Chapter Thirty-Three

Everything You Chose

"You are free to make whatever choices you want but you are not free from the consequences of those choices" Anon.

"We know there is a stronghold of death eaters here and here", said Lupin pointing at the map on the table. "We are going to raid both of them tomorrow night and clear them out. It's necessary".

"Do you think we will be outnumbered?" said Mrs Weasley.

"Not at all", was the reply. "Our intelligence tells us that there are only about fifteen of them and they are spread between those two places. This is the last of them, after we clear these out then we are onto the final prize".

"Which is?" said Harry.

"We are going to take back Hogwarts", said Sirius simply. "Too long it has sat in the hands of Death Eaters. Snivellus is due later this evening with further information for us".

I squirmed at the easy way Sirius used their old nickname for Snape. My feelings towards my old potions professor had changed significantly but still I said nothing despite needing to know, badly, just what had been going on in my absence. After several weeks of being left out of everything and left behind when raids occurred I was finally allowed to attend meetings but I was sworn to secrecy not to tell Malfoy anything.

My meetings with him after that night were always planned carefully now so that the Order also knew when I was going to see him and I missed him terribly. They interrogated him every day and every day they despaired that maybe he in fact knew nothing. This was the only way I had of knowing that Malfoy was still playing his own dangerous game. He never asked me what we talked about at these meetings or anything else for that matter. Indeed, when I saw him there was only one activity we wanted to engage in and that didn't involve talking.

"One of those places is Malfoy Manor. Malfoy knows things about the Manor that we need to know too, we also need to know if we are at risk of counter-attack but unfortunately, Malfoy is telling us nothing", Lupin said these last words and directed them at me.

Every head turned to stare and I fidgeted uncomfortably.

"I don't know why you're looking at me, he doesn't tell me anything and I refuse to ask him", I said shrugging.

"That's not what we're implying", said Sirius gently leaning forward.

"You think I've told him not to speak", I said rubbing my hands through my hair and getting to my feet and pacing the floor. "Why would I do that?"

"Because you're worried that once we've got what we need we'll dispense of him", said Harry also getting to his feet in an attempt to calm me down.

"Would you?" I whispered staring at him.

Nobody answered and Harry fidgeted under my gaze. I smirked slightly, "Well that doesn't exactly fill me with hope even though I still didn't tell him to say nothing".

"How about I make some tea?" said Mrs Weasley, "We're all tired and from the sound of it, we have a big day tomorrow".

The scraping of chairs filled the room as everyone gathered up the maps and papers shoving them to one side. Lupin made his way over to me.

"If you say you didn't instruct him not to talk then I believe you", he said folding his arms. "But we need the information he has, maybe you could encourage him to talk?"

"Include him in the meetings would be my suggestion; let him know what's going on and perhaps he might choose to talk himself. At the moment he has decided that he doesn't fight for any side so why would he want to help us?"

Lupin smiled.

"What?"

"You said us", he said. "You're part of us now".

"I don't want to be", I said folding my arms and moving over to the table where Mrs Weasley was now bringing through the tea. "I've seen what choosing a side does to people".

Lupin said nothing but as we all took our cups of tea and sat back at the table he made an announcement.

"What would anyone say to bringing Malfoy into this meeting?"

Ron choked on his tea, Sirius slammed his cup back down in shock and Mrs Weasley spilled hers over her husband. Only Harry took a nonchalant sip of his tea and then set his cup down slowly pondering the words.

"I think that's a good idea, maybe if Malfoy feels included he might be more inclined to tell us things".

"Wait, no.. he doesn't want to be part of a side", I said but nobody was listening to me now.

"Yes I think so to", said Lupin.

"Wait, can nobody hear me or something?" I said loudly slamming my mug onto the table.

"Can we trust him?" said Ron slowly. He had been coming out of the room more and more often in the last few weeks and some semblance of the old Ron was starting to appear. We hadn't really spoken but equally we hadn't argued and for that I was grateful.

"I think we can and the reason I think so is because of one particular reason and she's sitting right here", said Sirius turning to smile at me. "Malfoy has already made it clear that he will do anything he has to, to keep her safe and that says everything we need it to. He would never knowingly lie to us if he thinks it might hurt Hermione. Which is why, we are going to bring her on the raid of Malfoy Manor tomorrow and make sure he knows she is coming".

