Chapter Eleven

Everything We Told Them

"People that have trust issues only need to look in the mirror. There they will meet the one person that will betray them the most"-Shannon L. Adler

I stood at the window in McGonagall's office watching the rain batter against the glass and sighed folding my arms and leaning my forehead against the pane. Malfoy sat rigidly behind me opposite McGonagall's desk, his fingers entwined and his chin resting upon them. Occasionally I could hear him muttering to himself and I wondered how full his head was that he had to speak aloud. I distinctly heard the word 'necklace' at one point followed closely by 'mead' but after that he fell silent again.

We hadn't spoken since she had half-dragged us both up here amidst the whispering and finger pointing. It seemed the news had spread so quickly that avoiding the glares of the Slytherin's, disbelief of the Gryffindor's was impossible even with McGonagall's constant threats of putting every single one of them in detention if they didn't disperse.

I had been unfortunate enough to run into Ron and Harry who had stared as unashamedly as the rest of the school; the sound of Myrtle gleefully cackling still ringing in my ears. What would they think of me now?

Pansy had stared in horrified silence as we were taken past her, our collars securely gripped in McGonagall's hands. She had roughly thrown us in here and gone to get Dumbledore and Professor Snape. At least, I assumed that was where she had disappeared to.

"Did you play me?" I whispered softly hoping he would hear me. He had refused to answer me in the bathroom besides looking at me with an incredulity that bordered on frustrated annoyance.

He grunted but didn't reply so I asked again, this time with more confidence and anger wondering if this was how to make him see I was serious.

I turned to see that he had closed his eyes rubbing his face tiredly with his hands before replying gruffly. "You're so bloody predictable; we get caught so that immediately means I must have played you".

"You didn't then?" The relief in my voice was so obvious that he swivelled his head to look at me sharply.

"Don't you think that I wished I had?"

"What do you mean?"

"Think about it Granger. You're a muggle born and I'm...well I'm a pureblood this sort of tangled web", he gestured to us both with one hand. "This is more trouble than it is worth, it would be easier if I could tell you and myself that I had played you but I didn't know we would get caught. Unfortunately, I'm not a seer. I can't foresee these things".

"But I'm bloody glad we did get caught", he whispered so softly I may have missed it if I had not been straining for each, individual word. "I wouldn't have been able to undo it".

He fell silent again, turning his body away from me in the chair and casting his eyes once again far away from the room and the trouble he was now in. I wasn't sure if I should be hurt by his utterance but truthfully I was glad we had been caught to. I'm not sure how I would have coped with the consequences of our actions.

"Why am I predictable?"

"You're starting to sound like Pansy with all of your damn questions", he said firmly.

I snapped my mouth shut, she was the last person I wanted to be compared to.

He sighed and turned to look at me carefully. "Because, you really want me to be in every way the bad guy. If we get caught, never mind that you might have wanted it, it all has to be my fault and you are just the innocent victim. You say you are tired of people having this expectation of you and having to continually live up to it so how do you think I feel? Do you think you are the only person who has that problem? Why don't you just grow up? If I remember rightly, you started this and we don't all get to have a clean slate when a stupid rumour takes hold; some of us have to live with our lot and all the shit that comes with it so just...I don't know, shut up".

I said nothing because he was right even if he had put it so bluntly he was certainly consistent with his treatment of me. I wanted him to be the reason behind the stupid things I was doing lately. I needed him to be the reason because if he wasn't, well...I sounded like a complete manic depressive with my erratic behaviour. It was easier to imagine that he was damaged and causing problems wherever he went than to accept that it was me. I turned back to the window and hoped maybe I would get sucked outside and drown in the rain.

"When Pansy was talking to me, how much of it did you hear?" Malfoy said suddenly moving to his feet and striding over to me before I had even realised he had left his chair.

"What?"

He grabbed my shoulders and shook me. "Did you hear all of it? Did you hear what we said when she mentioned you?"

"Yes". I nodded before realising where he was going with this. "I won't tell them about your mission".

He waited a few moments before my eyes slid down to his left arm, still gripping my shoulder.

"I won't mention that either".

He dropped his hands quickly as if I had burnt him with the reminder that I had seen what he so desperately needed to hide.

"You won't?" The question was sceptical and I couldn't blame him for his distrust. Hadn't I proved myself to be untrustworthy and capable of changing my mind in the briefest flash of a second?

"No, I don't see what it has to do with me. I mean, you aren't causing danger to the school or anything are you?"

He didn't answer but lowered his head instead and moved away from me slumping into the chair and rubbing his hands through his hair. He looked drawn and several years older than his tender sixteen that for a flash I got a glimpse of how he might look in the future; as if the world rested on his shoulders and he was no longer able to carry it.

"Are you?" My voice was urgent now needing him to reassure me that what he was doing was not going to jeopardise anyone.

He turned to me and his eyes made me take a step backwards; they were pleading with me and desperately sorry at the same time.

