Chapter 20

What If...

The fighting had gone for hours, and we prayed fervently to our God to protect the First. Guide his hand, strike down the monster in the inferno.

After weeks of hell and death, it seemed Notch finally answered the prayer.

He came down from Mt. Incendia, saying the deed had been done. But he was not the same man who had gone up the mountain. There had been rage and revenge driving him into the battle.

Now there was only grief.

Our Immortal was now alone.

The Hallway was peaceful, just a continuous hum of magic.

Then it wasn't

Steve ran out of a portal screaming and cursing in his old tongue -a squid wrapped around his head. Jesse followed not shortly after, he too was screaming, but he wasn't cursing. Rueben always hated it when he cursed and some habits just died hard.

Steve was trying to yank the squid off his face, "Shut the door! Shut the door!" his voice muffled.

"I'm trying!" Jesse yanked out his stone, dodging a laser that flew out of the portal.

"Hurry!"

"I am!"

Steve yanked the sea creature off, hurling it through the portal just as Jesse put down the last block.

The Hallway fell back into its peaceful melody, joined by the gasping breaths of two very exhausted males.

Steve started laughing, "Oh sweet Notch." he laughed harder.

Jesse collapsed onto the floor still trying to get his breath back; he failed to see the humor in their near death scenario. But Steve's laughter was infectious for lack of better word, and Jesse soon giggled a little himself.

Steve wiped a happy tear from his eye, "I gotta say that has to be a first for me. Laser shooting squids. What in the old man's beard was Notch thinking?"

"Bad day maybe?"

"What do you even call a bad day for the creator of the cosmos?" the older wondered, "Builder's Block? Notch I don't know, but we are never going back through that door."

Jesse got up and moved himself to a stack of stone blocks , resting as Steve put down a warning sign.

This hadn't been a good day. Jesse was already tired from his disturbing dream slash vision. These past few days he was afraid to fall asleep, afraid to see something else. Everything so far today had gone horribly wrong; it was one bad door after another. First he and Steve had landed in a water world (no tails this time). Luckily Steve had enough wood to make a boat, but they were stuck rowing for three hours till they found the exit door again.

Then there was the world that was another modifier. It had turned them into...well... a hybrid something. But Jesse still had the nasty longing to chase and eat sheep.

After that, a world full of pigman, which hadn't been bad till they realized they were aggressive pigman.

And don't even get him started on the world with mirrors. It was trippy and wrong and so very weird. Steve told him not to look at any too long, but he did anyway. What he saw was the Witherstorm events, and Olivia and Axel, and Rueben and him. But it wasn't exactly him; at least he didn't think so.

Last he checked he wasn't female.

Then there were the blasted laser shooting squids...

Thinking about Olivia and Axel made his heart ache, and he sighed heavily.

Steve heard him; he sat down next to Jesse, "What's up kiddo?"

"I'm just thinking about home,"

" I see."

"I just wish there was some way I could change it, you know?" Jesse said, "If there was any way I could go back and tell myself...Don't go through that portal. I would do it. I wonder what would have happened if I hadn't. What if..."

Steve was silent for a moment, "What ifs are dangerous."

Jesse looked up at Steve, seeing the older male staring off into nowhere, his eyes distant, "What ifs lead to if only and those lead to I wish..."

"I don't understand."

"Well before I say anything, there is nothing wrong with thinking what if." Steve explained, "There is nothing wrong with looking back and wondering how you could do things differently, or looking back on a memory, it's not bad. But the dwelling on it is the dangerous thing."

"You start out normal at first. What if I hadn't gone left? What if I had stayed home? For you it be what if I hadn't gone through the portal. You think, well, you'd still be home for one thing. You probably wouldn't be as weary as you are now, probably happier too. But then...then it turns into if only. If only I hadn't gone through that portal and that's when things get bad.'

"Before you know it, you're wishing you did all the things you didn't do. I wish I had gone into that portal, I wish I had stayed home." Steve looked down at Jesse, "You'll get so caught up on wishing you could change what happened you completely miss what is happening now."

Jesse looked down at his knees, "I never really thought of that..."

