A/N: There's still sex in this, (between Dean and Cass) so be warned...
Unknown Reason
000
Chapter 3
It was morning now.
Dean was seated at the Men of Letter's table which had a map of the world atop it. He was drinking from a glass that contained aged scotch, from the same bottle that Mr. Ketch had offered to him. He needed to go on a run to the liquor store, but unfortunately it was Sunday and the liquor stores didn't open until noon.
Sam walked in, his skin sore and somewhat reddened from how hard he had scrubbed himself in the shower the previous night. Dean had heard the water whenever it had been turned on each and every time someone had taken a shower. He himself had taken one and stayed in for almost an hour, Castiel pretty much the same, while Sam had practically used up all of the hot water. He had taken three or four showers, which Dean had timed to at least half an hour apiece.
Sam sat down at the table, looking downwards and saying nothing. He couldn't bring himself to so much as glance at Dean.
And then things became even more awkward when Castiel entered the room, walking slowly. He sat down at the table across from Dean, Sam seated to his left.
Like Sam and Dean, he said nothing.
The silence went on for what seemed like forever.
Sam finally looked at Castiel, who looked back at him for a very brief moment.
That was all it took.
Sam stood up, grabbed the car keys from an adjacent table, and began walking up the stairs.
Finally, Dean spoke when his said, "Where are you going?"
Quickly, Sam replied, "Out to get smashed."
The door opened and shut.
Dean shrugged and continued to drink, already well on his way to being smashed.
He and Castiel remained wordless; Castiel staring down while Dean continued to drink away his pain.
Dean eventually retrieved another crystal glass, pouring a separate drink and then sliding it across the table to Castiel.
Castiel said nothing, but downed the contents of the glass nevertheless all in one swig.
After gaining enough liquid courage to speak, Dean said, "Cass... about last night, I..."
"No," Castiel whispered harshly. "I don't want to talk about that ever again." He finally looked Dean in the eyes. "And as for you and I, we are through."
"Cass, please," Dean said beseechingly. "Can't we at least talk about this?"
"You are done using me, Dean," Castiel whispered back to him. "I've allowed it to go on for years, and why God chose me for this, I'll never know, but what I do know is that I can't endure it any longer." He shot Dean an angry yet empty look, as though the curse of living was Dean's fault. "My pain and suffering is more than I can bear. Everywhere on Earth I go I see nothing but death and destruction and devastation and I hate it. Death follows me wherever I go—it follows you wherever you go—and if I thought I could kill myself and stay dead I would gladly do it, for I've been trapped in an endless nightmare and therefore condemned to hell."
"Cass, what are you even saying?" Dean asked him. "You sound like you're giving up. What happened last night... that wasn't anyone's fault except for Jack's. Sam and I need you to help us stop him."
"You and Sam have never needed me... only each other."
"Cass, you—"
"No," Castiel repeated. "You won't be able to work with each other with me around. All I've ever done is get in the way."
"We'll figure something out," Dean said sternly. "But nothing good's gonna come out of you feeling so damn sorry for yourself. All of this talk about death and wanting to die and stay dead, it's selfish. Cry me another fuckin' river." He downed some more scotch and slammed the glass's base against the table.
Castiel's mouth fell open. "How can you even think to speak to me like that after everything you've done to me?!"
Castiel wasn't the only one who was angry. Dean was angry as hell, too.
He smirked at Castiel. "Do you wanna get married?"
"You know what?" Castiel said, "Fuck you, Dean." He stood up. "I am leaving."
"You're not going anywhere."
"Excuse me?"
"You heard me," Dean replied after he had taken another drink. "I'm not letting you go anywhere while Jack's out there following you around."
"I'll take my chances."
"Do you want a repeat performance of last night that badly?"
Castiel said nothing.
"Wait. Don't answer that. I really don't want to know..."
Castiel shot Dean another anger-filled look. "I hate you."
"No, you don't," Dean said casually, drunk. "You love me so much that it's killing you inside, and I know this because that's the way I feel about you."
"You don't know a damn thing about how I feel," Castiel replied spitefully. "You and Sam both have completely humiliated me. I listened to 'angel radio' last night and the only reason the angels haven't already come for me is because Jack warded me against them."
"Oh, that's right," Dean said, nonchalant due to the amount of alcohol he had consumed. "Lucifer's love child loves you—so much that he wants to turn you into a filthy whore."
"Don't call me that!"
"Well," Dean began. "If the shoe fits."
"I hate you," Castiel said again, his fists clenching tightly as he continued to stand, staring down into Dean's eyes with what could only be described as a genuine hatred.
He called me a whore, Castiel thought. He called me a filthy whore.
I'll show him...
Castiel's eyes lit up a golden shade of amber.
Dean stood up, spilling the half-full glass of scotch all over the table as he backed away from Castiel.
"What the hell?" Dean shouted, shocked. "Jack, is that you...?"
Castiel shook his head. "No, it's me."
"But how? Y-Your eyes, they..."
And then Castiel thought back to the previous night...
The angel was in his room, lying on the bed, wishing that he could just sleep, wishing that he could just die.
He was also in so much pain that he could barely stand, much less walk.
And yet he had enjoyed himself during the 'threesome'...
He.. hated himself..
"Why, Jack...? You were supposed to bring Paradise, and instead you've made my life hell. What good could possibly come out of this...?"
"Ssh, all in good time, Father."
Castiel looked up, afraid—afraid of Jack Kline—afraid that he might try to place another spell or whatever the hell it had been on him.
"You don't need to be afraid of me," Jack continued, earnestly, "I love you, enough to know everything about you, everything that you want... I know your deepest, darkest desires. I was only giving you what you wanted: Sam and Dean Winchester."
"You stole my virtue," Castiel replied silently. "You set me up to be physically—and mentally—violated and desecrated and tormented, not once but three separate times. You've turned Dean and Sam against one another, and me against them..." He groaned in pain as he stood up.
