Life, with a little spice 4
She gives herself two more hours to work on the recipe but fails poorly, her mind not able to focus on the task at hand. Shep is waiting for her at the door when she exits the kitchen. He bounds towards her and circles her excitedly. It's usually the time of day when they'd have a walk around the City. It seems her dog has never forgotten about it. She pats his head and turns to the marine. "Is it OK if I take him for a walk?" He nods and follows at a respectable distance.
As she leaves the mess hall, she sees John standing on the balcony, his arms leaning against the railing, his gaze lost in the distance, and she remembers what Jen's said. She hesitates but doesn't dare join him. There's not much they could talk about without yelling at each other again.
She's ordered back in the infirmary as she completes her walk. John is already there, waiting for her, with Nancy at his side. She looks away, tears of hurt in her eyes. "Have you made any progress?" Jen asks her. "Anything that could help you remember?"
She simply shakes her head, not finding the courage to utter a single word.
"Ms Léger, you need to. The IOA insists we send you to them. They have more means than we have here on board. I'm not going to be able to hold them off much longer," Nancy huffs, clearly exasperated.
She turns to her and snaps. "I already told you. I do not remember. I can't prove it's me. Why don't you just send me away already? You'd kill two birds with one stone!" she sniggers.
Nancy cocks her head at her and frowns. "If you insist..."
John growls. "No, you won't. I'm still the captain of this ship. She's not going anywhere." He grabs Nancy's arm and leads her outside. "I need to know for certain this is not her, Nancy. She deserves to be treated fairly and that won't be the case if she gets back to Earth."
Nancy glares at him. "And it would be oh so wonderful if that were Louise, right?" she dares him.
He narrows his eyes at her. "Make no mistake, Nancy. If it is indeed her, I will not allow for her to be sent away. And yes, it would be wonderful," he answers truthfully though he sees the look of hurt and humiliation she gives him.
"Well, don't keep your hopes high," she tells him with a smirk. "They're sending someone. I guess they've understood I had no say in the matter anymore!"
He closes his eyes and sighs. "Alright then. I'm gonna have to tell McKay to work even faster." He taps his headset and calls his friend, telling him he's making his way to his lab.
Nancy sees Louise has heard at least a part of the conversation as she's now standing at the end of the corridor with Jen. Jen has crossed her arms on her chest and is watching Nancy cautiously. To her, she's never been anything but a stranger in their close-knit gang. She does understand the situation must be difficult for her and at the same time, she knows she'll always choose Louise. Nancy walks up to them. "I guess you heard our conversation," she pouts.
Louise nods. "How long before they arrive?" she asks about the envoy.
"Couple of days, tops," Nancy answers coldly.
Louise shakes her head. "I don't understand. I thought we were far away from Earth by now. How can they reach us so fast?"
"Things have changed a lot since you disappeared – or shall I say – because you disappeared!" Nancy sneers, making Louise look up in alarm. "Yes, Ms Léger. Things went from bad to worse from then on. John refused to move while they were looking for you. Months went by and reinforcements were sent in. Stargate Command feared your disappearance might just be a part of a grander scheme – sort of like the tip of the iceberg. There'd been rumors that the Trust was resurfacing. The IOA demanded that a rep be sent on board as well," she adds, pointing at herself, wincing. "We never found anything to substantiate this theory."
"However," Lorne says, entering the infirmary's corridor, "ever since a few more people came here, the wormhole device has not been used and we've only used subspace travel to jump from one place to another." He gives Louise a knowing look.
"Why?" she cries out. "We were supposed to rescue the Destiny's crew. Do you mean those people have been stranded for this long with no help from us?"
"Risking the life of all the Lanteans to maybe save those of that crew was hardly reasonable, Ms Léger," Nancy replies coldly. "When we got intel the Trust might have sent someone to sabotage the drive, Dr McKay looked into it but the device is incredibly complex. It was decided it was clearly not worth it."
Lorne protests. "It's hardly Louise who's responsible for the whole thing, Ma'am. Colonel Sheppard's decision to look for her was sound and it's hardly his fault either that more people were brought in, making it almost impossible to monitor the comings and goings of everyone. Hell, we had more big brass and politicians here in those weeks than ever came on board the five years prior to Louise's disappearance!"
He's clearly pissed, which for Louise is a first. She lays her hand on his forearm. "Thank you for defending me, Major, but you don't need to. I understand the issue at hand. But I still don't understand why Rodney couldn't fix this. The guy is able to fix anything, for Pete's sake!"
Lorne pouts. "He was never allowed to try..." He glances briefly towards his commander's wife.
Louise gets his drift. "Were you the one to forbid it?" she demands.
Nancy rolls her eyes. "I sent a report to the IOA saying it was unwise to risk it all, yes. Dr McKay did say he couldn't be a hundred percent sure there had been no tampering with the device after all."
