A/N: Hey guys! Sorry it's been a hot second since I updated...but this is an extra long chapter. I actually thought about breaking it up into two, but I've made you guys wait long enough. Still, I'd love to hear what you think about all of it. As always, thanks so much for the response to this fic!
Show me why you're always smiling, laugh again and make me fall in love.
Humming / Turnover
Alex wakes up the next morning to a quick descent of embarrassment and regret. It hits her like a hangover, and she closes her eyes again immediately, resisting the day and this new reality where Piper knows.
She can hear Piper moving around, and Alex waits until she hears the door to their room open and close as Piper goes to shower before she gets out of bed.
She's dressed in her skirt and collared shirt and is leaning toward the mirror putting on makeup when Piper comes back in, wrapped in a towel. Her face tinges pink when she looks at Alex, but she smiles, shy but genuine, and it doesn't even seem awkward compared to the last few weeks of Piper tiptoeing around Alex in hurt, nervous confusion.
"Hey."
"Morning."
"You have a game today?"
"Yeah. First official one of the season." She flashes a quick smile. "You coming?"
Piper practically beams at her. "Yeah, for sure."
"Don't rush to ditch practice or anything. Unless Fiona is playing especially shitty, I'm the second half keeper."
"What, I can't come and watch you bench warm?"
"I do bring a certain flair to it."
It's so easy, to slip back into this with her.
Maybe it's not smart, for Alex to just abandon her entire strategy of moving on and getting over it just because Piper asked her to...but Piper asking hits Alex right in her weak spot; and anyway, now that she's told the truth and didn't hear the answer she wanted - the oh my god guess what I like you too - that's a pretty good strategy on its own.
And the thing is, Alex wants to be Piper's best friend again. She kind of can't believe she's even allowed to be, that Piper hasn't run off to Fisher or even Red to request a new roommate, one who doesn't have a stupid crush on her.
For the past month or so, that's how Alex has been making herself think of it, as a crush, the connotations all small and silly and teenage, as if the word itself doesn't bring to mind destruction.
Piper's putting notebooks into her bag, and she glances over at Alex. "You finish the math homework?"
"Uhhh, gonna need to do that at breakfast."
Piper rolls her eyes fondly. "Of course you are. And you'll still probably get a better grade than me."
Then she smiles this utterly fatal smile, and Alex dies a little bit, just like always.
Text Message, Wednesday, 2/12, 8:23 pm
POLLY
[Hey! has Larry texted you yet?]
PIPER
[What about?]
POLLY
[Friday night]
PIPER
[Nope]
[Whats Friday]
POLLY
[You are IMPOSSIBLE]
[Valentine's Day?]
PIPER
[oh that]
[I doubt we'll do anything for valentines]
POLLY
[ummm why wouldn't you]
[Danny's taking me to dinner/movie]
[You guys are doubling with us]
PIPER
[Why would you want to double date with us? You've been dating Danny for over a year and Larry's not even really my boyfriend.]
[Oh wait is this about Larry's car?]
POLLY
[NO]
[ok maybe a tiny bit]
[but come ON we NEED a car for a decent date]
[taking the shuttle to the shopping center isn't romantic]
[and anyway we can split up at the movies ;) ]
PIPER
[why hasn't Larry said anything to me about this]
POLLY
[because boys suck at this stuff]
[I'll take care of it]
Text Message, Wednesday, 2/12, 8:57 pm
LARRY
[so apparently Polly asked you out FOR me for Friday]
[for the record, I was going to anyway]
[didn't mean for her to beat me to it haha]
PIPER
[yeah Polly tends to...take initiative]
LARRY
[haha so true]
[but anyway are you free?]
PIPER
[yeah I am]
[but seriously don't feel like we have to just because Polly makes Valentines Day a whole thing]
LARRY
[it's not like that Pipes trust me]
[I really was going to ask you out either way]
[I'd actually prefer it wasn't a double date but supposedly we have no choice haha]
[I'll make it work anyway though I promise]
PIPER
[haha ok]
Piper doesn't really want to go on a Valentine's Day date with Larry.
It's not the date itself, that's fine, she likes Larry, but it makes it hard to follow the rules she's set herself, the ones she'd promised Alex. She lies when the time comes - says she has plans with Polly, probably overdoes the eyerolling and reluctance of the whole thing - but it's a Friday night and Valentine's Day and Piper knows Alex isn't that stupid.
But she pretends, too, acts like she believes it, so Piper hope that means it's okay. That she hasn't screwed up, made Alex need to back away from her again.
Because it's so good having her back.
And it's...nice. Knowing Alex likes her. Liked her. Whichever it is by now.
Alex is always so certain about the things she likes. Her books, her movies, her music...there is an undeniable high quality to it all. And to Alex herself: gorgeous and smart and funny, the coolest person Piper knows. Piper's favorite person.
So why her?
Piper never really questioned someone like Larry liking her. That felt expected, like they were just about on equal ground, but someone like Alex choosing someone like her seems nothing short of astonishing.
Overbrook and Litchfield have the same policy about cars: all seniors have the option to pay an added fee for a parking spot and bring their vehicles, but juniors have to enter a lottery for the more limited number of spots.
This year, Larry had gotten a spot, and Danny hadn't. Hence the double date.
"Was this your whole motivation for setting me up with him?" Piper asks Polly dryly while they're signing out to go off campus for the evening. "Car access?"
"Of course not," Polly answers with a grin. "If Larry had nothing to do on weekend nights we could have borrowed his car anyway."
Polly's wearing a black dress - not a formal one, but still - under a leather jacket, plus dark red lipstick, and she's making Piper feels under dressed. She hadn't wanted to change into anything that would scream date! at Alex, so Piper just kept on the clothes she'd changed into after class, jeans and a red sweater, and even that seems a little too aggressively Valentiney. She at least put on a long necklace, and a bracelet that's technically Alex's but she's borrowed it enough this school year that it feels almost like hers.
Larry doesn't seem to mind her casual appearance; he gets out of the car when they pull up and comes around to greet her, giving her a light kiss and shyly saying, "You look great."
"Thanks..." Piper's already looking over his shoulder, wrinkling her nose as Polly and Danny make out against the backseat door in their usual soldier-returning-from-war fashion after a few days of separation. "Not sure how I feel about double dating with my brother."
"Don't worry," Larry says with a smile, opening the passenger door for her. "We're splitting up pretty soon. They're just using me for transportation."
"Yeah, I picked up on that."
Larry raises his voice as he heads for the driver's door. "Cab's leaving, guys."
They drop Danny and Polly off at a fairly nice steakhouse, and Danny leans toward Larry's rolled down window to slap his shoulder. "Thanks bro."
"You're good to uber to the movies?"
"Yeah, yeah, we'll text when it's over." He makes a mock stern face, eyes shifting to Piper. "You better have Pooh Bear home by a decent hour, young man."
Piper groans. "God, would you go already?"
"Be safe!" Danny says, way too loud, before smirking and finally heading off to catch up with Polly. Piper shakes her head as Larry shifts the car into drive again.
"Where are we going?"
Her smiles. "You'll see."
Piper smiles back automatically, but it feels forced. She's suddenly nervous, for some reason, like him teasing out a surprise makes this a bigger deal than she wants it to be.
Larry drives, and switches the music to something quieter, something Piper would like, but they don't talk much. Piper pulls her phone out of her purse, vaguely hoping to see a text from Alex, or any of the others, but there's nothing.
Soon, Larry's pulling into the parking lot of the shopping plaza, half outdoor shops and half indoor mall, that the school shuttles go to every weekend anyway. She throws him a questioning look.
"Trust me," he says. "I have a plan."
She doesn't particularly want him to have a plan. Not beyond the usual dinner, movie, normal stuff, anyway.
She gets out of the car before Larry does, then turns back to see him twisted around, reaching into the backseat. He emerges soon with a red gift bag Piper hadn't noticed before, and she blurts out in a panic, "Wait, no, I didn't get you anything - "
He gives her a strange, amused look. "You didn't have to."
Piper exhales, suddenly, weirdly, wishing they had stayed with Polly and Danny, awkward as that might have been. The most alone she and Larry have really been so far has been watching a movie in his dorm room, and there weren't many silences they had to fill with conversation.
Larry holds the gift bag in one hand and takes Piper's in the other, smiling sweetly as they walk through the outdoor shops, strings of naked bulbs hung across the path and slightly staticky music playing from speakers half hidden in bushes.
"So." Larry looks over at her. "Where do you want to eat?"
Piper frowns, confused. "We're just here to eat?"
"No. But I figured we should do that first." He nods his head toward the entrance of the mall. "They opened an ice skating rink in there, just through the rest of this month, have you seen it?"
"Um. Don't think so."
"I thought it'd be more fun than a movie. Valentine's Day, might as well do something a little special, right?" He grins, proud of himself, and Piper's not sure why it feels like such an effort to return the smile with one of her own. "But we can eat first. So. Where to?"
