SGA Life, with a little spice – Chapter 16
"Hey," McKay greets her the next morning as he enters the kitchen. "Jen said you were already here."
She rolls her eyes. "What is that supposed to mean?" she asks a little too curtly.
He lifts his hands in surrender. "Hey, don't shoot. What did I say this time?"
She shakes her head. "Nothing, Rodney, nothing at all. Sorry. I'm on edge," she apologizes.
She's already barked at a couple preps this morning. Her under-cook for the morning has scurried to the walk-in coolers for "inventory" and has been at it for way to long, making her feel like she's the wicked witch of the West. Everyone is avoiding her gaze in the flimsy hope she won't yell at them. She knows she should cool down but it seems everything is going wrong this morning and on top of everything, she's been trying hard to ignore that queasiness she feels is irrevocably building up in her stomach.
"No, I mean, seriously," McKay insists, being his usual bull in a china shop. "We're friends. You've got something to say. Say it!"
She huffs in exasperation and lowers her voice. "I told you Rodney. Nothing that concerns you in particular. I'm pregnant, hence bitchy. This whole kitchen is a mess," she says, showing him what seems to him like immaculate counter tops and hard-working people. "And on top of that, we have a spy on the run, so excuse me if I'm not seeing the world through pink glasses at the moment!"
Her voice squeaks on her last word and she growls in frustration but covers her embarrassment by crossing her arms over her chest and tapping her foot impatiently.
Rodney smirks. "Oh, OK. I thought you were really pissed at me," he counters.
"Not everything is about you, Rodney," she sniggers. "I'm not pissed at you. I'm pissed at the whole universe!"
She's raised her voice and sees some people hunch their shoulders. Her anger is suddenly deflated. What is wrong with her? She was always one for defending her staff when Buckley was in charge of the kitchen and acted like a total ass and now she's doing the same?
She shakes her head. "People, I need a break," she tells no one in general and heads for the door.
Rodney follows her outside. "Do they know...?" he tentatively asks.
She shakes her head. "No. I don't know what to say. And I don't want them to pity me or hate me more than they already do," she adds on second thought.
"They don't hate you, Louise," he chides her. "And they wouldn't pity you. You're going to have a baby! I'm sure they'd love to pamper you. Everyone would love to pamper you, you know," he adds, rubbing her arm.
She gives him a miserable smile. "Bad mothers don't get the right to be pampered, Rodney," she counters.
He huffs. "You're not a bad mother. You're lost. You're trying your best. I'm sure everything will pan out just fine. You'll see."
She raises her eyebrows. "The great Meredith Rodney McKay seeing the glass half full? Who are you and what have you done to my friend?"
He laughs out loud and doesn't hear it but she does. As Lorne and Dex pass behind them on their way out, she hears Evan snigger. "Bad mother indeed. I do hope she doesn't expect any compassion from me."
She tenses and squares her shoulders. "Why did you want to see me anyway, Rodney?" she asks hurriedly. "I have to go back inside before they wreak havoc in my kitchen."
He winces as he realizes the moment has passed and she's not ready to relax yet. He'd hoped to spend some time with her, maybe lure her into his lab to take her mind off her worries, and maybe, maybe talk some sense into her but it's not going to happen now.
Her jaw is set and she's looking away into the distance, as if trying hard to avoid people's gaze. Even that scientist from NUMA she's made friends with and is waving at her to join her and her friends at their table looks disappointed Louise is not seeing them.
"Just wanted to check on you, that's all. See how you were doing," he shrugs.
She narrows her eyes at him. "Sheppard sent you, didn't he?" she accuses him.
He huffs in exasperation. "You know. You're right. You're pregnant and bitchy. It's my cue to leave before you chop my head off. Good day to you, Chef," he nods curtly before turning on his heels and heading out, his whole demeanor oozing with indignation.
She huffs and shrugs. All her friends do these days is treat her like an unruly teenager. Well, screw them!
"You shouldn't make a habit of mumbling under your breath or people are going to think you've got bats in the belfry," she hears behind her. By now, she doesn't have to turn to know it's her newest addition to her very eclectic collection of "friends".
"No, just a bun in the oven," she retorts, hoping her sarcastic remark will make him flush with embarrassment but it's not Rodney we're talking about.
He roars with laughter and grabs her arm, leading her back to the kitchen. "You're one hell of a little lady. If I were Sheppard, I wouldn't take my eyes off of you for a moment."
