A/N: So I had some time on my hands today and I'm hoping to finish this story before my semester starts again, so we'll see how fast the updates are gonna come. Thank you for your lovely feedback & as always; Enjoy x

It had been two weeks since she had tried to leave.

Thirteen days since she had gotten back home and just as long since she had started seeing Doctor Hall.

Eleven Days since they had talked to the president.

Seven days since she had started sleeping in the guest room every so often, to prove to herself that she could.

Three days since Director Hirst had declared her fit for field duty.

A lot had happened in a short span of time, sometimes she still couldn't grasp everything that had changed so suddenly. She remembered breaking down every second of every day as if it was yesterday and still it felt so far away from where she was right now. Had it really only been two weeks?

Of course she wasn't in the same tip top shape she used to be, she was still skinnier than when her new life had begun, also quieter and less immune to setbacks. She wasn't as strong as she'd liked to be, mentally at least, but she was getting there.

When she looked down on her hands now, as she was running on the tread mill, most bruises were fading, leaving her tattooed skin as immaculate as it had been before.

Before.

That was before she had been forced to take up help by the people who cared about her but after her life, that had seemed almost normal at that point, had been turned upside down and the guilt had become her constant companion.

Picking up the pace, Jane changed from a slow run to a sprint, enjoying the feeling of her heart pumping in her chest. Her sprint intervals were about one minute each and she repeated it ten times. One minute full speed, thirty seconds slow walking and repeat. It was a monotonous routine but it gave her the opportunity to let her mind wander while her body exercised and nowadays she didn't dread thinking as much.

Sometimes it would happen that her thoughts took one wrong turn and she ended up in a dark hole, unable to pull herself out again, but that was less and less often the case. Doctor Hall said it was because she was learning to control the directions her thoughts took again and wasn't depending on outside stimuli as much anymore.

She wasn't exactly sure what type of outside stimuli she had depended on before but it sounded good when he said it like that and especially when he wrote it down in the fancy recommendation letters he sent to Director Hirst every week.

His testimony of her strengthening mental health had been the critical factor that had gotten her back into field work three days ago.

The first two missions she had been able to join had been declared light missions. They were still looking for any signs of Shepherd, Roman or any other Sandstorm operative and since the president had declared her enemy of the state and made the pictures of her public knowledge there had been a lot of calls with hints to their possible whereabouts.

While most hints could be dismissed as irrelevant after a little research, some weren't as easily pushed aside and had to be followed. They had been sent to warehouses, playgrounds, abandoned buildings, cargo ships and even a library once but up until now none of those places had shown them any signs of who they were actually looking for and Jane was quickly losing her faith in hints from the public.

Once she was done running she stepped off the treadmill and dried some of the sweat on her forehead, neck and arms with her towel. Reveling in the movement she started stretching her arms to warm them up a– she had almost given up on ever swinging her arms or rolling her shoulders again without the familiar pain but it had happened.

Jane watched herself in the mirror as she went through her upper body strength routine and was pleased to watch her muscles work but also that her arms weren't only muscle, bone and tendons. She had put on some weight in the last two week, due to her changed eating habits. Of course Kurt would tell – and was in fact telling – her that it still wasn't enough and she knew that her rips were still too easily visible for her bodyweight to be completely normal but it was a start.

She felt more energized and even her sleeping had improved. Instead of waking from a nightmare thrice every night, she usually only woke once and was able to control her breathing a lot faster. That had been the reason for her to sleep in the guestroom for the first time since she had moved in with him.

Kurt stared at her, uncomprehending, unblinking.

"Why would you want to do that? Did I do someth-" he started ranting about that he would do better and never wanted her to feel uncomfortable but she interrupted him.

"You don't make me uncomfortable. More like the opposite." she said gently, taking his hand in hers "And that's exactly why I have to do it."

He turned his hand so that he was now holding onto hers and moved his thumb lightly over the honeycomb tattoo on the back of her hand, not saying anything but Jane could see that he was still hurt and didn't understand her point of view.

"I feel comfortable with you and that's why I can sleep but I need to learn to sleep without you guarding me at some point. I can't depend on you to fall asleep for the rest of my life" she explained.

Cocking his head, his voice raw, he replied "Why not?"

Because you will grow tired of me and I need to prepare myself for that day, otherwise it is going to kill me. It was the truth but she didn't say it, she knew what he would have to say about that – they had been running around in those circles far longer than she could remember.

Instead she told him how Doctor Hall had told her to take more responsibility for her own actions and wellbeing and that she needed to be able to trust herself again if she wanted to go forward and after a while he agreed.