The mall's high end cuisine is somewhat limited, so they end up putting in their names at The Cheesecake Factory and a family style Italian restaurant, each clutching a pager to see which can seat them first. The Cheesecake Factory wins out, after over half an hour, and Piper thinks briefly of bringing a piece of cheesecake back for Alex before she remembers Alex isn't supposed to know she's out to dinner.
It's not actually difficult to talk to Larry, at least. In fact, the dinner reminds Piper why she liked him in the first place: he's funny and sweet and he tries just enough, the sort of trying that shows he actually gives a shit but not so much it seems desperate.
After dinner, they've ordered two different flavors of cheesecake and are sampling liberally from each one when Larry looks up and says, "Oh, I guess I should go ahead and do this..." He passes her the gift bag, white and pink tissue paper peeking out from the red. "Happy Valentine's Day, Pipes."
Piper accepts the bag, abrupt anxiety coiling around her stomach. She's pretty sure there's some sort of teddy bear in this bag, a heart shaped box of chocolates, maybe even a piece of jewelry - a necklace with a heart, or her first initial, maybe.
She knows because that's what teenage boys are supposed to give girls on Valentine's Day. And she's supposed to want that, supposed to post her gift haul on Instagram, the holiday affording her the bragging rights.
Abruptly, Piper sets the bag back down on the table instead of opening it. She's fiddling nervously with Alex's bracelet. "Larry, isn't this is kind of...a lot?"
His brow furrows. "What do you mean?"
"Just. Dinner and ice skating and gifts for Valentine's Day...we hadn't even been on a real date before tonight."
"Okay...so, are you saying you want to do more real dates?"
"No, I just mean...I'm not really looking for a serious relationship right now." Larry's eyes widen in surprise, his eagerness visibly deflating. Piper stammers out, "It's my first year away, and I wasn't necessarily trying to find a boyfriend - "
Recovering, Larry quickly jumps in, "Hey, that's fine with me, Pipes. I'm not in some big hurry to define things." When she doesn't immediately answer, he adds, a little desperate now, "Polly's the one who said Valentine's Day needed major plans, I wasn't trying to pressure you..."
"I know."
"So we can just keep hanging out, okay? Without making it a big deal."
"I...I don't think this is what I want right now."
She just ends it, that fast, without even planning it. Piper's not sure she's ever made a decision like this without planning.
But for the past few days she's been thinking about what Alex said: that when she was making out with Sylvie at winter formal, she'd have rather been hanging out with Piper.
And Piper gets that, because right now, at her perfect Valentine's Day with this sweet guy who's everything she's supposed to like, Piper would still rather be hanging out with Alex. Even just in their room, lying on their beds and talking, or blowing through a full season of some sitcom on Netflix.
And if that's what she wants to be doing, then why the hell isn't she?
"I'm really sorry." She hands the gift bag back to him, face swarming with more apologies than she has time to voice. "I can pay for dinner and, and I'll just take the next shuttle back to campus - "
"Hold up, Piper..." Irritation is seeping through the bewilderment on Larry's face. "You're not making any sense. I wasn't...this isn't some declaration that I want to be your boyfriend - "
"I know."
"Polly told me you'd like all this stuff, and I listened cause she's your best friend - "
"Polly's not my best friend," Piper corrects, pointlessly.
"Whatever. You know what I mean! We don't need to do all this stuff..." To illustrate the point, he snatches the gift back and drops it to the floor, out of sight. "We can just keep it chill."
"I just don't think it's a good idea." The waitress comes and, smiling obliviously, leaves them their bill. Piper starts rummaging in her purse. "Here, let me - "
He forcefully grabs the bill. "I'm not letting you pay. And I'm not letting you take the shuttle, either, your brother will kill me - "
"He literally won't care - "
"Plus am I supposed to just wait around by myself until their movie's done, like some fucking chauffeur?"
"Sorry, I'm sorry..." Piper throws down the twenty bucks she has in cash and stands up, just needing to be out of this horrible, stupid moment.
Text Message, Friday, February 14, 9:02 pm
PIPER
[so I probably owe you more of an explanation]
LARRY
[ya think?]
PIPER
[I didn't mean for it to happen like that]
LARRY
[I don't even get what the problem is Piper]
PIPER
[it's not you, you didn't do anything wrong]
[it's hard to explain]
LARRY
[TRY]
PIPER
[being here at school...this is the first time ever I've had really great friends]
[and felt like I really fit in and belonged somewhere]
[and right now it's like...that's enough. I don't NEED a boyfriend because I'm still getting used to getting to be around them all the time.]
LARRY
[do you have to NEED a boyfriend to have one?]
PIPER
[I guess so]
[or maybe it's just that since I don't need one, I don't even want one right now.]
LARRY
[I told you I wasn't trying to make us official or anything]
PIPER
[I know. But even just what we were already doing felt like it could get serious soon.]
[because I do like you]
LARRY
[you know you could have said any of this before tonight]
[as in, instead of leaving me alone at a restaurant with a gift bag like an idiot]
PIPER
[I know. I'm sorry. I suck.]
LARRY
[Kinda, yeah.]
Text Message, Friday, February 14, 9:19 pm
PIPER
[Hey where are you?]
ALEX
[Basement. Turned into a kind of spontaneous Singles' Movie Night.]
[Why?]
PIPER
[Just got back to the room.]
ALEX
[Early night.]
PIPER
[Yeah I was bored. Took the shuttle back by myself.]
ALEX
[Wanna come down?]
PIPER
[On my way.]
Because Alex isn't a complete moron, she knows Piper isn't really hanging out with Polly. She's obviously on a Valentine's Day date with Larry Bloom - although, to be fair, Polly might very well be in attendance. That girl seems to consider herself a third party in Piper's romantic life.
Alex is less certain about what it means when Piper comes home early, apparently having taken the school shuttle back all on her own.
Alex is on one of the basement's couches with Nicky and Poussey, a dozen or so other girls stretched out on the floor or draped over the other couch. They're watching Pretty Woman, not Alex's choice, but it is her mom's favorite movie - and thus one Alex has seen at least a dozen times; they even have a fucking VHS copy - so she's been texting Diane throughout the screening.
They're at the opera scene when Piper comes downstairs, and Alex jams an elbow into Nicky's side so she'll slide over to make room.
"Hey," Piper whispers, wedging herself beside Alex on the couch.
"Hey." Alex glances sideways at her. "Good night?"
"Not really." Piper shrugs, and she's trying a little too hard too sound casual. "I just wanted to hang out with you guys. So I came back."
Alex can't help smiling. "Good choice," she whispers. "We're obviously real exciting here."
"I like this movie."
"So does my mom."
"Ssssh," Nicky hisses loudly. "We are watching a film."
Alex and Piper's eyes meet; Alex rolls hers, and feels Piper's laughter more than she hears it.
It's crowded on the couch, and Piper's shoulder to shoulder with Alex; their legs touch every time they shift even a tiny bit.
At some point, Piper glances down, sees Alex's hand limply splayed across her thigh.
Out of nowhere, Piper imagines holding her hand. Really pictures it, just reaching over and slipping her fingers through Alex's. She wonders what it would feel like, them laced together like that.
Piper thinks she'd like it.
Text Message, Friday, February 14, 10:42 pm
POLLY
[Piper what the hell happened?]
[Larry said you just left in the middle of dinner?]
[did he do something?]
[?!]
There's a knock on their door, even though it's after room curfew, and Piper closes her eyes and groans. Polly's been blowing up her phone for the past hour, but Piper didn't think she'd risk a strike to come accost her in person.
Alex is looking curiously at the door, so Piper hurries to beat her to answer it, throwing an eyeroll and a, "Sorry," back over her shoulder.
Polly's standing in the hallway, still in her date clothes, her face a portrait of highly exaggerated shock. "What the fuck, Pipe, you can't even text me back?"
"Just...c'mere." With another apologetic glance back at Alex, Piper practically shoves Polly into the hall and closes the door behind her. "What?"
"Did you really dump Larry for giving you a gift?"
"No."
"Did you really leave him in the middle of dinner?"
"No. The check had already come."
"Piper."
"Look, it wasn't the best way to handle it. But he was acting like my boyfriend. And I...don't really want a relationship right now."
"But why not?" Polly whisper-screams, her face all twisted up like she can't fathom such a thing.
Belatedly, Piper lands on a better sounding explanation. "I don't think I like him like that, Pol. I tried, cause he's a great guy, but...I don't have that kind of feelings for him. And the whole Valentine's Day gift and ice skating plan...it seems like he did."
Polly sighs, shoulders slumping a little. "Well. Okay. I guess that's fair." She rolls her eyes. "I still can't believe you did it like that. You're harsh, dude."
"I kinda panicked," Piper admits, probably the most honest thing she's said the whole conversation.
She isn't sure why all her reasons for dumping Larry feel like lies.
