Lieutenant Adventures Series 11 Chapter 5 29 July 2017. Sneak Peak.
The TARDIS made an emergency landing in the Death Zone on Gallifrey.
The Lieutenant slammed his fist down on the console and sparks flew out when he did so. "I swear, seriously, don't start this bloody annoyance again. If Missy is out there, she's dead," said the Lieutenant furiously.
There was a loud banging outside, like asteroids plummeting from the sky.
"My gun is fully loaded, my knife newly sharpened," said Penelope.
"Come on then," said the Lieutenant. He left the TARDIS followed by Penelope.
It was, in fact, raining asteroids in the Death Zone.
"Come on, then, Missy, show yourself, you pathetic coward, pathetic excuse for a Time Lord," said the Lieutenant, walking forward.
Just then, an asteroid fell on the Lieutenant's head and blood splattered everywhere. The Lieutenant was knocked out.
Intro: watch?v=P50D7Ut7Hak
Everything spun for a few minutes and then the Lieutenant found himself on the floor of a world that was spinning. Was it a world? He literally couldn't tell yet. He let himself fall back into darkness and when he woke again, everything was dark and his head was thumping, felt like his head was pulsing. He stood up, nearly falling over again from the pain and this annoyed him.
"Is he awake?" asked an older woman, or that's what the voice sounded like.
"Yeah, I think he is, it feels like it," said a young man's voice, or so that sounded too.
The two of them laughed together for a minute. "We're talking about ourselves," said the woman.
"Ha, yeah, sad, same old Lieutenant," said the man.
The woman smiled and nodded.
"Where am I?" asked the Lieutenant, stumbling forward, trying to see in the half-light. "Oi, hey, stop the chit-chat and answer me, rude, selfish gits," he said.
"Be nice," said the woman.
The man folded his arms. "You're not getting anywhere with that attitude," he said.
"I can't see you, idiots, where are you?" demanded the Lieutenant.
The place suddenly brightened up.
"Is that better?" asked the woman.
"How did you do that without moving?" asked the Lieutenant. "I demand to know," demanded the Lieutenant.
"You lazy bugger," said the man.
Now that the Lieutenant could see them better, he could see that the woman was sitting on a bench and knitting, she looked fifty-five years old but something in this strange place kept telling him she was sixty-eight.
"I'm over 5000 years old," said the woman. "That answers that question," she said.
"How did you do that?" asked the Lieutenant.
"I'm telepathic," said the woman.
"So am I," said the Lieutenant.
"So am I," said the man.
"But I can't do that," said the Lieutenant.
"With age," said the man. "With age."
The man looked only a bit younger than the Lieutenant, he looked about nineteen but, again, this place kept telling the Lieutenant he was seventeen.
"I'm creeping slowly up to 5000 years old," said the man. "Look at him, trying to work it out," laughed the man.
The woman laughed too.
"OK, cut out all this riff-raff, cut to the chase," demanded the Lieutenant.
The woman's smile faded, as did the man's.
"He's rude too," said the man.
"Oh, stop it, be nice to one another," said the woman, frustrated. "If we're cutting to the chase, the Time Lords set us this task," she said.
"No, it was Missy," said the Lieutenant, furiously.
"No, it was the Time Lords," chorused the man and the woman together, somewhat angrily.
"You're lying, I know the difference," said the Lieutenant.
"You obviously don't," said the man.
"We need a chat," said the woman.
"I'm not having a poxy-", started the Lieutenant.
"Excuse me, we know where we are, you don't so I think you should zip it," said the man.
"So, why are you in my head?" asked the Lieutenant.
"Oh, at last, I thought he's never ask!" exclaimed the man.
"You are slow, aren't you, Lieuty," said the woman.
"Don't dare call me Lieuty again, clear?" snarled the Lieutenant.
The woman didn't stop her knitting, she just laughed. "I'll call you what I like," she said.
"We're not in your head," said the man. "We're in my head," said the man.
"No, we're in mine," said the woman.
"No," said the man in a silly high-pitched voice, "we're in mine."
"I know what my own head looks like," said the Lieutenant, "I live in it." He flickered briefly.
The woman put down her knitting when she saw this and stood up. "Let's get a move on, he's waking up. Do you know, life isn't all about death, life is for the living and when you don't get something, wait for it, show patience," she said.
"Are you trying to make me good?" asked the Lieutenant. "Never. This is good, this is better, I won't have my own kind threatening me, do you hear me?" growled the Lieutenant.
"No, Lieutenant, do you hear me?" asked the woman.
"Lieutenant, we are definitely warning you that if you do not pack in killing for your own good, the Time Lords will kill you," said the man.
The Lieutenant started fading.
"Keep that in mind and don't say you weren't warned when you suddenly find yourself on Trenzalore, bye-dee-bye," said the man.
The Lieutenant faded.
The man shook his head.
"Be nice, I said," said the woman.
This was the last thing the Lieutenant heard before he woke up. He looked around himself, he was back on the TARDIS. He heaved heaved himself up and dematerialised the TARDIS. "What did you let that happen for?" he asked Penelope. He suddenly realised there was a bandage around his head.
"I'll tell you later, it wasn't easy, where did you go, you've been out for three days," said Penelope.
"No, sorry, don't talk, my head is sore enough as it is," said the Lieutenant.
NEXT TIME:
The TARDIS made an emergency landing in the Death Zone on Gallifrey.
"I swear, don't start this bloody annoyance again."
There was a loud banging outside like asteroids plummeting from the sky.
"No, sorry, don't talk, my head is sore enough as it is," said the Lieutenant.
The Lieutenant
Thomas Stevens
Penelope Pratt
Gemma Arterton
The Master
Michelle Gomez
With special thanks to the BBC, FanFiction and YouTube.
Director and Writer
Liam Hickey
Producer
Maureen Farr
Fflat 2017.