"Wait...what? That's like using her as bait? That way if Malfoy tell us anything wrong she might get hurt as a result?" said Harry.

"That won't happen", I said and finally they listened. "Malfoy loves me; he would never place me in danger. What this is...it isn't using me as bait. It's like emotional blackmail".

"And we know he will go for it", said Lupin simply sitting back like one who has conquered a large obstacle.

"But he'll know that's what you are doing", I said raising my eyebrows. "Malfoy is an extremely intelligent guy".

"Let him know", said Sirius. "It doesn't matter and we're aware of his intelligence or we would be mourning your murder at Malfoy Manor not discussing this right now".

"You'll have to give me a wand, if you want to bring me tomorrow, and you haven't asked me if I even want to come", I said staring at them all in turn.

"Do you want to come?" said Harry smiling because he already knew the answer.

"Stupid question", I said smiling weakly back at him.

"Go and get Malfoy", said Lupin to Sirius. "I have a feeling he might trust you more than the rest of us right now and if Hermione goes; he will know something is up".

As I watched Sirius leave the room I turned to ask Lupin why on earth Malfoy would trust Sirius more than anyone else.

Lupin watched me with his eyebrows raised, "You really haven't talked about anything have you?"

I stared back at him confusedly.

Lupin sighed, "Sirius has been the one interrogating Malfoy but they've ended up mostly talking during these interviews I guess. They have similar familial backgrounds and have both been disappointments to their parents. I guess they've found a mutual camaraderie coupled with the fact that they are distantly related".

I nodded, never having thought of it that way before and yet glad that Malfoy had found someone in this house besides me that he could connect with.

Malfoy entered the room some time later and immediately scanned it for my presence. I stood up and allowed him to brush my hair from my face; he wasn't one for public displays and certainly not in front of people he didn't trust but it was enough. His touch was enough to tell me that he had missed me too.

He remained standing and turned to Sirius, "What's this about?"

Lupin fetched the maps and papers and spread them out across the table. "We're raiding Malfoy Manor tomorrow and we need your help".

Malfoy inhaled sharply at the blue print of his house, it was remarkably detailed and even he had to be impressed at the amount of work that alone would have taken.

"Why should I help?" said Malfoy sharply, shoving the map away from him and I could hear the pain in his voice.

"Because with your help we may be able to protect people who are fighting to rid this world of Voldemort", said Sirius.

"Hermione is coming with us", said Ron.

Malfoy didn't turn his head to the source of the voice rather his entire body went rigid and I watched as his face grew paler and paler.

"Malfoy", I whispered tentatively reaching for his hand. He pulled away and breathed harshly.

"I'm going to pretend I did not just hear that arsehole speak but I will say, are you out of your mind? You bring me down here to give you secrets because you know her going with you will influence what I say?"

His voice had reached a deafening bellow and I attempted to place my hands on his shoulders but he was having none of it. He took two strides towards Lupin and shoved him.

"I'm not a grass", said Malfoy.

"We know that mate", said Sirius coming forward and doing what I couldn't do; he was placating him. "We're asking you to protect her, not choose a side. Respect the side that she has chosen though".

"Don't do that", I said sharply, my voice strong. "I already told you I haven't chosen a side; I'm going to the Manor for my own selfish reasons. I want to make sure those Death Eaters suffer for what they did to me and you'll just have to accept that if you want me to come with you".

Malfoy turned to me and I lowered my voice looking only at him. "Don't you want to do the same?"

I was reminding him of his list, at least two people on that list would be present at the Manor and I knew that he, more than me, wanted a shot of getting back at the people who had caused him so much pain and heartache in his short life.

Silence shuffled forward and it was a long time before anybody moved or spoke. They could see Malfoy warring with himself internally as he attempted to see the logic in my statement and also reconcile himself to it.

"I'm coming too", said Malfoy finally moving to stand beside me. "You want my help? Well, I want in".

"How do we know you won't betray us when we get there?" said Ron.

Malfoy tensed again and turned to me, "Do I really have to answer that stupid question?"

I turned to Ron, "Because I'm going to be there and Malfoy is hardly going to be welcome is he? Considering he already betrayed them?"

Ron stared at the table but didn't answer.

"Agreed", said Lupin eventually. "You can come with us but we need to prepare".

"How long have we got?" said Malfoy, all business now shaking his hair out of his eyes and taking a seat at the table.

"Just tonight and tomorrow", said Lupin taking a seat opposite him.