Polly laughs a little, which is a relief. "Sounded like it. Geez."
"What'd Danny say?"
"That you're crazy."
"Of course he did."
Polly finally leaves for her own room. Alex is sitting on her bed with a book, but she looks up and raises her eyebrows when Piper comes in. "Everything okay?"
"Yes," Piper says firmly. "She's just a drama queen."
"I wasn't eavesdropping, but I was listening for sounds of a throwdown. Had to know when to rush out and have your back."
Piper grins. "Appreciate it. But I could take her."
"You're probably right."
"Hey, Pipes?"
The lights have been off for about five minutes.
"Yeah?"
"You didn't...break up with Larry or something because of me, right?"
Piper swallows. She's not even sure of the answer herself.
"I didn't break up with him at all," she evades. "We weren't together."
"You know what I mean, though. I don't want you to think...like, you can't have a boyfriend without me turning into a distant asshole."
"Oh. That. No, that had nothing to do with it. Promise."
"Okay. Good."
The next week, she and Nicky go to one of Alex's soccer games. They sit low on the bleachers, Nicky joking that they're in prime position to check out Alex's ass while she rides the bench for the game's first half.
When the teams finally start to line up for the game, Alex and the other subs jog off the field. Alex isn't in her goalie pullover yet, only the regular blue jersey, her hair pulled back in a messy ponytail that's already half falling down, like she doesn't even know how to do it.
Reaching the bench, she's close enough to glance up and seek out Piper's gaze. Piper grins at her.
"Jesus," Nicky mutters. "I'd tell you two to get a room, but you already fucking have one."
"What?" Piper twists around to look at her, already feeling her face heat up, giving her away. "I...I'm not gay, Nicky."
"Wow. You jumped right on that one." Nicky clucks her tongue. "I'm inclined to believe you, Baby Duck...would be the only explanation why you never salivate over my fine ass. But you are definitely some kinda gay for her." She nods down at Alex.
Piper rolls her eyes. "What does that mean?"
"Dunno. Maybe you're gay. Maybe you're bisexual. Maybe just Vause-sexual."
Piper's quiet for a moment. "Did...do you know Alex likes me?"
Nicky snorts. "Um, I'm a person with my fully functioning five senses, aren't I?"
"But did she tell you?"
"She didn't have to tell me." Nicky glances over, and slowly her voice eases toward something almost serious. "She told you?"
"Kind of. Yeah."
"Whoa. Guess that explains why you two are being maximum levels of annoying again." She pauses. "Wait...are you guys together now?"
"No. God."
"So you didn't declare your love back - "
"She didn't - "
" - but you two are bestest friends again. What's up with that?"
"I told her that I wouldn't rub things with Larry in her face or do anything to make her feel bad if we could be okay again."
"And have you?"
"I broke up with Larry." Nicky starts laughing, and Piper ignores it, talking over her. "Not really broke up, because we weren't together, but I ended it."
"And how many days after Vause confessed did you end it?" Piper doesn't answer, but Nicky doesn't seem to need her to. She makes a low humming noise. "Just an astounding coincidence, I'm sure."
The smugness in her voice irritates Piper into silence for awhile. She faces forward, pointedly away from Nicky, and her gaze gravitates as always to Alex: her back to them, number 11 on her jersey, shitty ponytail. Piper wants her to turn around.
It takes her a few minutes to work up to the next question. "Nicky?"
"Mmm?"
Piper lowers her voice. "How did you know you liked girls?"
"Uhhh, well. I looked at a girl, and I thought: I'd like to fuck her." Nicky pauses for a beat. "I was seven."
"Nicky."
She laughs. "Fuck, Duck, I don't know. Girls are hot? I notice? I want to put my face on their faces, and also some other areas if they're into it."
"Jesus Christ..."
"Fine, fine." With obvious monumental effort, Nicky stops laughing at Piper. "What makes you think you might like Alex?"
Nicky using Alex's first name makes Piper take her seriously.
"I just..." She can't hold eye contact. "When she told me she had feelings for me...I was really happy about it. Like, really. Maybe just because it meant I hadn't done anything wrong, you know? She wasn't mad. But I'm not sure. I like knowing that she likes me. And I think she's beautiful. And smart and funny, too, obviously. I don't want her to like anyone more than me, either...when I thought she might date Sylvie, I hated it. And even when I was on dates with Larry, even when I was kissing him, I would have rather just been hanging out with Alex. I would stop a date if it meant texting with her. And I'd probably choose staying in our dorm room all night watching pretentious movies than doing anything with anyone else. Even if we've been doing that exact thing for like ten nights in a row."
A moment of silence follows this pronouncement. Finally, Nicky lets out a low whistle. "Fuck, Chapman. You might be gayer than I am."
"Nicky."
"I'm kind of serious. Person with five functioning senses, remember? I've seen how you look at her, too. Even before that whole Nicholas Sparks monologue you just performed in my face."
Piper leans forward, braces her elbows on her knees. Her voice is small. "What if I'm wrong?"
"What do you mean?"
"Like...if I think I want something more, but it turns out I don't like it...and then I lose her for real?"
"Yeah..." Nicky exhales slowly, and there's no humor in her voice anymore. "This isn't my usual advice, Duck, but maybe don't rush it. You're never going to be a hundred percent certain about anyone, but...if you only think you want something, don't do anything just to see, you know?"
Piper nods, but she can't help but feel disheartened, and maybe Nicky notices, because she adds, "But at some point you gotta just trust yourself to know what you want."
It's not just the hand holding.
For the next two weeks, Piper takes any little thread Alex gives her and sews it into dreamy, hazy fantasies of the two of them: Alex with an arm around her while they watch a movie, Alex's fingers swimming through her hair for no reason when they study, falling asleep tangled together in one of their beds.
Bridging the increasingly small gap between them and kissing her.
It still freaks Piper out, sometimes, to catch herself wanting that. It doesn't seem like something she could really do.
But then she imagines Alex living her daydreams with some other girl and it turns Piper's stomach to a rock.
"I wish there would be another thunderstorm."
Alex smiles. "You're so wild, Pipes. Craving lightning."
The way she says it makes Piper shiver a little.
They're on Alex's bed, watching a movie and drinking a little, the same way they were the night of that storm.
Piper lets her eyes sidle sideways to Alex. Her lips look soft. They must taste like red wine.
Piper could do it. Right now. Just take Alex's chin in her fingers and turn her head and do it.
She takes a swig of wine from the thermos like it's gasoline for the fire of her nerve.
She could kiss her.
But she doesn't.
During the first weekend of April, spring weather finally trying to break through, their dorm has one of its social events, starting with a waffle dinner in the basement. Alex and the others have traditionally deemed all dorm sanctioned events uncool.
But they have pretty much the opposite stance on breakfast for dinner.
Still, the superior, food centric portion of these nights tend to be followed by overly organized games. So they make their usual decision to inject more fun into events: pregame.
Alex and Piper do tequila shots with their music turned up loud, then meet up with the others with flasks zipped into their jacket pockets. Piper's already buzzed and giggly and acting like a smitten idiot, flicking waffle mix at Alex's face so she threatens her with a bottle of syrup and Piper goes darting around the kitchen like a giddy kid in a game of tag.
"Get a room," Nicky says between her teeth, just to Piper. "Or, rather, go to yours."
The five of them sit in a circle on the floor in the basement living room and eat waffles with their fingers. Then Fisher gets everyone's attention and announces a campus wide game of Sardines, and that's all for the fun part of the night.
"Does that mean running around?" Nicky mutters in an undertone. "Don't I do enough of that in practice?"
"Not really," Janae responds flatly, and the others suppress laughter.
"I'm going to pass around this bowl," Fisher is saying after she's explained the rules and boundaries. "Everyone take a folded piece of paper...one has a star on it. Whoever gets the star is the first hider!"
Alex rolls her eyes at Piper. Piper makes a face at her, like her flirting skills - because that seems to be what she's doing, flirting with Alex - stopped developing when she was eight.
The bowl gets around to them. Piper's piece of paper is blank, but when Alex unfolds hers she lets out a muttered, "Fuck."
A minute or so later, the bowl's empty and Fisher raises her voice. "Okay, who's the lucky star?"
Piper looks at Alex, and so do the others, but she says nothing. Piper raises an eyebrow in question, and Alex leans over and whispers, "Let her think she forgot to mark one."
Fisher's obviously getting concerned, big eyes sweeping the room. "Anyone? Someone has to have the star..."
Alex schools her face into a mildly curious expression, and Piper purses her lips together to keep from laughing. Then, Nicky raises her voice, pointing at Alex with both hands. "Vause has it! We got a star over here!"
"Great!" Fisher beams in relief while Alex throws Nicky a murderous look and Janae and Poussey crack up. "Alex, we'll give you a ten minute head start...and be sure to pick somewhere roomy enough for other sardines to join you!"
Alex looks mildly horrified at this statement, and Piper can't help but join the others in their poorly smothered laughter.
