Derek's POV
I opened the door slowly to Meredith's bedroom and saw her sitting on the bed, staring blankly at the wall. A shirt and shorts lay on the bed next to her, and she hadn't changed out of her scrubs. Her hair was falling into her face and she made no move to fix it, her only movement the steady rising and falling of her chest and occasional shudder.
Guilt washed over me as I saw the dull, almost lifeless look in her glossy eyes and how red and puffy they were, clearly she had been crying for a very long time.
"Meredith..." I started, stepping into the room tentatively and gently closing the door behind me. She kept her gaze trained on the wall and I didn't know if she had even heard me. I walked further into the room and sat down on the bed, realizing when she still didn't move that she had heard me and had ignored me. I sighed.
"I didn't mean what I said. I was angry and I was caught up in the moment. You know that, right? You know how much I love you? You know that I can't let something you did get in the way of that, right? Meredith? Are you even listening to me? Did you hear what I just said? I love you! And I forgive you! Why are you still ignoring me? I'm sorry. I'm sorry for what I said. I don't actually think that, you know that! Meredith, please, stop ignoring me! I'm sorry!" I begged. She continued to stare as if she was in a trance at the wall, no expression on her face.
Her lips parted and she spoke for the first time since I had entered the room, her voice hoarse and raspy from sobbing.
"It's true." Was all she said. I waited for her to say more, but she didn't, only staring at the blank wall and breathing in and out.
"What is?" I asked. A frown formed on her face and she blinked slowly.
"I would make a horrible mother. I don't know right from wrong. I make irrational decisions, I'm a horrible role model, and I can't even get pregnant. Why... why do you put up with me? You... You're this amazing, handsome, smart, wonderful, funny brain surgeon and you could have almost any girl you want in this world so... why me? Why would you choose me, who doesn't know right from wrong, would make a horrible mother if she ever even got pregnant, and ruins everything she touches? I destroyed your trial, which you started for me, like some selfish whore, and yet... you still came back. Why? Why don't you find someone you deserve? Why don't you find someone... who deserves you?" She cried. My mouth fell open, stunned, as she turned and looked at me with her piercing green eyes that were filled with guilt and sadness.
"You deserve so much better than this. I... I can't make you happy. I can't give you what you want in life. Please... you deserve to be happy, you deserve to have what you want... go. Go find someone who can give you that. Find someone who can make you as happy as you made me. And please... don't look back. Because if you do, I just might fall for you again, and I may not let you go this time. I'm giving you an out. Take it, before it's too late and you're stuck being unhappy with me for the rest of your life." She cried.
I felt cold tears on my face as I looked down at her broken form. I saw how painful it was for her to say it, and I knew she meant it. She closed her eyes for a moment and then looked back at the wall.
"I'll be fine. I have Cristina, I can live. I'll find a new job and I'll get a boyfriend and have lots of sex, because god knows I won't get pregnant, and I'll move on, I promise. You deserve better than me, so much better, so just go. Go!!" She shook her head. I closed my eyes and sighed, standing up from the bed.
Tears cascaded down her face and she looked away from me, trying to hide her sobs. I walked closer to her and stood just in front of her face, crouching down so I was at eye level with her. Both of my hands reached out and cupped her cheeks, forcing her to look into my eyes.
"I'm not going anywhere." I almost whispered, pulling her into a passionate kiss. At first, she rejected me, but when she realized I wasnt giving in, she leaned into it, her fragile and shaky hands finding strength on my chest.
I closed my eyes and pulled her closer to me, feeling how perfectly our bodies fit together like puzzle pieces. My fingers drifted to her soft and silky hair, stroking it and feeling it against my skin.
She pulled away from air, panting quietly. The was a smile on her face and the sadness had disappeared from her eyes, replaced by relief and pure love. Our gazes met and I slid my hands down her back and arms, my fingers finally intertwining with hers.
"You will be the most amazing mother this city has ever seen. Our children will be happier than any other children because they'll have us for parents. And on the days when you feel like you just can't take it anymore, I will be here. I'll be here and I will tell you exactly this: You make my world complete. You give me strength to live every day. You give me happiness to smile every day. You give me a bed to sleep in every night. And you're going to give me beautiful children to love every second of every hour of every day of the year. And you will always be the thing that makes me the happiest in this world. That is everything that we need. There will be times when we fight, there will be times when we think it's the end, but I promise you, I promise you, we will always find out way back to each other. I love you, and you love me, and that's all we need. We can get through the rest together."
She smiled and rested her forehead against mine. There were tears on both of our faces as we laid down on the bed, not bothering to change. I pulled the covers up over her and wrapped my arms around her tiny body, placing little kisses along her scalp.
"We're going to be just fine. We will adopt our baby, you will keep your job, we'll finish building our house, and we'll live in it with our family until the day we die." I whispered in her ear. The tiniest of smiles crept across her face as she relaxed in my arms, drifting to sleep with tears still shining on her face.
Happy ending! Yay! Lots of monologues in this story, I guess I just felt like writing a lot.
Kisses!
-E