A/N: Chapter 1 was very ooc for both characters, I know. I've always wanted to write a little bit of angry Booth and the repercussions for their relationship. So it'll be interesting to see how I manage, if I manage at all, to get them back to the way they are supposed to be.

Choices in the Evening

Chapter 2: The Morning After.

When Temperance Brennan finally fell asleep the first rays of light were touching the sky, and in another room, Seeley Booth was waking up to a bursting white light in his head that made him feel like he was going to explode. And then, a realization. 'Oh my God..'

Booth woke up to a strange feeling. It was too much. There was too much emotion in his brain to make sense of any of it, and the fact that he was still drunk didn't help. His head felt heavy, his body spent. Hannah would say he was getting old. Hannah... Remembering what had happened the previous evening, his proposal... He realized how stupid he had been. He had known even before he asked what her answer would be. Why did it still hurt so damned much? Why had it hurt so much that he had resorted to drinking way too much? 'Copious amounts of alcoholic beverages,' as Bones would probably put it. Bones… 'Oh Jesus,' he whispered. 'Bones…' Suddenly he had faint memories of last night. Was it memories? Or was it just images his mind was creating, a mixture of real events and emotions? No, definitely memories. He could feel it in his entire body. Something had happened, something which wasn't supposed to have happened. It should never have happened, not in this way… He wanted to disappear, needed to disappear from the face of this earth right now. How could he face her? He had to apologize, but how could his words ever be enough? He had done something which in his own book was completely unforgivable. 'Fuck,' he whispered to himself, tears in his eyes.

He had broken her trust. He had thrown it on the floor and crushed it after years and years of convincing her of how good a man he was. Slowly but surely he had helped her break down the walls she had built around her heart, and little by little her trust in him and in herself, but also in love, had grown. He had made sure that she knew she could count on him, for anything, and then first he had left her and come back with a girlfriend, and now he had done the very worst thing he could have done. Until last night he hadn't realized how much he had missed Bones when he was with Hannah, but after last night he would probably never see either of those women again. 'Well done, Seeley,' he muttered to himself.

Moving hurt. Turning around in bed hurt, opening his eyes hurt. Thinking hurt. But most of all, his heart was in pain. So many thoughts were racing through his head. Had Bones been mad yesterday? Had she fought him? Had he hurt her? Was she ok? Should he call her? Of course she would be mad. Hell, he was furious at himself. He picked up his phone which had miraculously ended up near his bed, probably having fallen out of his pocket, but the battery was dead. Calling her would be a bad idea anyway, he decided. Coffee, he needed coffee. Maybe then he'd be able to at least form a coherent thought. He had had breakup sex with Bones after breaking up with Hannah.

As he walked into the living room he left the lights off, his headache making any light unbearable. When he turned towards the kitchen he stopped dead in his tracks. A woman was curled up on his sofa, her arms wrapped around her and his blanket pulled to her chest. She was still there. She was on his couch, and she was asleep. 'Shit,' he whispered again, and he turned around. For a moment he was completely confused what to do. He couldn't face her, he didn't know how. He didn't want to.

Turning around he stopped once more to look at her. She looked so innocent, so vulnerable and he hated himself even more in that moment. He had never been more ashamed of his actions, and he couldn't think of a worse thing to do to her. He loved her so much, and for the first time in a long while his feelings for her were completely clear to him. He loved her, that had never changed. He had projected it onto his relationship with Hannah, sure, but for him it had always been Bones. Bones might not have believed in it but he knew: Temperance Brennan was his soul mate. The one he was meant to spend the rest of his life with.

Was. Until he had decided to screw things up.

He sighed and dropped his head. Going back to his bedroom he collected some stuff and somehow made it to and out of the door without waking the sleeping form on his couch. He needed to leave before she woke up, he needed to think. So even though the sun was barely up and the day hadn't begun, he left his house and took a cab to the one place he knew would help him. He went to the one person who had it all figured out so long ago, the man who he had started to see as a real friend even for all the unwanted advice.

Lance Sweets opened the door and found Seeley Booth on his doorstep. Looking like crap. 'Hey, man. What are you doing here?' he asked.