It's Louise's turn to roll her eyes. "And when has that ever stopped us before?" she growls indignantly.
Lorne smirks. "At least someone who's not afraid to say it out loud. God, I missed you, Louise," he adds, wrapping her in a loose hug before releasing her.
Nancy looks shocked. "Major! I think you should be very careful about what you say around here. I do not appreciate being told I was wrong to protect the lives of this City's inhabitants nor do I accept my decisions to be discussed."
Louise frowns. This is definitely not going in the right direction. John doesn't need his wing man to be under the scrutiny of the IOA as well. "It's not what he said, Nancy. He was just defending me."
"And he shouldn't," the other woman retorts. "At least, not as long as it's not been established you're the real you and not a convenient decoy planted by whoever is trying to do us wrong. If you'll excuse me," she adds, "I need to prepare for the envoy's arrival."
Louise sits on one of the chairs in the corridor, feeling drained. She needs to process everything she's been told. Lorne and Jen sit on either side. "Louise, we're a few here to still believe something is terribly wrong in what happened back there. McKay never accepted the fact your disappearance was just a random accident. And to be honest, I haven't either," Evan tells her.
"Why? I mean, these things happen, right? Hell, it happened to me before!" she adds sarcastically. "I'm a magnet for trouble. I don't see why the Trust would have me disappear. I'm no one on this expedition."
Lorne rolls his eyes. "The chain of events it triggered... It proves you wrong. John's decision to devote his time to finding you, letting me and then Nancy mind the fort? It wouldn't have happened for someone else. He couldn't think straight. I'm convinced there's more than meets the eye here. Now we have you here, I'm sure McKay will make progress. And us too. Colonel Sheppard has sent teams to meet with the Coalition. He's also sent a message to Todd. When we released him before the expedition left again, I had serious doubts about the guy's loyalty, but we haven't had trouble with him at all. He owes us big time and he knows it. I'm sure he'll help – if only to make sure the Trust doesn't lay its hands on him."
Louise stands and starts pacing in the corridor. "If all you say is true – and that's a big if – and if we want to prove it, we're gonna have to work fast. I mean you because, obviously, I don't have a say in the matter anymore. And I really don't see how you guys can even do it. My version of what happened bears no relation to Teldy's. Where do we go from here?"
Lorne combs his hands through his hair, looking exhausted. He sighs. "I don't know, Louise. All I know is I want to believe you're not some very sick joke. Actually, I don't care if you're a clone like Beckett, as long as you stay here with us. Colonel Sheppard has never been the same since you left. We need you here." He scoffs. "You're his good luck charm, for Christ's sake."
She smiles, remembering the last time he'd told her that – not a month ago in her own time line. She'd worried about the Destiny – how they were ever gonna find them – and he'd said she would bring luck to them. "You might think the universe is up against you, sweetie," he'd said, wrapping his arms around her waist as they lay in bed, waiting for the alarm clock to signal their time was up and they had to get up for the day ahead. "But you bring luck to this expedition. And to me," he'd added, tickling her neck with wet kisses that had turned heated in a matter of seconds.
She's finally allowed to return to her quarters later during the evening, after having an early dinner in the infirmary with Jen as they wait for yet another set of results. She's been scanned and examined some more, in the hope of finding a clue to how she doesn't seem to have aged when they have. Whatever happened to her has left no trace apparently and they're nowhere nearer the truth than when she arrived.
"I don't see how I could have spent this whole time somewhere and not remember anything," she tells her friend. "Could it be possibly I was put in stasis?"
Jen shrugs despondently. "It's one of the possibilities. We'll never know for sure until we find the person or thing who did that to you, I'm afraid. Look, you'd better get some rest. It's been a long day. I'm sure you'd like to finally have a real bed to sleep in. We'll see what we can do about all this when you've had a good night's sleep."
Louise pouts. "I'm not sure I can rest, Jen."
The other woman walks to one of the cabinets and hands her a couple of pills. "There's just enough for you to feel rested," she points out, making her know she won't give her more, in case she decides to do something foolish again.
Louise flushes. "I promised John I won't ever try again. Thank you anyway. I'll take them if need be."
She winces when she sees John has indeed put guards at her door. She nods at them and gets inside. She spends the better part of the evening sorting through her things. It seems John has not thrown away one single thing she owned. Soon, everything is back on her shelves and in her drawers. She looks around and sighs with content. It's a comforting sight though one she might not have for long, should it be decided she needs to return to Earth.
She looks around. She'd like Shep to be here with her but it's only fair he spends the night with John. Lorne has told her he hardly ever leaves his master's side when John is on base, shadowing him as if he were afraid he too might one day disappear. Nancy is not a dog person and only tolerates him in their quarters.