Grudgingly he had let her move into the guestroom that night and it had been an awful one. She hadn't been able to fall asleep for two hours and when she had finally drifted off she had found herself on a stormy sea on a huge boat that seemed to consist only of doors and behind each door she opened there had been someone who wanted to go after her and she had run until all of them banded together against her and suddenly she had been shaken awake by Kurt whose strong arms encircled her then, soothing her back to sleep.

Fortunately, the following nights had been, if not good, at least better and it had become part of their routine, though a part that neither of them liked. Hadn't she wanted to get back her independence, Jane would've caved, but as it was she was set in her ways that she would get through this. And was that will to fight not an improvement in itself?

It was and she knew it as well as he did. She already felt better and she wanted to get to a point where she could honestly say that she was fine. She had even taken up drawing again, though, she usually didn't draw the worst things on her mind just in case Kurt would take a quick glance at her. It worked, though, it helped keeping her mind at ease and occupied with the drawing of the sketch instead of the meaning behind it.

The music helped, too, even more so when she shared it with Kurt – not because of the act itself but because his eyes always lit up when she approached him with the player and handed him the headphones, and she lived for those moments. She found herself listening to more and more songs, wondering which one she could show him to see him smile like that again.

Sometimes her life felt like it was going in the right direction and as if she would actually get better some day and that she wasn't only the traitor and murderer her mind made her out to be but there was always one thing nagging at her. The conversation she had had with the president...

His words rang in her ears like it had been yesterday and not almost two weeks ago, they followed her everywhere much like her paranoia had.

I want you to know that I don't blame you.

She had been surprised at his words at first, not having expected them after he had watched her that intently before.

I trust that you are on our side, which is why I know you'll help me with one thing, right?

Of course, she had nodded. She would do anything to redeem herself if that was even possible. She wanted to keep everyone else safe and she wanted all of this to stop. Still… she hadn't expected what he wanted from her… what he had ordered her to do.

If – or as I believe; when – Shepherd or any other Sandstorm operative contacts you, I want you to tell me.

She had told him that she would tell her team right away should something come up but that wasn't what he had wanted.

Not your team or Director Hirst. I want you to inform me personally or Nas Kamal, I trust her to make the right decision.

Just like that he had buried any hope for a clean slate she might've had. If she would contact him to stop Shepherd she would have to lie to her team… to Kurt… and she didn't see their relationship or whatever it was they were having survive another lie, especially one as big as this one.

Would Nas make her go undercover again? Would she use her as bait?

She had been asking herself these questions since she had gotten out of that small office but up until now she didn't have an answer. There hadn't been any attempt at contacting her either, which – with each day passing – made her feel calmer. Until it came to that – if it came to that – she would make sure to get her body and mind in the best shape possible. She didn't want to be vulnerable when it counted.

As she was finishing her last set of chest press, she heard her phone bing with a new message. It was Patterson, summoning them to her lab – there was a new lead.

"We got another anonymous tip just an hour ago" the blonde starting talking as soon as everyone had stepped into her lab and motioned for them to come closer to the screen.

Typing a few commands into her tablet she played a recording of a somewhat distorted voice. "Whoever did this with their voice was a pro" she explained, looking up at them. "You see, normally when someone uses a software to change their voice you can still get to the original voice by rewinding the changes. There are tons of apps out there who do this and if we wouldn't be able to track all those voices back... well" she threw them a pointed look "All those teenage kids could announce mass murder and we wouldn't even know who to look for and believe me, teenage kids should not-"

"Patterson?"

"Right" she nodded towards Weller who was glaring at her in exasperation, his arms crossed in front of his chest, expecting actual information "So, I've tried every software we have to rewind this process and, well, all the results I'm getting are more or less ridiculous but all of them are definitely wrong. So, I'm guessing our guy used a program he has written himself."

Tasha cocked her head to one side, amused at her friend's obvious disappointment at a stroke of genius like that "So what does that make this tip? Is it reliable?"

"That depends on your point of view" Patterson shrugged "Do you find people who untraceably distort their voice to leave an anonymous tip reliable? Some might say they're not. Others might say that's a lot of trouble to go through if there isn't something there."

"It might as well be a trap" Reade quipped in, frowning at the message "Or not even meant for us."

"Please" Patterson rolled her eyes and pointed to the message she had written next to the voice recording "Time Square. Today 1:25pm. Bring Jane Doe. Who else was this supposed to be meant for?"

Kurt took a step forward "It could still be a trap. Telling us to bring Jane... maybe they have something planned to finish her off once and for all after she didn't die in the attack as they had planned her to."

