I heard someone crying in the house last night, but I don't know anything about ghosts. Is my mother a ghost now?

Does everyone who dies become a ghost?

They're only a ghost if someone alive is still holding onto them.

It was not a difficult feat to find a ghost.

In her young life, Verra could remember knowing about as many dead spirits as she did living entities. Not that she had ever bothered to count the ghosts that wandered aimlessly up and down the halls of the ornate palace. That could have been seen in a rude light, and besides, they never stayed still for long enough to be counted. Most of the time, they just floated past without a word to the small child, content in the fact that they did not appear to recognize her nor she them.

If the girl was to guess, she'd wager that the majority of the spirits were kin or compatriots of the soldiers or palace staff, just from the way they behaved. People who she'd never met alive simply because they had never been present to begin with. Whoever was their connection to the world of the living was the inhabitant of the palace, not they themselves until after their passing. Those whom she attributed this history to avoided her, perhaps not out of rudeness but out of fear. Her family lineage, while not ideal as far as the royal line went, still commanded a good deal of respect from members of the lower class. They would not speak to her unless she spoke to them.

It was rather difficult to explain to these occupants that she didn't speak to anyone, whether their heart beat or not.

Not that she was particularly interested in conversing with these spirits, anyway. In fact, Verra had no burning desire to communicate with any dead souls, but her opinions on the matter seemed to be consistently overlooked.

Ghosts often wanted to converse with her.

"Thinking again, are we?" The lanky figure of a handsome young man lounged against the wall without quite touching it, in case he was to accidentally fall through. His eyes were hidden behind thinly rimmed glasses, which Verra couldn't understand why he possessed as a spirit. The corners in his mouth were turned up, but the expressed was closer to a smirk than a true smile. The child resisted the urge to roll her eyes at him and returned her gaze to the book in her lap.

"I'd say I'm getting the silent treatment, but with you I always do, don't I?" The apparition was directly next to her now, peering over her lap at the letters on the page. He perched, or rather floated, on the arm of the library's comfortable recliner. This sudden movement might have shocked her at one time, but she had grown used to the patterns of each ghost. "Flip the page," the spirit commanded. "I've finished this one."

She obediently flipped the page… backwards, and looked haughtily up at the ghost as he set his face in something that might have been a scowl, had he not have lost the drive halfway through contorting his face.

"Clever little miss, today, aren't you. I'll let it slide since this once, since you're my sister's kid, but don't expect special treatment after today." The apparition sighed dramatically, as Verra lost her restrain and rolled her eyes after all.

Most people assumed ghosts would kill you, or at the very least terrorize you into losing your sanity. The girl was not utterly convinced these spirits weren't doing the last item to her, but mostly she was stuck with everyday nuisances like the one who floated just above her. Truthfully, however, this particular spirit didn't ask all that much of her besides flipping a page or two in a book when he was bored, something she felt she owed him in their relationship that could not quite be described as friendship.

She returned to the correct page as the spirit drifted away, his expression clouded in thought. A few minutes of silence passed comfortably between them, or as comfortable as minutes spent between a small child and the ghost of her very young, dead uncle could be. Verra was grateful for the silence; she was better able to enjoy the novel when it was quiet. And, as she knew from countless experiences from this current apparition, time when Alexander was not speaking was rather hard to come by.

"Do you ever think about ghosts?" Her uncle asked, his train of thought suddenly wanting opinions on some theory he wanted her opinion on. She never gave it, of course, though even if she did she doubted that he would have taken it into consideration. Verra herself was not old enough to curse, but she would hazard a guess that her cousins had several choice words in their vocabulary that seemed applicable to her uncle.

A patronizing look from a child was enough to make Alex question his momentum.

"Okay, well, that might have been the best way to phase it. But, do you ever wonder why you're the only one who can see us? Because I wonder that, like out of all the offspring my siblings and I have, why am I stuck with you? No offense, of course, it's just like… if you're some kind of magical deity or commune with the dead, I wonder why it's you out of all people."

"Alex, are you terrorizing our niece again?" A new voice, a distinctively female one, scolded. There was a wisp of smoke and a spirit with curly hair and her hands on her hips. "For the love of God, she's eleven. She doesn't need to be having an existential crisis."

Verra could have sworn that Alex's figure got more transparent, as if he was debating fading into air rather than facing his wife at the current moment. He spluttered slightly and put his hands in front of his body in a defensive position. "I, er, um… I was not… I mean, I was just wondering if maybe… She might know something about it that she's not telling us."

