Amelia was in a panic. She had awoken to the sight of talking candy and dogs. After passing out again, she had subconsciously written all away as some kind of fever dream, and that death would soon come for her. Lights and sounds once again permeate through her head, piercing through the fog of sleep like a laser through the night. Did I die? Am I in heaven? She looks around. Still the pink walls stare back at her. Nope, definitely not heaven. Piss. This time however nobody else was in the room though. Her clothes were piled neatly to the side on a gurney, along with a glass of water. She down the cup down in one swig. God I'm dehydrated. Her stomach growls. And food. Definitely need food too.
She crawls out of the bed, her body covered in a long hospital gown. Looking in a mirror she notices a stitching across her forehead, only about a inch long. "Definitely hit my head a bit too hard there, eh?" she mutters.
But who stitched me up? Guess it's time for a little exploration. Grabbing her jumpsuit, she notices the clean smell coming off of it, all the sweat and stains removed. How nice of them. Her fears of being some kind of prisoner slightly lessened, she dons her uniform and checks her pockets for anything useful. She pulls out one dead smartphone, a few pieces of lint and nothing else. But something important was missing.
Ah shit, they took my sidearm. Guess my hosts aren't that stupid. Still, pretty dumb for not locking me in. Either these people are screwing with me, or they are really that naive. But better safe than sorry, and I'll feel better with a weapon in hand.
Amelia cautiously pokes her head out into the hallway to see two talking bananas arguing about their respective heights.
"I'm taller than you!"
"No I'm taller than you!"
"I said I'm taller first, therefor I'm the tallest."
"That's not how it works!"
"Yes it does."
"Hey, isn't that the human we're supposed to be guarding?"
They turn to the sight of a gawking Amelia, and if she could, her jaw would have hit the floor. And probably would have smashed through to the floors below as well.
What kind of post apocalypse is this?
One of the banana guards points his spear at her. Puffing up his chest, he utters his next words in his most threatening voice.
It came out as a squeak.
"You're not allowed out here! Return to your room!"
Amelia just stares, trying hard not to laugh. Seeing how his serious voice didn't work, he looks to his partner, who nudges him.
"You forgot to say the magic word." He whispers.
"Oh right! Ahem, you're not allowed out here human! Return to your room!"
Silence. His partner nudges him again.
"Please."
While this was going on a plan was beginning to churn in Amelia's head. She needed to collect the rest of her belongings, but she knows that without a way to unlock the doors in the hallway she was sunk. Fortunately a set of keys were hanging from one of the banana guards hips, or at least where she assumes their hips would be. She couldn't really tell.
She watches as they both start arguing about the best way to ask her to return back inside the room. Guess these guys aren't that bright. That should make this a lot easier.
"Ahem." The two guards turn towards her. "How about this, if you guys turn around and face the wall, I'll be able to tell you which one is taller than the other."
The two guards look to each other. Frantic whispers are exchanged as Amelia patiently waits for their decision. One of them turns to her after they finished up their deliberation.
"Ahem, we will do so, on the one condition that you shall return to your room after it's done!"
Amelia nods her head.
"Alright boys, face the wall."
Are they even guys? Or a girl? It's kinda hard to tell.
Stahp it brain. No weird thoughts while escaping.
As the guards faced the wall together, Amelia quickly filches the keys from the banana guard.
"Be right back, I'm going to get a ruler from one of these rooms, so hang tight!"
"Ok, but hurry up! I need solid proof that I'm taller then this midget of a banana!"
"Am not!"
"Are too!"
As the two once again dissolve into muffled arguments, Amelia slunk away, and quickly entered the first room she came across. She tries the handle. It's unlocked. She sneaks inside, quietly laughing all the while.
If the rest of the populace is like this, I'll have no trouble getting out of this place. Hell, I could probably grab some supplies on the way out as well. But let's get some answers first.
