Chapter Thirty-Nine
Everything We Are
"You may not always end up where you thought you were going, but you will always end up where you are meant to be" Anon.
Yes.
The answer was yes; I was really going to let it happen.
In fact, I did nothing to stop it.
Three months later
"Is this okay?" I held up a plain black skirt and jumper and looked frantically at Mrs Weasley.
"It isn't a funeral", came Harry's voice from behind her which she silenced with a look.
"It's perfect dear, understated and appropriate", she said kindly placing a hand on either side of my head and attempting to smooth down my curls which had shot out in all directions in my anxious state.
The truth was I hadn't slept or eaten properly in months. Sometimes, I felt like there were too many people in a room and the noise and heat were so overwhelming that I had to quickly leave the room and stand in the open taking in huge gulps of air whilst trying not to burst into hysterical tears. People had been rebuilding their lives slowly but with an attitude of optimism that hadn't existed for years now. Harry and Ron had been accepted into an auror training programme on the basis that they go back and finish their final year at Hogwarts in the newly created 8th year for all those whose education had been unceremoniously halted due to the war.
I had been left alone. I assumed it was because of my volatile nature, the uncertainty of what I had done during the war and the certainty that I had been involved with a known death eater and murderer.
Mr and Mrs Weasley had assured me that this was purely because until the trial, nobody really knew what had led Malfoy to commit that acts he had or my involvement with him. They weren't aware, but they would be, of the sacrifices both he and I had made.
Had I made any sacrifices? I had asked them this question repeatedly and every time they had answered incredulously, Can't you see that you have?
I lay awake at night wondering what my sacrifices had been and why I could no longer remember the answer to that question when only a few months ago I would have been able to list them in detail.
There was only one simple truth that occurred to me over and over again: People had died and I was still here.
"Will you eat some breakfast before we go?" said Mrs Weasley gently pulling me out of my revere. I shook my head in response and ignored the look of exasperation on her face. A person who refused to eat was a terrible sign in her eyes.
"Dear, you have to. It's no longer just about you", she whispered the words so that anyone around us wouldn't hear.
I had told her about my pregnancy only a few days before in a moment of insanity in which I had spent several hours desperately seeking how to get rid of my little problem before finally running to her in tears. It had been a shock and a source of disgust for me at first. I didn't want this baby to grow up in a world that was so broken, full of people that were so judgemental and unpredictable.
I knew the precise moment in which I had conceived and I hated myself for that mistake. I didn't know how Malfoy would react; I hadn't exactly had the chance to tell him in the last three months. My body ached for him but part of me never wanted to see him again. I didn't want him to blame me for trying to bring a baby into a world he hated so much. I was only 17, this situation was the last place I had wanted to find myself.
"Fine", I ground out. "Some toast please and coffee".
"No caffeinated drinks, I'll give you the next best equivalent. Some green tea".
"Whatever", I muttered and then admonished myself for my ungratefulness. "Thank you". I hated green tea and the idea of being without coffee for another six months still made me angry. I watched her smile sadly before disappearing out of the room.
I missed my parents but as yet nobody had been able to locate them. I had never been one to seek my mother out when I needed to talk but now...now I really needed her. Although, I didn't think they would be very understanding about my pregnancy; they were rather old-fashioned in a lot of ways.
I dressed and sat on the stool in front of the vanity table, brushing my hair before setting my head in my hands. I was past tears but I couldn't shake this feeling of helplessness and loneliness; it made me despair at ever feeling normal again.
I had let Draco walk over to Kingsley, I had watched as they had chatted like old friends before Draco was shackled and removed from the scene. He hadn't looked at me once but had taken his punishment calmly and without hysterics. I had wondered if he was actually relieved at no longer having to hide away.
He had been in Azkaban for three months and today, his fate would be determined along with that of several others. The court had commenced at 11 and he was due to appear at 1pm. I had only discovered this because Mr Weasley had pulled some strings to determine the trial timings. I wasn't next of kin, Draco didn't have any, and therefore it wasn't necessary for me to be kept informed.
I choked down the toast Mrs Weasley brought and drank half of the green tea while barely suppressing a grimace as she watched me carefully.
"Time to go", said Harry straightening his tie with Ron pulling on a black jacket behind him. They didn't know of my pregnancy, I had sworn Mrs Weasley to secrecy and I planned to keep it that way until after I had told Malfoy.
Mr Weasley had plans to meet us there and so the four of us apparated to the Ministry.
There were too many people and I clutched Harry's arm for support as the whispers followed us through the cavernous halls. Draco had attracted a lot of attention in the last month in particular, the Quibbler had done a piece on him despite my protestations to Luna and her father but it had been overly positive calling him "a misunderstood youth who had seen the error of his ways in the nick of time". The prophet on the other hand had labelled him "a narcissistic patricidal scourge on society who manipulated weak people and would come to the same nasty end as his parents".
Overall though, people couldn't forget Dumbledore. The story had grown so many arms and legs, Harry had told Ginny who had been so horrified that she had shared it with some questionable people and from there it had been told and retold several times over and sold to various newspapers and magazines. From what I remember, there had only been about six or seven people there, now though over 20 people could suddenly attest to seeing the demise of the Wizarding community's favourite wizard.
