Hello my dear readers! :) Thank you all for the reviews, follows and favourites, I just can't help but feel so happy and satisfied knowing that you like it T.T

I know many of you are anxious about the updates but I assure you - SO AM I! Sorry. You know that I haven't really been good with updating lately but I really am trying to write as much as possible. I swear. So please, please, be patient. Thank you ❤️

Anyway... you guys thought Karma would get better?

AHAHAHAHAHAHA.

No.

He didn't last that long.

It was something past midnight, only two days after his early release from the hospital.

Yet time seemed to have stopped to Karma.

He was lying on the bed, unable to sleep, unable to breathe, because he was drowning under all the things he suddenly felt. Shame, fear, disappointment, despair. All at once. All pouring down on him, leaving no place for any rational thinking. It was just so unbearable to even exist, to know that he was alive and yet not alive at all.

He glanced at the clock. Two a.m.

So he has been lying here for three hours already. Trying to fall asleep, to at least achieve this temporary peace. But his head didn't let him. It just couldn't fight off the stream of suicidal, destructive thoughts. They whispered what a failure he was. Unwanted. Abandoned. Pathetic. Their words were poisonous and hurtful and the worst thing? He believed them all.

Karma really did feel like suffocating.

This was too much.

He wanted to cry but couldn't.

He wanted to do something... but what?

Oh, but you know the answer to that.

Of course he did.

He wanted to hurt.

To cut.

He craved it.

He replayed it all in his head, the cold metal on his skin, the sudden sharp pain that erupted once he put enough pressure on the blade and the relief that came as his blood gushed down the wound. And how he would then cut again. And again. And again, again and again until all left of him was a bloody mess, euphoric and lightheaded mess. But that didn't matter. He felt happy injuring himself. It helped him cope. It helped him forget.

It was beautiful.

Though in the back of his mind, he knew this couldn't go on.

But did he care?

At this very moment?

No

Karma wanted to cut right now. His despair was taking over and he looked for any way at all to do so.

Unfortunately, he was not alone. Asano Gakushuu, the student council president who had declared he wanted to help, was currently sleeping only four meters away from him. But the redhead didn't stop thinking.

They had their own bathroom, with no lock however. Still, there was a small cabinet with hygienic tools, which also included a small razor for shaving. They had a kitchen and drawers with a few knives.

For some reason, none of those were confiscated or hidden. Maybe Asano forgot. Or maybe he was naive enough to believe Karma wouldn't think of hurting himself again.

Either way, he was very glad for that.

The redhead carefully sat up, absolutely determined to do this. He needed to. There was no other way he would be able to survive this night without seeing his blood being shed. Glancing at the strawberry blonde, he made sure to walk quietly so that he wouldn't wake him up.

His steps were light and slow, but every once and then Asano stirred and Karma froze in fear of being found out. Finally he managed to get to the bathroom. By then, his body was acting on its own, as if having been hypnotized and he reached out for the handle, openning the door.

Which slightly screetched.

That's when his hear skipped a beat.

"Akabane?" a sleepy, raw voice called from behind. It was then that Karma awoke from his trance and he almost forgot to breathe.

"What are you doing," Asano was sitting up, rubbing his eyes and trying to focus on the frozen figure in front. "Karma?"

"I just need to use the restroom," he answered a bit too quickly but damn, his heart was beating erratically and judging from the upcoming dizziness, his breathing was no good either.

The strawberry blonde seemed to notice that his roomate wasn't acting natural. He frowned a little bit, which Karma couldn't see, and stood up, making his way to the latter.

"Are you alright?" he asked and it's more like a formality than anything because they both known that no, he is not alright.

Despite that, the boy lied: "Yeah," and he managed a weak smile, looking into the student council president's face for the first time. Which most surely could not have been a good idea. Because Gakushuu wasn't stupid.

He was aware of the fact this would happen and he was prepared for it. Sighing, the boy went past Karma straight towards the bathroom cabinet and took out the small box where the shaving razor was kept. Needless to say the redhead saw that as well, colour draining from his face.

"Is this what you were looking for?" Gakushuu asked, his face void of emotion.

The latter refused to answer.

Yet Asano still waited.

He didn't really hope for any sort of a reply but at this very moment, he needed Karma to at least listen.

"I guess you thought I forgot about those," he started again, his voice gentle. "I did not,"

"Then why did you leave them there," the redhead finally muttered, his voice accusing.

"Because I saw no point in hiding them. If I did, you could go and take a kitchen knife. If I tried to hide both the razors and the kitchen knives, you could use keys. You could break a dish or a mirror and use the shards. If you were desperate, a pen would do. Or scissors. You could try to burn yourself. In the end, the result would be same. I know. I tried,"

Once again, he was met with silence.

Sighing, Asano put the box back into its place and with a small tug lead Karma back to his bed, sitting down. The deliquent's willingness was both a relief and at the same time worrying, as it meant absolute resignation.

"What's important is not what I do to stop you, but what you do to stop yourself. Obviously it's impossible to immediately make you forget about self harm or to get your mind off suicide. But I just want you to limit it. We can do that, no?"

