Chapter 11 - Progress
It was Sunday afternoon, and Richard decided that despite the fairly dismal weather he'd go out for a walk. Preferably a long one… He needed to reflect on last night's momentous developments – and fresh air would surely help. So, he put on his coat, took his keys and left the house, heading to a nearby park from where he could access a little patch of forest. It would perhaps be a wet and muddy walk, but it would do him good. He still was somewhat baffled by what had happened last night – when he had accepted Camille's invitation, he had known that it would be about spending time together, maybe talking about a few things from the past, and hopefully about getting closer – although he hadn't had any idea about how that would happen… but he hadn't expected the evening to turn out quite like that…
It had been past midnight when he had come home – by cab. If he was completely honest with himself…. he had been tempted to just stay and let things happen – at the same time, he had been scared... and there were so many good reasons for not rushing it!
Fortunately, Camille had pulled back before they had completely lost control. Of course, if it had only been up to him, the evening would never have turned out like that… he wouldn't have made a move, not yet… if ever… but it had been a dream come true when she had taken the initiative and kissed him again (he had never forgotten the kiss they had shared in his shack… it had been the only real kiss of love he had ever shared with someone), and thanks to her 'assistance' and encouragement, he had felt entirely comfortable with touching and caressing her –and it had given him a clue of what she liked! Honestly, he had liked it, too, but he wouldn't have dared touching her like that without her spurring him on…
It had cost him more restraint than he cared to admit not to let his hands slide under the smooth material of her camisole, feel her bare skin and touch her swelling breasts with their hard peaks that were right there, in front of him…
He had been so tempted…
He had so wanted to see her, feel her, touch her… but then again, somehow, it had felt safer having that last barrier of cotton material between her body and his hands.
For the moment, at least.
In all honesty, if they had continued their actions just a little bit longer, they could easily have ended up on the sofa together, making love and forgetting everything else around them…
He was grateful that she had pulled the ripcord, though. It wasn't so much that he would have had doubts about his lack of experience at this point – when she had kissed him and they had started to touch and caress one another, he had realised that things would fall into place somehow… The way she had reacted to his touch had given him confidence, and he hadn't been afraid of failure any more. Although he was sure that she had sensed it, she hadn't laughed about his insecurity, about his fear to be too clumsy and not refined enough, no - she had clearly given him to understand that his actions had been very welcome and that she was savouring the situation.
This had been entirely different from his previous experiences with women – she wasn't some superficial acquaintance… she wasn't aggressively trying to turn him on and make him do things he wasn't quite ready for (yet), and she hadn't picked him up in some pub or bar, either; they had known (and liked) each other for quite a while already – good heavens, it had been about four years ago since they had first met! – and it hadn't been a mix of despair, frustration, and lust that had driven them to this. She had wanted him, not just anyone - he hadn't just been a nameless face in a pub, and they did care about one another…
No, there hadn't been any frustration or despair this time. However, lust had been involved – he admitted that much to himself. Oh, how much he had wanted her… And it hadn't only been him – she had been gentle, but she had also shown him very clearly that she saw him as desirable (maybe even as sexy? Or was that too presumptuous? It wasn't a notion he'd associate with himself, but there had been that look in her eyes, not to mention the way she had kissed him, the way her hands had touched him…), and that she wanted him, too. Her breath had quickened, her little moans under his touch had been unequivocal, and she had clearly arched into his touch… He had also felt her hands in his hair, her lips on his face – she had been tender and soft in his arms, but despite his confusion, he had noticed how she had restrained herself… Never had he dared to dream that she'd want him like this… Of course, he had fantasised about it, but he hadn't thought it would happen any time soon. Not this evening, anyway… he hadn't expected her to be so straightforward. Although, of course, Camille usually made no bones about what she wanted, so maybe he had been a little naïve when he had thought nothing would happen…
If he was honest with himself, he was still somewhat scared of where they'd go from here… He wanted to be with her, but he had no idea how this all would work in real life.