"I..."

The door to the office swung open suddenly and I knew the time for getting answers was now over. We dropped our gazes from each other quickly and guiltily; as if by just looking at each other we may as well be doing it on McGonagall's desk.

As predicted Dumbledore, Snape and McGonagall strode in. Snape's eyes were furious but as always his face remained impassive. He went over and grabbed Malfoy's shoulders pulling him to his feet and turning to Dumbledore.

"Allow me, headmaster, to perform Legilimens". He raised his wand and pointed it at Malfoy's forehead but it was Malfoy not Dumbledore who spoke.

"Don't you dare", he growled threateningly.

"Severus, I think we should allow them both the chance to explain and then we will decide how to proceed from there". Dumbledore took a seat in McGonagall's chair and she went to stand behind him, clearly ganging up on Snape but the Slytherin Head had no choice but to drop his wand, cast Malfoy another glare and move around to stand beside them.

They waited but I had no idea what they expected us to say? Did they want us to admit to it?

"We weren't...we didn't...you know", I began terribly stuttering and stammering my way through the sentence out of sheer embarrassment remaining near the window just in case I decided to throw myself out of it.

Malfoy had moved to stand near the door; I could tell he was contemplating the same thing I was; that perhaps he could make a quick escape by throwing himself down the stairs.

"I understand passions sometimes get the better of us but this is a school, a house of learning, and you are not old enough to understand the implications of your actions and what harm they may do you both". Dumbledore was calm but I could tell he was far from happy with us. His eyes kept moving back to Malfoy as if he wanted his words to have more resonance with him than with me.

"Don't you think my father would tear me a new one if he thought I was doing anything with her?" Malfoy's words were harsh but it was clear his statement was the truth. Lucius Malfoy wasn't exactly known for his patience after all even with those he called family.

"Then why were you both in Moaning Myrtle's bathroom?" Snape said sarcastically.

"And why has there been rumours circulating about the two of you suddenly? As if overnight?" Mcgonagall stared at me when she spoke as if pleading with me to make sense of an unbelievable situation.

She might as well have been asking me to explain why the sun was hot. I resisted the urge to roll my eyes and then castigated myself for it, what was wrong with me?

"We've become friends", said Malfoy. It sounded lame even to my ears, like a cop out and he knew it. "Maybe things have started to develop that has made us want to be more than friends but that is the end of it. People see things and exaggerate, rumours are rarely true. If they were, you would have kicked Saint Potter out of the school a long time ago no?"

"Friends?" spluttered Snape. "Are we to believe this?"

Malfoy shrugged moving to stand next to me. "Believe what you like. Tell them Granger". He shouldered me lightly pushing me forward.

"Miss Granger, Hermione, please tell us the truth. Is he, has he hurt you? Did he force you?"

I pitied McGonagall who was so desperately trying to find a reason for my irregular and out-of-character behaviour. I couldn't lie and tell her he had forced me, I had wanted it just as much.

"I've never touched her in violence", said Malfoy before I could even open my mouth. "I don't hit girls and I certainly don't rape them". He spat the word rape as if wanting to remove it from his mouth quickly.

"I've seen Miss Parkinson with a black eye more than once Mr Malfoy", she replied scathingly.

"I can't stop that stupid bint from running into concrete walls for attention can I?" He replied harshly but nobody doubted that he was telling the truth. Pansy wasn't known for her subtlety.

"He never hurt me", I whispered. "He...we are friends and you can understand why we were trying to hide it". My voice was cracked when I spoke but gained clarity as I realised I could make them believe whatever I wanted them to.

"I don't think it will ever turn into something more, there is too much at stake for both of us but if we find some comfort in each other why would you try to ruin it? We didn't do anything, Myrtle exaggerates and he has never hurt me". The last part wasn't strictly true; he had been rough with me but in all honesty I had welcomed it as proof that I could still feel physical pain. It was certainly better than the numbness I hadn't been able to shake.

It was McGonagall's turn to look uncomfortable now.

Dumbledore didn't look satisfied but he seemed as eager as we were to end this quickly.

"Be that as it may, you were caught in a compromising position and a picture is worth a thousand words. I will leave it to your heads of houses to sort out your punishment".

He swept to the door of the office but turned back briefly. "Mr Malfoy I wish to see you in my office later this evening, after dinner".

Then he was gone.

"I do not swallow this story I'm afraid, Miss Granger, Mr Malfoy" began McGonagall. "I do not see how this could possibly be true; the two of you as friends is inconceivable and so I have no choice but to believe there is something more going on here".

Malfoy roared in frustration. "Fine, you want me to say that I've fallen in love with her? Well, okay fine maybe I have or maybe it was just lust which makes people do stupid things. You don't believe us anyway when we said we didn't have sex so here; here is what we were doing".