"Timer's starting...now!"
Alex meets Piper's eyes and pats her jacket pocket, the one concealing her flask. "Least I've got company," she murmurs, clapping a hand to Piper's knee before she stands up to go.
The room erupts into hyperbolic, almost parodying, whoops and applause for Alex as she crosses the basement to go outside.
Piper flops down on her back to wait out the timer.
"Poor Alex," Poussey says with a smirk.
"Aw, screw that, she's gonna hole up somewhere and drink out of sight," Nicky retorts.
"This is kind of a fucked up game to pick," Janae observes with obvious disappointment. "There's not even a damn winner."
"Nah, just one loser still wandering around at the end."
"If there was a winner, though, it'd be us, let's be real." Nicky nods at Piper. "We've got Chapman on our side. We can just point her and she can, like...smell Vause's pheromones, or whatever."
Piper scowls. "I'm not helping you."
She does stick with the others when Fisher finally gives them the go ahead. They wander off from the crowd, brainstorming places to look with no real urgency, passing flasks back and forth.
"We're going about this all wrong," Nicky says after awhile, plopping unceremoniously down on a grassy part of the quad. "We just gotta sit back and wait. As soon as anyone else finds her she'll text begging us to join."
No one can argue with that logic, so they all sprawl out on the grass with their phones close by to wait. Piper rolls onto her stomach to take a covert sip of tequila. There's still a slight bite to the night air, but the alcohol is warming her insides and making her feel a nice kind of hazy.
Idly, Piper thinks that this is the first time she's been around the other three, all at once, without Alex. A class with just Janae and Nicky this semester is the closest she's come, but never this.
She misses Alex. Which is a dumb thing to think, but Piper's drunken brain wants to text it to her, anyway.
She opens up their message thread and is about to text, but then the three dots appear showing that Alex is typing. Piper waits.
ALEX
[So bored, come find me]
[Backstage, auditorium]
Piper shoves her phone back into her pocket and keeps her expression determinedly blank for about sixty seconds. Then she sits up. "I'm going to go look for Alex."
"Hold up." Janae sits up, too, squinting at her. "You know somethin'." She starts to stand. "I'm coming, too."
"Nah, let Baby Duck do all the work," Nicky protests, tugging on her roommate's sleeve until she's back on the ground. "We really wanna cram into some small space for the next hour?" She looks at Piper. "Text us when almost everyone's found her, kay? Or maybe we'll just collectively lose."
"I don't know where she is," Piper lies, pointlessly emphatic. "I just wanna look."
"Sure you do."
Piper heads off, and she hears Janae call after her, "You seem damn confident about that direction!"
Text Message, Saturday, 9:21 pm
PIPER
[how am I supposed to get backstage without anyone seeing?]
[Ms. Rogers always sits in the front row]
ALEX
[don't go in the front dumbass, I cracked the back stage door open.]
[that way it's barely cheating]
Some of the students who aren't partaking in incredibly lame dorm events are in the auditorium, a white screen pulled down in front of the stage curtains with The Wizard of Oz playing as this week's movie.
Piper initially goes in the front entrance of the Fine Arts Center, through the lobby and peeking into the auditorium before realizing that obviously everyone assembled will notice her walking to the side of the screen and slipping backstage.
With Alex's instructions, she goes outside again and circles the building, finding the side door that leads backstage. It's pitch dark, the thick red curtains preventing any light from the movie from filtering back, so Piper turns on her cell phone's, scanning the backstage area. Ms. Rogers holds their drama class in the auditorium sometimes, has them do improv exercises or read scenes onstage, but Piper has only been backstage a few times, and usually only to take a shortcut out that door after class.
Then, during a pause in Dorothy's dialogue, she hears a hiss of, "Pipes."
Her head tilts up, in the direction of Alex's voice, and sees a beam of light from up on the catwalk. Alex then turns the phone's light on her own face, smirking and gesturing for Piper to join her.
In the movie, the Cowardly Lion is singing, the music too loud to hear Alex anymore without shouting, so Piper turns her phone over and texts.
PIPER
[Seriously?]
ALEX
[stairs to the left]
[be careful]
With her phone, Piper shines a path to the narrow metal staircase that leads up to the catwalk. She's less sure of crossing the platform itself, but Alex keeps her own phone lit up as a destination, and Piper clasps her hands on both rails as she eases her way over.
"This is definitely cheating," she whispers when she's close enough for Alex to hear, sitting down beside her with their legs dangling over the edge.
"Fisher said no dorm buildings."
"Because nothing else is even unlocked at this hour."
"So she forgot about movie night," Alex says with a shrug.
"We're supposed to text her when we find you."
"I wouldn't do that if I were you. You'll be the only one...very suspicious." She feels Alex shuffle a little, then shake her flask at Piper, liquid sloshing. "Want a sip?"
Piper has a little left in her own, but she takes Alex's and downs a swallow anyway.
"Thought maybe you'd bring the others."
"They're too lazy. Probably asleep on the quad by now."
"Typical." They're quiet for a moment, and when Alex speaks again, Piper can hear the smile in her voice even though she can't see it. "So basically it's another weekend movie night, just me and you."
Piper smiles, too. "Mmm-hmm. Luckily I've seen this one enough to fill in the visuals for myself."
"Me, too."
Piper leans forward a little, folding her arms on one of the rails in front of her.
"You know we're up on a platform...in the dark...drinking alcohol."
"And?"
"Not the safest combination of elements."
"We're not high enough up to die. Would only break a bone or something."
"Break a leg. Get it?"
"Hilarious, Pipes," Alex says sarcastically, but her voice is still smiling.
They're quiet for awhile, listening to the movie.
"When I was little I was so scared of the wicked witch. Danny used to do her laugh to freak me out."
"For me it was the flying monkeys. Creepy fuckers."
Piper smiles. Talking to Alex like this isn't much different from their room at night, swapping words through darkness. It's always made Piper just a little braver, being hidden like that. It helps her say things she's scared of.
So after awhile, she takes a deep gulp from her flask, draining the last bit of it. "Alex?" She swallows hard, then breathes out the next part in a slurred rush. "Would you kiss me?"
Alex stiffens beside her. Piper can feel it, can feel the heat of her body but her voice is almost cold when she says, "Okay, you're obviously drunk."
"No, no, no..." Protests tumble frantically out of her, not making a great case for sobriety. "It's not that. That's not why. I've been trying to figure out how to kiss you for like...weeks now."
The moment that follows is terrifying; not even the sounds of the Emerald City can drown out Alex's silence.
Then, soft, just a little shaky, Alex says, "Figure out how? You don't know how to kiss someone?"
"I...I've never been the one to start it."
She feels Alex turning on the platform, bringing her leg over the edge and folding it under her, turning so she's facing Piper, what feels like her knee touching Piper's hip; she can just see the outline of Alex's face, close enough to be easily found in the darkness. "So try."
Before something fails her, brain or heart or courage, Piper licks her lips and leans forward, and presses her lips gently to the corner of the smile she could hear in Alex's challenge.
It is blind and soft and tentative, but as soon as they make contact Alex starts kissing her back, and the first kiss becomes another, then another, more and more and more. At some point Piper remembers her hands, that they're allowed to run freely through Alex's hair, bring the pads of her fingers to Alex's cheek, wrap around the nape of her neck, every place she hasn't gotten to touch yet. Alex smiles against her mouth again; Piper thinks she already has Alex's smiles memorized, after nearly eight months of basking in them, but it's so good to know them like this now, too, recognizing the shape and taste of her happiness.
They kiss for so long that when Piper opens her eyes she's startled to find more darkness waiting; for a dizzy, disoriented second she forgets where they are and how this started and it seems like Alex just kissed her blind.
She can hear Alex breathing hard. She leans her forehead on Piper's, fingers wrapped gently around her wrists like she needs to keep her close. Voice rough, Alex whispers, "We keep going we're going to fall off the goddamn platform."
They climb down as carefully as they can manage, and Alex has four text messages from Fisher - that ultimately inform her they're starting a fresh round because no one found her so she should leave her spot and go look for Tara Morris - and five on the group message asking if she and Piper are even alive.
Alex is barely sure of that answer herself. Not that she feels dead - God, it's the opposite - just like she's left this planet or universe or maybe this realm of consciousness, slipped off to a place where things like this aren't impossible.
She uses her cell phone light to avoid the cords and cables impending their path to the door, and without really thinking about it reaches back to grab Piper's hand while she leads the way.
They step outside and the world is familiar again; the same familiar campus under the same familiar moonlight.
And Piper. Always, always Piper. She is smiling shyly and she is breathlessly pretty and they only kissed for the first time maybe ten minutes ago but Alex is pretty sure she loves her, how goddamn stupid is that?
Reckless wanting stampedes through her, stomping firmly on her nerves, and Alex pulls at the front of Piper's shirt and kisses her, making sure she's allowed to do it again.