The fact remained that they would have to work together for a few more weeks, and that was one of the main reasons why neither of them wanted to go too far too soon. After Camille had sat back on his knees, told him that they could belong together if he just wanted it and asked him if he knew what this meant – and he had admitted that he'd love that, but also felt a little overwhelmed - they had just sat like this for a little while, looking in each other's eyes in silence. He hadn't been quite sure if his answer had been what she had wanted to hear, but it had been the only response he could give her at that point… he wanted them to be together, but the situation was just as scary as it was wonderful. He knew that it might appear odd for a man of his age, but he felt that he wanted to take things slowly, one step at a time.
She had then moved to sit sideways on his lap and he had just held her for a while, listening to her breathing. Slowly, they had recovered from their outburst of emotions and desire. Then, she had started to talk and share what she had on her mind. She had whispered that she didn't want them to rush and that - while she wanted to be with him - she didn't want them to go too far too quickly and move to a stage that they weren't quite ready for yet.
He had been relieved to hear that.
"And also, this is not Saint Marie," she had said. "If we were there, we wouldn't have to worry about non-fraternisation rules, but over here, it's different – and as long as I work in your department, we shouldn't sleep together…"
He had blushed at her mentioning it so openly – yes, he had realised that she must have felt how much he'd wanted her (it was hard for men to hide their desire, wasn't it!), but he wasn't used to talking about this topic at all, and although he figured he knew everything there was to know about the birds and the bees and wasn't entirely inexperienced, he just had never talked about it with anyone. Camille had laughed a little when she had noticed his body slightly stiffening as she had talked about them sleeping together at some point…
She had looked into his eyes and said teasingly "I do hope we'll get there eventually, Richard… or did you mean to fob me off with kisses and fumbling?" He had turned scarlet then – at least he thought he must have as he had felt his face getting hot – and stuttered "Well… er… I… don't really… I mean, maybe, with time… er - we will…" – and then he had given up and just looked at her, slightly reproachfully and clearly in a fluster.
She had smiled and slid her hand over his chest before taking up the thread again and saying matter-of-factly "The thing is, I don't really care all that much about what others think, but in this case, I believe it's important to act respectably and correctly so there won't be a shadow of a doubt about our conduct. I don't want Chuck Norris to know about our relationship, and I don't want people to draw incorrect conclusions. Once I've left your department, we can be more open about it. But this is only one aspect… The other thing is… there hasn't been anyone in my life in quite a while, and I'm used to being on my own… I need personal space, and it will be an adjustment to have someone in my life again, that's for sure. And I feel you need space, too… and that you don't want to take a step you might not be ready for at this point."
He had nodded, slightly hesitantly. Was it wrong to feel that way? He had always kind of thought that when you fell in love, it was expected that you'd have to feel the need to spend every minute together, and while he wanted to be with her, he knew he couldn't bear not being by himself at least every once in a while…
Camille had reassured him that this was an entirely normal feeling, and that it was fine to do things on one's own. It had been a relief to find out that she didn't expect them to be like attached at the hip. And it had also been a relief to find out that she wanted to take things slowly before moving on to the next level. It had felt good to have her snuggled up to him, without expectations, just feeling safe and secure together. For the moment, that was good enough for him… and for her, too, as it seemed.
Eventually, he had whispered "I'd better go now, Camille… I don't want to, but it's time…"
She had nodded and said "I know. Let's get a cab for you…"
Before he had left her flat, she had kissed him again and said softly "Thank you for… for being understanding and not rushing it, no matter how… how difficult it might be. I've waited for this to happen for a long time, and we… we could have lost it easily. You can't imagine how hard it was to pull back earlier tonight… but I'm glad we managed…"
He had almost changed his mind as he had seen her standing in the doorway, her hair mussed, her glossy lips slightly opened, and her eyes shining… yes, she had been such a temptation!
But then he had turned around and left… and he knew it had been the right decision.
He wanted their first time together to be something special – not that he expected the angels to sing and the earth to move under their feet (or whatever!), but he didn't want it to happen on a sofa, or on the floor, or on some other makeshift 'facility'. He wanted it to be cosy, romantic, memorable… and – most important! - in a proper bed.