She frees herself from his grasp and turns to him, pouting. "And why is that? He's got his whole personal guard watching me round the clock, starting with you!"
He shrugs offhandedly. "Oh, it's not your safety I'm worried about."
She crosses her arms defensively over her chest. "Oh yeah?" she dares him to say what's on his mind.
He chuckles. "Oh yeah! It's the rest of the city I'd be worried about, especially that Bill Cox. Cause from what I witnessed these last few days, you're a bit of a firecracker."
She rolls her eyes and stomps to the door, pissed that he's seen through her so easily.
But several hours later, she doesn't feel that pesky anymore. She wants to curl up in bed and sleep the rest of her pregnancy away – except she's still got 8 months to go, give or take. "Make it go away," she groans at the nurse who's taking her temperature.
"The doctor will be in here shortly to see you, Ma'am," the other woman replies with a stern voice but pats her arm gently. "Nothing that tons of women have lived through and survived before you," she chides her, not knowing about Louise's past.
Louise tenses and tears well up in her eyes but that only makes things worse. If she could see herself in a mirror she gathers she'd see that green edge to her complexion she used to sport in the mornings and sometimes throughout the day when she was pregnant with her first child.
"Oh God," she groans again.
"I came as soon as I heard," Jen tells her, having just arrived in the infirmary. "What happened?" she asks Louise.
"Nothing that I didn't expect," Louise replies through clenched teeth, the urge to puke getting stronger by the second, except she's now on an empty stomach, seeing as she's been sick as a dog for the last hour. "I went back to my quarters as you instructed – to take an afternoon nap," to which Jen nods appreciatively, "and hardly had the time to make it to the bathroom before I threw up my midday meal. All of it, Jen. Plus probably my breakfast too."
Jen looks at the chart the nurse has filled in her absence and winces. "Look, for the moment, I'd rather be on the safe side. Your blood pressure is down, which makes sense since vomiting your meals has exhausted you," she adds hurriedly, seeing Louise look up in alarm. "Your blood sugar level is low too." She motions for the nurse to join them. "I'm starting an IV so you can get all the fluids and sugar you need. I won't lie to you," she tells her friend, "I won't probably let you return to your quarters tonight."
Louise gulps and looks away, tears welling up in her eyes. And why is she so damn sensitive? She hates being like that. She brushes her tears away angrily. "OK, but I need stuff from my room," she barters.
Jen nods. "There are some things I'm going to let you have – your pjs, toothbrush, even a book if you want but no tablet or computer, Louise," she warns her.
Louise mutters under her breath "not fair" but Jen only chuckles, not letting her soften her.
"You need to rest if you want me to discharge you. I don't think it's anything but the first very unpleasant stages of a normal pregnancy but seeing as you're diabetic and bullheaded, I won't take any chances," she informs her.
Louise pouts but relents. "He's gonna be OK, isn't he?" she says, her voice barely a whisper.
Jen caresses her head. "Yes, Louise, he's gonna be OK."
"Cause John would never forgive me if something were to happen to the child, you know?" she says, confessing her greatest fear.
"Louise, I don't think..." Jen starts saying.
"You don't understand a damn thing these days, do you?" John growls in frustration behind her. He's just entered the room.
She gulps and a wave of anguish washes over her. She wraps her arms around her middle and curls up in bed. " Oh, God, make it stop," she whimpers.
"What's going on, Jen?" Sheppard demands. "Is she gonna be alright?" he adds, looking anything but collected.
Jen chuckles a little and motions for the nurse to hand her a syringe. "She's gonna be OK. And the baby too. As I said, it's standard symptoms for what she has. I'll add some medication for her queasiness to her IV and she'll be up and running in no time. With a little luck, it will go away after a few days or weeks."
"Make it months," Louise growls.
Jen chuckles. "Every pregnancy is different, Louise," she tells her. "It's not because you were sick for nine months straight last time that you will be this time, OK?"
Sheppard approaches the bed cautiously, as if to make sure first he's not going to be yelled at by either of the two women. Jen bites her bottom lip and takes a couple steps back to give them privacy and yet be nearby if Louise doesn't feel up to it.
"Can I do something, Louise?" he offers. "Anything?" he says, lifting his hand to caress her hair but stops in mid-air when he sees her look of apprehension. He sighs and drops his hand to his side.
"Can you take care of Shep for the night?" she whispers, gulping a couple of times as it's still difficult to talk without feeling sick.