"Here, let me..." Jack touched his index and forefingers against Castiel's forehead, healing him. "Now, take my hand."
"No," Castiel said to him. "Please, no... no more spells like what you did to Sam I last night. I'd rather die."
"It's nothing like that," Jack said, extending his right-hand to Castiel. "I want to show you what your future can be. I want to show you Paradise."
Castiel wanted to see. He couldn't help himself, hesitantly reaching out to Jack and taking his hand.
Jack's eyes lit up with a golden light, as did Castiel's.
Castiel saw a house where Dean lived with who was apparently his wife. He had a young son, who Castiel was hugging after the boy had run up to him. Then Castiel was standing in the backyard, as Dean kissed him, and it seemed like Dean's wife actually approved of their relationship, and she loved Castiel, too.
Sam had a wife, too, and a daughter. Dean wrapped his arm around Castiel's shoulders while Sam kissed his hair as they watched the children play. Mary was there, too, smiling brightly as she talked to Sam's wife.
And then Castiel was in a bedroom, while Dean kissed him slowly, passionately.
"I love you, Cass."
"I love you too, Dean."
Then he was with Sam, kissing Sam's blonde-haired wife on the mouth while Sam ran his hands down Castiel's sides from behind, kissing his neck.
Afterwards he was in the front yard, where a car drove up and none other than Adam got out of the vehicle.
"Uncle Adam!"
The children ran up to him before Adam hugged them both, tightly. Mary waved to him, smiling still.
"Father?"
"Jack," Castiel said to him, and then hugged him tightly.
There were no more monsters, and no more pain. It was better than Heaven.
It was... Paradise on Earth.
Castiel snapped back to reality when Jack released his hand.
"Oh my God," Castiel sighed blissfully. "That was..."
"Paradise?"
"Yes..." Castiel whispered back.
"That's your future so long as you stay on the path you're currently on," Jack said to him. "I know you're angry, but everything I've done for you really all was for the best. I had to make you see that."
Castiel felt a sudden surge of power.
"I've given you some of my power," Jack stated sincerely. "It won't last forever, but it should last you long enough."
And then Jack was gone and Castiel was alone.
"Cass," Dean said as the angel snapped back to reality. "W-What's going on with you...?"
"Jack came to me last night," Castiel replied softly. "He... he showed me what my future could be. He showed me Paradise..."
"I don't give a damn about what he showed you," Dean said, an angry expression on his face. "He's pure evil, or have you already forgotten last night?"
"His intentions weren't evil..."
"Cass, some of the worst things imaginable are done with the best intentions," Dean said sharply.
Thinking back to what Jack had showed him the prior night, Castiel suddenly didn't feel as angry... and he felt horrible for some of the things he had said to Dean that morning, even if Dean didn't feel horrible for he had said to him.
"I... don't hate you, Dean..." he whispered. "I hate myself. I actually enjoyed being desecrated by you and Sam, so you're right... I am a whore..."
Dean's expressions softened. "I didn't mean that, Cass... I'm sorry I said that. I'm just so damn angry over Jack and what he did to you and Sam, and I keep seeing it over and over again... me walking into my room with Sam on top of you like that, kissing you, and having sex with you, before I just had to make things even worse... I just... I couldn't share you..."
"You didn't seem to have any problem with that in the future," Castiel muttered out of the corner of his mouth.
"I almost don't want to know, but what is it exactly that you saw...?"
"You and Sam had families, children... you had your mother Mary and brother Adam back, and everyone loved one another. I loved everyone and everyone loved me..."
Dean didn't know what to say. "I... that sounds like a good thing to see but you realize Jack could've just shown you a bunch of hocus pocus in order to trick you, right?"
"No, it was real."
"Whatever." Dean sighed exasperatedly. "Do you currently have enough of Jack's mojo to take us to wherever Sam went so we can get to him before he wrecks my baby?"
"Yes," Castiel said.
"Then let's go," Dean said, walking around the table until he was standing next to the angel. "Where is he?"
Castiel closed his eyes. "The Lyon Saloon, Smith Center Kansas."
Dean rolled his eyes. "Leave it to Sam to pick the most popular bar in town where only douches go."
"He feels he'll blend in with all of the drunks that go there in the morning, especially given the fact that it's Sunday."
"How do you know that?"
"With Jack's power I can... sense other people's thoughts and feelings like I could before, only now the sensations are much stronger."
"Please stay out of my head," Dean asked him, frowning. "You know how much I hate that."
"I'll try, but it's difficult not to," Castiel said in response.
"Well," Dean began. "Beam me up, Scotty."
Castiel nodded and touched Dean's shoulder, his eyes glowing that same shade of bright amber before he and Dean teleported to the bar where Sam was currently located at.
They were now standing next to Dean's 67' Impala, which was parked behind the bar.
"I'd almost forgotten what that was like," Dean muttered, and then straightened out his dark, plaid over shirt. "I'll bet Sam has already drank half the bar, knowing the way he drinks when he's this down..."
"You're drunk too, Dean."
He smirked at Castiel. "I had a pretty fucked-up night myself."
Castiel rolled his eyes. "You're always drinking. Luckily for you every time I've healed you I've healed your liver."
"Really?" Dean blinked at him. "Thanks."
Castiel and Dean began walking across the parking lot, reaching the backdoor before Castiel opened it and he and Dean walked inside.
They spotted Sam almost immediately.
He was seated at the bar, taking shots from a line of shot glasses, which were located on the bar top alongside the numerous numbers of various drinks he'd already consumed.
Sam had already handed over the keys.
When he'd finished three shots in a row, he pointed down at the empty shot glasses and ordered several more rounds.
He just wanted to forget, but no matter how much he drank he couldn't get the images of the night before out of his head.
What have I done...? he thought, I violated my best-friend and had a threesome with him and my own brother. I tried to kiss Dean.
He took another shot.
"Sam..."
Sam froze. That had been Castiel's voice.
He turned around on the stool.
