The headband was less impressive than Sasuke thought it would be. Even as he tied it around his head and listened to Iruka congratulate him, it meant less than nothing. At best it was nothing more than a step towards that man.
Everybody in his class had graduated.
Except Uzumaki Naruto.
Who probably wanted it more than anyone else there.
It wasn't a surprise. Naruto slept through more classes than he attended and slacked when he had the decency to keep both eyes open. The idiot shouted about becoming Hokage when he couldn't even make a proper was always pulling pranks, grinning when he failed and too stupid to know when to give up.
So why, Sasuke wondered looking at the quiet blond on the swing, was he disappointed?
"Hey that kid…"said a woman near him to her friend. Sasuke bristled, the appropriate words lined up like daggers. But they weren't even looking at him.
"Yeah, that's 'the kid' and he's the only one who failed."
"Well that's a good thing. He shouldn't become a shinobi. Since he's-"
"We're not supposed to talk about that."
Naruto put on his goggles and left, never once looking their way. Sasuke grit his teeth and elbowed his way back inside the Academy. Once there he punched the wall once, twice and had to stop himself from continuing. Why was he even wasting time thinking about that idiot and where the hell was his brother?
"You know, that anger is one of the reasons they almost didn't pass you."
Sasuke turned to face the old man who'd materialized behind him. He openly stared at the layered bandages that covered the right side of the man's face and noted the fact that his right arm was bound tightly against his chest. The man leaned heavily on a cane and Sasuke resisted the urge to kick it to see if it would send him sprawling.
"Though, to be honest you should have been promoted years ago," the man said. "Itachi protested against it rather forcefully at the time. How long do you think he's going to coddle you?"
He spoke smoothly, each word carefully measured and dispensed for maximum effectiveness. Sasuke imagined he gave orders much the same way he asked his was a man who was used to being respected. His singular eye appraised Sasuke like he would a dog he considered buying.
Sasuke would never be for sale.
"What's your name?" Sasuke asked. He leaned against the wall with his hands balled in his pockets, face blank. A perfect picture of teenage insolence.
The man's mouth tilted upwards slightly. "Shimura Danzo."
"I don't really care what you think about me," he said, "but shut up about Itachi, Shimura Danzo."
"Such loyalty. I'd hope that it extends to the village as well."
Sasuke shrugged. "Itachi loves Konoha. Even after what happened, he still does."
"And you love him."
It wasn't a question, but Sasuke felt compelled to respond. There was, of course, only one answer.
"He's my brother."
Danzo's voice took on mocking lilt. "But he's not here. You must wonder if your devotion is unfounded. How terrible it must be to love someone who doesn't love you back."
Indeed it must have been terrible, though even worse for Itachi who loved someone who couldn't love him back.
"Don't you burn inside knowing Uchiha Madara walks free while you wait here wasting your time playing family?"
Sasuke pushed himself from the wall and walked past Danzo without a word.
"Come find me when you get tired of waiting Uchiha Sasuke. I could help you."
He stopped but did not turn.
"I'm never going to need your help."
He shut the door behind him quietly instead of slamming it. The crowd out front had dispersed with only a few new genin walking about with their parents. Sasuke glanced around but there was no sign of Itachi.
Danzo didn't know anything. He was just another scheming cog in the machine trying to play him against his brother. A couple pieces of information and Danzo thought he knew them. It made Sasuke want to laugh.
It didn't matter that Itachi hadn't shown up to his graduation even though he had promised to.
It didn't matter that he hadn't had a real conversation with Itachi in a month.
It didn't matter that he was so used to waiting for Itachi that when he showed up it was a surprise.
What mattered was that Itachi always came back even when he had every reason not to.
"I'm home," he called as he opened the door to their apartment. His voice echoed back to him in response as it always did.
Standing alone in that dark room, the headband still meant less than nothing but it was the biggest difference between him and Naruto.
After dark, Konohagakure was not much different from its daytime self.
Missions were still carried out and the ninja who completed them scurried here and there, accomplishing their objective. One in particular raced around the village on his hands with his student following closely behind. Restaurants closed and others opened, patrons ambling from one to the next. People stood under flickering street lights, smoke drifting lazily from lit cigarettes. Children slept soundly, assured by their parents that this village was safe and was good.
But this night was not like that at all.
Sometimes there came nights where you could smell the distinct odor of rot. The wind whistled and stole words just as easily as it did breath before throwing them both away carelessly. Ninja reached for their weapons a bit more quickly and peered into the darkness with more than a little fear. Children clutched at their blankets as their parents shut the blinds and stood guard at the door. On nights like those the dead could be reborn, demon foxes could attack, a masked man could ruin everything and a boy could murder his family.
