Chapter Thirty-Two

Everything We Realised

"People change for two main reasons: Their minds have opened or their hearts have been broken"-Anon.

"Malfoy", I whispered knowing that he was never going to hear me with my voice that low. I sighed and leaned my head against the door. They had put him in the bedroom in the attic, the one that had been reserved for the house elves originally but now lay empty. I had walked up here with dread slowly pooling in the pit of my stomach. Would this spell the end of us? Of anything we might have had?

I didn't know if anyone had spoken to him since his interrogation and I knew, given what people had told me, that certain people had already attacked him.

I cleared my throat, I was so nervous. The butterflies in my stomach refused to subside because I knew...I knew how Malfoy would react because Malfoy was not one to cry and wallow in sadness. Through everything, he had remained angry and this time I was about to face white hot fury. He had wrapped his hand around my throat more than once; what would he do to me now?

"Malfoy", I said again this time louder but he would have heard the unmistakable quiver in my voice.

"For God's sake, I'm a prisoner as if I can open the door", he replied angrily and suddenly it was last year and we were having an argument; a simple, bickering disagreement that seemed to sit unusually well with us. It had been so much easier to hate him.

I sighed heavily, "Alright, I forgot sorry" my tone dripped with sarcasm. I bit my lip; I would have to rein that in if Malfoy and I had a chance of discussing anything.

How was I supposed to get in? I had no wand. I looked dazedly about me unable to focus or concentrate on what I needed to do. I heard him scoff.

"Wandless magic is actually possible Granger, concentrate", his voice was a sardonic drawl and I could picture him on the other side; arms folded, hair falling into his eyes, his posture relaxed.

I closed my eyes and tried to concentrate but it didn't work, nothing happened.

"Try again", he said, this time his voice was much closer and I knew he was standing directly on the other side of the door. I pressed my hands to the wood and tried to imagine his hands touching mine. "Feel the power coursing through your blood Granger, feel it touch every part of you, ignite your nerves and spread like a fire that cannot quench. This is what we were always taught, us purebloods, whose magic is untainted by foreign bodies", he spat the words with derision but then his voice softened. "It was a load of old shit but it had the desired effect, your magic is just as powerful as everyone else's but you have to believe that too or this won't work".

His voice was low and incredibly husky, just the sound of it like this made me weak and my heart beat faster filling my body with adrenaline. He was half growling and I imagined his breath caressing my neck as he spoke.

"Now all I'm picturing is your hands", I whispered before I realised I'd spoken.

"They'll be on you soon", he replied gruffly as if trying to calm himself but I heard the unmistakable sound of him banging his fists on the door with impatience. "Close your eyes".

I closed them and tried to concentrate, all this just to open a door but then...I remembered who was on the other side and I tried to imagine my magic like a gold spark travelling through my blood and into my heart, firing my brain and my thoughts, "Alohamora", I whispered and I heard the door click open.

It was open and I'd been yanked inside before I knew where to look. The door closed behind me and Malfoy pushed me against it, attaching his lips to my neck and growling softly.

"I've waited so long for you", his hands moved up from my waist to my neck and into my hair. He pushed a knee between my legs and opened them grinding his hips into me where I could feel his impatience.

I moaned lowly clutching Malfoy tightly, my hands wrapped around his back and winding one leg around his waist while trying to maintain my balance.

I could feel his kiss on my neck, my collarbone and across my jaw line before he reached my lips. I kept my eyes closed as his lips captured mine, his tongue probing deep into my mouth and tangling with my own. I heard him groan as I moaned into his mouth.

I pressed my hands to his chest and pushed him away, he groaned at the loss of contact into my neck.

"I need to talk to you", I whispered into his ear, running my hands through his immaculate hair.

He pulled his face away and I saw for the first time the extent of the damage that had been inflicted on him. His lip was split, his left eye was black and there was a large cut above his right eyebrow.

I gasped.

"It doesn't hurt, looks worse than it is", he replied shrugging. "I'm glad to see you, I don't care. They let you come to see me finally, I asked and asked the idiot who brought us here but he just said nothing".

"They don't know I'm here, well Harry might but everyone else is in bed", I moved away from him and into the room properly.

Given that he was a prisoner the room was clean and comfortable with an armchair, table and bed. There were even books so I figured they thought Malfoy would be here for awhile which in itself, was sort of a good sign.

"I have to tell you something and I have to say it before I look at you again and take the cowards way out", I said lowly the tears forming in my eyes before I could stop them. I collapsed into the bed, my legs giving way from under me. His pale face leaned down and clasped my hands his grey eyes were calm and watching me closely.

"Your mother is dead", I said my voice cracking as I spoke but still not able to look up at him.

He let go of my hands and stood up, his face was blank as he raised a hand to rub through his hair. He turned his back on me and sighed.

"I know", he whispered.

"What?" I said blindsided by this turn of events.

"It was my mother's idea for me to get you out of there", he said sitting in the armchair opposite the bed. "She told me to leave and bring you with me, she said we deserved a chance of getting through this war. She told me to get away and she didn't care where".

"Did she know about Snape and everything?"

"No, she didn't know any of that. All she was interested in was us getting away from the Manor, I don't think she had any idea of us coming here. She knew what would happen when they found out we were gone".