"Cass, Dean, I... please, just... leave me alone..." He couldn't even look at them. "How... how did you find me so fast?"
"Cass found you," Dean replied, awkwardly. He wasn't feeling especially comfortable, either.
"He got all of his powers back?"
Dean sighed. "It's a long story... C'mon, Sam, we need to get you out of here before Cass and I have to scrape you off of the floor."
Castiel's eyes flashed a bright shade of gold, and then Sam appeared afraid as hell—even more afraid than he had ever been of Lucifer.
Castiel touched his fingertips to Sam's forehead, and Sam suddenly felt completely sobered up.
"As a matter of fact..." Castiel muttered, turning to face Dean before touching his forehead likewise.
"Woah, what the..." Dean began, unable to find the words. "Dude, not cool."
"Dean...!" Sam exclaimed, and then pulled out a knife, "It's him, it's Jack! We have to kill him!"
"Slow down there, cowboy," Dean said, putting some space between Sam and Castiel. "It's Cass. Jack just... powered him up a little like he did that time in the park with him and Kelly."
"Wait." Sam's brow furrowed. "Jack was there last night? In our bunker? With Cass?"
"Yeah." Dean exhaled a breath of air. "Apparently he's even more fixated on Cass than we thought..."
"After last night, I just..." Sam whispered, averting his eyes, "Maybe we should back off..."
"All of Heaven, Earth and hell alike—angels, hunters and demons, even monsters—will never 'back off' as long as they know he's out there," Castiel said, sounding as though he actually cared about him.
"What's wrong with you, Cass?" Sam asked the angel. "Have you lost your mind? Have you forgotten what he made us... do to each other last night?"
"Of course I haven't," Castiel whispered regretfully. "But if I don't watch out for him, who will?"
Dean looked down and into Castiel's eyes. "Maybe when he rapes one of us he'll understand."
Castiel thought about Dean's words, unable to even imagine what he would do with himself were he to do something like that to Sam or Dean. He finally realized how truly horrible the two brothers must have felt...
"Hey," a random and very drunk onlooker said to them from a nearby table. "This ain't a gay bar."
Castiel raised his hand, before Dean grasped his wrist to keep him from smiting the man.
"No, Cass," Dean said to him. "...allow me." He punched the man in the face.
The three of them were all thrown out and banned from the bar, after Castiel had insisted he would drive Sam and Dean home given he was the only one of them who didn't currently smell like an open bar.
Castiel had also had to persuade the bartender not to call the cops after Sam's knife had come into view, though the persuasion was more like angelic coercion as Castiel had used his power to address the issue.
Then they left.
000
Three hours later...
Sam, Dean, and Castiel were all in the Impala.
Dean was driving, Sam was riding shotgun, and Castiel was seated in the backseat.
An awkward silence filled the vehicle.
Finally, Castiel said, "You missed the exit," sounding bemused.
Dean nodded. "That's because it's finally after noon, which mean I can go to the liquor store."
Sam sighed. "No objections here."
"I have an objection," Castiel replied, unhappy. "I'm not going to allow either of you to drink yourselves to death because of me..." He frowned, eyeing Dean through the rearview mirror. "Not to mention the fact that neither of you are especially pleasant to be around during your various states of intoxication," he added sternly. "Not to mention the additional fact that I should be the one driving..."
"And as for your various states of intoxication..." He continued to look at Dean through the rearview mirror. "It was only this morning that you called me a filthy whore..."
"You said what to him...?" Sam said to Dean, sounding pissed.
"Yeah, well..." Dean went back to looking at the road. "I was sort of... drunk..."
"My point exactly," Castiel stated firmly.
"Maybe we should listen to him..." Sam whispered back.
Dean briefly looked to his right. "What are you now, Castiel's bitch?" he said, mockingly. "You hate yourself so much for what you did to him last night that you're just going to agree with everything he says for the rest of your life?"
"I'm no one's bitch," Sam replied, angry.
"...bitch," Dean muttered.
"Jerk," Sam muttered back to him.
"I think I should... go," Castiel whispered silently.
"What?" Dean asked him.
"No," Sam said, "You can't just... go off by yourself with Lucifer's abomination out there. If he could... you know... then what else do you think he's capable of?"
"Sam's right," Dean agreed. "You're safer with us."
"And you're both safer without me," Castiel responded. "Sam, what you said was partially right. What if... what if Jack appeared and then decided he wanted me to put a gun to one of your heads?"
"You really sound like you don't believe your own hype," Sam replied, raising an eyebrow suspiciously. "What's up with you, Cass?"
Dean sighed and gripped the steering wheel tight. "He claims Jack showed him 'Paradise' last night after we all... yeah..."
"Cass, he would have showed you anything to manipulate you into submission," Sam stated.
Dean nodded. "That's exactly what I said."
Quickly, Castiel said, "It was real," going on to say, "I could feel it."
"Yeah whatever," Dean said as he pulled into the liquor store's crowded parking lot. "And Cass, please no more of your 'sober-up power-ups.' That's the ultimate violation."
"You two don't know a damn thing about violation," Castiel said harshly.
Neither Dean nor Sam could say anything at first. Castiel was right.
"You two knock yourselves out." Castiel's eyes lit up a bright shade of golden yellow. "I'm going to find Jack..."
And then—just like that—Castiel was gone.
"Shit..." Dean sighed again. "I'm not gonna lie... Jack scares the living hell out of me and I don't like knowing that Cass could be out there somewhere with 'the Good Son'."
"Agreed."
"Hopefully he'll come back for another 'sober-up power-up'." Dean forced a chuckle. "If you and I get drunk enough, I mean."
"Why don't we just call out to him when we get back...?"
"It doesn't matter. With Jack out there... he won't answer..."
000
At the Men of Letter's bunker, Sam and Dean were once again seated at what Dean called 'the map table'.
They were both drinking, although Dean had gotten a head start as Sam had firstly tried to find a case for them to work on his laptop.