He nods. "Anything else?" he says, hoping she'll say "Please, don't leave me alone. Stay with me," but she only asks for a few things from the room and he tells her he'll have Amelia fetch them for her. She doesn't want him here. She doesn't want him anymore. He feels like he's got no right to be here except he's the leader of the city and it's his duty to support his people when they go through hard times.
He turns on his heels and walks to the door, knowing the next thing he's going to do is call Ronon and ask him to run with him around the city until he feels exhausted enough to crawl into bed and maybe finally snatch a few hours' sleep.
"What did you mean earlier?" she calls after him.
He turns and watches her then scoffs. "Nothing. Nothing you'd listen to anyway."
She presses her lips together not to cry at the rebuttal. "But I'm listening now," she counters.
"No, Louise," he retorts, pointing at her, "you never listen. You hear the things I say but you never listen and I'm done trying to convince you."
She's sitting at the conference table the next afternoon, after being released from the infirmary around noon with the strict order not to work in the kitchens. She's only been allowed by Jen to join Ventrell there so they can clear the last of her staff. Ventrell has told Sheppard he doesn't think the other members of her team have anything to hide and it's pretty safe for her to be there, emotions-wise.
She smiles at Ventrell tiredly. "I'm glad we're done. Those sessions are exhausting. Thanks for doing this with me," she adds. "I don't really feel comfortable working with my friends right now, what with them all being so judgmental and pushy..."
He smiles at her in return. "No problem. My pleasure. You're actually much more easy-going than I'd thought."
Her eyebrows shoot to her hairline in mock indignation. "Oh, is that so? I'm the queen of easy-going!" she counters.
He chuckles. "And I'm a good guy, yeah, sure!"
She sobers up and looks surprised. "Well, yeah, you are."
He scoffs. "No, I'm not and the sooner you get that, the better."
She looks sad. "It seems I'm not the only one to always beat myself up over what I do wrong," she mentions.
He scoffs again. "You so don't get it, Louise. I'm a bad guy. I'll always be. No matter what. You can try and change me but that's not gonna happen, you hear me?" he says, his voice louder and angry now. "You don't change people's nature, " he adds bitterly.
She stares at him in disbelief. What's just happened? One moment he's bantering with her, almost as if he were trying to be her friend, gain her trust, and the next, he's telling her not to trust him – ever?
He walks to the door and hesitates at the doors that whoosh open, revealing a very eager Shep who's obviously at the end of his tether, having waited for too long these last few days in front of that very room. Ventrell pats his head and turns to her unwillingly. "I've got one more thing to tell you though I could have dispensed from it, had Sheppard been less of a coward to speak to you in person."
She lifts her eyebrows and feels her hands tremble on her lap. "He's asked me to tell you he wants you to inform your staff you're pregnant or he'll do it himself."
She gasps. "But I've not even reached the end of the second month. This is not fair!"
He shrugs. "I'm not making the rules here. He must think it's a matter of security. If you feel unwell in the kitchen, you need the people you work with to be able to react accordingly. Anyway, he said to do it before the end of the week or he'll come down to the kitchens to do it himself."
Ventrell leaves the room before she has the time to argue some more. There's nothing he can do about it and even if there were, it's clearly not in his best interest.
She ponders it for a couple of days. But days fly by and it's already Friday and she's running out of time and solutions. She knows John's decision kind of makes sense but it also feels like punishment for not doing as he sees fit and she can't possibly imagine standing in front of her whole staff and having to tell them about her decision to have the baby and abandon him. How humiliating!
She doesn't tell anyone about it – not even Jen who's worried to see her waste away like she does, barely eating or sleeping.
On top of it all, Cox is nowhere to be found and she doesn't get it – doesn't get it at all – and it haunts her nights to worry about what he could do to all those innocent people still on board.
John has issued a warning to all personnel to only move in groups around the city, even though they searched every room that's still being used at the moment and not sealed by his teams.
McKay has assured him no one can override his system and that worries them even more because it means he's somehow found a place where to hide that is within the limits of the inhabited sections.
But her greatest worry right now is not Cox, it's John, and after two nights of tossing and turning, she finally musters the courage to walk up to his office and ask to see him. It frustrates and angers her but beggars can't be choosers and she'll indeed beg him to reconsider if bad comes to worse.
"I need to see Colonel Sheppard, "she tells the guard standing in front of his office.
The Marine looks at her coolly. "Got an appointment, Ma'am?" he asks sternly.
"No but..." she starts saying then clams up. She's probably not allowed free access to his office anymore. She licks her lips. "Look. I need to see him and I'm ready to wait as long as it takes. Please tell him that."
