Dean never wanted to go to college. He was barely able to stay in high school long enough to graduate, there was no reason to go to college. He knows it broke his mother's heart a little, but he also knew it wasn't for him.

Instead, he got a job at his uncle Bobby's garage. When that just barely covered the bills, and gave him too much free time to boot, he got a second job at Harvelle's Roadhouse. Ellen, Jo, and Ash quickly became part of the surrogate family he built around himself.

Dean's happy with his life. Dean doesn't want a fancy job, or a billion dollar company. Dean likes working on cars every day, he likes the never ending rhythm of the bar. He likes the people he works with, he likes the work he does.

When Sammy got into Stanford, Dean was fucking stoked. He's so fucking proud of Sam, getting to be a hotshot lawyer like he always wanted to be. He's never been as happy as he was when Sam got accepted into the law program. Because of the way Dean is set up with his perfectly good two jobs, he even got to send Sam money whenever the kid needed a little extra for books or clothes or whatever he needed while he was at college full time.

So, yeah. Dean's not ashamed of who he is, or what he does, or who he loves. He's never been ashamed of any of that.

Until It.

Dean met Castiel Novak at one of the fancy lawyer parties that Sam's firm throws a few times a year. It was before Sam met Jess, so he had to bring his big brother along. Dean went because it was nice to see for himself that Sam was in his element, that everything he worked so hard for was gonna pan out. The open bar didn't hurt, either.

When Cas sat down next to him, Dean flirted cautiously. There's no such thing as too careful, being gay in the Bible Belt, and Dean's gotten his ass kicked a few times for hitting on the wrong guy.

Cas responded immediately, though, and that was all she wrote.

Being with Cas was like nothing Dean had ever experienced.

Cas was smart as hell, with a dry sense of humor and a jarringly ferocious passion for the environment. The ease with which he arranged himself in Dean's life… Probably should have made Dean wary. It normally would have had him running for the hills, but with Cas, it just seemed… Right.

Cas didn't give a fuck what Dean did for a living. He introduced Dean proudly as a jack of all trades, his blue eyes sparkling in defiance, daring someone to try to belittle his boyfriend. It was hot as hell.

And the sex. That first night, Cas took Dean home for a "nightcap" (who says "nightcap anymore? And who uses air quotes ever?) and ended up fucking him into the mattress, leaving him grinning and dopey and unable to sit comfortably the next day.

They had long movie marathons curled up on Dean's couch (which usually ended with lazy blowjobs), took drives to nowhere (which usually ended with sex in Baby's backseat), and morning after breakfast dates almost every weekend (which resulted in getting permanently banned from two separate Denny's locations). It was relaxed, perfect. Dean fell hard and fast.

They said their first, "I love you's" two months in, and never stopped saying it.

(Even now) Dean loves almost everything about the bastard. His ridiculous hair, which Cas gave up on trying to tame in high school. The way he doesn't really care about the way he looks, but is just vain enough to refuse to wear his glasses when they go out. The way he gets so absorbed in reading whatever it is he's reading that he'll forget to eat unless Dean essentially force feeds him. Dean loves it all.

Not to say that Dean doesn't see Cas' flaws. He snores like a fucking chainsaw, he's unbearable until he's had at least two cups of coffee in the mornings, and he jogs, for God's sake.

He's also probably never apologized for one single goddamn thing in his entire, stupid life.

Cas is thoughtful, sweet, a fucking madman in bed, and all around almost perfect. So Dean is able to overlook the bad, because he's well aware that he's no saint himself, and because that's what you do when you're in love. You deal.

Until you can't.

The beginning of the end starts on a Monday.

They've been dating for eight months now, and Dean is as happy as he's ever been. Well… Not this second, but in general.

He walks into his house and is gratified to see Cas' suitcase and trench coat there in the entryway. He shuts his eyes for a moment to let himself be so, so relieved that his boyfriend is already here, and that he won't have to call and ask him to come over.

(The whole "asking for help" thing is something that Dean's been working on for Cas.)

When he gets into the living room after kicking his boots off, Cas is already on one end of the couch, reading. Dean's not surprised when he doesn't look up, he really does get absorbed into his books.

Dean crawls into the couch lengthwise until his head is close enough to lay on Cas' lap. Without preamble, he proceeds to do just that, pushing the big book out of the way and pressing his face into Cas' belly. "Mmph."

"Hello, Dean." Cas doesn't complain about the obvious (and ridiculous) bid for physical attention. He just sets his book aside, settles deeper into the couch, and starts to run his fingers soothingly through Dean's short hair. If Dean were a cat, he'd be purring. As it is, he moans deeply and snuggles closer.