As she goes room to room, she starts to notice some key details about each one. Some were for storing things, a few others filled to the ceiling with advanced scientific equipment, mathematical equations and notes taped the walls.
Guess somebody isn't a complete moron. I'll have to be more careful then.
There was one detail that did not go unnoticed however. The lack of any windows. Amelia chalks this up to being below ground. Finally, at the fifth room she enters, she spies what's she's looking for on a center table. The M1911 lay in pieces, dissected for study. Amelia scoops up the largest one and gets to work reassembling the weapon.
Forty seconds later and she racks the slide and checks the chamber. With that done she slides in a magazine and racks the slide again.
Eleven shots. Guess I'll have to keep this for emergencies only.
She peeks outside again to see the two guards still standing next to each other, patiently facing the wall. Looking to her right she spies an open doorway with a sign above it reading Lower Level Laboratories.
Hmm, I wonder what's down there…
The situation was tense to say the least. Finn, Jake and Princess Bubblegum were stuck on one side while the unknown female human was blocking the only way out on the other side of the room. Who also happened to be pointing a loaded gun in their direction. Finn quickly walks in front of the princess, protecting her body with his.
"If you're thinking of hurting her, you have another thing coming for you lady!" He says defiantly.
Bubblegum sighs. "Finn, it's fine, I got this." She says while sidestepping around Finn. She looks to the other human, hands held up.
"Hi, I'm Princess Bubblegum of the Candy Kingdom, and we wish you no ill intentions. We rescued you from the crash you were in, and I'm sure you have plenty of questions right now, so if you'd be so kind as to put away your weapon we can sort this out like civilized people."
Amelia stares at her for a few seconds, a calculating gaze sizing her up. Then, after a long moment of tense silence she safes the handgun and slides it back into her side holster. A hand is held out.
"Lieutenant Amelia Walker, United States Air Force, Forty Second squadron, at your service." Amelia knows that they probably have no idea as to what her statement actually refers to, but she said it as more of a way of solidifying her identity in this crazy world that she ended up in, to remind herself of who she was and where she came from.
Bubblegum tentatively takes the held out hand and politely shakes it.
"Sorry 'bout holding you and your friends at gunpoint, I just needed to make sure that you guys weren't a threat."
Finn feels slightly offended. "Hey! I'm pretty threatening when I want to be!"
Amelia inwardly rolls her eyes. "Yeah ok. Anyways, first things first. What are you? How the hell did food and animals gain sentience? Are you made of actual gum? And why does this castle look like some kinda Hansel and Gretel witch house 2.0? And what's up with this massive room of stuff?"
"Whoa, that's a lot of questions. Ok, first off, me and many of my citizens are of candy. My core essence is bubblegum. The rest of the candy people I created. And for this room, this laboratory is where I keep all the pre-war technology I have scavenged from the earth."
Amelia starts to slowly walk around the lab, a slight nostalgic tone permeating through her voice as she gazed around at the rusting relics. "There's so many things here that I recognize, and- hey wait second, is that my jet? How'd that get here?"
Amelia walks over to the dissected wreck, her heart sinking at the sight of the sorry state it was in. A lot of work and love went into that little jet.
"Okay, I think you should start from the beginning."
Bubblegum lays her hand on Finn and Jake. "These two are Finn and Jake, they were the ones that pulled you from the crash site." Finn and Jake both wave a hand at her.
"Hey."
"Whaddup."
"Anyways, after your crash Jake managed to salvage your plane where I have been analyzing it for the past two days." Amelia suddenly makes a slicing motion through the air with her hand, interrupting Bubblegum.
"Waitwaitwaitwaitwait. I was out for two days?!"
Bubblegum checks her tablet. "Yup, two days and three hours. After that, well," she gestures around the room, "you know the rest."
Amelia rubs the back of her neck. "So uh, what now?"
"Well, I was hoping you could tell us where you're from, and how exactly you ended up in the land of Ooo."
