Cloying.
The Fade was different. Thick, viscous. Like being underwater with a heavy bloom of algae which coated skin and lungs alike. Saeris felt heavy and distant, even the sensation of the ever seeking light tendrils she used to communicate in the sleeping realm did not venture far from her 'skin'. It was almost as if something was pressing it back into her, holding her under. As surely as she was beneath the stone, she was all but immobile.
It was alarming and still, the change in the atmosphere of the Fade was more akin to being buried under a mound of blankets in a comforting heavy warmth instead of being forced to drown. Perhaps this was the reason Dwarves could not dream, did not access the fade? Were it not so intricately a part of her very being at this stage, as what she was, Saeris could not say she would have ever desired to experience the Fade as such.
Doubtless, even had there been a scrap of the capability for magic in the dwarven people they would have turned aside for their own sanity. It was only that Saeris was as used to reality not applying when she slept, thinking as a spirit and not a mortal, that the concept of not breathing, of being other than you were when awake, was doable.
Saeris still found the pressure and dilution of her natural freedom to be a disorienting experience. Instead she returned to the earliest encounters she could remember, ones that had cumulated in her meeting Curiosity to begin with. Saeris instead chose to dream of the past in the location she was resting. It was in contrast a swift landslide to cascade backwards, the coming and going of dwarves all but etched into the memories of the stones around her. This it seemed was more the way the Fade worked in these underground cities. The stone clung to memories and the past, like aqueducts formed from the ancient passage of time, worn away and not willing to move for a new method.
Unable to properly wander, Saeris just immersed herself into watching the flow of time and tried to ignore the pressing sensation of being watched in turn.
()()()()()()
Wynne entered the room and saw the furrowed brow, the troubled expression of her apprentice wrapped so tightly in her blankets it no doubt made her feel bound. She had known that Saeris was uniquely sensitive to the Fade, with the great ease her spells came and the instinctive alteration to many that clearly the girl was not aware she did. A tiny change in the inflection, a different twist of the hand. Sitting beside her, smiling as Saeris did not waken, Wynne smoothed her hair back from the marked face.
She'd had a number of dreams with Faith lately, nudges to her heart, ideas that felt correct when she stumbled across them. One of which was that the spirit housed within her clearly was as fond of the young shapeshifting mage as Wynne was. A soft sensation that they needed to be there to support, to accept.
While she had finally explained her circumstances in detail to Surana and been touched at the adamant insistence that she was still the wonderful if slightly cranky and rule-bound woman he had already known; Wynne had the strangest understanding that somehow Saeris already knew. As if Faith had reached out to her, and no words needed to be said.
A gentle pressure on her had Wynne breathe out, her hand taking on the soft glow and aura of her spirit healing gifts. That made Saeris sigh and slowly her body relaxed. She took comfort in the presence of the spirit within her mentor.
'You've secrets, dear girl. I'll let you keep them.' Wynne smiled then gently. "Sweet dreams."
()()()()()()()()()
Surana was up early the next morning, not that you could tell time deep under the earth like this, the lights were always on. Still, they had a new mission to work on, finding some Carta thugs and dealing with them. There were a few other small missions but they knew, could tell from the hints being dropped..Alistair looked over, just as green and shuddering at the time as Surana knew he was.
They'd end up having to go into the Deep Roads for this Branka that was being talked about. There was no helping it, but it was the last place they wanted to go. While usually they kept to smaller groups, neither liked the idea of doing so this time.
"You're thinking about it again," Alistair mumbled. "Me too. I just, it's like it's already got a hand on my skin. I don't want to go down there but if anyone can do this, we can."
"We take everyone." Surana agreed, when Alistair frowned over at the idea, Surana shrugged. "How many would Duncan have with him? You said he used to come here, check the roads.."
Alistair's face cleared up as he remembered. "Fifteen to twenty, easily. A mix of skills, smaller groups of three to four but only so they knew who to attack with. He said you'd be down small narrow paths and then it would be a massive opening and swarms would come after you." Alistair swallowed hard, missing his Warden Commander but also realizing what a nightmare they'd be facing. How fortunate it was that Alistair had been close enough, cared enough, to listen to all of Duncan's stories which would help them now.
"Yeah. So how do you want to do this?" Surana had gotten close to the Bastard Prince, close enough he honestly could say it felt like Alistair was his best friend and they would never change from that tight-knit bond. The blight bringing people together, indeed.
"I'd like to force the whole lot of dwarven armies to go with us and all but that's not going to happen." Alistair tried to sound joking but dropped it right away. "I think we best sort of split up. You in front or back spread out. We can warn them if we sense any coming.."