Camille stood by the window and looked out – it was drizzling. She had just sent a long e-mail to her mother. She hadn't felt like skyping with her in a while now, and it was difficult with the time difference, anyway. And of course, it was easier to tell her about the most recent development by e-mail – that way, she knew she wouldn't get interrupted, and she could say what she wanted to get off her chest without having to deal with an immediate reaction. She had told her that she had met Richard again during her internship and that they had rekindled their friendship… she had also explained that while nothing had happened between them yet (technically, that was the truth – she didn't intend to tell her mother all the details about how they had been snogging on the sofa and how both of them had clearly been aroused… that was between Richard and her and nobody else's business, not even her mother's! Or rather… let alone her mother's…), she was 'fairly sure' that they'd get beyond the friendship level eventually – as long as they worked together, it wouldn't happen, though.
She wasn't quite sure how Catherine would react to the news, but given the fact that she had encouraged her to try and find Richard so they could sort out their issues, she hoped that she'd understand. It was pointless to worry, though – she knew what she wanted, and it seemed that Richard also was sure about himself and his wishes.
At least she hoped so… After she had let him go the night before, she had started to wonder if maybe it had been wrong to make her move on him – and then say she didn't want more at this point… Hadn't that been cruel? She had felt somewhat let down herself – and she imagined that he might feel the same way, no matter how nervous he might have been about the situation…
But then again, they both were aware of their work situation, and neither of them wanted things to get out of control and start something they couldn't handle at this point. And really, she honestly didn't want to rush things. It was true that she needed space; she had been by herself for a long time, and the fact that she was on this course that would finish with an important exam made it all the more complicated… she couldn't just focus on her personal well-being at the moment, there was more she had to deal with right now.
She wanted him in her life, and she was sure now that he wanted her in his, too, but they weren't careless teenagers on school holidays any more who could live without a thought for tomorrow.
However… hadn't he been disappointed when she had tried to explain her feelings? She had felt his arousal, and she had wanted more, too… it would have been so easy to just let go and 'slip' into making love…
It had been good to just cuddle a little after their initial sizzling kiss, but for how long could they keep this up? Wouldn't they lose their heads rather sooner than later?
She sighed. Then her eyes fell on the orchid he had given her. It really was amazingly beautiful. And she was sure that he hadn't picked it as a 'generic gift', but rather because he knew she liked orchids… she had said so when he had given her a bunch after Aimée had died.
She remembered that she had wanted to look up how to take care of it, and a few minutes later, she was engaged in reading about orchids on the internet…
At the other side of the planet, Catherine checked her e-mail. She had noticed recently that Camille had been reluctant to chat with her on the phone or via skype, so she had figured that something had happened that her daughter didn't want to communicate. She knew her, though – once Camille had resolved the issue, she'd send an e-mail and explain…
And so she wasn't really surprised when she saw that a long e-mail from Camille had arrived – maybe she had finally sorted out whatever had been bugging her.
She opened the message, and her eyes widened as she was reading it. She had always known that Camille hadn't got over Richard's departure, although she had really tried, and she had been aware of the feelings that she had been nursing – but she hadn't been entirely sure about Richard's feelings, so she was a little surprised. Although Jennifer had always pointed out his reluctance to talk about Saint Marie and the team – which indicated that it was an unresolved issue for him – Catherine had thought Richard would be too over-cautious and hesitant to give a possible relationship a chance. Maybe she had under-estimated him, and his feelings had been much stronger and more persistent than she had perceived them to be?
Whatever, she was certainly pleased for Camille. The work scenario sounded a bit daunting, but it was only a few more weeks, and apparently they hadn't reached the level of a more intimate relationship yet, so there was no reason to worry at this point, particularly since Camille had pointed out that he was not her supervisor and she would receive her report from someone else.
