Chapter Twenty-Eight

Everything We Found

"I find the best way to love someone is not to change them, but instead, help them reveal the greatest version of themselves" Steve Maraboli.

"You are a hypocrite", I said standing before Malfoy with my bare feet in the surprisingly warm water as the waves crashed around us.

"Oh yes?" said Malfoy belligerently tensing visibly as he spoke and I knew the anger that had stirred in him back in the cave had not yet dissipated. In that moment I hated him so much that even the stars and the moon and the romantic setting couldn't make him more appealing in my eyes.

"You told me not to make this all about me, to not be a victim but that is exactly what you are doing. You think I don't hate you just as much as you hate me? You think I'm not falling apart?" I pushed his shoulder as I spoke just to physically show him my anger.

"You think I don't see you flinch every time I touch you? You think that doesn't kill me a little bit more each time it happens? You think that I can cope with what I had to do to you, planting those memories, knowing that I can't take them back?" Malfoy was screaming now but he wasn't looking at me, he was screaming out towards the sea. His words drowning in the crashing sound of the waves.

"Those memories are tearing us apart; my dreams are getting worse and fuck if I just can't deal with it anymore. I told Snape not to tell you that about Dumbledore because I knew what you would think! I knew you would think I was some sort of fucking hero!" Malfoy was still screaming and his voice was filled with so much anguish.

"Forget about us for just a minute would you? Snape said that you helped him by killing Dumbledore, thanks to you; he can continue to be a spy and that might just change everything!" I said loudly, pushing Malfoy roughly in the back as I spoke.

"This is so much bigger than just you and me, you said it yourself", I ground out between my teeth adopting his stance.

Malfoy said nothing in response and I felt the argument seep out of me slowly, I didn't have the energy to be angry anymore, I was so tired.

I was tired of the way things kept changing between Malfoy and I, just when I got used to things being one way the rug was pulled out from under me and I had to adapt all over again. It was exhausting and I knew then that my face had the same aged look that Malfoy's now had. When was it going to end?

"You said that you loved me", I whispered quietly now moving to stand next to him, watching the moon.

"No I didn't", spat Malfoy still not looking at me.

"Yes you did, you said you still loved me and that's the first time you've ever said it", I said again more forcefully refusing to let him away with it.

Malfoy spun around suddenly and grabbed me by the waist, holding me at arm's length with both of us nearly toppling into the water.

"Do you love me?" He said quickly, throwing the words at me harshly and narrowing his eyes to discern my reaction.

"What?"

"Do you love me even now? I know you hate me but is there any room in there for love?"

"I didn't think so", I whispered and he scowled deeply so I continued. "Back at the Manor I didn't think I'd ever be able to make those feelings resurface but being here...has changed things...it's made me realise".

Malfoy waited for me to say more, he held me tightly and stared at me; his eyes were pleading with me and as I stared back I realised; the boy I loved was still in there. He just took some time to appear and while he may not always be right on the surface, I will always be able to pull him out eventually.

"I still love you", I whispered tentatively after a time, staring at him and willing him to hear the truth in my words.

Malfoy breathed a sigh of relief before crushing his lips against mine. His arms wrapped around me properly and this time we really did fall into the water but it no longer mattered; we had found each other finally.

Malfoy's lips and hands were everywhere and I revelled in the feel of him. His tongue found its way from my collar bone down to my naval as he lifted my t-shirt up and deftly removed my bra taking one of my nipples into his mouth and swirling circles around it.

I rubbed my hands through his hair and when he unbuttoned my jeans, he licked a path from my bellybutton right down to my sweet spot. I moaned audibly and helped him to divest himself of his clothes neither of us caring that they would get wet.

Everything was rushed; it had been so long since we had felt this heat between us and we were too far gone to slow it down and linger in it.

I kissed his torso as he flicked his wet hair out of his eyes, bringing his lips back down to mine. I could now taste salty sea water on his lips as he kissed me and this only made me weak with desire. The water moved around us as he moved his fingers down to stroke my core. I moved a hand down to grasp him, feeling his length between my fingers, he groaned.

"Malfoy", I moaned as he flicked my sweetest spot before putting a finger inside of me and grinding the heel of his palm into my sweet spot.

"Call me by my name", he whispered as he ground his finger in deeper.

"Draco", I moaned louder.

"Are you mine?" He breathed pulling his finger out and nestling himself between my legs.

"Always", I replied before he thrust himself deep inside me.

I screamed at the length and girth of him knowing then that I had missed the feeling of him inside me so badly. He thrust harder and deeper, grasping my neck and leaving his mark on me.

I lifted my legs and wrapped them around his waist forcing him deeper. I felt the familiar tightness build in my abdomen as he continued to thrust furiously and I knew he could feel my walls clench around him as we came together. It had lasted no time at all but it had given me back nearly everything I had lost in the past nine months; not one memory surfaced.