We stepped into the Wizengamot room and found seats too near the front, the seats nobody wanted because it made those encased in the spiked cage, too real, too human and too frightening.
Harry held my hand and even Ron found enough graciousness to rub my back awkwardly. Our relationship had improved significantly, I would never forget what he did but I no longer wanted to burden myself with hate and anger and so I had forgiven him a long time ago.
"Next case", cried the new Minister for Magic Kingsley Shacklebolt. "Draco Scorpius Malfoy".
I stopped breathing until I saw his platinum blonde hair come up through the cage. He was thin again, dark circled surrounded his eyes, his uniform was tattered and torn in several places and the sleeves were missing so his dark mark, which was faint, was visible.
"I thought it would disappear after Voldemort died", whispered Harry who had followed my eyes.
"It's a tattoo of sorts, the magic is gone but the outline remains burned into his skin", I heard Mr Weasley whisper to Harry.
I watched as Draco's eyes frantically searched the room and I prayed that he would see me, would see that I hadn't given up on him. I wanted to cry out but restrained myself, seeing him had made my heart swell. He was battered and bruised but he wasn't broken, there was spark in his eyes and I could see that his beauty which always took my breath away was buried but not lost.
They fell on me after an interminably long time and I saw his shoulders relax as he breathed a sigh of relief.
He mouthed that he loved me and I found my lip trembling as I did the same.
"Mr Malfoy, you come here today on very serious crimes. We have examined the evidence against you and have been made aware of your guilty plea. We want to hear what you have to say for yourself".
Draco took a deep breath, steeling himself for what he was about to say and I knew everyone leaned forward, balancing on edges of their seats waiting for the words we so wanted to hear.
"I have nothing to say in my defence. I wish I could say I should have known better but what good is regret to me now?"
His voice was strong and I inwardly wanted to laugh and cry, he was being himself and that would either save him or hang him at this stage.
"I did everything for the love of a good woman, everything I am is wrapped up in her. I killed Dumbledore and I regret that more than anything but doing so allowed Snape to remain a spy and I have to focus on that. I also focus on the fact that if I hadn't done it, he would have. Dumbledore had to die for everything to happen the way it did. I'm sorry but again...where is sorry going to get me now?"
I inhaled sharply at the mention of Snape and the words I had repeated to him so many months before.
Shacklebolt cleared his throat. "Mr Malfoy, you aren't exactly speaking as if you feel remorse?"
"Then you're not listening", said Draco simply and I wanted so badly to throw my arms around him, the pride I felt in him was immeasurable.
"I am remorseful, I've tortured myself in ways only one person knows about, but I didn't want to come here and talk about regret. I've done many bad things but I've also tried to atone. I changed sides, relayed valuable information to the Order, kept an important member of the Order alive whilst she was in captivity, assisted in destroying several Death Eaters during the final battle and a raid on Malfoy Manor as well as handing myself over and cooperating entirely".
"We are aware of all that you have done Mr Malfoy", said Shacklebolt. "You'll forgive us if we are looking for rehabilitation".
"You're looking for my rehabilitation? My rehabilitation will only occur when you set me free and I spend the rest of my life trying to atone for what I did and make a life for the woman who never gave up on me, Hermione Granger".
Heads swivelled to look at me, gauge my reaction but the only reaction I had was to leap from my seat and press myself against the iron cage, he lifted his fingers and brushed them against my own.
I smiled softly and stared at him, feeling complete for the first time in months.
"Miss Granger, if would please remove yourself for sentencing, we've heard enough", Shacklebolt was gracious in his tone and I nodded before extracting my grasp from Draco's but not going back to my seat.
"Given the nature of your co-operation and all of the reasons you have listed. We agree to place you under probation for three years. You must complete your education in Hogwarts for the newly created eighth year and afterwards we will offer you employment here in the Ministry in the auror department, considering your exceptional fighting and intelligence skills, for a period of two years after which will indicate the end of your probation and you will be free to move on or remain with us. We also reinstate all the rights to your inheritance as marked by the death of all immediate family members. Mr Malfoy we will be in touch, but for now you are free to leave".
The cage melted magically away and he was there in all his glory beaming down at me. I threw my arms around him and breathed deeply.
"Missed you Granger", he said into my hair and I could feel his smile as he attempted to move me out of the way so the next case could be brought forward.
"You have no idea", I whispered, smiling softly and allowing myself to be pulled away, revelling in the fact that it was over, we had made it.
He removed himself from me and went to stand in front of the four people I had come to the case with. "I was told that you all spoke up for me, I'm forever grateful".
"Everyone deserves another chance I guess", said Ron shrugging and hopefully thinking about all of the second chances he had been given.
"She needs you", said Harry reaching out his hand which Draco shook.
"More than you know", said Mrs Weasley wrapping him in a hug.
"The auror department needs more like you", said Mr Weasley also shaking his hand.
Draco turned and wrapped an arm around me, "Let's go".
Yes, I thought as I wrapped my arms around him and we walked out, we made it.
Everything we are is in each other.
We're home.