The response is instant and enthusiastic, and this time Alex gets to feel the full length of Piper's body pressing against her own, and God, she is actually, literally weak kneed from it.
Piper's the one to pull away, but it's not fast, and she's still touching Alex's face when she does. "What now?"
Alex bursts out laughing. "You tell me, kid. You started it."
Piper smiles and her eyes widen a little like she can't quite believe herself. "Do we have to go back to the game?"
"Nah, I'll just text Fisher and say I'm not lost forever. We can - " She cuts herself off abruptly.
"What?"
"I'm just," Alex tries not to grin. "I don't want to sound like I'm doing a sleazy let's take this into the bedroom kind of move. But the thing is, it's our room. And we do have to go back there eventually."
Piper laughs, like Alex had hoped she would. "Let's go."
They don't hold hands on the walk back. They don't really talk, either. At some point Alex is filled with the sudden, childish urge to break into a run, like speed matters, and they need to hurry on to the next stage of this really fast before all of the possibility dissolves.
But she doesn't start running, just lets herself move a little closer to Piper, who lilts sideways into her side so their arms brush. It's nice.
They make it to Kerman House and up the stairs and down the hall and as soon as they're in the dorm room with the door closed behind them, Piper kisses her again.
It goes on like that for a few minutes before Alex's nerves start to pick themselves up and she reluctantly pries herself away. "Pipes?" Alex worries a strand of blonde hair between her fingers, just in case this conversation ends in a way that means she shouldn't do that ever again. "What is this?"
Piper's face folds in nervous confusion like the question needs to be multiple choice. "What?"
"If this is some sort of 'everyone experiments in college, and boarding school feels like college' thing, then you need to tell me now." Alex sets her jaw, bracing herself. "I won't be mad."
"It's not that," Piper tells her, face open and earnest. "I just...I really, really like you."
Alex's heart hitches, believing it, even though her brain is still wary. "But when I told you...you didn't say anything."
"I didn't know yet," Piper says. Her voice is small and guilty and it makes Alex kiss her again, soft and fast this time. A kiss that knows it isn't the last one.
"That's okay." Alex stays close, their noses bumping together. "Do you know now?"
"Yes," Piper breathes out, nodding her head against Alex's. "But is this still the stage where I'm supposed to play it cool and act like I haven't thought about it at all?"
"God, no," Alex grins at her. "I want to know everything you've thought about. In grand detail, please." Piper laughs, and Alex feels it on her lips. She feels it warming her blood.
"Alex?"
"Mmm?"
"I...I don't want my family to know. My parents would freak out, they might even hate me, and it's just...I can't yet."
"That's okay."
"But...you know, that means Danny, too."
...
...
"Which means Polly."
"I think so. I know that sucks, but she'd tell him, and - "
"I know. It's alright."
"Really?"
"I'm not gonna make you be out if you're not ready, Pipes. Promise."
"Thanks."
"What about...with Janae and Nicky and Poussey?"
"I want them to know. Actually, Nicky said she'd kill me if we started a secret relationship."
"Wait, you talked to Nicky?"
"Yeah...she kinda helped me figure it all out."
"Damn. I hate owing Nicky for stuff."
"Sorry bout that. So when do we tell them?"
"Hmmm. How about we have some fun with it?"
Text Message, Saturday, 12:32 pm
MOM
[hey babe! hows ur weekend going?]
ALEX
[Honestly?]
[Kind of incredible.]
MOM
[ooh do tell]
ALEX
[It may be more of a phone call worthy story.]
MOM
[ugh u cant do that to me kiddo]
[just got to the restaurant dont leave me hangi hr shift]
[short version?]
ALEX
[Fine]
[Piper and I kinda got together]
MOM
[what?! awwww babe thats awesome]
[just last night?]
ALEX
[Yeah she kissed me.]
[Kind of a long story but she knew I like her]
MOM
[u kno I wanna hear all about it]
[u happy?]
ALEX
[Yes. It's kind of crazy.]
MOM
[doesnt seem crazy 2 me]
Text Message, Saturday, 2:51 pm
DAD
[Hey, sweetheart. How was your week?]
PIPER
[Pretty good. Nothing too eventful.]
[How are you?]
DAD
[We're fine. Did Cal tell you about his trouble at school?]
PIPER
[No...what happened?]
DAD
[Antagonizing a teacher in Civics...wouldn't hurt for you to speak to him. Tell him he'll be lucky to get into Overbrook with things like this on his record.]
PIPER
[Okay.]
DAD
[Thanks. You know we're proud of you, Pipe. You need anything?]
PIPER
[I'm good Dad. Thanks.]
DAD
[Ok. Love you. Call us sometime soon.]
PIPER
[I will. Love you too.]
Somehow, they manage to put on a front all Saturday around the others, easily quelling the curiosity about their whereabouts during Sardines with the explanation that they'd simply gone into the auditorium and joined the audience for the movie.
They all decide to order a pizza for dinner, possibly try to commandeer the basement television to watch a movie - if not, they can always go in Nicky and Janae's room, since Nicky brought back a flat screen TV after Christmas - and off Alex's suggestion, go to the woods to smoke first.
Piper sits in one of the dilapidated lawn chairs and Alex settles onto the tree trunk with Poussey and pulls out a joint.
They let it go two rounds, Nicky and Poussey dominating the conversation complaining about the third girl they're stuck with for some history presentation, and then Alex casually raises an eyebrow in Piper's direction, joint pinched between two fingers. "Pipes, you wanna shotgun this?"
"Sure," Piper says, just as casual, and her cheeks actually hurt from holding in a smile as she stands up and saunters over to Alex, who's inhaling the joint until the moment Piper gets there. She sits on Alex's lap and winds an arm around her neck as Alex takes her by the jaw and seals her lips over Piper's, the smoke rolling from her throat and into Piper's mouth. She barely remembers to inhale, yanking it into her lungs. Alex keeps kissing her, and when Piper jerks back to exhale out of necessity, she accidentally coughs smoke in Alex's eyes.
Piper twists around, triumphant and delighted, to bask in everyone's reactions.
All three of their friends are staring at them, entirely nonplussed.
After a beat, Nicky pounds out a painfully sarcastic slow clap. "Wow," she deadpans. "We're so shocked. What the hell. What is life."
"Hey!" Poussey yells out suddenly, her eyes lighting up in genuine delight. "It's before Easter weekend! Pay up bitches!"
"Fuck," Janae growls, face twisting into her usual I-hate-to-lose scowl as Nicky launches into some complicated excuse about how they never defined the terms of the bet.
Piper turns around to look at Alex. "That wasn't as much fun as we thought."
Alex smirks, holding up the joint for Piper to take a hit. "The making out part was though, right?"
Piper grins her agreement, and after she exhales she leans down to kiss Alex again.
Their friends let out a chorus of theatrical groans and boos.
"So, our lives are basically ruined, huh? You two are gonna be obnoxious."
Sunday night they both sit on Piper's bed doing homework, music playing on Alex's laptop, and they keep glancing sideways and catching the other sneaking smiles.
After lights out they make out on Alex's bed, both in pajama shorts and thin tank tops and tasting like toothpaste. Alex is stretched out on top of Piper, her hands slipping under her shirt and skimming up the ladder of her ribs; she doesn't sleep in a bra.
She feels Piper's stomach muscles contract beneath her touch, and Alex stills her hand, pushing herself up on one elbow to look down at Piper. "Want to stop?"
"Um..." Piper's eyes are bright in the dark. "With you and Nicky...how soon did you sleep with her?"
Alex extracts her hand completely and frowns. "Why does that matter?"
"Or that girl Casey you were with last year..."
"Casey and I barely even..." Alex stops, shaking her head. "None of that matters, Piper. We don't have to rush." She cracks a smile. "Even though we are cohabitating two days in, which kind of takes the lesbian U-Haul thing to new heights." Piper wrinkles her nose, obviously not getting the joke; Alex will catch her up on that later. She softens her voice, weaves her fingers through Piper's hair. "You don't have to worry about catching up to Nicky, okay? Or Casey, or anyone else. You're already way ahead."
Piper's whole face relaxes with her smile, and Alex gives her a quick, easy kiss and then slides over to far edge of the bed. "C'mere," she offers with a smile. "Come be my little spoon."
"You're such a dork," Piper tells her, sounding delighted about it as she turns on her side and shuffles back, folding herself against Alex, who drapes an arm around her.
"Wanna sleep here tonight?" Alex whispers right against her ear.
"Yeah," Piper agrees right away and Alex smiles into her hair.
"I never did this with anyone else," she informs her. She smooths some hair back from Piper's temple and lets her lips rest there for a moment before repeating, "Told you. You're way ahead."
She doesn't tell Piper that she's had everyone else, anyone else, beat pretty much since the first day they met.
The best part is how happy Alex is.