Malfoy planted a kiss on my neck and then my cheek and sighed deeply before rolling off me but pulled me to rest on his chest as he wrapped his arms around me. He kissed the top of my head and said nothing.

"We didn't cast a charm", I whispered.

"No matter, we can cast an after charm", He replied not moving to let me up.

I could hear his heart beating, steady and calm now. I rubbed circles on his chest loving the feel of his lean physique.

"How do you know these charms?" I whispered. "No wait, don't tell me".

"It's not what you think", he chuckled. "I'm hardly a player at only seventeen. I learned them just in case, you know".

"You're seventeen?" I replied, sitting up and resting my chin on his chest so I could look at him properly.

"Since November", he replied.

"You never said".

"I don't celebrate. Haven't since I was thirteen, when do you turn seventeen? Or have you already?"

"Last January. I turned seventeen last January", I said softly realising with a jolt that I had forgotten my own birthday.

"Well that makes us two of-age adults", he said. "I've never felt like an adult in my life; at least that hasn't changed".

"Did any...did you have any...flashbacks?" He asked me suddenly sitting up but I pushed him back down into the sand.

"No, although I can feel them threatening to come now", I said closing my eyes tightly as one of them came forth and I pushed it back. "They don't seem to be as bad when I'm relaxed and when you and I aren't being watched of course and in this environment I'm getting better at pushing them away".

At these words we lapsed into silence, breathing softly. Before long, the water became cold and we moved back to the cave. Malfoy laid our clothes out to dry with a quick spell and also turned to me and muttered a few simple words that made my stomach glow pink.

He came and sat next to me, stoking up the fire and wrapping a blanket around us.

"Did you mean what you said about me inadvertently helping Snape?"

"Yes, it's what he said", I replied sighing. "He said Dumbledore had been trying to save your soul".

"That didn't work out too well then", he said bitterly.

"You've still got me", I said.

"Tonight I do but remember everything will change when the Order finds us; they'll separate us and once more we'll have to fight to find each other again".

"You're not talking about physically are you? Physically trying to find each other I mean?" I whispered.

"You know that I'm not", he answered quietly pulling me closer to him. "I told you that you won't be able to look at me when the Order tells you about all the heinous things they know I did".

"Then why can't you tell me?" I whispered.

"Because I don't want to see the love die in your eyes when you find out, I'm too much of a coward for that. I've been able to do a lot of things to keep you alive but that's one thing I can't do".

"You've given me some terrible reasons to live but I'm still here", I said sadly.

"I've kept you alive, that was the point", said Malfoy kissing the top of my head tenderly.

We fell asleep like that, wrapped in each other's arms but it didn't last.

I started awake a few hours later, still wrapped in Malfoy's arms. Dawn hadn't quite broken yet but there was an unmistakable scent in the air and tinge in the sky to say that it was coming. I noticed none of this however, because all I could see was the wizard standing over us pointing a wand in my face threateningly.

His hair was long and lank but his face was oddly familiar and yet I really didn't know who he was. He was at least in his fifties and quite heavy set which gave me the impression that if he hadn't had a wand we would certainly have been able to outrun him.

"Get your clothes on, time to go", he spat at me to which Malfoy awoke. The other man, whom I hadn't noticed until now, threw our clothes at us and kept his wand fixed on Malfoy. He was much younger and leaner and again there was something about his face that I felt I should know. Perhaps he was related to the heavy set man.

"Come on lovebirds", he laughed menacingly, shoving Malfoy harshly who tensed but stilled when he saw me shake my head.

I didn't know these men and as I pulled on my clothes, my hands shaking badly, I tried to tell myself that they couldn't be Death Eaters because surely we would be dead by now.

Malfoy mouthed to me telling me it would be okay. He lifted the satchel and made to pass it to me but it was all a ruse, he knew they would take the satchel but not before he had time to sneak me his wand.

I attempted to shove it into the waistband of my jeans and pull my hoodie over it, trying to be quick but stumbling with my hands so badly that they saw me and quickly disarmed me. They didn't laugh or make any comment, just a casual flick of the wand as if they had expected as much. They managed to find time to glare at Malfoy.

I looked at Malfoy who shrugged as if to say, 'oh well it was worth a shot'. He raised his eyebrows and obediently put his hands behind his back which the younger man then bound. Malfoy looked unbelievably nonchalant standing there in his jeans and t-shirt as if he did this every day. The only flicker of emotion I saw was the anger on his face as they bound my own hands a little bit too roughly; he attempted to take a step forward an angry word on his lips but the older man stopped him with a hand on his chest and a glare.

The last look I got was Malfoy's face as they put hoods over our heads. The squeezing sensation that came afterwards was the unmistakable feeling of apparition and all we could do was pray that we had been found by the right people.

We said goodbye to the crashing sound of waves and I attempted to brace myself for the next part. I promised myself that one day I would come back here and try to remember the respite we had finally had after nine months of torment at Malfoy Manor.

How much more change could I take?