But the brothers had both decided that it would be better if they set the cases out and let the other American hunters handle it. They had both decided that they wouldn't be able to focus.
Hell, wordlessly they had both decided that they couldn't function when neither of them could think about anything except for Cass.
It had been a little over six hours since they had last seen him, and the both of them were exceptionally worried about their angel.
"What if Jack's got Cass?" Dean spurted out, buzzed out of his mind.
Sam wasn't as buzzed as Dean, though he was getting there. "I... don't know, Dean..."
Dean took another drink of his own volition. "What if Cass is suffering right now? What if Jack has Cass and is torturing him as we speak? What if he's... dead again...?"
"I'm sure he's fine," Sam said hesitantly. He felt overly concerned, too.
Dean downed another glass of whiskey and then drank a gulp from his Jäger Bomb, which he usually only partook of when he wanted to party with some random woman from a random bar.
"Damn, Dean," Sam said to him. "Slow down."
"It's not my fault you can't keep up," Dean said, slurring to a degree. "Besides, Cass said that every time he healed us he'd healed our livers."
"Oh," Sam said simply. "Well... that was nice of him."
"If Cass is okay..." Dean began, looking down into his glass, "I mean, if he's really okay after everything... then what are we gonna do?"
"What do you mean, Dean?"
"I mean we can't both have him..."
"Look," Sam replied uneasily, "I-I never said that I wanted Cass like that, and... even if I did... well, we both know you're his favorite..."
"I really don't think that matters anymore, Sammy." Dean chugged from his Jäger Bomb until the glass was empty. Sam sighed. If Castiel didn't come back and 'sober-up power-up' Dean again, he was going to have one hell of a nasty hangover...
Dean went on to say, "I may be his favorite, but that doesn't mean he doesn't love you, too. I've never even seen you so much as look at someone the way you looked at Cass last night—not even Jess... Damn, the sheer love in your eyes... it was pure and unconditional and at that moment I knew that if I wanted Cass I'd have to fight for him..."
Sam said nothing.
Dean continued. "You know, I used to think all relationships were conditional—even yours and mine—but with Cass I feel so wanted and so loved, I just... I feel like anything's possible, you know? Like I could go to the Moon and back."
Sam shrugged lightly. That... hadn't made of lot of sense. "I guess..." He took a shot of Jägermeister, and then felt even more lightheaded.
"I meant what I said, though," Dean went on. "If you ever touch Cass again, I'll kick your ass."
"And I meant what I said," Sam added, disgruntled. "His choice."
Dean smirked at him. "I thought you said you didn't like him in that way?"
"Fine," Sam replied, officially drunk enough to confess to almost anything. "I love him. I love Castiel. You satisfied...?"
"And did you enjoy yourself last night? Cause' Cass sure did."
Normally Sam would have said, 'none of your business', but instead he said, "I did enjoy myself, and I hate myself for it. I... hate us all for it..." He took another shot. "Castiel's not the only one who feels violated and like his virtue was stolen from him."
"Still, what are we gonna do? Split him in half?" Dean felt extremely drunk. "Though, I'm sure you can agree with me when I say he has the tightest ass ever. If he was here right now... man, I'd love to just bend him over this table and—"
"Stop," Sam interrupted him. "Too much information, Dean. I may be under the influence, too, but I still think this conversation is highly inappropriate, not to mention disre... dis... oh, hell..."
Dean forced a chuckle. "Disrespectful?"
"Yeah," Sam agreed. "Disrespectful to Cass."
"It's not like he's here," Dean said to him, while Castiel watched he and Sam from the background, invisible. "He's probably out partying and celebrating with Lucifer Jr.," Dean continued, earnestly, "While Jack meanwhile tries to figure out who he wants to recruit into raping Cass next. Hell, maybe Jack himself will have a go at him?"
"Sick," Sam whispered, disgusted. "Reminds me of when Lucifer kissed me."
"Oh, now that's really sick, too." Dean shuddered. "Not as sick as Cass being raped by Lucifer's son, but still sick."
"But Lucifer was disguised as Jess...! I never wouldn't made out with him...!"
"Keep telling yourself that, Sam," Dean replied, seemingly amused. "Everyone knows that Lucifer's always had a thing for you."
Sam huffed. "He's always had a thing for all three of us—you, me, and Cass."
Dean huffed likewise. "I'm scared that Lucifer might come back, I mean if Jack finds a way to open up the time rift again, or if Lucifer somehow figures it out from the other side."
"You're not alone in that," Sam said with a sigh. "What do you think he... you know, did to Mom?"
"We agreed we weren't gonna talk or 'theorize' about that," Dean said, slurring his words.
Sam smirked at him. "We also agreed we weren't gonna talk about Cass."
"And when he was dead we didn't." Dean smirked back at him. "But now he's back and we've all pretty much got the fuckin' 'chitters' around each other."
"...yeah," Sam muttered. He didn't feel up to arguing.
Plus, Dean was right.
Dean stood up and almost instantly lost his footing. "I'm gonna hit the hay. I don't feel so good..."
"Well, yeah, you sort of... drank a couple pints," Sam said under his breath. "You're probably more than three times the legal limit. You're even worse than Bobby."
"Thanks for the compliment, Sammy," Dean replied, stumbling across the large room toward the hall.
Sam stayed at the 'map table' and drank several more rounds until he eventually passed out at the table.
Invisible, Castiel sighed deeply and shook his head. Dean's drinking had been bad enough as it was, and now Sam had joined in.
And Castiel knew it was all his fault.
Not to mention Castiel's having heard everything Sam and Dean had said to one another, including Dean's references to his 'tight ass' and wanting to 'bend him over the table'... and that was only the 'G' rated version...
He had peeked into Dean's mind and seen all of his fantasies, including the one in which Dean and himself had been in an empty strip club wherein Dean was seated in the front seat while Castiel danced for him on stage, on a silver pole of all things...