Well, well, well… Catherine smiled to herself as she opened her e-mail client and composed a message to her friend Jennifer…
Jennifer Poole squealed with delight when she read Catherine's e-mail. So, her son had got his second chance – how marvellous that Camille and he had met again. According to Catherine, it had been pure coincidence – that was almost too good to be true! Now she was nearly sorry to know that she and Graham wouldn't be there for Christmas and New Year – they could have invited Richard and Camille…
Then, however, she re-read the message and realised that they were still far from being an 'established' couple. Camille obviously had pointed out that she and Richard couldn't really 'get involved' as long as they worked together in the same station. And indeed, she remembered from Graham's active time as a Superintendent that relationships between team members or – more generally speaking – colleagues at the same station had been frowned upon, and that efforts had been made to get one of the partners transferred to another workplace fairly quickly. As Catherine had emphasised, nobody would have cared about it on Saint Marie, but the situation was different in the UK.
Well, from what Jennifer knew, Camille would have two weeks off over Christmas and move on to another training module then, so they wouldn't have to hide much longer. What a relief – she couldn't wait for her son to finally be happy with a nice woman who loved him the way he deserved it… and maybe there were even grandchildren on the agenda?
Just in time, she realised that she was already counting her chicken before they had hatched and reined in her fantasies. Maybe it was actually good that she and Graham would go away for their cruise. That way, Richard and Camille could get their act together without being under surveillance – and that would surely made it a lot easier for them…
She hoped she'd manage to keep this exciting secret to herself – she didn't want Graham to think that she and Catherine had plotted this all together. She knew only too well that he didn't want to interfere with Richard's life. Their relationship had always been somewhat tense, but over the past few years it had become better, and Graham would not want to risk that by giving his son the impression that his parents were meddling with his life.
The next two weeks went by fairly quickly. Richard and Camille managed to behave normally around the team at work – it helped that things were busy, and the cases that Richard had already categorised as irritating had partly turned out to be even trickier than anticipated, so neither of them had much time to dwell on their relationship – or whatever it was.
Initially, they had both been a little shy and self-conscious when they had seen each other again at the station. Camille had known that it was up to her to make another move – Richard was clearly waiting for her to set the pace, so she had made an effort to give him little signs, and he had taken his cue from her quickly.
Just like he had brought her coffee sometimes, she had brought jelly babies to the office one day and made sure that he got an extra portion.
In turn, he had left a little treat in her desk one day – he worked long hours sometimes, so it had been easy for him to slip chocolates into her desk drawers. Since they had been very cautious and had just done it once, nobody had noticed.
On a few occasions, they had been in the tea kitchen at the same time, and while their conversations had only been either about the cases or about some harmless everyday topic, their smiles and glances had conveyed their mutual affection, and Camille had noticed that Richard had touched her more often – when he was handing her a mug or putting the kettle on, he'd – quite accidentally - let his fingers linger on her hand or on her arm… She did the same, and somehow it felt reassuring…
They were 'courting' each other in the real and pure meaning of the word, and although it sounded hopelessly old-fashioned, they both enjoyed it. Camille actually was surprised at how giddy it made her feel. None of her previous relationships had been like this, and she loved how this was keeping her on her toes.
On Friday – two weeks after their memorable dinner together - Camille – who had caught a slight cold and didn't want to go swimming at this point – asked if he wanted to go for a walk with her some time on the weekend, and he suggested they'd take the train on Saturday around noon and go sightseeing in a town about an hour away. She had never been there so far, and so she happily agreed. They had a good time as they explored the sites and the streets together. There even was a little Christmas market with stalls on the main square, and it had been fun to see what was available there. Camille also wanted to have a look at the small shops, and eventually, they had cake and hot chocolate together in a small café.
Camille played with the little potted poinsettia on their table. The holidays were only a couple of weeks away now, and the shops and restaurants were all decorated accordingly.
Casually, Richard asked "So, what are you going to do for Christmas?" He hoped she'd say she didn't have any plans, but she looked up and said "Oh, I'll go to Paris. My friends Isabelle and Alain have invited me to spend the holidays with them. The plans currently are somewhat on hold because Alain's father has been taken to hospital in the end of November. But according to Alain, everything should work out fine, and I'll leave on Christmas Eve. I'll be back before the New Year, though, as it will be hard to get flights during the first week of January, and I have to get ready for the next module at the training centre. It will start in the second week of the New Year. And you – will you do anything special?"