'I just... I need to talk,' Booth answered in a heavy voice. 'Or maybe I just need to not be home right now. Can you let me in?' Sweets nodded. 'Yeah, of course. Come in, what do you mean you can't be home right now?'

'I did a bad thing, Sweets,' Booth managed to get out while dropping his bag on the floor and making it to the couch that was in the middle of the room. Falling down onto the couch he hid his face in his hands. 'A really, really bad thing.' Sweets sat down next to him. 'Ok, what is it? Did you propose to Hannah? How did it go?' The young man knew Booth was preparing a proposal, and it had shocked him but it had also put things in perspective. He had told Booth a few nights ago in a drunken state that he feared ending up like him, at a certain age but still single, but he hadn't expected Booth to want to marry Hannah. To Sweets, it just seemed wrong.

'I don't want to talk about it,' Booth started. Then, he reconsidered. 'You know what? I do need to talk about it. Yes. I proposed to Hannah. She... Well, she doesn't want to marry me. That's fine, you know. I get that. But then I go and get drunk, and suddenly Bones is there. It's like... Leave me alone for two seconds, but no, there she is. And she asks me what happens next.'

'Yeah,' Sweets interrupted. 'It's logical for Brennan to want to console you, be there for you as a friend, but she'll need you to tell her what you need. You know she isn't great with emotions.'

Booth nodded. 'Yeah, and I needed her there, but it just hurt so much, so I gave her a choice. Leave and don't see me again or stay and have a drink. And you know, of course she stayed. And we drank. And then it happened,' Booth said, his voice breaking. Sweets could see how much this weighed on Booth and he was totally worried.

'What happened?' Sweets asked. He wasn't an idiot, he knew Booth's true feelings for Brennan ran deep. 'Did you kiss?'

Booth shook his head, squinting at Sweets. 'No, man, we didn't kiss. I mean I think we didn't.'

'Wow, ok, we're talking that much alcohol.'

'Yeah, but look, the thing is… I think I had breakup sex with Bones,' Booth confessed quietly. 'And she let me… I mean I was so angry, but I think she let me…'

Sweets didn't look as shocked as Booth had expected. 'Well obviously she let you, otherwise you wouldn't be talking to me right now,' Sweets said. 'But man, are you serious? Wow, well, that is... Yeah. That's bad.'

'Yeah, gee, thanks man,' Booth said. 'You know what, forget it. I'm leaving. I don't know where I'm going but I'll figure something out,' he said, standing up too fast for his hangover to handle. Overcome with dizziness he was stuck to the spot for a moment.

'Wow wait, you mean... You mean Brennan is still at your place? Did she stay the night? Is this… Is this a good thing?' Sweets was confused for a moment. 'No man, it's not a good thing, I'm not even sure what happened, Sweets. I might have hurt her. She might have asked me to stop and I don't remember. I just don't know what happened. I'm so ashamed, but you know the real problem... I think I realized that she's the one, Sweets.' Booth sat down again, not really wanting to leave anyway.

'Look,' Lance said. 'I can see how you feel. It's… A little stupid, well more than a little. But you know Brennan, she's highly logical. She'll figure this was just a normal reaction to hers and Hannah's rejection of you, you know, an angry at all the women kind of thing. She needs to know that it wasn't like that to you. Her emotions will shut off and her logical mind will tell her that love is just chemicals in the brain, and that it isn't really a thing. You know that. Then, to her it'll just have been a fuck. Her trust in you and your beliefs will break, Booth. History teaches us that men often take a woman to feel manly again, Brennan knows that. And she'll think that's all it was, and she'll try to convince herself that she's ok with that. But I don't know how she'll react to that, man. You two need to talk asap.'

'I just can't,' Booth sighed. 'How can I even face her, I mean come on, what am I, an animal? No wonder everyone retreats first chance they get. I'm turning out to be just like my father, just in a different way. I bet Bones knew all along.'

'If that were true, why did she have sex with you?' Sweets asked. 'If she didn't care about you, why did she come to the bar to see if you were ok? You know she's capable of so much love, do you think she'd waste it on you if she wasn't convinced you were worth it? Hell, I've seen Brennan do irrational things for you, thing's she'd only ever do for you. It's your turn to do the same for her. Tell her how you feel, be honest. Talk to her. Please, man, you have to.'