Despite everything, Sasuke preferred them. Sometimes they could be disastrous, terrible or gruesome but above all these nights were made of truth and secrets. There was something deliciously thrilling about walking with danger at his side and not knowing what he would find before the sun rose. And so, Sasuke quietly slipped out of his apartment hours after he should have been asleep with a smirk on his lips.
Usually he walked to calm himself down, rage unwinding with every step. Before the massacre, he stuck to the woods around the village. Nowadays he explored the side streets and dirt paths within the wall even if it took that much longer for the fury to leave because at any moment it could be rekindled with a look. Even now, Sasuke didn't stray. He had made a promise after all.
If it had been any other night and any other person, Sasuke might have missed him. But he knew that telltale sign of orange anywhere. It seemed that this was tonight's secret.
Uzumaki Naruto had a large scroll on his back and a grin on his face as he darted from tree to tree. Sasuke followed him until the blond settled down on the ground and began unfurling the scroll.
"Let's see, the first one is Kage Bunshin no Jutsu. What! Why does it have to start with the one I'm bad with?" Naruto complained.
Sasuke stood behind him, curiosity edging out the reluctance to speak. "I thought you were bad at everything besides turning into a girl."
He clasped his hands over his ears as Naruto let out a high pitched shriek and fell face first into the dirt. Sputtering, the blond rolled to his feet with a soft curse and fixed him with a baleful glare. "What the hell are you doing here bastard?"
Instead of replying, Sasuke unrolled the scroll further, doing his best to memorize it. If only he had already unlocked the sharingan.
"Hey! What do you think you're doing?" Naruto poked him hard in the chest. "You already passed and this is my only shot!"
After dark, Naruto was still as nonsensical as his daytime self.
"What are you talking about?"
"Mizuki-sensei said that if I learned a jutsu from this scroll, he'd let me graduate. So even if it's the kage bunshin or whatever I gotta master it you know." His eyes were wide and earnest. How desperate did he have to be to believe that? The idiot had probably stolen the scroll for such a blatant lie. Mizuki probably just wanted to torment him.
Honestly it wasn't Sasuke's business and it would be a lie to say that turning around and leaving didn't cross his mind. But the promise of a secret still loomed and the scroll full of forbidden jutsu was a nice bonus.
"Then go ahead but I'm taking a look at it too."
Naruto scowled at him. "You're not gonna beat me this time. Just watch and learn."
He threw his hands into a ram seal and a clone poofed into existence. Or rather a vaguely orange pile poofed into existence. Sasuke nudged it with his foot and it dispelled. He raised an eyebrow at Naruto and the blond simply repeated the technique over and over.
On the eighth go Sasuke pointed out, "Hey that one has arms and legs."
"Let's see you try it then bastard," Naruto said.
With a shrug, Sasuke conjured up a clone of his own. As the smoke dissipated he saw the outline was nearly perfect. Instead of fingers it had claws and when it turned towards the two boys all they saw was a smooth expanse of skin instead of a face. It twitched violently before falling to the ground and dispelling.
Naruto looked at the spot where the clone fell and then back at Sasuke with a horrified expression. Sasuke ignored him and summoned another and after his second failure shuddered out of existence, Naruto followed his example.
"Hey bastard take a look!" Naruto and his clone wore identical grins. With a laugh, they high fived before it dispelled. Sasuke sat on the ground examining the scroll again. He'd mastered the jutsu a little bit ago and while his clone's eyes were disturbingly empty he figured that was a personal fault instead of a technical one.
"What are we working on next?" Naruto asked, sitting down beside him. "Dead demon consuming seal? Uh, Sasuke, this one says you die. I can't die before becoming Hokage!"
"I know what it says," Sasuke snarled. But he couldn't help tracing the large spiral of the seal with his eyes. He was sure he'd never seen it before that night but he recognized it and that filled him with trepidation.
With a growl he rolled the scroll back up and handed it to Naruto, "You should take that back. By now, you must realize that this was a joke."
"It's not a joke," Naruto said, "And here I was thinking you might not be a total bastard."
This stupidity had gone on long enough.
"Yeah well, you are a complete dope if you really believe Mizuki. Has he ever been nice to you before? You're being used. You really think they'd let a dead last like you graduate?"
Naruto punched him in the face. Sasuke rocked back on his heels. So the idiot wanted to fight? Violence was his preferred language anyway. He lashed out at Naruto with a kick that crashed into the blond's gut. When he bent over in pain, Sasuke drove his knee into Naruto's jaw. With a cry, Naruto fell to the ground arms wrapped around his middle. When he went to kick Naruto in the face, the other boy rolled into him sending him tumbling.
No matter how many times he knocked him down, Naruto always got back up. They weren't fighting about the scroll or who was right anymore. As he drew his fist back into a punch, one thought raged in Sasuke's head.