Sam's thoughts had been running wild, too, as Castiel had seen Sam's thoughts as well, including the ones with Castiel on his knees while he had 'sucked Sam off', as well as another more disturbing fantasy in which Castiel was in handcuffs—not to mention the 'threesome' with him and his dead girlfriend, Jess...
Thank God they couldn't see what was in his mind...
But Jack had and could, and he'd gotten the 'NC-17' version right off the bat.
Castiel could feel his powers waning the more he used them, remembering what Jack had said about how they should last 'long enough'.
"Jack..." Castiel called out.
"You called?"
Castiel turned around. "How can I stop this?"
"You can't," Jack replied with ease. "As you once said to Dean and Sam, destiny can't be changed—all roads lead to the same destination."
"So it's their destiny to drink themselves sick, the whole while fantasizing about sexual relations with an angel?"
Jack walked in front of Castiel and stopped when he had reached Sam's form, running his fingertips through Sam's hair as Sam slept with his head on the table. "Maybe," he said simply.
"Don't touch him," Castiel said harshly. "You've done enough."
"Oh 'Cass'," Jack said, and then turned around to face the angel. "You're not as innocent as you think you are. As you know I can see into your thoughts, too. Your memories, your dreams, your nightmares... I wonder what your precious Winchesters would think if they knew they weren't the only Winchesters you've 'fantasized' about."
"I was dying," Castiel said silently, clenching his hands into tight fists. "I didn't know what I was thinking."
"After you were stabbed by the Lance of Michael, Mary reached out to you and all you could think of was how much you would have liked her to kiss you goodbye." Jack smiled at him. "How much you would have liked them all to kiss you goodbye one after the other. As you gagged on your own vomit, your final thoughts were of how much you loved all three of them."
"Please leave Mary out of this."
"She will be back," Jack replied, seemingly honest. "But don't worry—it won't turn into a foursome, in spite of how much Mary really did want to kiss you goodbye. She finds your vessel extremely attractive."
"Just stop," Castiel said back. "I-I don't want to know what I know as it is..."
"Not even about Paradise?"
"I understand that humans have to go through hell in order to enter Heaven." Castiel looked at Jack seriously. "What I don't understand is why me—a low-ranking solider angel without its power, not even welcome in the Kingdom of Heaven—could possibly play such a colossal role in achieving Paradise on Earth."
Jack smiled at him again. "You and I are going to save the world, Father. You may think you belong to the Winchesters, but... as long as I'm around, you know your ass is mine. Wherever and whenever you go—Earth, Heaven, Purgatory or hell—I'll always be there... waiting in the shadows, watching over you..."
"Why me?!"
"Sam asked Lucifer that very same question. Well, in his words: 'because it had to be you, Castiel. It always had to be you.'"
And then Jack was gone.
"What do you want from me?!" Castiel shouted as he looked up, speaking not to Jack but to God. "What the hell do you want from me?!"
But there was no answer.
God had forsaken him.
Again.
The light in Dean's room began to flicker, and Castiel became instantaneously worried that Jack was in there, doing something bad to him, something like what he had done to him and Sam the night before.
Slowly, Castiel walked into the hall, placing his hand on the door and then opening it fully.
He sighed the sigh of relief when it appeared that Dean was alone, on his back with his eyes closed, passed out.
Castiel walked toward the bed, experiencing an overwhelming feeling of love and devotion as he looked down at Dean.
He continued to look down, knowing he needed to pull another, what was it called? Oh—that was right—a 'sober-up power-up'.
"Dean," he whispered, running a hand back through Dean's hair. He felt tempted, as though he was getting that 'strange' feeling again—the one he had first experienced when he and Dean had been together for the first time... Dean had called it 'being in heat', which Castiel did understand.
He ran the back of his hand across Dean's face. Dean stirred ever so slightly, before Castiel leaned over him and kissed his forehead. Afterwards, he ran the back of his hand alongside Dean's face once again, fighting the urge to take what he so desperately wanted. However it wasn't enough.
So without another thought, Castiel placed one of his palms on Dean's chest, before he leaned down at kissed him on the mouth.
Dean's eyes flashed opened, and he sat up—practically having bolted upright in his bed as if he was having a horrible nightmare, and that he was.
"Ssh, Dean," Castiel whispered. "It's just me."
"Oh my God, I..." Dean appeared petrified. "I was having the flashbacks of hell in my nightmares again," he said, earnestly, "Only it was much worse this time. You and me were in hell together and I was being forced to watch Lucifer torture you in some kind of dark chamber where we were knee-deep in blood. The things Lucifer did to you... there aren't words. He tortured you to torture me..."
"It wasn't real, Dean," Castiel said to him. "I could sense something was wrong but my power is waning... and I'm simply no match for Jack's superior powers."
"Wait." Dean furrowed his brow. "Are you saying that Jack is giving me nightmares now...?"
"Quite possibly," Castiel said, and then exhaled a deep breath of air. "I think all of this is some kind of test specifically catered to me... I only wish I could make sense of it. God's not talking and Heaven doesn't even know I'm alive. Jack said he would follow me to the ends of the Earth and I can't help but feel like I'm putting you and Sam in harm's way just by being near you." He looked around the room. "He could be here, watching us right this very second, and we wouldn't even know..."
"Can't you sense when he's near?"
Castiel nodded. "I... I think so."
"Well?"
"He's not here."
Dean pursed his lips. "There's something you're not telling me."
Castiel sighed again. "He... was here, shortly before I entered your room... in short, he said he would follow me no matter where or when I went to..."
"Or when?"
"Dean, I could time travel back to the beginning and Jack would be there waiting for me when I got there." Castiel shook his head, running a hand back through his dark hair. "I can't hide from him. Everywhere I go, he's there."
"What about Heaven?" Dean asked him.
"He said he would follow me there, too," Castiel said silently. "He told me that even if I already felt I belonged to you and Sam that 'my ass' was still his."