Piper's happy, too, of course; she thought she'd revised her definition of happiness last semester, but now she's redefining it again, and her current vocabulary isn't enough. She needs more than words, needs sound and touch and taste: happy is the way Alex says her name, turning it into a smile; it's the apple smell of Alex's shampoo and her wet hair touching Piper's cheeks when they kiss late at night; it's the taste of red wine coating old smoke on Alex's tongue.
But Alex's happiness feels like the real miracle, because it's all over her, leaking out of her eyes and smile and voice all the time, and Piper can't believe she's the reason for it.
It feels like the greatest accomplishment of her whole life, finally something real to be proud of.
Nicky was right, it turns out, about them being obnoxious.
Their friends give them no end of shit for PDA - even though it's only in their very limited public - or whenever they say anything sweet or teasing to each other. Sick looking emojis get a lot of use on the group message...and they don't even know about the most sickeningly adorable things Alex and Piper do as they fall into their rhythm as a couple.
Like, how every morning before they leave for breakfast, Alex sends a song to Piper's phone but she's not meant to listen to it until third period, the first class of the day they don't have together. They split up outside the drama classroom and Piper walks to Spanish with her headphones in; some of the songs she knows already, but usually not, and the choruses always sound the way kissing Alex feels.
Piper wants to return the favor, so she starts putting Post-It notes in Alex's French binder, for the class she has that period. Sometimes she merely picks out a favorite lyric from the previous day's song, but she tries to pull mostly from books, giving Alex words while she gives her music.
She catches Alex writing some of her favorites along the white edges of her Chuck Taylors, which is how Piper ends up in English class, nudging her toes against part of that The History of Love quote about the moon becoming a coin that's winding around Alex's heel.
The two of them have become pretentious as hell, and truly fucking corny, but they're too blissfully together to give a damn.
"That song you sent me today..."
"Humming?"
"Yeah. This is going to sound really weird - "
"I love it already."
"It reminds me of that night in the rain. The storm."
"Damn, Pipes, you're obsessed with that fucking night. You're gonna leave school to be a storm chaser, aren't you?"
"Shut up."
"Make me."
"So immature -"
...
"Alex!"
"Too slow, made you instead."
"You win. But seriously, do you know what I mean? Listen..."
...
...
"Yeah. Yeah, I can kinda hear that night in it."
"I think..."
"What?"
"I think maybe that was the night I really fell for you."
"Oh, yeah?"
"Mmm-hmm. I didn't know that's what was happening, but...looking back, I can tell. Or at least, that's when I should have known."
"You fell asleep in my bed that night, remember?"
"Oh, yeah..."
"For a second, I wanted to stay and just...lay down beside you."
"You should have."
"I slept in your bed instead. And kept thinking it smells like you."
"Creepy."
"Um, okay then, Pipes, you just told me I should have been spooning your drunkenly unconscious body."
The girls soccer team is having a good season, so when one of the regional play-off games is held at Litchfield, all of them, even Janae, who as far as Piper can remember has never shown up for anyone else's sport, comes to watch.
They're playing some team from The Hollander School, and it's more of a crowd than usual, with even a smattering parents populating the crowd, but the four of them manage to find a cluster of the bleachers secluded enough that Nicky still gets to tease Piper about the "congratulatory-or-conciliatory orgasm" she'll have to give Alex after the game.
It's stuff like this that fucks with Piper's head: hearing Nicky, who has almost certainly given Alex actual orgasms (ugh), just assume they're having sex already. Apparently that's what the bet was for, when they'd finally fuck, and Piper has no interest in clarifying that it technically shouldn't have been settled yet.
When the warm-ups are over and the starters get in position, Alex looks over and waves at them, winking just at Piper.
It's a rough, intense game right from the start - Piper's been to enough now that's she starting to be able to recognize things like that - and the score stays drawn at zero for the first fifteen minutes, but the opposing team's offense is dominating, playing mostly on Litchfield's half of the field.
On the sidelines, Piper sees Coach Mendoza say something to Alex, who nods and stands, pulling her bright orange goalie jersey on. "Hey, I think Alex is going in," she says to the others.
"Damn," Janae says with a low, impressed whistle. "See, that's how the fuck you can tell Al is actually better. Fiona's good, and they give her priority cause she's a senior...but Mendoza thinks they're gonna get shot on a lot, and she feels better with Alex at goal."
Piper smiles proudly. She knows Alex is excited for next year, when she'll likely be playing full games.
And she is good, pulling off what look like several very impressive saves even with Piper's limited knowledge of soccer. She thinks that playing goalie must be terrifying; the last line of defense, the only player who can usually be directly responsible for giving up a point.
Once on a corner kick, which always seem super chaotic and stressful, Alex jumps higher than anyone else and bats the ball backwards, several feet safely above the crossbar of the goal.
Which just results in another corner kick, but still. It looked really cool.
The score's still 0-0 at the half. Piper pulls out of her phone, figuring Alex may have a chance to check hers while she's getting water and orange slices, before the coach gathers them into a circle for what Piper always assumes is a mid-game strategy session.
PIPER
[You're playing awesome.]
She watches Alex for the minute and a half it takes her to pull her phone out of her soccer bag. She looks at the screen, then turns around to shoot a grin in Piper's direction.
Beside her, Nicky groans. "You guys are the most codependent couple I've ever seen. It's been like, what, an hour since you talked?"
"Two," Piper corrects absently, eyes on her phone.
ALEX
[Thanks babe]
PIPER
[Will you play second half?]
ALEX
[I think so. Fiona's pissed.]
PIPER
[Too bad soccer isn't like tennis...you could have had a challenge match a long time ago and settled this.]
ALEX
[HA! I should've pitched that to Coach earlier in the season]
Sure enough, Alex is back in the goal in the second half. About fifteen minutes in, Litchfield finally scores on a lucky break away. 1-0. Five minutes after that, there's a close call on Alex's goal, when she blocks a shot but doesn't get a solid hold of the ball, bringing an instant scramble of Litchfield defenders and Hollander forwards and Alex, the knot of players too clumped up for anyone in the stands to even see the ball, until finally the ref blows the whistle. Everyone scatters, and Alex picks herself up from the ground with the ball held firmly against her stomach.
Piper exhales hard. "This sport makes me nervous. Alex making mistakes seems to matter more than anyone else."
Janae rolls her eyes. "No one really thinks of it like that...if Alex even gets shot on, it's cause the defenders fucked up first."
"Still. How much time is left?"
"Probably like fifteen minutes."
The last quarter so of the game turns scrappy and rough, the opposing team obviously pissed a game they've dominated could end in a loss. There's a noticeable uptick in fouls, and twice the aftermath looks like it might turn into an all out brawl.
"Hmmmm," Nicky narrows her eyes salaciously at the field as a Litchfield midfielder is forcibly pulled away from an opponent. "Never noticed, but Lowry's got a certain sex crazed, wild animal thing goin' on."
Poussey snorts. "She's not sex crazed, fool, she looks like she's out for literal blood."
Katie Lowry's foul gives the other team a free kick, barely past the center of the field. One of the players launches the ball toward the Litchfield goal. It lands several yards outside the penalty arc, centered in the field, and three players brawl roughly for contact before a Hollander forward manages a shaky pass to the left side of the penalty box, a side most players had prematurely cleared with the direction of the free kick.
Except a Hollander midfielder making a hard run for it from up the left side, at the same moment Alex starts sprinting out of the goal, a desperate race for the loose ball, both on them only building speed and momentum.
Then Alex dives, and Piper actually shoots to her feet, and she's not the only one - Janae and Poussey stand up, too, caught up in the excitement, only Nicky still slumped back on the bleachers like she can't quite give a shit. Alex lands hard on the ball - it looks like it hits her chest - at the same moment the midfielder gets there, swinging her foot and tripping over Alex with the kick no longer aimed at a soccer ball.
The Litchfield side of the bleachers erupts into cheers, Janae in particular acting as though she herself made the save, but Piper's eyes are still fixed on Alex, her insides starting to fold inward.
"She's not getting up." She doesn't mean to whisper but that's what comes out.
The cheers go quiet with a kind of sickening abruptness as all the spectators have the same realization, the ref blowing the whistle repeatedly as Mendoza and her assistant coach run onto the field and all the other players take a knee on the grass.
Piper jerks forward, getting down one step of the bleachers before Janae firmly fists the back of her shirt. "Hey, hey nope. Hold up, Pipe, don't be the hysterical girlfriend running on the field. Nobody wants that noise, and I'm sure she's fine."
Ripping free of her gasp, she rounds on Janae, furious, her whole body shaking. "Fine? I think she's unconscious!"
"Nuh-uh. Look," Janae says calmly, nodding past Piper.
When she turns, Alex is sitting up, Coach Mendoza knelt in front of her while the athletic trainer finally runs toward the field.
The screams stuck in her chest slowly quiet, but Piper still doesn't sit down. It feels like an unbearable wait until the trainer and Coach Mendoza finally help Alex up and she walks shakily off the field to subdued, polite applause.