The two girls exchanged an exasperated look at his poor choice in words. Ciara, who was far more likable in the child's opinion, took a moment to collect herself before answering. "I'm sure there's a great deal she's not telling us, but maybe that's due to the fact that you're an asshole ghost that bothers her and demands she turn pages of the books all the time. I wouldn't tell you anything either." The couple exchanged several other choice emotions silently in a battle that could only be summed up as Ciara won. "Alexander, let's go. You've bothered Vivierra enough for one day."

"But…" The dead Prince whined like a kicked puppy. "I… I didn't finish this chapter."

Ciara gave him a hard stare. The next instant, her husband was gone. "Ah, the perks of being utterly destroyed by him when we were alive. I own his ass in the afterlife." She seemed extraordinarily smug about a somewhat dismal fact. "I'll try and keep him away this afternoon. Oh, and your cousins were headed to breakfast last time I checked. You might want to head downstairs as well." With that last warning, she was gone, more than likely to find wherever her husband had skulked off too.

Verra ignored the last statement her ghostly aunt had made, and not for the first time, she wondered why she got along altogether better with spirits of relatives she'd never met than the ones she'd lived with all her life. Why her living family pretended that she did not exist. Why she had to work hard to convince herself truly did.

Sometimes, she thought, it wasn't so much that only she could see the ghosts; it was only they who could see her.

Just as a coin is simultaneously two things, heads and tails, so are you, my dear.

You are like a coin.

You will never be completely loved no matter which side people see.

Lyra had no memory of why she stopped wearing gold.

She had tried to remember, of course, although admittedly not for extremely long. On principle, the princess never attempted much. She had servants and maids and other people to try for her. She had never been asked to do anything for herself. Perks of being royalty, she supposed. Perks of being the second-born, it was Essa's duty to train for the crown.

That might have been why she begun to rebel in the first place, but it probably wasn't as poetic as that, really.

She wouldn't know. She didn't remember that, either.

It's late, on a Saturday, and she's stumbling into a part of the palace that she wasn't entirely supposed to be in. She's probably 12, maybe 13, and she's just starting to see the unfairness of having to always be behind some stupid mask just because her father is afraid of his past. Lyra is running her hands along the ribbon that holds her mask on, fingers smoothing the satiny ribbon. If she ripped it off, just for once, surely no one would know. There's no one there, after all.

Lyra supposed there was quite a lot of her life that she cannot will not recall.

She doesn't see him when he comes up from behind her. The child is busy staring at her reflection in a mirror, pinching her face to bring color in her cheeks. The mask should have been on the ground, where she discarded it. Instead, he is playing with its golden ribbon, winding it around his fingers as a thin smile creeps onto his face.

She wished she recalled less about family breakfasts. They were a pitiful attempt on her father's part, really, and everyone knew it. There were more cracks in all of their personal relationships that maple syrup can fix, even when poured onto mountains of fluffy pancakes. Her male cousins appeared not to care, however, as both Kallon and Theo had a stack of at least four on their plates. There was a book open next to the latter, and he was careful to avoid spilling on the pages. The previous one showed that he was not always successful. Across from them, Kairys had her phone in hand, the confetti of the case sending sparkling lights dancing across the dining room. As Lyra sat down, the blonde looked up briefly and gives her a slight smile. Her green eyes were illuminated more brightly by the ornate golden markings of the mask she wears.

It nearly matches the princess' own facial covering, though she has avoided the color gold since…

"Well, well. What do we have here?" His voice will haunt her nightmares for years to come.

Kairys had the camera app pulled up, pointed at the empty chair seated immediately across from herself and Lyra. This, the princess knew, is rarely a good sign.

"She's not here yet, I take it?" The brunette whispered to Kairys, ignoring the platter of pancakes and helping herself to the glass of orange juice that had just been poured for her.

Her cousin chuckled, switching away from the camera to check her Instagram feed. "Trust me, I think we're going to know when she's planning to arrive. I hope there's as much screaming as we predicted there's going to be, though. It'll bum out my followers if all she does is throw a little temper tantrum. I've been building this up all morning."

"What followers?" Her twin, who's sitting on the other side of Lyra, teased and promptly received a fork thrown at his head. Dodging, Kallon stuck his tongue out at her. "That was weak! Get your head in the game, Rys."

He would have gotten a slap in the face when their mother, seated at the opposite end of the table to the right of the King, glared at them. With her blonde hair, so like her daughter's, pulled up into an elegant bun, she looked even more frightening than usual. She only had to clear her throat once before both twins bitterly slid down in their seats. Their father, across from his wife, started to laugh, but one look from his wife turned it into a cough.

Theo absentmindedly turned another page of his book, oblivious to anything happening around him.

Then came the screaming.