Dean became angry. "Hey," he said, placing his right-hand on Castiel's shoulder. "You don't belong to him."
Castiel forced a chuckle. "Maybe I do." He shrugged lightly. "Maybe this was my destiny all along..."
"Nothing's set in stone, Cass. Destiny's what you make of it." Dean squeezed Castiel's shoulder. "And I refuse to believe that Chuck—God... would create you with the sole purpose of turning you into Jack's bitch."
Castiel shrugged again. "Well, I suppose," he said, honestly, "that I'm more than used to being called your bitch, and your 'love slave', your 'boyfriend'. 'The angel in the dirty trench coat who was in love with you.' I never argued with anyone who called me such things as I knew it was sort of... yes, true, but... I just don't know anything about anything anymore."
"Yeah, well," Dean began. "You're not the only one, and... damn, I feel like crap."
"Let me," Castiel said, his eyes flashing amber as he placed the tips of his index and forefingers together against Dean's forehead.
Dean sobered up instantly.
"Woah," Dean said, rubbing briefly at his forehead, "I don't know whether or not to kiss you or punch you when you do that."
"Dean," Castiel said to him. "Maybe we should, how do I say this?—'cool it', for a while..."
"Where's Sam?" Dean asked out of nowhere.
"He's... presently indisposed," Castiel replied, and then turned around. "I should go 'sober-up power-up' him, too."
"Wait," Dean said, grasping Castiel's wrist from behind, tugging at his arm. "Let him sleep it off."
Castiel sighed and rolled his eyes. "Dean, is sex really all you think about?"
Dean's brow furrowed. "Where did you get that?"
"I think you're 'confusing reality with porn' again."
"Well," Dean said, "Sometimes reality is porn."
"And the thought of me 'stripping' to bad 80's music in front of you is what?" Castiel tilted his head slightly. "Reality, or porn?"
Slowly, Dean said, "Porn," and then went on to say, "What did I tell you about staying out of my head?"
"I'm sorry, Dean, but with Jack's power your thoughts sound like they're screaming at me."
Dean huffed. "And what am I thinking now?"
"You want me to leave Sam passed-out at the table so that you and I can engage in sexual intercourse again." Castiel averted his eyes. "Now tell me what I'm thinking."
"You're wondering if porn really would be better than reality."
Castiel said nothing. That hadn't been exactly what he had been thinking about, but it had been pretty damn close nevertheless.
"Cass," Dean continued, standing. "You're the one who went all 'Sleeping Beauty' with me."
"I... don't understand the reference..."
Dean cupped Castiel's face in his hands and then made a move to kiss the angel, though Castiel initially resisted.
"Dean," Castiel whispered softly. "I-I can't..."
"Yes you can," Dean whispered back.
"But after last night, I..." Castiel didn't know what to say. He wanted Dean to kiss him and to kiss Dean back so badly. "I can't even face myself in the mirror, for I hate what I see in it."
"I feel the same way," Dean said silently. "But like I said, that wasn't your fault."
"I should have stayed dead."
"Stop saying that," Dean said, sternly. "Let's just take a moment to set all of the crap aside, a moment for ourselves."
Dean kissed Castiel again, who finally succumbed. Castiel's head fell back as Dean continued to kiss him. He kissed Dean back wholeheartedly, wrapping his arms around Dean's neck.
"D-Dean," Castiel stuttered as Dean pulled his trench coat down and off before going to work on his tie.
Dean and Castiel made out for a while longer, until Dean pulled away from him for a brief moment. He began to unbutton Castiel's shirt after he had thrown the striped, blue tie to the floor.
He continued to take Castiel's clothes off, pulling the black jacket off of him along with his white, button down shirt. That only left the pants.
Then Dean began taking off his own clothes, starting with his dark green over shirt. He took his clothing off until only his jeans remained.
Afterwards, Dean pushed Castiel into the nearest wall and attacked the angel's mouth with his own. He slid his right-hand into Castiel's black pants before Castiel moaned with pleasure as Dean touched him.
"D-Dean," Castiel said again. "We really shouldn't be doing this..."
Dean said, "There's no one here to tell you otherwise," and then went on to say, "Besides, I can feel how much you want this..."
Dean kissed the side of Castiel's neck, pushing Castiel against the wall as hard as he could. He bent his knees and pulled Castiel's pants down, before he stood up and unzipped his jeans.
"Shit," Dean muttered.
"What's wrong...?"
"I don't have any lube."
"Oh," Castiel said simply. "Sam didn't, either, he just used his saliva."
"Please don't talk about Sam while we're doing this."
"That's what Sam said about you."
Dean's thoughts were screaming at Castiel. He could hear them all.
God, I want to fuck you. I want to fuck you so bad. Please don't ask me to stop. I only want to fuck you. You're so hot and sexy and gorgeous. I'm going to fuck you against this wall. I can't even wait to get into bed. Please, just let me fuck you.
God, Castiel thought to himself. Dean really did have a one-track mind.
"Turn around," Dean said in a demanding tone of voice.
Castiel did as he had been instructed, remembering what their first time together had been like. It hadn't exactly been romantic, and it had hurt—a lot—but as he'd said before, he knew none of it was Dean's fault.
"Oh, Dean," Castiel moaned when Dean pushed a set of fingers into him from behind. "Ah, I... ah, oh Dean..."
"Cass," Dean moaned likewise, kissing the angel's back as Castiel began to push his hips back in timing with the motions of Dean's hand. He kissed the side of Castiel's neck from behind as he continued to finger-fuck him, using his free hand to keep Castiel against the wall.
"I keep forgetting that you don't sweat," Dean said to him. "Huh. That's kind of strange."
"I'm sorry if that—if that b-bothers you..."
Dean shook his head. "It doesn't, it's just one more thing I'm not used to."
Once he felt that he had prepared Castiel enough, he told him to turn back around. Castiel did as he had been told, before Dean picked up Castiel's left-leg and wrapped in around his waist.