"Rough lunch?"

The Winchesters have a family lunch once a month. It's such an ingrained tradition that Sam either drove or flew out as often as he could while in school. Now, he's so busy with internship, he doesn't always get to come. Unfortunately, today was one of those days, and of course it's the day that Dean needed backup.

"Mom started in on me about college again," Dean mumbles into Cas' stomach. Unintelligible to anyone else, maybe, but Cas has been fluent in Dean Winchester for months now, and barely bats an eye.

"I'm sorry."

Dean shrugs as much as he can. "'S all right. I just hate it."

Cas' fingers never stop their steady, slow ministrations. "I know."

"Like, even if I did wanna go back to school, who the hell is going to pay for it? Most of my extra money goes to Sam these days, anyway, because that fucking scam you work for barely pays him. Where the hell does she expect me to get that kind of money?"

Cas hums in acknowledgement, but doesn't offer any advice. It could be because he knows that there is no advice for this situation, because Mary Winchester might never end her crusade to get her eldest son into higher education. It could be because he doesn't have any ideas on how to get Dean's mom off his back.

Either way, he just stills his hand and looks down at Dean in his lap. "What do you think of Thai food for dinner?"

Dean smiles up at his boyfriend, because avoidance of a problem is kind of his jam, and Cas knows damn well what he thinks about Thai food for dinner.

"Hell, yeah."

The end is on a Thursday night. It's a few days after the Winchester Family Lunch, and Dean is done.

It's been a shit shift, full of one dollar tips and assholes. Normally Dean has a pretty high tolerance for it, he really does, but it's just not his day today. He's still feeling a little raw after getting into it with his mother, and as much as talking to Cas helps, it's still a sore spot.

So it's with great relief that he spies Cas' mess of hair come through the doors of Harvelle's. He grins and walks around the bar, feeling something in him chill out a little bit when Cas' eyes light up at the sight of him.

"Hey, handsome," he says with a grin, slipping his arms around his boyfriend's neck easily.

Cas' arms go around his waist, just as casual. "Hello, Dean."

"What are you doing here?"

"I thought you could use some company at work." Cas' eyes shift to the left, and Dean looks at him closely, but can't find any signs that he's outright lying. Maybe he's having an off day, too.

Dean smiles. "All righty. My break's in fifteen, wanna grab a booth and wait for me?"

"Of course."

Dean makes the rounds, wiping down the bar as he goes. He fills the few bowls on the bar with pretzels, makes sure everyone's settled properly, and whips his apron off. "Jo! Break!"

"Yeah, yeah!" Jo comes out of the kitchen, tying her own apron around her waist. "Go suck face with McHandsome, I've got you."

"You're a peach, Harvelle."

"Bite me, Winchester."

Dean blows her a kiss as he rounds the bar, then lets her vacate his mind completely when he sees Cas, already standing at the door, waiting for him to go outside.

They circle around the building until they're on the side, hidden from prying eyes, and Dean pulls Cas in close, leaning his own back against the brick wall and pulling his boyfriend to his chest. "Hey," he murmurs again.

Cas' eyes are bright. "Hello."

Dean nuzzles Cas' jaw, loving the stubble there. "I ever tell you you're the best?"

"You'll think so even more in a moment."

Dean leans back and cocks an eyebrow. "Yeah?" Cas nods and smiles, and his excitement is a little catching. "Why's that?"

"I can pay for the classes you want to take."

It honest to God takes Dean a few seconds to catch up. "The… What?"

Cas' eyes are earnest. "The classes you want to take at the college. I want to pay for them for you."

Dean feels the hairs on the back of his neck go up, and he stands up a little straighter, starts to put some distance between himself and Castiel. "I don't want to take any classes."

"You said you wanted to, but you couldn't afford it."

"Cas-"

"And I can pay for them for you, so you can finally go!"

It's the "finally" that starts to rankle. "What?"

Cas is really warming to his subject, and must not hear the ice in Dean's voice. "Then your mother can stop complaining, you won't have to be forever explaining yourself, and even if you never actually graduate, you're certainly smart enough to get a certificate of some sort, at least."

Dean's in shock. That's the only explanation for the dizziness, the way his face is numb, the pounding of his heart. "That's real charitable of you, Cas," he bites out.

Ah, here it is. It's starting to sink in that Dean isn't as over the moon as Cas is. He frowns. "Dean?"