Steve put an arm over his shoulder, "There is nothing wrong with looking back, there is no harm regretting a little. You just have to not fester in it, or you'll miss all the important things that happen now. I've had a lot of what ifs in my life," he admitted. "It's enough to drive a person mad if they wish too much."

Jesse returned his gaze to Steve, "How do you not dwell in it then?"

The adult leaned back against the wall, "If I ever look back, I find it helps to find the silver lining in my decisions, the good things that came out of them. It's the only thing that keeps me sane.

Jesse thought on this, "I got to see new worlds...We've met a lot of new people, um-"

"You're doing good, keep going."

"We're friends with Aiden now, and that is really cool. I've gotten to know Lukas Petra and Ivor a little better."

"There you go,"

"And..." Jesse said attentively, "I'm glad I got to meet you an Alex."

Steve grinned giving his shoulder a squeeze, "I'm glad we met you too kiddo. Having you and the others around has been an incredible adventure, I haven't had this much fun with anyone in a long time."

Jesse smiled but it faltered.

"Jesse...are you alright?"

"Yeah- yeah," Jesse rubbed the back of his neck, "I was just, well..."

"Yes?"

"I really like it here, like a lot. It just feels so natural, and I really do like being around you and Alex," Jesse said slowly, "And maybe I could just-"

"Wait hold up kiddo!" Steve cut in.

Jesse stopped, looking at the other hesitant and scared.

Steve swallowed thickly then, "I know what you're going to say...and Jesse...you can't."

"What do you mean can't?" he felt his insides clench.

"Jesse you can't stay here, you can't stay in the First World."

Feeling shocked at Steve's rejection he got up, "I see."

"Jesse wait-"

"No I get it."

"Jesse!" Steve turned him around, "You can't give up on this. What about Olivia and Axel?"

He stiffened.

"Think about them for just a second." Steve pressed desperately, "What are they ever going to think if you don't come home. They are going to spend the rest of their lives wondering what happened to you and they will never know. Think about your other friends too. Lukas and Petra can't get home without you Jesse! They need your help as much as you-"

"I can't keep doing this!" Jesse burst.

"What?"

No tears would come but Jesse felt like he could cry, "I can't keep going! I can't stand to look through another door. Do you know how many portals we have gone through? One hundred and seventy four! That's one hundred and seventy four disappointments! One hundred and seventy four failures!" he gritted his teeth, "Yours if we count it would be one hundred seventy five, and how many doors have we visited since I met you?! How many worlds has Notch made?! I can't keep facing this anymore! I'm tired Steve! I just...we're never going to find home..." he looked down.

Steve was silent, then he gently grabbed Jesse's chin, lifting his head up so they can see eye to eye, "Jesse..."

He wouldn't look directly at him.

"Jesse look at me."

Jesse did, albeit reluctantly, "Yes?"

"If you do this, it's your choice." Steve said, "I won't stop you. But think about this, thirty years from now, you're going to look back. You're going to look at that portal, and you're going to think ...what if."

Something clicked back into place in Jesse's mind and he shakily leaned into Steve's hand, his entire body wracked with emotion even though no tears came. "O-oh my God..I would have..."

Steve made a gentle shushing sound, pulling Jesse into a warm embrace, "I can't imagine how hard this must be for you and your friends. I really can't. But you can't give up Jesse."

"It's just so hard," he moaned, his voice muffled by Steve's shirt.

"I promise, I will not stop looking till we find them. I swear on my grave."

Jesse slowly pulled away, "I can't believe I-"

"We all have weak moment's kiddo," Steve assured, "You're only human." he ran fingers through Jesse's hair. "Honestly, I think we all need a break. The festival is in two days. Why don't we rest until then, then go to the party and enjoy ourselves for once?"

Jesse nodded, "That does sound nice." he admitted.

The adult male smiled softly, "How about we head home, I think I'm done."

"Kay."Jesse agreed.

The pair turned, heading for their exit door.

Steve threw his arm around his shoulder, "How are you at dancing anyway?"

"Horrible." Jesse said.

"Oh good, no competition then,"

Jesse laughed, then he smiled, 'Hey Steve?"

"Hmmm?"