He took another bite of his cake, shrugged and said "I don't think I'll do anything spectacular. My parents are away, and so I might just end up going to church to listen to the Christmas Oratorio – it's a specific event on Christmas Eve, actually – and spend the holidays at home. I've done that before, so it's not like I don't know what to do with myself."
He tried not to sound too disappointed, but Camille sensed that he wasn't all that happy. She didn't probe any deeper, though. It seemed pointless to dwell on it – it would only make him sad.
So, she changed the subject and asked "Where are we going next? I have to say that I'm really enjoying this little trip – I haven't seen much of the UK yet. In the summer, I have been to France and explored parts of Normandy and Brittany, and since I moved to London, I have mostly just been to various parts of the city – I haven't had the chance to see much else. Hopefully, I'll get to see a bit more over the next months. I'll have another break over Easter, as well as the bank holiday weekends, so that should give me the opportunity to get out and about a little more. Although it can be fairly costly, so I'll have to see about that…"
Richard shoved his disappointment about the Christmas issue to the side and said "I'm sure my parents would be happy to have you staying with them for a weekend. As I've mentioned, they live in Gloucestershire now, and…" – he went on to describe their house, the surroundings and the sites of interest in the area. Camille was interested to hear how Richard's parents had rebuilt their life after the crisis they had gone through. It seemed that they had really turned things around, and Richard's father had understood that his wife had been unhappy with what their life had become over the years.
"Sounds like they are happier now than they'd been in a while," she remarked. Richard nodded. Generally, he didn't feel comfortable discussing his parents, but with Camille it was different as she had met them and knew that things had been touch and go between them.
On the way back on the train, Richard felt how Camille slipped her hand into his, but he didn't say anything, he just squeezed her hand and stroked it with his thumb. It felt good – warm, reassuring… He marvelled at how easy everything seemed to be with Camille. She was here with him, but at the same time, she gave him the space he needed, and he appreciated that.
When they got off, Camille yawned and said "I'm hungry now. I could eat an entire pig! Or two…"
Hesitantly, Richard said "Well, I don't have a pig for you, but we could go to my place and cook dinner together. I have a pumpkin in my pantry that I had planned to turn into a soup, so if that's good enough for you…"
When Camille stretched out in her bed at around 11 p.m., she couldn't help but smile at the memory of how this day had gone… Richard was great company when he forgot to nag, and they had had so much fun together!
After they had returned from their lovely little excursion, they had gone to Richard's house and made pumpkin cream soup together. Neither of them had ever made that kind of soup, and while Camille had wanted to tackle the whole thing on an impulse and improvise something, Richard had objected, so eventually – as a compromise - they had looked up recipes on the net, and after having checked Richard's slightly meagre supply of spices, they had decided for one that sounded fairly uncomplicated. It had been fun to cook together, and despite a few almost-mishaps on the way, the finished result had been good.
There had been no embarrassment or self-consciousness between them tonight, everything had just come naturally, and they had both enjoyed each other's company. He had touched her a couple of times, and at one point he had lifted her hand to his cheek to hold it there for a moment… a slight tension had been in the air, and for a second, she had thought he'd maybe put his arms around her – but he hadn't. She had realised that he was afraid they'd get carried away, and he had a point…
When she had left, though, and they had stood in the small vestibule of his house, he hadn't held back – he had locked her in his arms, and they had finally kissed… She had felt his hands sliding over her back, one had then moved to caress her side, and he had surreptitiously fondled her breast for a moment. Obviously, he had felt that he could do that now without having to fear that she'd smack him, but he still hadn't dared being too straightforward. She had pressed herself against him; stroking his shoulders with one of her hands, resting the other in his hair, cupping his head, and she had felt the longing… and she had clearly known that she wouldn't be able to ignore it for much longer.
More than once over the past weeks, she had lay in her bed, thinking of him, remembering the feeling of his lips on hers, his hands on her breasts and his body pressed against hers… and she had felt that she was more than ready to take their relationship to a new level. And as it was, she had felt that he was ready, at least from a physical point of view, too… he had pulled away from her quite abruptly before she had left his house today, but she had noticed his body's reaction already…
Well, not long until her Christmas break started… and then they wouldn't have to restrain themselves any more…