Through the glass panels, she sees John lift his head from the file he's perusing and glance at Lorne who's sitting opposite him. That's when he sees her. He motions for the Marine to come inside and converses with him for a few seconds before dismissing him.
"Colonel Sheppard says you'll indeed have to wait. They're not nearly done in there. He offers to come down to the kitchen when he's got a free moment, probably in the afternoon," the man tells her, lifting his eyebrows as he waits for her answer.
Inwardly, she thinks about how he could have come to the door to tell her himself but again, she has no other option than to suck it up so she nods to the guard and then to John who's observing her. "Thank you, yes, tell him I'll be awaiting him," she replies. She turns on her heels and flees the place before anyone can see the tears of humiliation trickle down her cheeks.
"Louise, hey, Louise! Damn it, wait for me!" she hears Ventrell calling after her as she runs to the nearest transporter.
He's two steps behind and she hasn't time to close the doors before he joins her. She slaps her hand on the panel next to her in frustration and turns her head the other way so he won't see her cry but he's one stubborn fellow and he forces her to look at him.
"You're crying," he says matter-of-fact.
She brushes her tears away. "Yes, thank you, I've noticed." Her voice is dripping with sarcasm/
He sighs and turns to the screen before she can and chooses a destination.
"Hey, I was there before you," she cries out indignantly. "I don't share cabs!"
He looks nonplussed and she has to remind herself that though he's human, he's not from Earth.
She rolls her eyes. "I don't share, that's all. You can get it when I'm done with it!"
His lips turn up. "I don't think so, lady. Sheppard said no one moves alone. Besides, I kind of know you by now and you were going to hole up in your quarters. Not going to happen," he tells her, wagging his finger at her. "I'm taking you to the South Pier. You need some fresh air. Reconnect with nature. You've been cooped up in here too long," he chides her.
She lifts her eyebrows. "South Pier is off limits to anyone for the time being, remember?"
He grins at her smugly. "Yeah, well, I'm not anyone," he counters. "I obviously need to keep searching for Cox..." He waggles his eyebrows playfully. "Bad guy, remember? I'm gonna use my free pass for some very selfish reasons," he adds, making her giggle.
"If Sheppard knows you're taking me there, he'll ask for your head," she warns him.
He snorts. "I don't intend to tell him. Do you?"
He's baiting her but she's been cooped up for so long, she can't resist. "Alright but just for a few moments because I'm supposed to return to the kitchen," she amends. "And I need to drop by my quarters or the kitchen to get a medical kit." He nods and motions for her to leave the transporter. She chuckles, seeing he's taken them to the corridor leading to her room. "You're always one step ahead, aren't you?" she tells him, shaking her head in disbelief.
He presses his lips together and his eyes darken. "Yes, yes, I am." Then his eyes light up. "Come on, lady," he tells her cheerfully. "We don't have all day."
She passes her hand over the sensor and walks briskly inside, talking over her shoulder. "I won't be a minute."
"Go ahead," he says, "I'll wait outside. And get yourself a jacket. It can get pretty windy."
She grabs her things and leaves the room at a run only to be met by Ronon who's got his arms crossed over his chest, his back leaning against the opposite wall in the corridor.
"Chef," he greets her, "going somewhere?" he asks, eying her jacket suspiciously.
She glances towards both ends of the corridor but Ventrell is nowhere in sight.
"Waiting for someone?" Ronon insists, narrowing his eyes at her.
She slowly shakes her head. "No, I... was going back to the kitchen. I just dropped by to get my jacket. I forgot it this morning," she elaborates, evading the issue.
He nods, not looking convinced. "And you're here all alone because..."
She winces. Yeah, there's that too! Now she knows she's in very muddy waters because Ronon is bound to report the incident to John.
"I was down the corridor, Dex. No need to worry. I wouldn't dare leave her alone," she hears Ventrell reply as he appears round the corridor.
Ronon narrows his eyes at him, his hands crossed on his chest. "OK." He turns to Louise. "Why didn't you just say so?" he prods.
She huffs. "You didn't let me answer!" she replies indignantly. "Now, can I go, officer?" she asks cheekily.
The corner of his lips turns up in disdain. "Drop the sass, Chef. I was just concerned."
He motions for her to walk down the corridor. "I'll go with you, guys. What's for lunch?" he asks, crushing her hopes of having a moment of peace and quiet. Ventrell nods for her to play along and follows them down the hallway but when she turns to him, he's white with rage.
TBC