"No one has tried to kill me, yet" Jane pointed out from behind him and could practically hear his voice in her head when he glared at her, telling her something like Well, except for yourself but he didn't say it out loud and she took a step forward. "It's as good a lead as any we've followed so far. We could check it out – either there's someone there or there isn't."

Tasha nodded in agreement "This doesn't tell us where to look on Time Square, though. It's not a very specific address."

"That's been bothering me as well" Patterson acquiesced thoughtfully "Why is the time so accurate but the place isn't?"

"Because they just want us to be there because it's a trap" Reade repeated "Seriously, this has trap written all over it and we're still thinking about doing it?" He looked to Kurt for support who was still staring at the screen in front of them.

"Maybe it's about an ad" he said finally, earning himself a confused look from Tasha and Reade, a blank stare from Jane and an excited squeal from Patterson.

"That's it!" she exclaimed typing in a few commands, barely looking up "I mean it's a rather expensive way to send a message but it could be possible. Ah shoot."

"What?"

"I thought maybe they had their ads queued and I could access them remotely" the blonde explained, trying out a few different things "But apparently they have their own software that can't be hacked from outside."

She glanced down at her watch "Well, you still have about 45 minutes. I think that's the fastest way to get an answer."

Jane frowned "Shouldn't we like evacuate the square – just in case?"

Biting her lip Patterson shook her head "First of all, we can't evacuate Time Square that fast, secondly we don't have probable cause to give the judge or police and thirdly" she held out the third finger "We're not even one hundred percent certain that it's about an ad. It might as well be something or someone else who's there and maybe we'll scare them off with an action like that."

Tasha stood with her hands on her hips. "Are we going, or what?"

Slowly Kurt nodded, looking up at his team's expectant faces "We'll go there, armed and with vests, and we'll see if we can find anything that could be helpful."

They really were desperate for any clue at the moment so they geared up, with vests and their handguns in their holsters and were soon on their way to Time Square, trying to get there before 1:25pm to see if anything major would change.

Jane looked around the open space with all the billboards and ads blinking down at her, seeming to never really stand still.

She had been here three times that she could remember. The first being when she got out of that bag, scared, alone, naked and completely lost. It still made her shiver when she thought back to it.. she couldn't even grasp the thought of not having any memories anymore, it seemed like a different life time.

The second and third time she had come here on a day off when she hadn't been able to stay hauled up in her safe house much longer or when she had sneaked past her security detail. Those times seemed to be forever ago as well and since then she hadn't been back, never really had had the time. It seemed to her that that was true for Kurt as well.

1:24pm.

Everyone hustled past them as fast as they could except for some tourists who were taking pictures of everything. There were street artists and food stands in all kinds of variations. There were ads, of course, but nothing in particular that attracted their attention.

1:25pm.

They focused on the ads and some did change… but then again the ads were changing all the time. Looking around, hoping that something might catch her eye Jane turned on the spot, hands on her gun just in case. Tasha and Reade were joking about something but she cut them out and concentrated on the rest of the scene.

That's when she saw it.

One of the smaller ads that had changed now presented a white screen. It looked like a crumbled piece of paper that had been scanned after years of being carried around in the pocket of one's pants or a purse. What had drawn her attention, though, was not the white paper but the pencil drawing on it. It was a sketch of a big old tree, standing alone in the middle of the white landscape.

But there was something else… something that bothered her but she couldn't grasp. Until she realized that the drawing looked like one of hers… it was her style. The same way she would scribble down something in a hurry but still as accurately as possible.

Her head was spinning. She had drawn this.

She was just finishing of the last few strokes on the tree's bark when he stepped into her personal space. "I'm almost done" she said quietly and her brother sat down next to her without saying a word.

Looking up at him she could see the fear in his eyes. For some reason the scarred side of his face always seemed so much more afraid – because it had already been hurt so much? She didn't know and she didn't have the time to wonder about it now.

"Done."

Putting the pencil away she blew softly over the paper to blow away the last dust the pencil had left before taking the picture, folding it two times and handing it to Roman.

"Should we lose each other, we'll meet there, okay?" she said, dropping down from the chair to sit on the floor in front of him, taking his hands in hers "We've been there before but keep this with you at all times so you can find the right tree should you forget, okay?"

"You don't need a picture?"

"I've got mine right here" she tipped her temple and squeezed his hand "I promise, I'll find the way."

Roman nodded but grasped her hands when she wanted to pull away "What if she finds out?" he whispered like the scared little boy he was but never let anyone but her see.

"She won't" she whispered back, pulling at his hands and him in a hug, pressing him as close to her chest as she could "She's too self- centered to think we wouldn't obey." And she might have talked to one of the servants to help them escape.