Booth nodded weakly. 'I know that what you're saying is true, it's just… Man, what if she hates me? I mean, I'd totally understand, but she… I think she's the one I can't live without. I missed her so much when I was gone. I needed something to take my mind off of things… and that lead to all of this, I mean, how stupid am I really?' He almost spat the words, the anger rising again. 'You know what, I wouldn't marry me. Bones is right, marriage is dumb. I'm done.'

He stood for real this time, grabbing his bag off the floor again. 'Look man,' Sweets said. 'I suggest you go home and talk to Brennan. If she's still there. If she isn't you go find her and you make it up to her. You know her logic might actually work in your favor here. She'll rationalize this and that's your only hope.'

Booth nodded, looking the young psychologist in the eye. 'Thanks, Sweets.' Sweets just nodded. 'Go. Be the man she knows you to be, and you'll be fine.'

Back in Booth's apartment, Temperance Brennan awoke to the rays of sunlight burning her eyes. She could feel the repercussions of their alcohol filled night all throughout her body, her arms and legs ached, her stomach hurt, her brain felt like it was trying to get out through her eyes. Then, she noticed where she was. And then, she realized what had happened. 'Booth…' she whispered to the empty room. She didn't feel his presence, and although she was taught not to believe in that she already knew he wasn't home anymore before she had checked his bedroom. Carefully getting up she checked anyway, and an empty, messy bed brought confirmation. She stood for a moment leaning against the doorframe. What did this mean? She knew he would have regrets, and she had a few herself. She regretted asking him for a year. She regretted leaving him, and she regretted playing with his heart. Although she knew it hadn't been a fair question to ask her for a future, she didn't believe in thirty, forty or fifty years. But really, if she looked back on the years she had spent with Booth, she realized now, maybe too late, that it was possible. Or at least, it had been, before last night. He had let go of everything, the anger he must have felt towards her for a while now, the insecurities, the desperation he must have felt. Brennan had always known Booth to have a dark side, although he tried to keep it hidden, she knew and she knew what it was born out of. The young boy who had to protect his brother from their father, that's where the anger had started. It had been boiling and simmering beneath the surface ever since that first time, and it had come out a couple of times since, but never in front of her. Not really, anyway. Until last night. She was convinced she'd seen the worst of him, and she was confused by her own feelings: she would ever let a man do to her what he had done, but she had let him. HIM. Somehow her mind had known that it was something he needed, and maybe it had been something she needed as well.

Standing in the doorframe she realized he hadn't hurt her. Not really anyway. She wasn't sore, she didn't feel any leftover bruises or muscle pains. Walking towards his bathroom she grabbed her bag again to change into day appropriate attire. As she reached the full length mirror in his bathroom she put the bag down again. She regarded herself carefully, examining every part of herself, pulling aside her clothes to check for damage but there was none. He had been careful probably without realizing it. The only thing that was left were her memories of him. Memories she would cherish until the day came that they could make new ones, better ones. Because she knew one thing for certain (as much as someone can know something for certain), that day was going to come. Her own feelings scared her, the fact that he was gone scared her, that he hadn't left a note or told her where he was going was scary for her. Everything was uncertain right now, and Temperance didn't do scary or uncertain when it came to relationships. But she felt like right now she had to, for him. For them.

After getting dressed and leaving his place she headed for her own apartment, needing some time alone to think. As she sat down on the couch, a large cup of coffee in hand, she decided to call him. Her call went to voicemail, and she didn't leave a message. She didn't know what to say to him.

The longer she was by herself, the more Temperance Brennan pondered what had happened. And the more theories her brain came up with, the more she feared for her closeness to Booth. Their friendship and partnership was important to her, and even though she would never admit it to anyone, having lost him to Afghanistan and to Hannah had made Brennan realize that their friendship was the basis of her existence. He had shaped her. He had promised her a lot of things, love, hope, forever. And the longer she thought about last night the clearer it was to her that he had broken everything he had promised her. Of course he had been under the influence of alcohol, but still. It meant something.