"Oooh, boy, that was a good one." Kairys mumbled under her breath as a particularly creative string of profanity caught everyone's attention. It was vulgar enough to even make Theo look up from his book, probably to check whether or not he should escort Verra away before the culprit actually entered the scene. Thankfully, neither of the two younger royals had come down to breakfast yet because everyone at the table was sure this was going to get much, much worse.

Essa looked and sounded a lot like how Lyra imagined a hurricane appeared. Anger emanated from her so strongly that she was honestly unsure how her parents were not running away in fear. If Lyra didn't know that most of her older sister's temper tantrum was staged, she would likely have bolted as soon as the first profanity was uttered.

"What the-" Essa started, before Queen Raleigh, who was far calmer than her husband looked to be interrupted with, "Language, dear."

"But…" Kairys whined, phone in one hand, the other trying desperately to stop her giggles, "If she doesn't curse, I doubt it will get as many likes! We all know- OUCH!" Her outburst was stopped when her brother kicked her shin under the table. Their mother, Princess Callisa, shot them both the evil eye. The twins, at almost twenty, knew enough to retreat.

"What the… flip … is this I hear about a Selection?" If looks could kill, Essa would have been crowned Queen at that very moment as the brunette placed both hands on her hips.

The King and Queen's eyes flipped towards each other just briefly in a silent conversation that looked to Lyra to contain a you tell her NO sort of dialogue.

King Perseus lost.

"Now, darling, be reasonable about this. The people are getting restless… they've never wanted me on the throne, and both you and Theodore are at a fit age where you need to be considering your futures…"

Both Lyra and her mother winced. Mentioning the fact that Theo's Selection would be taking place at the same time… probably not the greatest idea that the King had ever had, not that he was particularly known as a man with all that many.

Essa's face turned a darker shade of red. "What do you mean 'THEO and I?' What does he even have to do with this?! He's not even in line for the throne!" She pointed a finger aggressively at her older cousin, who looked very much like he wanted to hide behind his enormous stack of pancakes. "He… he doesn't even matter!"

"You don't matter."

The memories flooded back to her at that line and suddenly…

"What?" Lyra asks, stomping her small foot impatiently. At first she was afraid, afraid because he had caught her without the mask on and Daddy is going to be angry, but now she's simply angry. How dare he refuse to return the item? Doesn't he know who she is? "Give me back my mask! I want it, now!"

No, she doesn't remember.

The child jumps for the mask, but he holds it out of her reach. He is probably a guard, though he's not currently in his uniform. Off-duty, perhaps. She doesn't care, he is unimportant. And she will have him fired for this offense. He dangles it just out of her reach. "Is that all you've got, Princess? Should have expected it. All you Royal brats are just the same. You hide behind these things because you're too afraid of your own people seeing your face. If they saw them, they'd realize.

She does not remember.

"They'd realize that you don't matter."

Doesn't... please don't remember.

He has dropped the mask. His arms are on her before she can react. She doesn't understand what he wants with him, but he is holding her so tightly that she can barely breathe. There's a blood-curdling shriek. Lyra thinks it's her voice, but she's never been sure. His hand is pressed over her mouth and he's yelling now, yelling at her to shut her mouth and stay quiet. She squirms and bites his hand, and he throws her to the ground. His eyes are violent as he towers over her, the mask lies discarded on the floor next to his feet.

Please… and she doesn't know which timeline she lives in. Who she is crying out to.

He's too strong, and she's weak. She is still screaming.

"Lyra… Lyra, can you hear me?" Someone yelled at her, but their words are muffled, as if she is hearing them from a great distance. Her eyes were focused on the man who is pinning her down, as she kicks and screams bloody murder. She doesn't like it, she doesn't like it, she wants him to leave her alone.

She is

falling.

Suddenly, there is a weight lifted off her chest. Someone else's voice, a more familiar voice, is deadly calm. "Get off of her," it commands, eerily expressionless. It's enough to get the man to stand up, his leg still pinning her to the ground. Lyra, though she has her eyes pressed tightly together in fear, recognizes her older sister's voice.

"Someone get the doctor!"

"Oh, ho. The little Princess is going to take me down? Where's your guard, little girl?" He says with a laugh. "What are you going to do?"

She failed back and forth, unaware of who she was hitting. Her body hit the ground, hard. "Lyra, Lyra, please! Please, calm down."

There is no emotion in Essa's voice when she replies. It scares Lyra more than the man. The child has never heard anything so dark. "I'm going to kill you."

Accusations were thrown all around her. "This is your fault, Tessatura!" It was her father's voice, the one yelling. "If you hadn't screamed- you know she's sensitive!"

There is a sound unlike any the young princess has ever heard. A loud crack, like lightning striking inside. Then a thudding. His leg is no longer pressing her to the ground.

"It's not my fault!" Essa yelled back.