I could have been like you.
And nothing disgusted or terrified him more.
He heard footsteps, but he was too busy getting heatbutted by the idiot to focus on them. Next thing he knew they were being shoved apart by an irate Iruka.
"What do you two think you're doing?" He asked with a glare. "You've got the whole village out searching for you Naruto."
Instead of looking chastised, Naruto looked triumphant. "It's about time Iruka-sensei! Although I only learned one thing." He rubbed the back of his head and let out a small embarrassed laugh. "But nevermind that! I'm going to try an incredible jutsu. If I do it...let me graduate!"
Iruka glanced at Sasuke in askance but Sasuke just wiped away the blood on his mouth conveying as much disdain as he could in a simple motion.
"Naruto," Iruka said, "where did you get that scroll?"
"Oh this? Mizuki told me about it and this place too," he continued eagerly, "He said if I show you this skill I'd definitely graduate."
Realization dawned on Iruka's face as Sasuke caught a glimpse of metal in the trees above. He sprung to the side and Iruka pushed Naruto out of the way of the volley of kunai. One sliced into his arm, but he was better off than Iruka who had been impaled by several.
"Quite a trio we have here. Good job finding that moron," Mizuki called from the branch he stood on.
"I see.."Iruka coughed up some blood, "So that's what was going on."
All of a sudden the world tilted and Sasuke found himself face first in the dirt. His head throbbed terribly, his eyes involuntarily squeezing shut from the pain. Something inside him rang hollow and every cell in his body screamed as they were ripped apart. But the others were still talking, still worried about the inconsequential. Genjutsu? Poison? He tasted iron in his mouth. Distantly, the Mizuki's words drifted down to him.
"Naruto, I'll tell you the truth."
At last, he had arrived at the promised secret. Sasuke managed to tilt his head to look at Naruto, ignoring the new pain taking root as a result.
"Twelve years ago the demon fox attacked our village and the Fourth gave up his life to defeat it. But you know, the demon fox didn't die."
The thing about secrets is that they are more than words. A secret can be a glance, or a shared moment. Sometimes they were long forgotten things drudged up only to be lost again.
"The Fourth couldn't kill it so he did the next best thing and sealed it away. Do you get it yet Naruto? Do you know where he put it?"
Secrets, mysterious, lovely, dark and deep, are always weapons.
"It's inside you. You are the Kyuubi no Kitsune!"
There was no blood on his jacket, and no gaping wound in his chest, yet Naruto's face twisted with pained expression of being stabbed.
"You were sealed up by the Hokage you admire and you have been lied to by everyone!"
It always came back to lies didn't it?
"Didn't you find it odd how everyone hates you?"
Another stab and Naruto could not keep the tears from spilling.
"Iruka and Sasuke are the same! They hate you!"
He did. He hated the blond more than he hated almost anyone else.
"Nobody will ever love you."
And Sasuke steeled himself, every muscle in his body straining against the unknown ailment.
"So why don't you go ahead and die for me fox?"
There was the whistling of a shuriken as it cut through the air.
Iruka kept on shouting for Mizuki to stop, but objects in motion stay in motion. Unless acted upon by an external force.
Sasuke pushed himself up, the bone shattering ache threatening to devour him.
Mizuki's aim was precise.
He could not bear to move.
The shuriken bit deep into his back.
Sound dissolved into white static.
Naruto didn't need to say anything out loud anyway. Every single part of him screamed his question. From the stupefied look in his blue eyes to the way his hands shook to way he grit his teeth.
Why?
Sasuke gave a little sardonic smile before he fell back to the ground.
I could have been like you.
In the end, Sasuke didn't care whether or not a demon fox took up residence in Naruto's gut. The reason why they were both treated the same didn't matter. Maybe he should have just said as much, but somewhere along the way he'd learned that doing the right thing was easier than saying it.
Somewhere in between those two lines of thought, Naruto had run away and Mizuki had followed after. Iruka was at his side, no doubt speaking but going unheard.
The world tilted again and Sasuke felt like he had been unmoored from his body. He had been split in half and a void spanned the distance in between. This was much more than what Mizuki could have done.
Something was writhing inside him. With half lidded eyes, he tracked black lines unfolding up and down his arms. Spirals blossomed on his skin spinning into intricate whorls. The lines danced at the base of his throat.
He had known for so very long that there was something wrong with him.
He had just never thought it might kill him one day.
If he died like this though, Itachi would probably be proud.
Itachi.
Sasuke was not allowed to die.
His brother hadn't become Hokage yet and Uchiha Madara was out there somewhere.
His vision dimmed. He was being dragged under.
The last thing Sasuke heard before the darkness swallowed him was...
Are you awake yet?