"I've always wanted to try this," Dean whispered hotly, and then picked up Castiel's other leg, wrapping both of the angel's legs around his waist. He held Castiel up against the wall with his left-arm, using his right-hand to position his hardness between Castiel's legs. Then he pushed himself into him and began to literally fuck him into the wall.
"Dean...! Oh-Oh my God, I feel... so-so very strange, when you do this to me..."
He wrapped his legs around Dean's waist, tightly, pulling him close.
"Am I hurting you?" Dean asked with genuine concern.
Castiel nodded. "Y-Yes, but... it feels good at the same time..."
"I don't want to hurt you anymore than I already have," Dean whispered to him. "So if you're in pain I want you to tell me and I'll stop."
"No," Castiel replied, sexily, "It feels... it feels... good... I just, ah... ah... I just feel so strange... like my body is changing... like I'm changing..."
Dean pulled out of him and let him down from the wall, while Castiel panted like a bitch in heat. He grabbed Castiel and threw him down onto the bed, getting on top of him thereafter.
"Dean, please," Castiel begged him. "D-Don't stop now..."
Dean kissed him, and then pushed himself inside of the angel again before he began to take him once more. He spread Castiel's legs a little and placed them on his shoulders, pinning his knees against his chest.
Dean kissed him again, while Castiel continued to pant and moan. Castiel wrapped his arms around Dean's neck, kissing him ardently.
"I love you, Cass..." Dean whispered between kisses. "I-I really do, so much..."
Castiel sighed softly when Dean kissed his neck, sucking the skin into his mouth.
Castiel breathed out the words, "Ah... ah, I-I love you, too, Dean..."
"God, you're always so tight," Dean said to him. "How do you feel?"
"I... I feel good, Dean," Castiel whispered back. "What about you? Am I... ah, giving you pleasure...?"
"What kind of question is that?" Dean asked quietly. "Of course you are... I've never had more pleasure in my life."
"Well," Castiel replied, "that's saying something..."
"Yeah, it really is."
Dean and Castiel stopped what they were doing.
That... hadn't been either of their voices.
And in the door's hollow stood none other than Sam Winchester.
His fists were tightly clenched into tight balls at his sides, while he looked at Dean as though he genuinely hated him.
Drunk, Sam said, "Dean, you're a good for nothing bastard," and then looked into Castiel's blue eyes from across the room. "And as for you... you really are nothing but a filthywhore."
Sam walked away and slammed the door behind him.
"Dean," Castiel whispered to him. "Maybe I should go talk to him..."
"Not until we're finished," Dean said before he began to move again.
Even though the general mood had been spoiled, Castiel still wanted to finish, too.
"Dean," Castiel whispered again. "Please... touch me, down there..."
Dean nodded and then wrapped the fingers of his right-hand around Castiel's hardness, stroking him off in timing with his thrusts.
"Oh, Dean," Castiel moaned loudly. "You feel so-so good..."
"So do you," Dean said as he continued to take Castiel. He grasped Castiel's right-hand with his left and pinned his wrist down to the bed, above his head. Castiel used his free hand to grab the back of Dean's neck, pulling him down for another enthusiastic kiss.
Dean then pulled Castiel up from the bed, sitting on his knees while Castiel's knees were meanwhile spread apart on either side of him. He grasped hold of the angel's thighs and began to rock Castiel up and down, up and down... until Castiel got the hang of it and began moving on his own.
Dean fisted one of his hands into Castiel's hair and pulled his head back, kissing his neck once more while Castiel continued to moan, loudly.
"Dean, I-I'm almost..." Castiel panted. "I think I'm about to... ah, I'm about to... to..."
"Come?"
"Yes..."
Castiel felt the friction between their bodies, his erection trapped between their hard abdomens as Dean continued to take him. Dean was becoming rough again, though Castiel really didn't care. He felt amazing. He wrapped both of his arms around Dean's neck again before they kissed some more.
"You're drooling," Dean whispered with a smile. "Is it that good for you?"
"Yes!" Castiel shouted back as he impaled himself downwards and onto Dean's hard cock, rocking up against him as his head fell back while Dean kissed and licked at his neck the whole while. Then he shoved his thumb down Castiel's open mouth for a moment as a thin wire of saliva ran down from the corner of the angel's mouth. A single tear ran down Castiel's face, though this time it wasn't from pain so much as it was from pleasure.
"Cass," Dean whispered into his ear, "You're so beautiful like this, you have no idea..."
"Dean, I-I'm about to, ah..." Castiel's eyes flashed a bright white and his wings were visible for the briefest of moments. They seemed just out of reach to Dean, appearing as though the angel's wings were actually wrapped around him. It was the closest to Castiel's wings that he had ever been.
Beautiful, Dean thought to himself.
Castiel moaned again, until... "Oh my God, Dean...!"
Castiel came between their bodies as he moaned into Dean's mouth, kissing him fervently the whole while.
Dean continued to rock Castiel up and down in his lap while Castiel rode through the aftershocks. He was close, too, so very close...
"Cass, I love you..." Dean said against Castiel's lips, kissing him still more. "Oh, Cass... Cass...!"
And then Dean came, too, filling Castiel full of hot, sticky semen.
Dean and Castiel slowed down to a halt, both of them breathing heavily and gasping for breath.
Castiel cupped Dean's face with both hands and pulled him in for another kiss, this time slower and more loving than any of the previous times they'd made out.
Dean laid Castiel down on the bed and pulled out of him, noting the fact that Castiel had still bled a little... Dean hated himself for it, but at least it seemed as though Castiel wasn't in too much pain anymore like he had been after the previous time they'd had sex.
Dean laid down on the bed next to Castiel, pulling the angel into his arms.
"Wow," Dean said as he tried to catch his breath. "That was... incredible..."
"Yes," Castiel agreed wholeheartedly. "It was... but still..."
Dean almost didn't want to ask. "But still what?"