The door chimes. She sighs. She could use a little peace and quiet for a change. She opens the door and sees John standing there, looking unsure. The marines are nowhere in sight so she frowns. "I sent them away," he tells her. "Is that OK if I come in?"
She smiles. "You never had to ask before," she points out then looks away, realizing her blunder. For him it's been three years. "Please do," she amends. He walks into the room, the door whooshing closed behind him.
He smiles. "I see you have made quick work. Actually, I was coming to give you a hand. I see you won't need my help after all."
She smiles too. "But I do appreciate the gesture." She falls silent and shuffles her feet. "Why did you give me our former quarters, John?"
He shrugs. "I thought it might be reassuring to be in a place you already know."
"Without you here with me?" she says more forcefully than intended, shaking her head. "No. It's not."
He bites his bottom lip. "I'm here now," he mutters.
She sighs. "Yeah. I appreciate you coming to check on me. Thank you. Where's Shep?" she asks. "I thought he'd be with you."
"I left him with Amelia and Ronon. I'll ask them to bring him over if you want." He winces. "I thought we could, you know, talk... I mean, just you and me, without Shep barging in."
"We tried to talk, John. We ended up yelling at each other," she points out.
"I came with a peace offering," he counters, handing her a chocolate bar.
She smiles sadly and shakes her head. "I'm in no mood to celebrate, John. I'm scared and sad and lonely," she confesses, eyes brimming with tears. "And you being here in that room, it's not helping. It might have been three years for you but I do vividly remember the last time we made love in that bed," she whispers, pointing at it.
He pouts and walks to her. "God, Louise. Can you seriously believe I don't remember it either? I've relived that last time so many times, hoping you'd finally be in my arms again some day," he says, his voice hoarse with pain and draws her to him, wrapping his arms tightly around her, breathing her in.
"But you moved on all the same," she counters, her hands on his chest, refusing to let go of that thought to enjoy the moment.
He drops his arms to his sides and looks down on her, his jaw twitching. "And I will never forgive myself for it, Louise. I'm only a man, sweetie. I'm not perfect. I snapped and needed the touch of a woman – someone to warm my bed at night and tell me everything was going to be alright. She was there and she was gentle and kind. Not the woman you saw today." He shakes his head. "I think she snapped too when she saw you. Deep down, I think she's always known it was always you, Louise. That there would only be you. I wasn't fair to her either." He sighs and lays his hands gently on both sides of her head. ""You're still the only one who can fill my heart with joy, Louise."
She pushes him away. "Not fair, John! You come here and expect me to forget you're shagging her!" she yells at him, tears of frustration streaming down her cheeks. "You might only be a man, John, but I'm only a woman. What about the second part of your vows, uh? Do I still fill your body with desire? No! Because you've replaced me!"
He closes his eyes and breathes out then he looks at her again. "I still feel the same as three years ago, Louise. If you think I've come here to take advantage of you and then lead my life as if nothing had happened, then you don't really know me," he says through clenched teeth. "If you forgive me for my weakness, Louise, I will not return to Nancy. I'll tell her in the morning we have to go our separate ways."
She looks at him, befuddled. "You don't even know if it's me here, John," she reminds him.
He steps toe to toe with her. "I'm taking a leap of faith as you have when you let me into your life, sweetie."
Her breathing becomes uneven. He leans in and kisses her gently, his hands moving slowly up her arms then he wraps her in his and walks her backwards towards the bed. She wraps her hands around his waist and draws him flush to her, making him groan. "Louise, slow down," he mumbles against her lips. Her tongue sneaks into his mouth and explores it avidly. He moans. "God, Louise."
"I don't wanna slow down," she moans too. "I haven't had you in my bed for too long," she adds as she fumbles with his shirt buttons.
"What should I say then?" he sniggers but stops her, folding his hands around hers. "Louise, stop, will you? I need you to understand if we start, I don't want to stop." He lifts his eyebrows at her. She groans. "Damn, John. Did you not hear what I just said? I don't want to talk about why we shouldn't do this or how we'll come to terms with it. Yes, it's wrong because you've married her but it sure doesn't feel that way. You and I, we belong together. I don't care being seen as the home wrecker. It's my damn home that was wrecked in the first place!" She stares him down. "Either you will or you won't, John. Don't keep me hanging there."
He smirks. "Did I ever tell you how beautiful you are when you're angry?"
She laughs and gives him a searing kiss. "Quite a few times, yes. Make love to me, John," she whispers in his ear, pushing his shirt up impatiently, not caring about opening the rest of its buttons.
"Yes, Ma'am," he sighs with content, "whatever you want, Ma'am."
TBC
So? What do you think? I mean not just this chapter. Any advice? I need help here! Please? :)