Booth caught another cab home as quickly as he could, but he found his house empty. He shouldn't be surprised, of course she'd leave. After what he'd done she probably never wanted to see him again. Still, Sweets' words were clear in his mind when everything else was still clouded, he needed to act fast. He knew she was probably at the lab or at her house, and after calling Angela to check if Bones was in, he decided to drive to her house. Ringing her doorbell he found himself more nervous than he had been proposing to Hannah last night. This was huge, this was Bones. She answered on the third try, and he saw immediately she had been crying.

'Bones…'

It was all he could say, all his brain would come up with.

She regarded him from her hallway, a tiny frown between her brows. Her eyes were clear, but clouded. Her guard was up but it was fragile, as fragile as it had been on the night she told him about her regrets. That night she had broken down, her heart winning over her brain, and he could see that right now that battle was going on in front of him. There was no winner yet. He still had a chance.

Temperance had still been on her couch when her doorbell had shaken her out of her trance. She stood and moved to the door, seeing his silhouette clearly through the blurry glass. She knew she had to open the door for him, she knew she needed to talk. But she wasn't sure who she would find on the other side of that door. Would it be the man she had found in the bar yesterday? Or would he have collected himself enough to be 'old' Booth? She was apprehensive about both options. Angry Booth meant that she had to be strong for both of them and make the decisions. Old Booth would mean she would have to be vulnerable for him, open up, be truthful. Both things she wasn't very good at.

Stepping aside without a word she mentioned for him to come in. She held eye contact with him, bravely, but both their hearts were racing. Booth sighed gratefully and walked in past her, careful not to touch her, God knows what he did to her. Turning, he faced her. Finally his brain decided to form full sentences again. 'Bones, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry, I don't know what to do.'

She closed the door and turned towards him, looking at the floor for a moment to gather herself before meeting his eyes again. She didn't know either, and he saw it. 'I'm sorry too, Booth,' she whispered. 'I'm sorry for what happened. That Hannah turned you down. That I did.'

He shook his head and raked a hand through his hair. 'That doesn't matter, Bones. What I did… You shouldn't even be talking to me right now.'

'I shouldn't?' she asked, uncertain.

'No, not after what I did. I forced myself… Jesus, I forced you… No, you shouldn't be letting me in. But I'm so sorry, and I swear I've never done it before and I never will again. I know how it sounds, pathetic, and it is, I am… But please, Bones. Let me prove it to you.'

In her mind, she knew he was right and she knew she should say no. But he was forgetting one thing.

'Booth… It was my decision too,' she said softly, averting her eyes to search the room. 'I was less intoxicated than you, and if I had wanted you to stop, you would have had no choice.'

'But I hurt you,' Booth said, his voice rough. 'I must have hurt you. I was so drunk I don't even remember most of it, but I must have,' he repeated. 'I was so angry.'

'A little, yes,' she answered. Meeting his eyes again she wanted him to see the truth. 'You were rough. But I don't break easily.' At least not my body, she thought. Her mind was a different matter, she knew he had broken a few barriers and snapped a few strings in her mind. 'You were hurt and you needed an outlet. It's a logical decision, one that was supported by your anger at the women in your life, me being one of them... I was with you when you didn't want me to be, so it's not hard to see how this could happen. I will admit that I didn't see it coming, and that I would have said no if you had suggested it to me in a different manner, but I see how it could happen. I don't blame you, Booth. And I'm fine, really.' He looked at her, his face one of uncertainty. 'Really,' she added. 'I checked.'

'Bones, what you're saying is ridiculous. You've got to be so mad at me. How can you even look at me? I remember pushing you, shoving you...'

'Booth, I'm really fine,' she said, shifting her weight to stand strong. 'You were more careful than you think.'

He moved towards her to hug her, he was so lucky. She was the most amazing woman in the world, and he'd known it for a long time, but the words coming out of her mouth were words of a forgiveness that he didn't deserve. She knew what he was capable of, but still she was willing to accept what had happened and move forward with him.

However, his moving towards her was unexpected, it caught her off guard and in a moment of vulnerability she recoiled. Taking a step back she put her arms up in a defensive motion before realizing his intentions. But not before him noticing the fear in her eyes.

She saw his instant reaction, the tears in his eyes, and she cursed her well-trained instinct.

'Booth...'

'God… I'm so sorry, Bones,' he said again, tears in his voice, and he turned around instead of hugging her and walked out of the door.