The game starts up again, Fiona jogging out to take Alex's place in goal, but Piper's full attention is on the sidelines. Alex sits at the very end of the bench, the assistant coach or wrapping ice in towels while the trainer starts holding up fingers in front of her face.
Piper gives Janae a look, daring her to argue. "I'm going." She starts clattering down the metal staircase without waiting for an answer.
Her momentum stalls when she gets to the sidelines, and she's tentative rounding the bench meeting Alex's eyes. "Hey."
Alex looks pale and a little dazed, but when she sees Piper her whole face softens, lips curving into a weak smile. "Hey. You okay? You look terrible."
Piper stares at her. "Me? There's blood in your hair."
"Oh." Alex's eyes dart straight up, as though she'll be able to see the blood stained towel the trainer's assistant is currently dabbing on the top of her head. Her voice oddly monotonous, she intones, "Yeah. Fucker kicked me." The trainer gives her a half-hearted stern look that Alex ignores. "I think she had metal cleats maybe…can someone check that? I think it's against the rules."
"Are you okay?" Piper asks, a catch in her voice.
"Yes."
"Don't jump the gun on that," the trainer tells her. "I want you to see a doctor, worried about a concussion…"
Alex groans and sounds a little more like herself when she says, "Does that really have to require a doctor?" She looks at Piper. "Pipes, can you get me my actual glasses? They're in my bag."
"Yeah, sure…" Piper walks around the back of the bench, checking the identical soccer bags lined underneath it for Alex's number. A minute later, she goes back with Alex's glasses and a bottle of lukewarm gatorade. "Here."
"Oh, hey, my glasses. Good thinking," she smiles briefly at Piper, her eyes little unfocused. Her plastic sports glasses are around her neck.
Uneasy, Piper glances at the trainer, who explains in an undertone, "Some disorientation and confusion is normal this soon after the blow."
On the field, the ref blows three long, low shrieks on his whistle and Alex leans around the trainer to see. "We won, right? They didn't blow my shut out?"
"Your shut out's safe," the trainer says, rolling her eyes but obviously amused. "I'm telling Coach you need to go to the hospital."
"Can I go with you?" Piper blurts out, causing the trainer to look back at her again. Alex does, too.
"My roommate," Alex explains, sort-of-winking at Piper. "She should come...and she's enough of a worrier that there's not even any need to call my mom."
The trainer shakes her head. "You know the rules."
The Rules turn out to be that if there's any suspicion of a concussion, players must be taken to see a doctor - "it's a covering their ass so we don't sue kind of policy," Alex explains - and that parents have to be informed of any medical visit or treatment.
Coach Mendoza - Ms. Mendoza to Piper, who's in her Spanish class - drives them both to the hospital but Alex, who's seems much more alert in the car, smoothly talks her into letting her call her mom herself once she's seen a doctor, as long as the coach is there to make sure it gets done.
She doesn't protest at all about Piper joining, saying it's a good thing for a roommate to hear the relevant info: "You do have a concussion, then she'll be the one watching that you don't slip into a coma for the next 24 hours." Piper doesn't exactly find that reassuring.
Alex has to ice her head the whole car ride, but she says it's not bleeding anymore.
It's stupid, because Alex seems fine and not at all scared, but Piper really wants to hold her hand.
She finally gets her chance when Medoza goes outside the hospital to phone the school, leaving Piper and Alex alone in her curtained area in the ER.
"Hey…" She slips her fingers through Alex's and squeezes gently. "You kinda freaked me out out there."
Alex half smiles at her. "I was fine."
"Still. I don't like this sport. Gonna make you play tennis with me next year…no contact."
"I don't know…I've seen some of those matches. The way you play, someone could end up blinded by tennis ball."
Piper manages a real smile at that. From the edge of the curtain, she sees a doctor approaching and drops Alex's hand automatically, even though there's no real reason to hide anything from him.
Coach Mendoza returns halfway through the doctor's diagnosis of a mild concussion, and Piper open Notes on her iPhone, thumbing out all his instructions of what to watch for and how much Tylenol Alex should be taking for how long.
When the doctor leaves, Mendoza gives Alex a no-nonsense kinda look and points a finger at Alex's soccer bag. "Alright, chica, deal's a deal. Call your mom."
"Not supposed to use phones in a hospital. Screws up the medical equipment. Or something."
"Well, then I guess you better talk fast."
Alex sighs dramatically and makes a big show of reluctantly digging around for her phone. Mendoza shakes her head in exasperation at Piper. "Don't know how you stand living with this one."
Piper grins a little at that, because she knows Alex likes her coach a lot.
She looks back at Alex, the phone to her ear, waiting for Diane Vause to answer, and Piper can see she really is nervous, genuinely doesn't want to worry her mom.
"Hey, Mom….I'm good…" The coach shoots her a Look at that, already silently protesting. Alex ignores it. "Yeah, we won, one to nothing…I played most of the game.…Mmm-hmm…This girl kicked me in the head second half, but it was an epic save…no, no I'm completely fine."
At that the coach actually snaps her fingers inches from Alex's face and she sighs. "But they made me go to the hospital to get checked out so we won't sue." Mendoza mutters something in Spanish under her breath and Piper can't help but laugh. "Because I didn't want to worry you until we'd talked to the doctor, and it's totally fine, we're about to leave now….Coach drove me, and Piper's here….he said it's a mild concussion…mild as in, I didn't even vomit…no, Mom, I swear, I'm totally fine…that's not even a real thing, actually, you're supposed to rest after a concussion...Piper has to wake me up every few hours, but I can still sleep…What? No…" Alex's face reddens the slightest bit. "Because she's not gonna tell you anything different…seriously? Fine. Here."
Alex pulls the phone away from her ear and Mendoza steps forward to take it, but Alex shakes her head and holds it out to Piper instead. "She wants to talk to you."
"What? Why?" She can feel the heat rising to her own cheeks now. Piper's usually really good at talking to adults - teachers, her friends' parents, her parent's friends have always liked her - but this is a big deal.
Alex is obviously super close to her mom, to the point that disapproval from Diane Vause would probably make her rethink any relationship. And this is the most awkward way ever to sort of meet her girlfriend's mom…on the phone, in a hospital, with her Spanish teacher right there listening.
Alex just shrugs, offering her an apologetic grimace, but she's still holding out the phone. Piper takes it. "Hello?"
"Piper? Hey, honey, it's Diane. No Ms. Vause for you, understand?" Diane's voice is loud and warm, with the slightest thread of a Boston accent. "Nice to finally meet ya…sorta kinda, anyway."
"Um, hi. Diane. Nice to...talk to you, too."
"Listen, how worried should I be here? Al tends to downplay everything, so all I'm getting outta her is a total epic save….how bad was it really?"
Piper hesitates, aware of Alex watching her closely. "It was...pretty scary when it happened, on the field." Alex's face sharpens into an admonishing look. "But I went down as soon as the trainer got her on the bench, and by that time she was mostly joking and making sure they didn't screw up her shut out."
Diane laughs over the phone, and it reminds her of Alex. Which makes Piper smile at her, even though Alex is still scowling at her in displeasure. "Sounds about right."
"And the doctor really did say she's fine…she can't play for the next week or so, but I wrote down everything he said so I can make sure it doesn't get worse and that she takes it easy."
"Now, that is what I needed to hear!" Diane exclaims, sounding impressed. "I bet she listens to you, huh?"
"She does," Piper says firmly, and it makes Diane laugh again.
"Well, good. Do me a favor, though, Pipes, and get my number from Alex. You can call me if she starts being a stubborn ass about it, or just if anything else happens…I trust you to tell me more than her, stubborn thing."
Piper smiles into the phone. "I will."
"Okay. Thanks for looking out for her, baby." For a second, Piper's startled into silence, both from the endearment and the genuine warmth in Diane's voice, like it's that easy to earn her affection. "You come see us sometime this summer, okay? We need to step it up, meet in person. You're welcome to stay anytime you want."
"Definitely." Piper agrees eagerly, because she's ninety percent sure she'll get a car for her birthday in June, and she and Alex have already talked about visiting each other over the summer as much as possible. "Thanks. Here's Alex."
"Thank you, kiddo."
Alex takes the phone back. "Me again."
"I like her," is the first thing Diane says, and Alex feels her face getting hot. Again.
"Mom," she grits out. "Not the time." Jesus, her freaking coach is right here.
"And, most importantly, I believe her. Because she admitted it was scary, none of that I'm totally fine, it was an epic save bullshit you give me."
"But it really was though."
"Great. I hope they wrote that on the medical form." Diane sighs. "Call me tomorrow morning, alright? You know I don't like not being there when you're sick."
For no real reason, Alex's throat narrows, that little kid, I want my mom feeling flaring up in her chest. "I'm really okay. Promise."
"You better be, babe. Call me tomorrow. I love you."
"Love you, too."
