AN: Another future jump just because it cracked me up.

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"Aiya-chan." It was said so softly, so silken that Jiraiya knew nothing good would come of this. Orochimaru had come into her reading area, a series of various soft couches and oversized pillows in the scroll room where she could sprawl in any number of odd positions and always have a blanket in reach if she wanted.

He didn't usually come into her reading room, the scrolls in here were ones that he had already read or simply had no interest in. It was sort of the overflowing library in the house they had rented when they had enough to upgrade from their third apartment and technically should be the living room. Since they had so many scrolls the dining room was the formal library and this was the one for things Orochimaru did not deem important. Thus, it was also the far more comfortable room and Jiraiya spent most her time in there usually upside down or in some weird gangly contortion.

So it was no surprise she needed to turn her head to look up at her upside down teammate to her vision. "Yeah, Oro-kun? What is it?" She'd long ago ceased whining when he shortened her name, it wasn't like either of them had short ones and while hers was done affectionately 'Aiya-chan' when she was not in disguise was usually a sign her best friend was up to something. Really, in some utterly twisted fashion, it was his own sweet way of warning her she was in for some deep trouble. Considering the fact that the snake master could hold a grudge like no one else and tended towards abject humiliation and obliteration if his target was lucky, that he deigned to warn her was actually..kind of nice.

"Do you remember when we were children? A specific bet was made about your hair.." Orochimaru smirked as he swayed a bottle back and forth. "I think I have it figured out, Aiya-chan."

"Seriously?" Jiraiya twisted on the overstuffed couch and let her scroll on sealing methods for delaying one's ovulation and thus menstruation cycle fall to the ground. Those ancient Uzumaki's had been smart but she wanted to be sure there were no side effects. She still fully intended to ask Orochimaru to give his opinion when she was positive she understood everything contained within because if it worked only to visit hell upon her later on it wouldn't be worth it. Well, except for those stupidly crazy situations she ended up in all the freaking time with her team. Then, maybe. Tsunade had awful cycles too, there was only so much crazy levels of activity could do.

"Mmmhmm..." Orochimaru gave his little head tilt and giggle which promptly sent Jiraiya's stomach to hide somewhere around her ankles. "You should apply this while your hair is damp, not wet, not dry. Just a little work from a towel."

"Now?" Jiraiya whined and pouted at him. "But I just showered this morning and there's no way our rickety old water pump is hot again!"

Orochimaru paused at that and actually dropped his leering grin. If anyone hated the cold, it was her too pretty and pale best friend. He even insisted on paying for extra installation around the entire house when they purchased it, not that they had the funds for it at the time. Saving up for a place that was truly their own, no landlord had been enough of a chore. Yet Jiraiya never could resist his eyes, especially if he brought out his cute little snake summons which would curl in a lethargic ball to escape the chill right along her ribs. He knew she loved the little stinkers and fully took advantage of that.

"It can wait until tomorrow." Orochimaru finally conceded with a pout. Oh. He was feeling evil. Though it had taken him some time he had learned that pouting was the quickest way to melt any complaints Jiraiya had, she was always a sucker for seeing him happy. The very fact he'd spent nearly six years trying to make something that would tame her hair for her of course did not cross his mind to remind him he likewise would do anything to make her smile, even if it was based off a throwaway remark.

"Well can it be used in the bath? I think I got that heat seal to work.." Jiraiya muttered and that made Orochimaru frown.

"No, it would affect all of your hair."

"Pfft," Jiraiya smirked at him. "I don't have any besides eye lashes and brows.."

There was a moment Orochimaru blinked as he ran over all the varied locations the human body proceeded to grow hair for various reasons long since unneeded thanks to evolution before rolling his eyes. "Too much information. I would have thought considering the change in your bone and fat structure that you had hair in.."

"Seriously?!" Jiraiya groaned. "I remove it, you crazy science man snake guy."

"why?" Orochimaru asked as he walked across the room, sitting beside the moaning Jiraiya who was still haphazardly draped over their couch. "Hair in the various locations which sprouts after puberty is to conduct pheromones, help with sanitation.."