"We have two healers." Surana agreed, dipping his finger in the weak ale to draw on the table. "Shale and Sten in the middle..they can go to either end and keep the middle from being a weak zone."
Alistair leaned over and nodded. "Put Zev in front for traps, Leliana in the back as if we need her for locks we have time, but she's wicked with her bow. Not sure how good it'll be if we're in a tight space but in an open one."
"Saeris and Barkspawn can't bite the darkspawn but there's probably plenty else down there. Saeris is also one of our healers so if she's up front, Barkspawn in the back?"
"Put them both up front. If Barkspawn senses something she'd be the best at interpreting it." Alistair disagreed. "You still learning well with fighting with a weapon? I know we've been working hard on that Arcane Warrior skill you got in the forest from the ghost."
"Wish I had more practice with the sword but at least I can wear better armor." Surana agreed and frowned. It had been a very useful skill to know, originally he thought of teaching it to Saeris but they simply hadn't the time. He figured it would be good if he could find a way to pass it on, even if just some tips because wearing even light armor could save their lives and was an easier way to hide being a mage. Not to mention knowing what he was doing even if just a little, in close combat.
"Who are we missing?" Alistair furrowed his brow before grinning. "Right. Your little spider lover."
Surana grinned at Alistair. "No mocking me, she's amazing. You just have no appreciation for her wicked humor."
"It's that sharp tongue of hers that makes her a right bitch."
"Oh her tongue is wicked, not sharp, she does this thing when-"
"My mind! My mind!"
()()()()()()()()()
When the plans were explained to the others it was decided that as rogues Zevran and Leliana would go with Surana, and as an edge for any nasty surprises, so would Wynne. A smaller group had been suggested to handle the Carta and left the others to gather information and patch up the gear, to rest in preparation for the larger journey that would no doubt be coming.
"I'd like to go top side and gather herbs and plants. We'll not find any to restock our supplies down below." Saeris pointed out and as everyone else was fine staying beneath the earth where there were no surprise Darkspawn attacks, she had to then assure them all she did not mind going alone.
"Oh stop it!" Morrigan finally interjected. "She's Chasind, we flourish when alone and out with the wind and earth where they belong. Let the dog be."
Saeris smirked over at Morrigan but inclined her head. "I'll just gather, then spend time in my fur. After all, I cannot imagine below will be good for my nose!"
The moment she had a chance as the others found ways to keep busy, Saeris fled top side. She had a pendant from Surana he had been gifted upon his joining the warden's that would act as her token to return to Orzammar. Truthfully, though she would in deed be gathering herbs as pledged so they could prepare as many items as they could carry to patch themselves up, Saeris fully intended to get a proper sleep and run in as well. It was from the moment the doors to Orzammar closed behind her she could physically sense the veil holding the Fade back once more, embracing her and digging deep into her cells, her lungs. She wasted no time to shift, stretch her canine body to it's limits in running and force her breathing to keep up.
After a time she slowed, shifted once more and began to gather all the plants she could find. There were areas that elfroot grew that most would never look for but she had the ken of the earth her mother had taught her, grown substantially since her time with the Werewolves curse in her veins. She had simply never realized it until now until her soul had cried out for the green and growing so far from it all. Saeris wondered at this, at the other changes that the Lady had spoken of. As much as she dreaded going into the Deep Roads, when she emerged there was a good likelihood of knowing far better what had been done.
With her bag full Saeris found a ledge on the mountain sheltered from the wind and curled up, tail over her nose and gleefully shifted into the Fade.
()()()()()()()()()()()
"What happened to you?" The voice echoed, betraying it as a spirit and Saeris lifted her gaze, ears perked forward at the hovering form. All too long limbs and strangely moving the jaw, mismatched features as though someone grabbed random parts of people and creatures to stick together. The form was different but she knew that light, that sensation.
"Curiosity~" The named spirit fluttered in delight at hearing her.
"I looked for you! I couldn't find you, it was like you were always awake or wrapped up in fog. But I found you, I found you!" The spirit sang as Curiosity flickered in and out, imploding and rippling as it's features changed before giggling. "You're big!"
Delight rippled along her being, making Curiosity coo and flutter nearer. /You can talk! Really talk!/ The light revealed the thoughts. Curiosity wanted to know, to understand, had questions but the exultation over this new revelation had the spirit in twisted forms of delight. Saeris likewise shifted, bounding away, reforming. A game of tag beginning between the two old friends.