She opens her eyes. The man is only a few inches from her own. His expression shows the fear. His lifeless eyes show that he is dead. Lyra looks at her sister, whose hands are glowing with a black light. There is terror etched in her sister's face.

"It's not my fault." Essa is still calm, even in a state of panic. Even as a dead body lies at her feet. The light around her hands is starting to fade. "He was a bad person. Bad people deserve to die."

Lyra was a bad person too. If she hadn't gone down there, that man would never have found her. She would never have needed to be saved. He would never have been killed died.

They cannot wash all the blood off her mask. It has stained the sparkling jewels a deep ruby color.

She never wears gold anymore.

Alternate Title: My First Chapter Back in 6 Months and It's Existential Ghosts and the Essa Ruins Breakfast Speech in Both Present AND Past Tense Because Lyra's Flashbacks are Wild - And Neither POV is from a Main Character.

It's also not edited super well because I honestly just want to go to bed. If it's not evident, the italics are around flashback points for Lyra, which is also why the tone tends to switch to the present tense. It's not well done, though, so that's also why it doesn't work out well XD

Hello, everyone! I know, I know, it's been an incredibly long time since the last update, and I really am sorry for that. I… um… well, I had a pretty major accident happen in my life and my health was pretty poor for a long time after that. It was really difficult to balance anything with that happening, and well… I don't really like talking about it, but I'm doing a whole lot better now.

Happier things that are new with me: I passed all 4 of my AP tests with 4s (except the one I got a three on but it was AP bio and I'm not even surprised). I got my driver's license in the mail today and the picture doesn't look too terrible, although my hair is slightly darker red than normal… and that's about it haha!

I'm going to be updating a lot more regularly than every six months now, I promise. It might not be on a daily or weekly basis, I have college applications due and AP classes to take, but I shouldn't have such a long break between chapters. I just want to take a moment and thank everyone for reading this after such a long time. It wasn't fair to make so many people wait, and I really am sorry. I know I owe so many people apologies for making them wait on forms or reviews or anything. I'm trying to catch up, I promise, I really, really am.

I know that a lot of you are going to be frustrated with the gap, and with this chapter because it's not all that good (not that the last one was any better, particularly) and I really do get it. But, please don't flame at me in the reviews. I'm always open to criticism, I promise, but this is the first thing I've published (not written, I took a ton of time to attempt to get skills back) since I suffered a pretty major head injury, so I'm already a little nervous about how it turned out; I rewrote this fully about 7 times because I didn't like anyway it turned out.

Now, onto the bigger issue at hand: The Selection!

If you can't already tell, this is sort of an interesting universe. More will be explained about why the Royal family doesn't show their face to the public and about why Essa and her cousins seem to have these strange powers, but also a lot of it probably won't be because I'm honestly not great at what I'm doing #whoops.

I'm going to say this, and I might be afraid of saying this, but… the Royal family are not the only ones who are going to be allowed to have powers. HOWEVER, I wouldn't really describe this as a completely supernatural Selection. I'm taking 2 people from each gender, at the very MOST, and you'll end up seeing why. You do NOT have to give your character powers, and even if you do, I won't necessarily be using them.

Sorry, this is totally confusing and I'm happy to answer questions if necessary. Basically, my main point is, don't completely base your character around a specific set of powers. I'm looking for ones that work with the storyline, so even if I totally love your character, their powers may not work. If you keep he or she's powers mostly separate from her main qualities, I may just ask if I can accept them without the powers. And again, you don't necessarily have to give your character any powers at all.

In a non-spoilery attempt to explain my crazy ideas, powers don't show up at birth. They appear later on in life do to… something. It's up to you to come up with whatever you want, go crazy, but just know that most people's powers are very small (like, being able to change eye color at will or that kid in Sky High who can glow) and very unheard of. Your character would most likely not have revealed their powers to anyone else, or I'll take characters who don't know that they have them in the first place. (Side-note, anyone who sends me a kid who glows like Zack or has some utterly useless power is my hero).

Otherwise, I'm going to be posting the rules/form on my profile because I don't want to take up any more space there. Please head there if you're interested (and pretty please also be interested) after maybe dropping off a review? But honestly, as I'm like actually the worst reviewer ever now, I totally understand if you don't.

Thank you all so much for sticking with me! Feel free to PM me for questions about the Selection and forms and characters or the importance of Dear Evan Hansen: The Musical (that last one was slightly off topic whoops) and have an amazing night/day! I really, really love all of you and thanks so much to a bunch of people who encouraged me to write this when I was really afraid of posting again.

PS: If the form isn't up on my profile immediately after you read this, I'm probably editing it and posting it then, and/or I fell asleep. It's very late haha!

-Paige