Jiraiya looked at him annoyed, though her grin was boorish as ever. "You don't grow any do you Oro-kun?"

He hesitated a moment, too long and finally sighed. "I do not. It is apparently a side effect of being a summoner of snakes."

"Really? Jealous. I need to do a whole seal thing or else shave and frankly sharp objects near sensitive skin, not my thing." Jiraiya stated as she shifted to flop her legs into his lap. At least it wasn't her hair, that tended to hurt with the spines it formed. Without prompting Orochimaru set aside the bottle and began rubbing her calves, noticing that Jiraiya was still sore from her last spar with Tsunade and likely did not have the chakra to spare to heal herself. Pride? Certainly, but common sense was not a hallmark of either of his teammate's. Even these days.

"Theoretically, that is false. Considering most such areas are near erogenous zones the risk of a sharp object in proximity would likely cause fear or excited arousal if not both in the body." Orochimaru replied casually as he dug his fingers into Jiraiya's calf with a soft pulse of healing chakra.

"Kinky."

"Hardly. Common information." Orochimaru paused then and glanced up at the grinning Jiraiya. "Really? You were not aware of this? I thought you read my last notes?"

"Oro, I love you, seriously you are my best friend. But you gave me eighty pages of notes. I didn't get through them all yet." Jiraiya deadpanned and Orochimaru sighed.

"You got distracted?"

Jiraiya grinned at him and Orochimaru couldn't help but smile back. After all, most the time Jiraiya did get distracted but it was also because they were looking up something useful. Or experimenting with seals no one else could reproduce.

"You will be using the concoction in the morning." Orochimaru scolded and Jiraiya blinked.

"You're sure it'll work this time?"

"Sure enough I purchased a camera for your inevitable streaking down the village." Orochimaru agreed. Jiraiya huffed and held out her hand for the bottle.

"Will it work in cold water?" At Orochimaru giving a nod, a grin starting to form she groaned but flopped off the super comfortable couch and went to take a cold shower. "Fine. Fine, we'll see."

An hour later, all of Konoha was treated to the sight of a blurred form streaking completely naked through the village.

Tsunade slapped her hand on her face and turned to the grinning evil mastermind. "You knew she could run fast enough no one would see, right Oro?"

"Of course. I want her embarrassed, not ashamed. For all I am fairly certain Jiraiya cannot actually feel such, I still prefer to keep her on the pleasant side so she does not blow up my lab." Orochimaru agreed as he looked at the printed image, he had timed it just so that you could see the bright flush on Jiraiya's face but her actual form was covered in mid-run from both arm and leg being extended. It would be a fine keepsake. "She should know better than to doubt me."

"Trust me, Orochimaru, I doubt she thought you wouldn't pull it off. More like you wouldn't remember the bet." After a moment Tsunade realized he was marking something off in a notebook. "How many more stupid things are you still trying to prove?"

"Twenty-six."

"Got it, what humiliation is next for our teammate with the big mouth?" Really, she just couldn't be surprised by them anymore. At some point, she and Hiruzen had just realized their teammates were perpetually immature idiots despite being absolute geniuses in their own right.

"The time she said she wouldn't be caught in a dress like that woman from the land of Tea unless she was dead."

Tsunade paused. "You do know that was because it was a man in a tiny costume, yes, Orochimaru?"

"And?"

"Forget I said anything, I want a copy of the photo."

Orochimaru paused and looked over at his blonde teammate. "Then you had best bring a camera of your own." He had to this date a slew of photos embarrassing Jiraiya, and she of them all, but especially himself, but he never shared and neither did his white-haired companion. If Tsunade was going to start taking photos, she'd soon find Orochimaru was a master of destroying film unless he was complacent about evidence being kept. Not even Jiraiya could hide her attempts at blackmail from him despite her ever increasing methods. Eventually, he figured the little idiot would remember she could use seals. Until then, he was glad for the distractions that came to humiliate both his teammate's.

Hmm. Perhaps it was time to catch Tsunade when she was flirting with Dan? Yes, that should distract her nicely...