"But you said Snape helped?"

"He did, but as far as my mother was concerned he was only doing it because she asked him to protect me. I said goodbye to her before I set the explosion".

"She must have hated that you were choosing me", I said staring at my hands.

"She didn't see it like that, all she saw was me saving myself and bringing you with me. She came up with the idea because she knew how hard I'd fought to keep you alive and the only way I was going to get out of there was if I had you with me".

I said nothing for a few moments, digesting the fact that all the time we had been away from Malfoy Manor, Malfoy had known this was going to happen. When we were at the beach, finally finding solace and peace, he had to have been wondering if his mother was still alive and he had chosen not to tell me.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I reconciled myself to this outcome during the time I spent with her that final day and tears won't do her any good. Besides, she's much better off dead than alive. I didn't tell you because I didn't want your pity and I especially didn't want you to blame yourself in anyway. You have a tendency to do that and it gets old", he said the last part simply and I remembered that he wasn't one for sentiment and nothing would ever change that.

"I'm going to be making a conscious effort from now on, not to do that. Harry has told me to let go. He said something that has resonated with me; he said that everything you and I have has been based on revenge. Indeed, the only reason I got you to create that rumour in the first place was to hurt Ron. Don't you think it's time our relationship was based on something else? Like love?"

His expression softened as he raised his interlocked his fingers and rested his chin on them. "Since the beach, our relationship has been based on love for me. The fact that it's taken you longer to get there doesn't surprise me, you're remarkable obtuse about your feelings for a girl".

I breathed out in relief not at all stung by his truthful comments. "How come you're not upset or angry?"

"Not upset or angry?" he replied incredulously getting to his feet and pacing the room. "Granger, I'm livid. I don't cry, I don't do tears, I'm a Malfoy and we don't do that. But I'm so angry. I'm ready to kill anyone I see but I've made a list". He stopped pacing and turned to me.

"A list?"

"Lucius, Fenrir, Bellatrix, the Dark Lord".

I gazed at his now stony face in awe and fear; I could see the fury he had mentioned now that he spoke those names. It was obvious, flagrant and terrifying.

"Voldemort?"

"I don't care if I'm not the one who kills him but I sure as hell will be there when he dies", he said. "I will kill the others, Lucius last and I will kill him for everything he ever did to me and my mother".

"Your father..."

"No, don't say that word. It's Lucius, he lost the title of my father when he gave consent for my mother to die even if she did know it was coming, he wasn't to know that".

"That's revenge talking", I said laughing solemnly.

"But it isn't directed at you. You don't control me Granger and I will complete my list".

"What's going to be left of us when there is no-one left to fight? When there is peace and nothing else left but you and me? Will there be anything there to salvage?"

"We'll just have to wait and see Granger won't we", he replied taking a seat back down in the chair, crossing his ankles and leaning back. If I'd been expecting him to spout a poetic speech of how love could conquer all I was going to be waiting a hell of a long time; when was I going to realise that being in love changes certain things but it cannot change everything. Nothing is that powerful.

"Did they interrogate you?" I said leaning forward and resting my elbows on my knees.

"If you call that interrogation then yes, compared to the other side it was an interview", said Malfoy chuckling. "I felt like I was being asked to join but in truth I believe that they think I have information and they want to use it but I'm not fighting for anyone. I've had enough. I told you that back at the Manor, I'm done choosing sides. Now I fight for me or", he closed his eyes, the ghost of a smile playing on his lips. "For us if you want the less selfish version".

"Do you have information?"

"Possibly", he replied saying nothing. "I know some things, some important others not so much, that may be useful to them but I'll decide later if I want to tell them anything. They hate me Granger but I'm still here and I'm still alive which means they know I'm valuable".

"You're playing a dangerous game Malfoy", I whispered.

"Then you should learn the rules because if you don't play the game you're going to have a very short life", he replied briskly.

"Ron said..."

Malfoy sat forward suddenly, "You spoke to Weasley? Before coming to me?"

"I had to, I needed closure. You didn't tell me that Lavender was dead", I replied harshly adopting the same attitude he'd been using with me.

"I didn't tell you about anything from those raids but I assume you know more now. I can see it in your eyes".

"Yes but you said that my love for you would die when I found out and it hasn't", I replied sardonically as if admonishing him for being foolish.

"I've killed people Granger, I was careful to do it when I was being watched, my soul has been ripped apart and it started with Dumbledore, the man who wanted to save my soul in the first place. If you're still here it's because you weren't told enough", he replied simply raising his eyebrows.

"No, I was told plenty and I don't want to know anymore, believe me at the end of it all what I imagine is probably worse than what happened and I'm still here. You're soul may be ripped apart but I know the reason why and you never killed without reason, you're not the animal you think you are", I said half-smiling.

"Then everything is open between us for the first time", he said standing up and moving to the bed to sit beside me. "Stay here with me tonight?"

I stared at him as he wrapped his arms around me and kissed the top of my head.

"What happens now?" I whispered as we lay back, enveloped in each other.

"We wait Granger, we learn to play the game better than they can and we wait", he said softly before closing his eyes. His breath was even and deep within a matter of minutes but I lay there for hours wondering just what did Malfoy know that made him so valuable?

And who was he talking about when he said they if he fought for no side?