"But, uh, I'm not gonna do that." Dean takes a deep breath, tries to calm himself down. Cas doesn't mean it the way it sounds, he knows, and maybe he's being a little sensitive about the whole issue. Just because is from a rich family doesn't mean that he looks down on Dean-

"You said you wanted to better yourself," Cas says, tilting his head with a frown. "You said the only reason you haven't already is because of money."

-better yourself better yourself better yourself better yourself-

"You should go home, Castiel," Dean says faintly.

"Dean? What's wrong? What did I do?"

Dean sidesteps his way out from between Cas and the wall. He's looking out at the street, trying to understand the pain that's starting just around the edges of his chest.

-better yourself better yourself better yourself better yourself-

"You think I need to better myself?" Dean hates how soft his voice is, how pained and rough it sounds.

Cas looks like he just got slapped. "What?"

"Not good enough for you as is, Cas?"

"What are you talking about?"

Cas' continued ignorance is starting to infuriate Dean. "Is it the money? I know I don't make as much as a hotshot lawyer, but I do all right." Goddamn right he does all right, owns his own three-bedroom house, owns his car, and is able to help Sam out a little when he needs it still, doesn't he?

"Dean, I never said you don't make enough money."

"Then what is it, Cas? Is it the smarts thing?" Dean barks out a humorless laugh. "'Course it is, not as smart as you, am I? Don't got a degree on the wall."

Cas frowns. "Dean, what are you talking about? I'm well aware you don't have a degree."

Well, that's that then. "You know what? Go home, Cas. Just… Go home. I'll call you later. I gotta get back in."

He starts to step away, but Cas grabs his arm to hold him in place. "You just got out here."

"Yeah, well, maybe I don't wanna be around you right now."

"Dean, please, I don't understand what I did wrong."

Dean sighs. "I know you-"

"I thought you didn't want to be just a bartender, or a mechanic, anymore?"

-better yourself just a bartender anymore better yourself just a mechanic anymore better yourself just a bartender-

Dean slowly turns back toward Cas, searching his face for… Something, Dean doesn't know what. Whatever it is, though, it's not there.

"Look, I just need some space right now. We can talk about this later."

Cas is frowning. "I'd prefer to talk about it now. What did I say?"

Dean counts to five before responding. "Cas, if we talk now, I'm gonna get pissed, and I don't wanna do that."

"Dean, please-"

Fine. "Fine, you wanna know what's wrong? What's wrong is you're slumming it with 'just a bartender,' or 'just a mechanic.' What's wrong is I didn't go to college because I lack ambition, or I'm not smart enough, or whatever it is that you're going to tell yourself when you're trying to justify why this," he gestures between the two of them, "fell apart."

Cas looks like he just got slapped. "Fell… Dean, what? Are you…"

"Breaking up with you? Yeah, I guess I am, Cas."

"I… Don't understand."

Dean rolls his eyes. He knows that his voice is raising, he knows that he's being a little crazy, but he can't stop it. "I can't do this with you if you don't think I'm good enough, Cas."

"Dean, I never said-"

"Well, then what the hell was that, about classes?!"

"You said you wanted to go!" Now Cas is shouting, too, and Dean is certain they're attracting an audience, but damn him if he can take his eyes off of Cas for even a moment to check.

"No, I didn't! I was bitching about Mom!"

"You said you couldn't afford it! I was offering to help, because when you're in love with someone, you help them!"

"When you're in love with someone, you love them the way they are!"

"Of course I love you the way you are, Dean!" Cas is outright yelling now. "You are the one who said you were interested in bettering yourself-"

"I don't need to better myself!"

"Is that what this is about? For Christ's sake, Dean, it's just a turn of phrase!"

"No, fuck you, Cas. Go home. I might call you later, but I can't do this with you right now."

Dean knows he's being an asshole. He just needs some space, he needs to be away from Cas for a few minutes. He'll call his boyfriend later tonight, apologize, try to extract an apology of his own, and make up with him. For now, though, anger is swirling just beneath his skin, making him buzz with resentment.

He turns to walk back into the bar before Cas' voice stops him.

"Dean Winchester, if you walk back into that bar before we're done with this discussion, we are over."

He turns slowly to look at Cas. He takes in his blue eyes, his plush lips, his insane cheekbones. He thinks about his sex hair, and how incredible it is to sometimes know that it is actually that way because of sex, not just because Cas gave up years ago on figuring out how to style it. He thinks about how dry Cas' humor is, how passionate Cas can be.

He thinks about how much he'll miss him.

"This isn't a 'discussion,' it's a fight," he spits, hiding how his entire chest has started to ache with the venom in his voice. "And we are over, Cas."

He turns and walks into the bar without looking back.

- Feedback gets my motor running.