AN: It's one o clock in the morning and I can't sleep. Again. So here we go.
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The group that had set off to kill Flemeth returned only a few days after Saeris's breakdown in the field with a gently understanding Wynne. Thanks to Wynne, Faith, and Solas, Saeris had managed the interim gracefully enough if seeming rather exhausted in many ways. Solas especially had some coping methods to pass on that Saeris did not wish to ask too deeply on, because of how effective they had been it broke her heart to know a friend of hers had to learn them the hard way. Likely many times over, no, she had no desire to reopen old wounds. Instead she happily remained furred for a while and with Barkspawn trotted after the various members of the remaining two legged trio as they found ways to occupy their time. However when the group lead by Surana returned they were certainly not without spoils. Nor they did not set foot in Denerim alone partially explaining the delay in joining with the others once again. Hulking along behind them was a massive creature of a Golem bedecked in tiny crystals towering over even Sten. To Saeris's senses, and those doubtless of the other mages present, the golem sang of magic. Drawing as much attention as it did though it was decided most would prepare to move on to Orzammar. Surana and Alistair had a few old problems to sort out before they moved along but the others could begin the trek. There was a necessary side trip needed to find the Ashes of Andraste as well and it was figured upon to be best to split up. There was also a few other small items to tend to that amounted to mostly more running errands between locations so the party easily divided itself.
Going to handle the Ashes were Sten, Shale, Saeris, Zevran and Leliana. Originally Leliana had not been included but as the arguably most faithful amongst them, none could fault her desire to go. With Wynne just behind her but more concerned about the time and events that had taken place for Surana, and trusting Saeris was pulled together enough she could dote on her other charge, it was an easy division. Though there was a trifle of concern over whom amongst the second group venturing straight into Orzammar would handle traps or any potential treasure locked away they found, it was shrugged off easily enough. Wynne, Morrigan, and Alistair would set out before long to Orzanmar with Surana. Barkspawn of course had sided with following Surana as faithfully loyal to the elven mage as he had been since his rescue. Imprinting was no small joke and more than once Alistair had since made a joke about Saeris's own susceptibility to it considering her other form. Taking a reference from Morrigan and Surana both in their own way, Saeris had promptly either bitten if furred or flung a lightning bolt in his direction to silence the Bastard prince. Allies they may be but friends and even happy comrades was entirely up for debate. The group spent only a short time meeting together over the campsite and despite all that had happened, most chose to act as if there had been no difference between the quest. Indeed, instead the group spoke of Honleath and finding Shale. The skill it took to solve puzzles and outwit a demon determined to possess a young girl.
Of the actual slaughter of the witch of the Wilds turning into a dragon there was no mention. At least not for a time.
Leliana quietly pulled Saeris aside to hand over the staff and strange story book both. "I do not deserve your forgiveness, ma petite soeur, nor will I seek it. But I hope..that these bring you some comfort."
Leliana half expected to have the items thrown in her face and would have not judged her fellow red haired woman for such an action. Instead, the book was turned over gently before being opened. The fables looked at, a few pages turned before it was clutched tightly to her breast. Saeris's citrine eyes met Leliana's own.
"It hurts, ainée. I loved her. She was another mamae and yet not..perhaps..grandmother?" Saeris shook her head then and gave a shaking sigh, fingers digging in tightly to the book. Her mind even when awake did not think in the channels and ways that most could understand. If it was not related to the way spirits thought then it was now heavily tempered in the methods of the more canine variety and that did not even begin to account for her magical heritage or the Chasind and Dalish. Yes, Saeris could freely admit she was a mess. "Yet I adore Morrigan for all she'd attack me viciously if she heard such voiced. I love you as if we shared blood and flesh instead of just a coloration atop our heads. Give me time." Even to Leliana she did not think she could explain the almost senseless devotion she felt, still felt, to Flemeth. The sensation of her regard being worth every beat of her heart. The thought of the old crone composing the book now clutched to her breast almost robbing the elf blooded of every scrap of oxygen in her lungs. The sheer magnitude of her gift, one to explain as best as she could in riddles and stories the nature of her abilities had she a proper Dreamer mage tutor? It was such a shame she did not feel she could confess her duality to Solas, but if the spirits had thought that the ancient elf would regard her the same or better they would have told her as much by now. Instead they continued to not speak without a direct question, which was yet to come up, on Twiceblooded's nature. No, the potential sole teachings Saeris would achieve in many years to come was now held to her breast as something so dear to her almost as her Werewolf skin cloak she had earned by ripping apart the beast with her bare jaws whilst fighting off the pain of her curse. This was no small matter.
All that said, she did love Morrigan. Her sister, her rival, her counterpart. She hated her just as much for needing Flemeth's death to live safely and securely yet Saeris would not have given up her own existence for Flemeth either. Sadly, the truth of matters was rarely cut and dried, almost never so simple. It was muddied and completely without sense but with a harsh breath out she could admit that ever would so things remain considering the nature of elves, humans, dwarves..perhaps even spirits. Life was not a simple matter.
"It will never be as it was." Leliana agreed and hesitantly reached out but she needn't have worried as Saeris stepped into the embrace, book still tightly held to her front as Leliana's arms came around her, staff off to the side awaiting it's own gifting. "I regret causing you pain my dearest friend, but I do not for a moment lament protecting one of our own."