She pulled away again only to look him in the eyes, repeating her words intently "Should you lose me, you stay in hiding and at 11pm on every evening that you're not with me, I will come to this specific oak and I'll find you, okay?"

Again he nodded and she breathed out a sigh of relief. It wasn't like she didn't trust Roman to follow instructions – specifically her instructions – but sometimes he tended to be a little hotheaded.

"We're going to be fine."

Only that they hadn't been. She remembered now. Shepherd finding out about their planned escape and her – Remi – suffering the consequences for their disobedience. At least she hadn't hurt Roman.

Jane could feel Remi's suffering as if it was her own but it wasn't the physical pain that hurt the most, it was Roman's eyes in front of her closed ones when they had been caught, the complete hopelessness when he had realized that they were going to be spending the rest of their lives with this woman who had just captured them red-handed.

The little boy who had been so scared but had trusted her to know better. And she had failed him.

Slowly she let out the breath she hadn't even realized she had been holding and tried to sort out her thoughts with this new piece of information.

She knew what this message meant and she knew what she had to do. But did that mean that Roman had told Shepherd about their secret hiding place? He had never done that… it had always been theirs – well his and Remi's – had she really lost her brother completely?

"Jane? Jane!"

The sound of her name being called out brought her back to reality

"Yes?" She still felt groggy but she tried not to let it show. Looking around she saw that the screen had already changed again, a women's shaving ad had taking it's place and she stared at it dumbfounded.

"Did you see anything that might be of help?" Tasha asked her, looking her over in worry. "It's 1:30 now and no one's come out yet. Maybe it really was a shot in the dark."

The Latina seemed so disappointed and tired all of the sudden and Jane would've done anything to give her some small piece of hope. Anything but risk their lives. She wouldn't risk her team or let anyone else risk them. So she smiled sadly and shook her head.

"Nothing that seemed worth noticing."

She knew what she had to do and where she had to go and she would do it – to save the people who meant the world to her and to end this terror Shepherd had created. But she wouldn't tell anyone. Not some president and definitely not some Nas Kamal. She would do it on her own terms.

It was that determination to finally bring an end to this that helped her make it through the day, acting as if nothing was out of the ordinary, as if she was as fine or not fine as she had been the days before that. Pretending wasn't easy, especially not with Kurt but somehow she made it to the end of the day and went through the motions of getting home and eating and watching TV with him.

At 10 pm sharp she took her music player and stood up to wish Kurt a good night. He still didn't like it when she slept in the guestroom, she knew that even when he didn't say it, but he had come to terms with it and simply hugged her, gave her a kiss to the forehead and told her that he loved her.

Today it almost made her cry and she almost said those words back at him – out of fear that she won't ever get the opportunity again – but then he would know that something was wrong and she couldn't have that. So she nodded as usual and leaned into his embrace before turning around and getting ready for bed.

Only that she wasn't. She was putting on a black sweater and jeans and checking her gun. She had taken it with her from the office today after they had gotten back from Time Square – it had been easier than she had anticipated.

Next to it she lay her knife – a butterfly knife, one of her few personal belongings – and then she waited for Kurt to get ready too. He usually waited until he heard her settle down in her room before he started heading to his own room for the night. In the first few nights he had checked on her every two hours but the last two nights he had trusted her enough to come to him for help. Or trusted his own ears that he would hear her scream anyway.

When the apartment settled into silence she waited another ten minutes before slipping out of bed and making her way outside. She climbed out of the window as quietly as possible and made it to the window leading to the stairwell that she had opened when they had gotten home. Luckily it was still open when she reached it moving hand over hand, hoping that Kurt wouldn't decide to open his window in this moment. He didn't and soon she was on the staircase and quietly sprinted down the remaining steps.

It didn't take her long to find the place with the old oak, even though it had changed some, it still looked close to what she had remembered. At 10:57pm she got there and tried to make out someone or something in the dark. There was no one there, so she waited, constantly ready for battle with her hand clasped around the knife.

She waited for almost half an hour, unmoving, on hyper-alert but there was nothing.

With each minute passing the sinking feeling in her stomach intensified. Maybe she had misread the message. Maybe she had been paranoid again? Maybe there was nothing here or it was a trap?

Suddenly her phone rang and she flinched at the sudden vibration in her pocket. Pulling it out and checking the caller ID she felt even worse. It was Kurt.

"I can explain" she said into her phone as soon as she had taken the call but the answer she got wasn't what she had expected in the slightest.

"Oh, I'd be delighted to hear your explanation."

Shepherd's voice rang through the speaker.