"Sam, he... he saw us..." Castiel whispered sadly. "He called you and bastard, and me a whore..."
Castiel's head was resting on Dean's chest, while Dean ran his fingers lovingly through Castiel's dark hair. He kissed Castiel's forehead, pulling him close.
"Sam has nothing to do with this," Dean said to him. "He'll... he'll get used to the idea... he's just... well—"
"Jealous," Castiel said for him, sounding saddened still more. "I hate that he had to see us like that..." he said, running a hand back through his hair before he stood and began to pick up his clothing from the floor.
"Hey," Dean said from the bed. "What are you doing?"
Castiel sighed. "I'm... going to go talk to Sam..."
Dean begged to differ... "No, you're not."
"You can't stop me, Dean..."
Castiel pulled up his pants, zipping them back up and then buckling them.
"Yes, I can," Dean insisted, standing.
Castiel turned around and touched his fingertips to Dean's forehead. Dean instantly fell back down to the bed, asleep.
Afterwards, Castiel gathered the rest of his clothing from the floor and gradually put all of it back on, finishing things up with his tie.
And then he walked out of Dean's room, opening the door and then closing it behind him.
000
Sam was in his room, lying on his bed on his back, feeling like shit.
He'd heard Dean's and Cass's moans all the way from the 'map table', and then again from his own room. They had been extremely loud.
Still, Sam didn't know why he would have expected anything different.
There was a silent knock on his door.
"Dean, I really don't want to talk to you right now."
The door cracked open. "It's only me," Castiel replied softly.
Sam frowned at him. "I don't want to talk to you, either. Go back to Dean and leave me alone."
"Sam, I..." Castiel really didn't know what to say. "I am sorry that you had to see that."
Castiel walked further into the room, while Sam meanwhile turned onto his side so that he wouldn't have to face the angel.
Castiel sat down on the bed, placing a hand on Sam's arm. Sam shook off his touch.
"I said to leave me alone."
"What exactly is it that you want from me?" Castiel asked him.
"I don't know," Sam replied silently. "I guess I was stupid enough to actually believe you might choose me over Dean, but obviously I was wrong. He's always been your favorite."
"That doesn't mean I love you any less, Sam..."
"Fuck you, Cass."
Castiel touched Sam's forehead softly in the same way he had touched Dean's, only instead of putting Sam to sleep he had pulled another 'sober-up power-up'.
Sam instantly sat up, but drunk or sober he didn't feel any less horrible. "Cass, did you have to do that?"
"You were being mean..."
"Big goddamn deal," Sam said under his breath. "The least you and Dean could've done was to get a room somewhere. You didn't have to fuck him here, knowing full well that there was a possibility that I could come to and hear you, see you..."
"It... wasn't my idea."
"So you're blaming everything on my brother? None of it's your fault? You don't know how to say no to him...?"
Castiel exhaled a deep breath of air. "I've... never really been especially good at saying 'no' to either of you, especially not to Dean."
"All the more reason for you to get the hell out of my room and go back to his."
Castiel looked at Sam beseechingly. "What can I do to fix this?"
"There's nothing you can do." Sam smirked at him. "You made your choice."
"I-I love Dean with all of my heart, Sam, but I do love you, too..."
"Does Dean even know that you're in here?"
Castiel shook his head. "No, I put him to sleep because he didn't want me to talk to you."
"So what?" Sam shot him an angry look. "You came in here to whore yourself to me the same way you whored yourself out to Dean? If you think you can seduce my brother and then seduce me in the very same hour, well, then you really are a whore."
"Please, don't call me that..." Castiel said silently. "And no, I only came in here to talk with you."
"What do you expect me to say, Cass?" Sam asked him. "That I understand? That everything's going to be okay? That it's alright? That I'm alright?"
"You don't have to say anything," Castiel replied quietly. "You only need listen. In the future Jack showed me... I was... in a relationship with both of you, and both of you were accepting to the fact. I don't know what's happening between all of us, but I won't allow my presence here to push you and Dean away from each other, much less put you in harm's way given the fact that Jack said he would follow me no matter where or when I went to..."
Sam blinked at him. "Or when?"
Castiel sighed. "As I told Dean, I could time travel back to the beginning and Jack would be waiting for me when I got there."
"Why is Jack so obsessed with you?"
"I don't know," Castiel said honestly. "He claims it's because I helped his mother—that I'm his father and I saved him and now he wants to save me—but I don't see how the pain he's caused you and Dean by using me against you like this is supposed to help anyone." He looked at Sam imploringly again. "I know you may feel as though I've betrayed you, but please don't make me regret my own existence more than I already do..."
Sam's expressions softened to a small degree. He found himself at a sudden loss for words.
"Sam, I... I really am sorry," Castiel continued, earnestly, "that you had to see me like that with Dean, but I'm just as sorry as I was when Dean saw you like that with me... I hate myself for what happened last night. I hate myself for knowing that I'm the cause of all of this pain. I hate myself for ever having been brought back to life in the first place. If I had of just stayed dead, none of this would have happened to either of you and you and Dean both would be alright..."
"Are you kidding me?" Sam began, shocked. "Alright...? Dean and I both were going through hell over your death. We couldn't even bear to talk about you, to think about you, and... I don't need to remind you of the sort of things Dean began getting himself into in order 'cope with your death'." He shuddered at the thought of his brother with all of those shapeshifters.
With both of them now seated on the edge of Sam's bed, Sam and Castiel began to feel awkward and uncomfortable.
"You should take a shower, Cass," Sam muttered, his eyes averted away from Castiel's. "You smell like sex."
"Oh..." Castiel muttered back. "I suppose you're right. I just—I just didn't want to wait too long to talk to you..."
"Go take a shower." Sam sighed again. "And we'll continue this conversation later."
Castiel stood and walked toward the door to Sam's room, closing it behind him as he walked out into the hall, walking slowly down said hall until he had once again reached Dean's room.
He opened the door and then closed it behind him.