"Thank you."

Steve looked fondly ahead, "Anytime for you Jesse, anytime."

"Jesse,"

Jesse peeked one eye open groggily looking around the dim room until he finally found the clock.

5:22 p.m.

It wasn't even sundown yet.

True to his word the last few days had been spent just resting. Lukas and Petra had been okay with the plan, they were both tired as well, and Lukas was just a little interested in the traditions of the Festival.

Sleep had come easier for Jesse, his talk with Steve had put him back in a better state of mind. He hadn't dreamed at all these past few nights.

Today was the day of the festival; Alex had taken them to the village while Steve was out running errands. Opening day was always the busy and bustling according to the female.

It was only stalls and shops that were open in the day, some children playing with streamers and toys, and the occasional gypsy dancer. The real festival started at night. There were races and dancing, plays being held, games and competitions, the big opening night for the three day party.

After returning to the house, Alex suggested that everyone rest and take an afternoon nap.

"Cause we are going to be up late," she laughed, eyes sparkling.

But Jesse's nap was now over.

He rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and yawned, the curtains were closed, but he could make out traces of sunlight - the last of the fall colors before the sun went down.

Lukas and Petra were still asleep, clinging to the last of their afternoon naps.

There were muffled voices coming from downstairs. He figured Alex and Steve must already be up.

He rose from the bed, pausing momentarily to stretch the stiffness out of his limbs; before leaving the guest room. He closed the door carefully behind him, not wanting to wake his friends.

His nose tingled, Alex was cooking something, probably a light meal before everyone headed out.

He stepped onto the stairs, the wood was cold from the climate temperature dropping. It would be winter here very soon. The well built stairs only creaked slightly as he descended to the first floor.

". . . . You looked beautiful."

Jesse stopped halfway down the oak stairs.

"Thank you, you don't look half bad yourself handsome."

Realizing that Steve and Alex were having and intimate and private moment, Jesse sat down on the stairs not wanting to interrupt them.

The kitchen door was open, and he could see inside from where he sat between the floor levels. He spotted the couple by the island counter.

Both had clearly been getting ready for the party. Alex wore a forest green tunic. There was a wide waist sash wrapped around her midsection, made out of a golden weave. Her hair was intricately braided with small glass beads woven into the thick tresses, the braid itself settled comfortably over her shoulder. She sported blue drop earrings in her ears, matching of course her magical trademark amulet. "I'll admit,, it's been awhile since I've dressed up like this," she said as she tugged at the blue stone.

Steve had dawned a similar styled tunic, though his was red, rich and deep in color, with a similar golden sash around his waist. He didn't have any jewelry, save for his own amulet which glinted brightly. But he was freshened up, having shaved out of place hairs from his face. "You're beautiful as ever," he smiled, "Just like the day I met you."

Alex scoffed, "I doubt I looked that beautiful as you bled everywhere."

Jesse smiled to himself and tried not to picture Steve with an arrow up his rear fawning over Alex.

"Even with an arrow up my ass," Steve assured.

"I recall you being mad."

"Madly in love."

"Oh good Notch Steve! That's tacky."

Jesse smiled against the stair post watching as Steve took his wife into his arms.

"You know you love it," he said, "I know it's been awhile, but we'll have fun I promise. Perhaps, we'll even dance tonight?"

Alex hummed, rocking with the male's slow and steady movements, "Perhaps..."

"I honestly haven't seen you this happy in a long time."

She rested her cheek on his shoulder, "It's been nice having the kids here."

"Yes, yes it has..."

"I almost wish they could stay," Alex sighed, "But that wouldn't be fair to them though.

Jesse leaned into the railing, thinking about his conversation with Steve two days prior. Then his eyebrows shot up as Steve spoke of it.

"Jesse wanted to stay."

Alex was surprised, "He what? Really?"

"I talked him out of it," Steve said sadly, "He's been having a hard time. I wanted so badly to say yes Alex. I would have loved for him to stay but...Alex, we have to help them get home."

"I know I just...I wonder you know?" her voice cracked a little, "Is this what it would have been like? With our little one? Would we have stopped with one or kept going? Who would their friends be? Would our house been full of laughter and - and-"

"Shhhh, I know." Steve soothed, pulling her closer, "I wish I knew too, I really do..."