Little orbs of memories to share flickered between them, run into as they darted towards and away, always the chaotic shifting of hues and vibrant spectrum giving way their feelings as they communicated without a need for words. Saeris share her events, her training, her seeing of new places and things. She kept away things that she did not need Curiosity to share with another but even still it was a treasure for the inquisitive spirit friend of hers.
Likewise, Saeris collided with memories of strange places, people, and discoveries. She saw the moment a child learned fire could explode flour. The tentative steps of a baby deer. The cruelty that mankind could give to themselves and the strange cultures that dazzled her senses of other places being brought to Fereldan where Curiosity had observed them arguing at the borders with the natives.
/Trust-love?/ Curiosity giggled then, before touching Twiceblooded's furred cheeks and the hound leaned into the contact. They had never shared like this before but there was no hesitation from either.
Sharing. Feeling. Exchanging.
When Curiosity saw the way that they had brought down a high dragon there was a high pitched note. Yes, Saeris had been startled herself for all The Lady had told her some powers would transfer to her form, when holding nothing back and shifting, thinking as if in the fade when Saeris had wanted a massive shard of ice to rise up and pierce a wing, it had done so. She'd shifted back rapidly to deflect the notice of her comrades and the blizzard formed around them all drawing on the cold mountain winds, the snow, Saeris almost lost herself to the sensation of the massive spell then and whilst the dragon lunged at her, Sten had swung his massive sword and blinded it. After that, it was just a matter of Sten and Shale pinning the great beast's head and piercing the blade through it's eyes. Curiosity hummed over the part where Saeris had seen Sten reach down and cup a hand full of the blood while the others were distracted by the horde the dragon had nearby, drinking deeply.
He had paused, looked at her then with his eyes wild and fierce not unlike the dragon and she read then that in his motions, she could do the same.
She could. But something deep in her, hissed and growled and warned that she should not. There was dragon blood on her lips, from biting deep into the hide, but it was different than slain blood. Somehow she knew this, and instead while Sten's eyes watched she licked her lips. It satisfied him and he'd actually nodded, a faint smile present on his features before going to clean his blade. Saeris had looked down at the corpse of the once noble beast and since they certainly wouldn't be skinning and hauling it back, there'd be enough shed skin and scales already if they ever felt like returning to make armor from it, Saeris reached out instead and broke off a small tooth. This would go in her hair, a reminder.
And then she let the spell flow, the one she'd used in the Brecillian forest, the firestorm that melted the ice around her and hissed steam as the all but boiling water pooled away from her feet. Saeris's attention on the innards of the High Dragon, consuming it from the interior out, watching the ribs and body cave in creating an expulsion of ash from the gaping maw that covered her and made her cough. Saeris still hadn't ceased her casting, controlling the spell until nothing remained.
"Those aren't the Ashes we are looking for." Leiliana had teased.
Curiosity looked over at Twiceblooded then as it drew away, having left numerous memories and knowledge of odd tidbits in exchange, enough that Twiceblooded's head was swimming. /You didn't want it scavenged./
/It didn't feel right./ Saeris insisted and Curiosity beamed at her.
/It wouldn't have been. High Dragons and the elder ones are imbued with the Fade, like touch stones. That's why your spells reacted so strongly there, why you could do more./ The obvious pleasure that Saeris was having instincts like a spirit when awake suffused them in the lingering aftermath of the gestaltic meld and Saeris blinked.
She just knew the reason that Sten had drunk the blood was Qunari had something called Reaver's, that it was a massive undertaking to find and slay a dragon. She also knew that the tooth she carried now, woven in her hair but hidden at the base of her scalp was important, would aid her casting and reactions when awake.
"You gave me random things." Twiceblooded flickered at Curiosity only to hear the other laugh. Because of course, why wouldn't Twiceblooded need to know the seventeen places on a nug you could tickle it? Or what frogs made your tongue blue if you licked their backs?
Impossible spirit.
/You're going into the deep roads. Down. We aren't allowed down./ Curiosity shifted the topic, concerned as the light dimmed from their words. Clearly, it wanted to know what was there but didn't dare do so. /Old things that sing are there, and never liked us venturing into their lands. Be careful, do not go into the Fade if you can help it. Sleep without dreaming as you will be trespassing./ A moment and then Curiosity showed it's nature with a vibrant ripple. /But pay attention so you can tell me all about it later!/
/Of course./
Saeris snapped awake but it was just a rodent scurrying by her paws. Still, she did not like the warning that ones like her, like the spirits, were unwelcome down below.
It did make her wonder how much Flemeth had guessed, teaching her those oils to help when it happened. For surely, she would need them in the Deep.