Group Text Message, Wednesday , 6:03 pm
POUSSEY
[Hey Al hope everything's alright. Keep us posted k?]
NICKY
[yeah dude that looked fucking brutal]
JANAE
[She was barely watching]
[but she's right, it did. fucking HELLA game, though.]
NICKY
[Mind your business Watson]
[Just text us when you guys leave the hospital]
PIPER, 8:20 pm
[Mild concussion, on our way back now]
ALEX
[Thanks for the concern, everybody, but I have Pipes to nurse me back to health]
[Don't come near our room, possible role play/sponge bath happening]
JANAE
[GROSS]
POUSSEY
[Tmi]
NICKY
[Called it. Fucking obnoxious.]
When they get back to their room, Alex is still smirking from her jokes on the group message. She raises a coy eyebrow at Piper. "Nurse?"
"That's me. Top notch nursing," Piper tells her with a straight face. She turns her voice seductive. "I'm setting an alarm on my phone...it goes off every time you have to take more Tylenol."
"Sexy," Alex hums, pressing teasingly up against Piper and kissing her cheek.
Piper smirks and gently pushes Alex's face away with her palm. "You heard the doctor. No major physical or mental activities."
"Fine. Separate beds tonight, then." She smirks, but it fades into a wince. "Can we turn off the overhead light, maybe?"
Piper pounces on that. "Why? Is your headache worse than it was two hours ago?"
"No, it's the same. Which still isn't pleasant." She stretches out on her bed and grabs her laptop, but Piper promptly snatches it away before going to turn off the main light, switching to the reading lamp clipped on her bed and turning even that to face the wall.
"No music, no TV, no reading tonight, remember?"
"So what am I supposed to do? Lay here in silence?"
"You might as well go on to sleep. I have to wake you up every three to four hours, this way you get some in before I even go to bed."
"Pipes, seriously, I don't like you doing that, you still have to get up and go to class...Coach said I can go spend the night in the infirmary - "
"No," Piper cuts her off. "I told you, I don't mind. I have my alarms set for that, too. And I'd rather you were here."
Alex tilts a smile at her, eyes warming. "See? Told ya you're my nurse."
"Here..." Piper climbs up on Alex's bed, and Alex sits up to allow her room, but Piper guides her gently back down, pillowing her head in Piper's lap. "Close your eyes." She slips her fingers across Alex's forehead, gently sweeping across her skin without weight for a moment before she finally starts kneading Alex's forehead in the most gentle massage possible. "That okay?"
"Yeah..." Alex exhales, almost dreamily, but after a moment she says, "You can still talk, you know."
"Okay." She pauses. "Janae was kinda mean to me tonight."
Alex smiles with her eyes closed. "Do I need to kick her ass?"
"No physical activity, remember?"
"So otherwise you would want me to?"
Piper smiles a little. "No. Not really. She just wouldn't let me run onto the field when you got hurt."
"Good call, Janae."
"You weren't getting up. And bleeding from your head."
"No way you could see blood from the bleachers, Pipes."
"Well. I remember it bloody. And you were unconscious for - "
"Hours?" Alex teases.
"Pretty much. Close your eyes."
"Fuck, I'm glad you didn't tell my mom this version of events with me lying in a pool of blood for hours...she'd have driven down here and I would've had to will myself into a coma just to get you both to leave me alone."
"Asshole. I don't know why we even care so much."
Alex recovers from her concussion, and the soccer team wins their Region but gets knocked out in the second round of State. Piper's glad when it's over, because the away games had started to be pretty far away, and Alex wouldn't get back on campus until nearly dorm curfew, and she had to spend the evenings without games catching up on homework and studying.
There are two weeks between the end of soccer season and the start of finals, and even though there are still papers to write and projects to finish, it still feels like the last chance to just soak up each other's presence relatively stress free.
Two weeks before the semester ends, Alex and Piper come in from smoking in the woods with the others on a Friday night, still holding onto a little bit of their high, and they end up on, somehow, in a giggly breathless tangle on the floor between their beds, kissing until their shirts and bras come off. They've been together for almost two months, and this is the current peak of their make out repertoire.
Piper's got her knees on either side of Alex's legs, straddling her lap, and Alex's hands keep drifting down, thumbs circling Piper's hipbones, barely teasing the waistband of her shorts, but never fully going anywhere uninvited.
Piper is warm and wanting between her legs, a feeling that still thrills and frightens her a little, and in a rush of bravado she arches back enough to maneuver her hands between them, holding eye contact with Alex as she unbuttons and unzips her own shorts.
Alex's eyes widen a little in surprise. "Sure?"
Piper nods; she's trembling slightly, and angry at herself for it, but the moment of daring is worth it when she sees the smile bloom across Alex's face. Bracing her hands on either side of Piper's hips, Alex guides her up, murmuring an instruction, "Here, straighten up a little..."
Piper arches an eyebrow. "Straighten up? Right now?"
Alex starts laughing and Piper follows; she likes when they laugh during this stuff, the way it reminds her that this is just Alex, her best friend, the person she trusts more than anyone.
"I need to get your shorts off, you idiot," Alex says, her voice slightly husky even in the teasing.
Obediently, Piper raises her thighs so Alex can pull her shorts down, maneuvering them over the knees and down past her ankles with some difficult shifting and contorting given their position on the floor.
Before Piper lowers herself again, Alex hooks her fingers to the sides of Piper's underwear, about to discard them, too, and Piper inhales sharply, caught off guard.
Alex's hands go still, and her eyes flick to Piper's, seeking permission. "Okay?"
"Yeah," she says, but it comes out thin and uncertain, enough so that Alex moves her hands up to safer territory.
"It's okay if you want to stop." She sounds like she means it.
Piper isn't sure what to say. She doesn't want to want to stop. "I...I don't know..."
"What is it, Pipes?"
"How long were you hooking up with Nicky before you did this?"
There's a silence, and then Alex takes her hands off Piper completely, actually backing away, face bricked up with irritation. "Why do you always do that? Stop fucking talking about Nicky...or Casey...I don't fucking ask you about Larry Bloom."
"I only ever made out with him."
"So what?! You chose to make out with him before you ever wanted to kiss me, for the record. And I haven't asked you to catalogue every time it happened."
"It's different."
"Why is it different?"
"I've never slept with a girl before."
"So? You haven't slept with a guy before either."
Piper shakes her head hard, unable to figure out how to explain. It still feels different, like with guys at least she had a road map, laid out in every movie or TV show or young adult novel ever: guys want sex right away, girls usually want to wait for awhile.
With Alex, she isn't sure what's expected. She doesn't want to do anything wrong.
Alex looks away, teeth clenched in frustration. "I want you to have sex with me because you want to, not because you think you have to meet some deadline on a completely made up timeline. And just so you know, this whole thing you're doing makes me feel like you think I'm pressuring you somehow, even though I know I'm not."
"I know you aren't," Piper's voice wobbles slightly, warm, embarrassed tears starting to gather in the corners of her eyes. "I'm sorry."
Alex softens completely at that, and she moves close again, tucking a piece of hair behind Piper's ear. "You know what your problem is, Pipes?" Her voice is so gentle it makes the threat of crying more persistent. "You never ask the right question."
Piper sniffles, feeling utterly pathetic as Alex brushes a thumb underneath her eye. "What's the right question?"
"You're always asking what I did with them, or when I did it, or how fucking often we did it...that doesn't even matter." Alex touches her chin. "Ask me if I loved them."
Swallowing against the lump in her throat, Piper asks quietly, already knowing the answer. "Did you love them?"
"No." Her eyes are so open and earnest, like they're laying something bare. "But I love you."
Inside her chest, Piper's heart feels like it's being unfolded, uncrumpled, and smoothed out. Every crease gone.
Small, disbelieving, she asks, "You do?"
Alex nods, a smile rippling across her face, turning her so beautiful it aches. Piper reaches for her smile, wanting to touch it.
"I don't say that to everyone," Alex tells her softly, the words laced with nerves Piper sometimes forgets Alex has. "You have to say it back."
Piper huffs out a laugh at the idea of there being any doubt. "I love you, too."
Then she kisses her, all heart and courage, and after a moment Piper reaches down and peels off her underwear, taking Alex's wrist with her free hand and giving her permission to keep going.
"Really?" Alex asks again.
"Yes," Piper tells her firmly, and this time she sounds certain.
She raises her eyebrows, needing more. "Why?"
"Because we're like...in love," Piper tells her with a sheepish grin.
Alex laughs and Piper follows, so much that her forehead tips forward and rests briefly on the bridge of Alex's nose, where her glasses usually sit. Alex nudges her up, lips finding Piper's again, the kiss slow and deep and then Alex's fingers slide into the juncture between Piper's legs and Piper starts to move against her hand.
In the road map they give you, the one for boys and girls, the first time is supposed to hurt, but this...this is the opposite of hurting. This makes her doubt that pain even exists anymore.