He grabbed my face and pressed his lips roughly to mine slipping his tongue into my mouth and for the briefest moment I felt like we were back in the privacy of Myrtle's bathroom and I was glad, glad he was doing it but Snape grabbed his shoulders roughly and wrenched him from me.

"Thank you Minerva I will take it from here".

Malfoy had time to throw me one subtle smirk clearly pleased at the reaction he was getting before being thrown roughly through the office door where I heard him fall hard on the other side.

He certainly was not going quietly; we could hear Snape dragging him all the way down the corridor and Malfoy's roars of protestation and one rather unfortunate sentence which involved:

"Yes let's all come see the Slytherin Prince who has lost his mind and fallen in love with the Gryffindor nerd and actually gotten her to do it with him in a toilet! You idiots will believe anything!"

I assumed this was for the people who would've have gathered to see him being dragged down to the dungeons and Snape's office, I shivered. Snape would kill him.

"Please tell me what's going on Miss Granger?"

McGonagall's voice was softer than usual and she sounded like my mother.

I sank into a chair and put my head in my hands. "I don't know what to tell you Professor. I know it looks bad but we weren't doing...what you think we were doing".

"But were you about to?" The question was uncomfortable on her lips and I could sense she hated asking it but curiosity had gotten the better of her.

I stood up, the charade of pretend parent now over for me with this utterance. "I can't get in trouble for something I may or may not have done if Myrtle hadn't shown up and I don't believe it is what I was brought in here for so you'll forgive me for failing to answer that".

"You sound so much like him; his arrogance has had some effect on you it seems Miss Granger. Anyway, you will have detention in my office for the next four Saturdays at 2pm. If you have nothing further you wish to tell me then you may go". She was disappointed in me; her voice positively dripped with it.

"Perhaps his arrogance is a good thing for me; maybe it will finally allow me to stop trying to live up to some goody-two-shoes idea everyone has of me and just get on with my own life selfishly. As far as I see it that is what everyone else does anyway so why should I be any different?" The malevolence was clear in my tone and I didn't care if I had offended her when she thought she was trying to help; I'd had enough.

Ron was waiting for me when I exited McGonagall's office and had walked a little ways down the corridor; I didn't even see him coming. All I heard was Harry roar at him to stop, a flash of bright red and the next thing I was on the floor, white light swirling around my eyes.

He leaned over me breathing heavily. "How could you do this? How could you tar everything we had by fucking him?"

"Hit her again!" Screeched Pansy from somewhere and I wondered if she had been waiting to do the same thing to me and Ron had gotten there first. I heard murmurs and gasps of outrage so it seemed there was quite an audience, not that anyone came forward to help.

"How could you have let him touch you like that!" Ron was losing momentum now and perhaps the full weight of what he had done was finally hitting him as hard as he had punched me.

Harry rushed over grabbing Ron by the shoulder and pulling him away. "Mate we have to get out of here".

I sat up finally able to get the world to stop spinning so fast and pushed myself until I was leaning against the wall, my eye throbbed painfully.

So Malfoy had never violently hurt me but now Ron had. The boy I would've have given everything to and who had taken my heart with him when he left had actually hit me.

I began to laugh, slowly at first and then manically. All thoughts of leaving the corridor seemed to have escaped Harry and Ron's minds as they watched me lose it.

"Yes", I wheezed between laughter. "And he was better than you ever will be, the best thing I've ever done Ron! The best thing I've ever done is have sex with Draco Malfoy, my reputation is in tatters and best of all; I've managed to completely screw with you! This was all I wanted".

I closed my eyes blocking out the stares and gasps but my eyes shot open again when I heard him.

"Did you hit her?" His voice was soft as velvet but his tone was hard as ice. Nobody had seen him come up the stairs completely dishevelled and I wondered just what Snape had done to him.

"This doesn't concern you Malfoy", Ron growled back turning his back on me to face the levelling eyes of his enemy.

"Oh but it does; you really are the lowest form of scum aren't you and I know that that must be hard when you are being compared to me. What kind of man hits a woman that he jilted?"

"Leave it out scumbag", Ron countered but for the first time he looked uncomfortable and I hoped what he had done was finally catching up with him.

Malfoy moved forwards slowly; a predator stalking his prey and I searched for the last morsel of energy I possessed and pushed myself to my feet.

"Not a word", Malfoy pointed at me, his eyes never leaving Ron's face. "Sorry, but you don't control me and I do what I like when it comes to this kind of filth".

"Come on then", said Ron moving closer to him.

"With pleasure", Malfoy grinned, his eyes sparkling with malice.

So I turned and ran; away from Ron, away from the fight that was about to happen, away from Malfoy. But most of all away from the realisation that I hadn't been about to stop Malfoy. I had been about to goad him on because I was filled with exaltation that he was about to stand up for me and self-loathing that I was delighted Ron would finally get what was coming to him.

I didn't know this person I had become but I was damn sure I liked her.

And that could mean only one thing; Malfoy was exactly what I wanted.

I ran faster.