He attempted an encouraging smile but Akabane didn't dare look up. He fixed his eyes on the ground, knowing that this was the last thing keeping his tears from falling.

It was hard.

It was frustrating.

He hurt so much and he needed a way to get his mind off this suffering.

It tempted him so much. To once again have the blade run through his skin. To be taken by the nothingness.

To die.

He wanted to die so bad.

"Seems like you still haven't fully comprehended why I live with you now. So let me tell you: I'm here to make you realize that you don't have to fight this alone. You don't need to say anything, just let me anyhow know and I will try to help as much as possible. But the real battle you will have to fight yourself."

Karma still hasn't moved his gaze from the ground yet the ugly droplets have started to fall.

Useless, wasn't it?

Thinking that he could keep supressing all this inside.

He couldn't.

And he realized that as he broke down into a ball of mess, unable to stop crying. Gakushuu wasn't the type to openly show affection yet he did not think twice about pulling the redhead into a hug. There was no need to say anything. Just be there and hold Karma together while his whole being was crumbling.

Asano's P.O.V.

Akabane had stamina.

He managed to cry for at least half an hour, though in the last ten minutes it reduced to weak sobs and silent streams. My whole left shoulder was wet by the way.

Though that was the last thing I cared about.

For a while, I thought the redhead has fallen asleep, but that wasn't the case. He was simply tired, leaving his head on me and I couldn't bring myself to cease drawing circles on his upper back and neck in a comforting manner.

"Sorry," he managed to get out, though his voice was raspy and vulnerable.

"It's fine, not my favourite shirt to be honest," I tried to joke and when I heard the weak, though amused snort from the redhead, I couldn't help but smile.

"Do you want to lie down?" I whispered after a while of silence and recieved a nod.

So I carefully laid him down on the bed, not really surprised by how limp he was. Akabane's eyes were glassy and exhausted. Not only from the crying.

I covered him with a blanket, unable to help myself from wiping the remaining water from his eyes. For some reason, seeing Karma like this hurt me more than I thought was possible. And although it was more than three a.m. already, just leaving him like that all alone didn't even occure to me.

"Go sleep, I'll stay here so don't worry,"

The redhead didn't seem to even care about his pride anymore - he only nodded with a small "thank you".

This whole session was going to make the teen look and feel quite pitiful tomorrow. I could already imagine the puffy eyes (which by the way always looked funny but it wasn't appropriate to laugh) and the headache from having been dehydrated from all the-

Oh yeah.

He was dehydrated and the doctors said that should not happen.

"Wait, Karma, before you sleep, drink some water," I stood up and headed towards the kitchen, taking a cup and filling it with water.

The redhead sat up, supporting himself with a shaking hand and tried to hold the cup in the second one. It didn't work out that well and I ended up holding it for him. After that he snuggled himself into the covers, which somehow and for some weird reason reminded me of a coton ball.

"Hey Asano," he suddenly called out and I turned around to have two golden orbs glued to me.

"Yes?"

He broke the eye contact as he struggled to say whatever it was that he intended to. I patiently waited, sitting right by his side.

"Can I really... do this?" he murmured, fists clenched.

This made me stop for a while.

"Depends on how much you try,"

Sure, not the most reassuring thing to say but he wanted an honest answer and I was going to give him one. No point in sugar coating the matter.

"But I will make sure you try hard enough. So hang on. We will pull through," I patted his back in reassurance. "Even I am still struggling, trust me. But one day we are both going to find something worth living for. So just keep on living,"

Akabane made an unconvinced sound, closing his eyes.

"Something worth living for, huh?" he suddenly repeated, "For example?"

"Others might think of their future job. Or family. Someone they love. An activity they enjoy. For me personally, and for now, it's only the smallest things. The taste of chocolate for example. The fact that my favourite book is about to get published in two months. Or how much I like the rivality between you and me," the last one made me smile, despite the fact that I just said something extremely cheesy and creepy.

Of course, even in his miserable state, the deliquent didn't failt to at least snort in that particular way which made me want to strange him.

"My point is... I'm doing my best. Sometimes it's hard and I feel like drowning, but I try to fight it. Even though my defense only consists of sweets and books, it still at least exists."

The boy chose not to comment on that statement of mine, though I could see the corners of his lips curving up. To my delight, he in the end managed to even crack a joke:

"Okay, so my first reason to keep on living might be the back rubs you are giving me," he chuckled, burying his face into the pillow. "They are really comfortable,"

"You little-" I rolled my eyes, trying to sound mad but failing. "Fine, I will spoil you."

And Akabane lied on his stomach, head facing away from me and back all exposed so that I could resume drawing circles on it. Of course I did, but I made sure to make him hear every of my overly dramatic sighs.

Though frankly... if rubbing his back and playing with his hair was a way to have him stay here, with me, then I'd gladly do it every day.

I wondered why I felt so happy.

AYEE SWEET END! Just a question, folks! Should I make this romance or keep it at friendship? Write your opinion in review and I will choose depending oh how many votes which option gets :)

Bye bye~