Alex sighed.

"Of only we could change what happened Alex, if only we could, but we can't...

Can't what? Jesse wondered.

Jesse looked at the pair, sensing their overwhelming feeling of sadness even beyond the kitchen doors. He went to open his mouth-

"We should probably wake them," Alex said suddenly pulling away. "We need to get ready and eat, before the festival starts soon. I would like for them to see the historians play, I think Lukas would like that."

Steve let her go," You finish cooking, I'll go see if they are awake."

Jesse stood and quickly walked the rest of the way down the stairs, loud enough for the couple to hear his approach, "I'm up!" he put on a smile, "Lukas and Petra are still out. You look amazing Alex."

"Thank you," she smiled back, no evidence on her face of the grief Jesse had just witnessed. She reached across ruffling his hear, "You look like you just go out of bed."

He smiled.

"I got your armor clean." Alex stated, "I can go get it so you can put it on-"

"Uh-" Jesse said, hesitating as Alex stopped and waited for him to speak. He glanced over at Steve. The adult was smiling as he checked the cooking. He returned his gaze to Alex "I think I'll leave the armor home tonight actually."

From the corner of his eye he saw Steve smile brighter.

Alex raised an eyebrow, "Are you sure?"

"Yeah," Jesse answered, a little more confidant the second time, "Steve said there might be dancing and a lot of running around. I know it's fall and all, but with thousands of people crowded together, that might get a little hot..."

Alex thought for a moment, "I um, I have a tunic, that might fit you," she suggested, "It's a traditional tunic. But if you'd like to wear it instead of your usual shirt you can."

"Sure! That would be awesome! Thank you!"

A smile tugged at her lips, "Alright then, could you watch the food while I get it?" she headed for the stairs, "I'll go fetch it and wake up the others while I'm up there."

"Yeah I can do that!" he called after her, "And good luck waking up Petra!"

"I think I got it," she answered before disappearing to the next level.

Steve chuckled and patted Jesse on the shoulder giving it a squeeze, "If she can wake me, she can wake them."

Jesse smiled, leaning into the gesture, "No doubts at all."

"Yeah..." Steve let his hand drop, "I'm going to hitch the wagon."

Jesse faced him, "Do you want me to help after Alex comes back?"

"Naw I got it"

"You sure?"

"Yeah!" he winked. "Alex probably want to do something with your hair anyway. She's funny like that. So I suggest you get a head start cleaning up before she gets her hands on you."

"Alrighty then" Jesse laughed.

Steve left and Jesse was alone in the kitchen with only the lingering silence and the cooking food.

In the silence his mind wandered back to the scene before he entered the kitchen. The atmosphere was staggeringly different. And in the silence Jesse couldn't help but wonder...

What could have happened that, Alex and Steve wished so badly they could change? When they say little one do they mean...

A child?

Next Time On MCSM: Immortal's Child:

Petra leaned in, "I think she is asking you to dance."

Jesse blushed a little, "Dane with you? Is that what you want?"

The female grinned brightly, "Dance! Placet fac!"

"Um, I don't know how- I have to left feet and- guys help!"

"Dance with her Jesse," Petra teased.

Author's Section

Lukas Breakdown : Check

Petra Breakdown : Check

Jesse Breakdown: Che- Nope!

.

Response Section:

At BubbleTrouble12:

And what exactly did I do there in the middle and the end dear? ;) Haha, glad you might be catching on, this excites me!

At NellyWelly:

Congrats on being number 100! This really has been a huge blessing to have people love my story this much!

At Sedateoucan :

I'm glad you had fun imagining the fight, it was a bit difficult to write, but I am proud with the result. Adaman does sound like Admin doesn't it? It means Unyielding in Latin, because they are some big as mountains!

At Boxen:

I know, but just be grateful I'm a writer not an artist, or it would have been really disgusting lol

At TheAmberShadow:

Maaaayyybe to like, all of that :) haha

As usual! Thank you all so much for your support! See you very soon, cause I'm sure everyone is eager for a dance off!