Everyone else followed suit, Sirius and I flanked Malfoy with Harry and Ron flanking Lupin.

"This isn't all that's coming is it?" said Malfoy incredulously. "You'll lose in minutes".

"No, no", said Lupin waving his hand. "We are here to organise the details, then we roll out the plan to the others. In truth we have about fifteen coming, the same number as we are attacking tomorrow night".

"That's the first part you need to change", said Malfoy thoughtfully scratching at the blonde stubble on his chin.

"What do you mean?" said Sirius.

"You can't leave it until tomorrow night. Death Eaters like to attack at night themselves. They think it adds to the aura of this whole Dark Side thing plus some of them won't be there. If you attack in the morning, not only will they not expect it, they will all be there".

Lupin smiled widely at Malfoy and nodded. "Okay then, Molly, Arthur would you please go and send the necessary messages to make sure everyone is here ready to attack at dawn?"

They bustled out of the room and I watched as Malfoy's back grew straighter and he spread his hands onto the blueprint. He was enjoying this.

"There is a passageway here, before the gate on the left and it can only be unlocked by a Malfoy. It was set up so that I could return home without the wards being lifted. You can't apparate into the grounds you see and walking through those wards and appearing on the other side of the gate is a form of apparition", Malfoy said pointing to an area on the blueprint.

"I'm sure they'll have blocked it when you left", said Sirius but Malfoy was shaking his head.

"Lucius doesn't know about it", said Malfoy. "Only my mother knew, it was her idea. As far as Lucius was concerned I was never out after curfew. In his head, I'd never dare disobey him".

"That's great", said Lupin.

"Only problem", said Malfoy. "Only I can go inside it. That was the one compromise. Mum didn't want me bringing home anyone".

"But you could go in and lift the wards right?" I said adopting his business attitude.

"I think so", he replied thoughtfully not looking at me. "I've only done it once and there could be more wards on it now but it is definitely easier to unlock from the inside than out".

"We can go over the most common protective enchantments, actually I could probably guess which ones they use because it will more than likely be the same as the ones my mother always used on this place", said Sirius nodding.

"Anything else we should know?" said Lupin.

"There are dungeons beneath the foyer", said Malfoy now dropping his gaze but gesturing to the blueprints. "You don't have it here on this map but they're there. I don't know if anyone is being held prisoner at the moment. When Hermione was down there, they were empty".

Harry turned to look at me, "Are there many?"

"Four at the most, I didn't see any others and they are small. It's a long stone passageway with these rooms off to the side", I tried to quash the memory of being kept down there.

"How long were you down there for?" said Harry whispering now, all other matters forgotten.

"Not long, it was all part of the trick for Voldemort. Malfoy would implant memories for security reasons so that if anyone tried to rifle through my thoughts they would see them".

"That's incredibly intelligent", said Lupin turning to Malfoy with an impressed look.

"I can't remove them though and she still has nightmares", said Malfoy staring at the floor, the guilt on his face evident.

"They aren't as bad now, they have subsided compared to what they were", I said strongly placing my hand on Malfoy's left arm and squeezing.

He said nothing but covered my hand with his briefly before moving away. I had wondered if he had ever heard me have these nightmares and I should have known that of course he had. I would wake sometimes, drenched in sweat with the covers tangled around my legs, images of Malfoy forcing himself on me dancing around him head. There was no way he could have missed them.

"That's all I can tell you", he said leaning back, all the fight suddenly leaving his face.

"You're sure", said Sirius. He wasn't accusing, just asking.

"Unless, they have some new things I don't know about which is entirely possible. That's all I know that's going to help you", Malfoy was finished speaking now. He stood to leave and motioned for me to follow him.

"We'll see you at dawn; my part is played here".

Lupin nodded, "We'll equip you both with wands in the morning, Draco we'll give you your wand back".

Malfoy nodded at the use of his given name and took my hand in his, pulling me from the room.

I walked behind him in silence, unsure whether I should offer solace or not and unsure whether we would both make it through tomorrow. But I was glad, glad that we would finally be part of the fighting and finally useful and glad that we would be doing it together even if it was for the last time.

As he held me that night and pushed his way into my welcome body, I was glad. As he kissed every inch of me as if it was the last time, I was glad. And as he whispered that he loved me over and over, I was glad.

Tomorrow would tell but one thing was for sure, no matter what happened we were in it together.