Amelia's face wrinkles in confusion at the name. "I'm sorry, Ooo?"
"Yes, Ooo is the name of the continent we live in."
"Oh ok, well, this is going to be one long story so I suggest that we get comfortable first."
As the group sit down at a nearby work table, the sound of running echoes down the lab from the entrance. A familiar red and white striped round face wearing a coat tail suit rushes into the lab panting.
"Princess, the human has escaped and- oh my glob there she is! Grab her guards!" Behind Peppermint Butler a gaggle of banana guards start to rush into the room, prompting Amelia to quickly put her hand to her gun. Princess Bubblegum quickly stands up from the table.
"Stop! Peppermint Butler, everything is fine, there's no need for this. Call off the guards."
"Are you sure princess?" he asks while casting a wary eye at Amelia.
"Yes please, you're interrupting a very important meeting."
"Oh, ok. Well, if you need me, just give me a call Princess."
As Peppermint Butler shoos the guards out the door, Bubblegum sinks back into her seat next to Finn and Jake, the latter having morphed himself and Finn a couch to sit on. Jake offers Amelia a spot too but she declines, content with plastic chair she's in.
"Sorry about that, Peppermint Butler is a close adviser of mine, so he means well. Oh, by the way, would like any refreshments? I can have something delivered down here while you tell us your story."
Amelia's stomach gives away the answer, as a low growling noise emanates from under the table. She gives Bubblegum a sheepish look.
"I think I'm going to need a bit more then just refreshments."
"Gotcha. Peppermint Butler!"
The sound of running echoes down the room again. "Yes Princess?"
"Bring us some tea and a couple of sandwiches for our guest here."
"Right away." He replies as heads back up the stairs. As the sounds of his footsteps fade away, Amelia adjusts her posture as she looks at the three.
"Right, guess I'll start from the beginning. But first, how much do you know about pre-war society?"
Princess Bubblegum hmm a bit. "Not much. The most that we do know of is that a cataclysmic war devastated the planet. I was born sometime shortly after it's end, so I don't know much about pre-war society apart from the few snippets I was able to divulge from the ruins. And the war itself, well, we've taken to calling it the Mushroom War."
"Because of the mushroom clouds…" Amelia muttered.
"I'm sorry, what?"
Amelia looks up, a tired expression clinging to her face. "World War Three. That's what we called it."
"World War Three? So your telling us that there were more then just one world war? The entire world at war, I'm getting this right?"
Amelia sighs. "Humanity has never been the best at getting along with each other. Competing ideologies eventually tore us apart."
As she spoke more and more of the history of what had happened over a thousand years ago in great detail, the small audience that she had in front of her were completely enraptured. Amelia talked about when and where she had been born, places she has been and the eventual lead up to the war that ended the world.
"We were a proud race. A proud and arrogant race that never saw where our path was leading towards. Before our fall from grace we were literally reaching for the stars. Cities that stretched from horizon to horizon. Nations that controlled entire continents. And an interconnected global economy that churned out currency like rain falling from the sky."
Amelia pauses for a second, taking a deep breath.
"In the center of it all was the United States of America. At the time it was the most powerful nation in the world, and had built itself an empire to surpass every other in human history. Well, most empires, the Romans still hold on to a few records. But America wasn't an empire in the traditional sense. There was no emperor, but instead a democratically elected president, along with other members of the government to run the place. And instead of creating an empire off of conquering other nations, it instead influenced the world by wielding immense diplomatic powers that come from having the largest economy and military in the world. But all things had to come to an end, and it all started with some tiny hermit kingdom on the opposite side of the world…"
Authors Notes: Thanks for reading this! If you've made it this far, to know that I plan to continue this series, so any support you guys give will be greatly appreciated! Any critiques or things to comment on please, drop 'em in the reviews! I make sure to read any and all reviews that come my way, and to change/edit things within my story if something is out of place! Until then, I'll see you all in the next chapter!