"And that is why I cannot fault you though my heart bleeds." Saeris agreed, tucking her face against Leliana's shoulder and breathing in. The scents that made up Leliana were ones she had missed. All humans and elves had a certain mixture of pheromones and sweat that identified them. Andraste's grace was headily overlaying Leliana's natural scent. Indeed since Surana had founded a bundle of the native flower in Redcliffe and gifted them to the bard she had yet to shed the tiny dried bouquet and it now colored all she wore.
There would be no true anger beyond the feeling of betrayal towards Leliana. A lot more wariness as to where she fit in the hierarchy of her sister in coloration perhaps, but not anger. Saeris understood loyalty. Since coming into her second skin indeed how could she not? The dog that she became, Twiceblooded, knew only the thoughts and actions of such a creature and loyalty was in the blood and the bone. Faith and it's encouragement had finally helped Saeris grieve, and Solas had been a bastion of strength and understanding. Thanks to them she could breathe in Leliana's scent and relax in her hold and while it hurt, stung like the burn of the werewolf curse coursing through her veins, she could not hate her heart's sister. Never truly forget what levels of betrayal she was capable of if she felt it best perhaps, but not hate. If only for that buried deep in Saeris's mind was the truth that Flemeth would live on in a way. A secret she was committing betrayal to Morrigan over for not only having warned the ancient witch but not telling Morrigan that perhaps her mother was not so dead as she thought. Solas had spent many an hour the past few nights assuring Saeris she was not wrong to keep such from them, though he had seemed baffled as to how she would pass it on. Perhaps through Faith had been the conclusion he had finally voiced and Saeris did not bother to correct him. Truly, she chalked it up to his being an ancient male and perhaps over time his memories had started to slip.
Genuinely it never occurred to her that Solas did not realize she was an elfblooded human with far more of the nature of her elvhen heritage and not an actual spirit. Nor would it truthfully occur as such to a single spirit she was so entwined with as they had shaped her thoughts and in the Fade, what you thought, believed, felt to be real was. In the Fade she was a spirit for she imposed none of the limitations upon herself a mortal would. Even a vastly powerful mortal would still never regularly turn the laws of physical form upon the metaphorical rocks to shatter them into possibility and potential. Every time Saeris took the form of her Twiceblooded self, formed and reformed, denied gravity and hundreds upon thousands of other small actions she thought of as completely natural amongst the Fade she proved her almost inhuman, non elvhen existence when in the Fade. In short she was a spirit when asleep and herself when awake as far as it mattered. A matter reinforced when in the waking world she found herself wishing in the deepest recess of her mind to be capable of the sort of things she was when asleep, handily rendering such beliefs impossible with the wishing instead of believing.
Leliana's lyrical voice shattered through Saeris's reflections. "I saw the staff..I knew yours had broken. Perhaps it is a silly girlish thing but I saw the teeth and it made me think, they belong to a canine and you are one..mayhaps it is too macabre.."
"It's perfect." Saeris admitted for all she had yet to either touch or channel magic through the staff, it after all had been Flemeth's and for that alone Saeris would treasure it, and looked up, chuckling at the beaming smile that stretched across Leliana's face.
"Well. We'll not be going back into town so lets make you look more yourself, no? May I draw your markings upon you?"
"Only if you ask Zevran to braid my hair for me." Saeris asked and in doing so watched Leliana's face make a surprised little O of understanding. That Zevran was now family and kin to Saeris. In a way that despite her love and loyalty to Surana he was not. She looked like Leliana in their hair but Zevran had a Dalish mother and just as much as Leliana had gone out of his way to help her, to be there for her. That way of thinking she had that was influenced by her hound form was strongly insistent that they were both pack of the family sort.
"Well perhaps his fingers are good at something. For most certainly by the Maker's grace tis not locks!" Leliana winked and pulling free a laugh from her fellow red head smiled. Leliana's eyes met with Morrigan's across the way, the witch having been clutching at Flemeth's grimoire once Surana had given it to her. Ever so slightly Leliana nodded.
Perhaps it wasn't going to be as it was, but yes, their hound was forgiving them. Morrigan's shoulder's eased with the last of her worries and instead she turned those amber eyes upon Surana once more to tease their warden. If her voice was more filled with softness and wonder that the young elfin mage had done as asked and above and beyond, protecting Morrigan in the process, none would tease the two. At least not now, later was fair game enough when emotions were less volatile.
Zevran had taken Leliana's command to come and handle Saeris's hair with a great deal of grace. For the first time Leliana observed gentleness to the Antivan as he deftly wove the strands in with the beads and bone, the feathers and fur in intricate patterns as though the one they were attached to was spun glass. Just as carefully Leliana trailed the kohl over cheeks and eyes, the paper with the slightly more intricate forms spread out on the ground near her and held down with rocks.
In their own way the larger group of the Warden's and their companions was slowly becoming two separate groups while all the stronger for the whole. The one that clung to the Warden with fervor, and the one that was creating a tight family all their own. Or as Zevran mused, much as Saeris had emphatically explained to him one night with wine in their blood. Different sorts of pack. The only one who comfortably straddled the two surprisingly seemed to be Morrigan and Wynne. Mate and Mama figure to the young Warden coming into his own. How...
curiously unexpected.
And yet perfect at the same time.
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