk a little."

Finally she seemed to be able to focus "I have to see the other floors" she said quietly but fiercely "You can come, too, but I- I have to see.."

Her eyebrows furrowed in worry and confusion Patterson stared at her friend intently for a moment before letting go her arm and instead grabbing her hand "Okay. We'll go one downstairs and one upstairs. But it's just sand, Jane. Maybe someone is renovating their terrarium or something."

They did just that and on both floors they visited there wasn't even a trace of a single grain of sand. Patterson herself didn't know what to make of it when even the elevator was completely clean but she stayed calm and when she felt Jane start hyperventilating next to her, she dragged her back to Weller's apartment and led her to the couch, sitting down next to her.

"Shh" she whispered "Concentrate on your breathing, okay?" she sat directly in front of her, her hands on both of Jane's shoulders to stabilize her "Breathe in. And out. In… Out… In" she whispered softly and slowly but surely her breathing went back to normal and Patterson could feel her own heartrate slow down as well.

"It's only sand, okay?" she repeated, pulling Jane into an embrace "This has nothing to do with Sandstorm. Your neighbor probably owns a terrarium and wanted to do something nice for his turtles and he hasn't been able to clean up the mess, yet… It's nothing."

"It's Kurt's neighbor" Jane finally said, pulling back from the embrace "Not mine."

"Uhm. Yeah, but you live here, too so-"

"It's his apartment" she objected.

Her absolute certainty of not belonging her made Patterson angry and she glared at her friend. "I know you don't feel worthy of good things right now and I know you feel awful and as if all of it is your fault-"

"It is my fault."

"No!" Patterson cried out "It's not your fault! You did everything you could to try to stop them but none of us could do anything about it. That doesn't make it our fault, you have to understand that. We tried. All of us."

"You don't understand" Jane shifted on the couch, creating some space between them "None of you are at fault whatsoever! But me? I'm a completely different story! I let them do this. I let them send me to the FBI to set all this in motion. I recruited people for Sandstorm's cause and I helped build up the organization that did this! How is any of this not my fault? I-"

"No." Patterson interrupted her "Remi did that. Remi let herself be tattooed and sent to the FBI and recruited people. You're not Remi."

"We're the same person." Before she could be interrupted again she continued, her voice quieter than before but deadly serious and convinced of every word she was saying "I zipped Roman and I desperately wanted to believe in the good in him but there were signs and I ignored them and he turned out to be exactly how everyone always said he is."

"It's not the same thing" Patterson tried to say but got cut off again.

"Do you know what he did that one time?" the sadness and devastation returned to her voice "He got me a painting for my apartment and everything seemed perfect, you know? He was out and about and we could talk and walk like normal people. We were going to get something to eat and go home" Patterson could feel her going far far away into the memory, her eyes turning blank.

"There was this bird" her voice was only a whisper at that point "He flew into the store window and dropped to the ground. It was struggling and we went to check on it. He-" she broke off, collecting herself, before looking Patterson dead in the eye "He stepped on it as if it was some bug that you can just squish under your shoe and then he turned around and went on as if nothing had happened. He talked about what we were going to eat."

"Oh."

Jane shot her a dark look "That was my brother who stepped on a small innocent life as if it meant nothing without batting an eye. The person I had everyone trying to convince was a decent human being who could be redeemed. But he couldn't" She was certain of that now "So why would it be any different with me? Who's to say I don't end up remembering and going back to the person I used to be?"

"Oh Jane" Patterson scouted over, wrapping an arm around her friend's shoulder "That in itself is the reason why everything is different with you. The sole fact that you were appalled at what he did tells me everything I need to know. And yes, you should have told us about things like that but I understand why you didn't. He's your brother. We do irrational things for our family."

"But how can I be on the team who's trying to stop him, then? When I'd do irrational things for him?"

"Well, that's why people usually get taken off of cases when they hit too close to home" she explained but then smiled slightly "But I don't see Weller stepping off your case anytime soon and I don't see you turning to Sandstorm. Or would you, if given the chance?"

"Of course not! They killed… They killed so many people."

"See" Patterson shrugged "You're different. And now, to take our minds off the terrible things in this world for just a moment…" she turned to her handbag, fumbling for something in it while her other hand was still wrapped around Jane.

"Tada!" She held out a small electronic device up in excitement and pushed it in Jane's hand who stared at it as if it was an alien.

"What's that?" she wanted to know, their heavy conversation forgotten for this one small moment as she turned the piece of plastic in her hands. It had a display that filled out most of its front and some buttons you could press. It looked like a miniature phone.

Patterson pushed a button on the side of the thing and the screen turned to life "This is a Bluetooth- enabled 16GB MP4 player with 2.975 songs on it" she explained "This is like the home-button on your phone and takes you to the main menu. There you can choose if you want the songs sorted by title, artist, album or genre or select a playlist. It's not that hard to understand, I swear."

Jane frowned at her "What kind of songs are on there?"

"Oh, you know, a little bit of everything" the blonde tied her hair back in a swift motion before returning her attention to the player and Jane "I didn't know what kind of music you like so I put some of my all-time favorites on it, some classic songs everyone should know, some recent hits and since I wasn't sure whether you favored English music or something else, I put a few Russian, African, Arabic, etc. songs on it."

The tattooed woman stared at the device in her hand in wonder and then back at the blonde who had given it to her "Thank you" she whispered in awe. She couldn't remember ever getting a present like this – apart from Taylor's necklace but that hadn't really been hers – that was so thought through and she felt herself tear up but willed the tears back before giving Patterson a bone crushing hug. "I don't-"

"Don't say it" Patterson shushed her, patting her back lovingly "I always need music when I'm going through a rough patch and I was almost certain that you haven't come around to download something yet so I thought… Maybe you'd like it."

"I love it" Jane smiled and for the first time in so long Patterson could see the smile reach her eyes and the sparkle that had always accompanied Jane's laughs had returned, even if in lower intensity. The look in her friend's eyes gave her hope again when she had been so close to losing it.

She would be okay and everything would be okay in the end, she was certain of that.

"Here. I got you some headphones with good sound" she pulled out another package from her bag and handed it to Jane who made short work of the box and had pulled the headphones out in no time, plugging them into the player and clicking through some of the songs, completely absorbed in her gift.

Smiling Patterson looked down at her when she stood up and took the fluffy blanket from the end of the couch to drape it over Jane who shot her a thankful smile but otherwise didn't move.

"I'm going to make us some tea" she told her friend, not sure if she had heard it. She was settled in the corner of the couch, cuddled into the blanket, the headphones on her head effectively blocking out her surroundings and had her eyes closed, obviously listening to some music.

That was the way Kurt found them when he returned. Patterson sipping her tea and filing out her crossword puzzle and Jane listening to music.

A/N: I'm curious... Did you believe Jane would leave again?