Prompt: What if Gold was drunk and so was Regina? Storybooke?

'I Pick My Poison' is where Drunk Regina was created.

Rated T for mentions and hinting of sexual things.

"Emma, Emma, Emma, have you seen Gold?" Regina asked as she wobbled on the heel of her black stilettos. "Emma, can you hear me?"

"Yes, Regina, I can hear you and..no. I haven't seen Gold."

"But-But I need to find him, Emma. I have a really really good task for him and it involves some really vigorous work."

"I don't wa-"

"I'm talking about something dirty, Emma". She said blandly, her eyes sparkling wth the images currently floating to the surface of her mind and Emma could almost swear she could see the exact ones, even if she didn't want to.

"The last time I saw him, they were having a pretty heated argument - Gold and Belle."

"Oh no, I hope she didn't say something that will bruise his ego but then again last time that happened he might as well have bruised something else of mine in a good way…" Regina pointing down and gave Emma an attempt at a wink before turning on her heels, stumbling, then straightening back up and heading for the pawn shop.

"Oh boy."

Three hours later, Emma had been doing her part in town patrolling when she came up on a light shining deep in the forest. Personally, she wanted to just keep driving and ignore it, but that wouldn't be doing the job right. She climbed out of her vehicle, after putting it in park, and then trudged through the trees. Muck, leaves, twigs galor all meeting with the rubber of her boots - her hands pushing tree branches out of her way.

The clearly where the light had come from was a large floating orb, it hovered around four feet off of the ground and illuminated the surrounding area — allowing Emma's eyes to fall upon two people laying on the ground both bursting with laughter. "What in the hell-"

"Two minutes earlier, Emma, two minutes and you would have seen this sexy imp devil pounding right away at me".

"I"

"It's true, Miss Mills. Savior. I was. We were. Glorious little thing, isn't she? My Queen, my royal nugget, my sweet apple pie."

"Fuck, I love when you talk to me like that." Regina growled and pressed her lips to Gold's, their mouths moving messily against one another that resembled more of a devouring than an actual kiss. The entire campsite smelled of booze and the blonde wondered how much they had actually consumed.

"She tells me you haven't been bringing her to me when she asks? Is that true miss swan lake?"

"What?" The blonde asked, taken aback at the stern tone in his voice.

"Tell him Emma, tell him how mean you've been to me so he can spank you."

"HE is not spanking ME." Emma growled.

"I will." Gold pushed himself onto his feet and the blanket that had laid across his lap fell away. The sound pouring from Regina was something akin to laughter and growing arousal, which honestly sounded more like a strange mewling coyote or something.

"Let him spank you, Emma! Come on Emmaaaa, don't be a sour puss." Regina chirped, her hands hitting the blanket across her lap and tucked beneath her arms.

"Excuse me?" The blonde scoffed.

"You heard her, Miss Swan. Don't make me bend you over my knee." Gold thrust his finger in her direction, all the while Emma tried to keep her eyes on his face. "Hard, isn't it"? The cackle that left his lips was more akin to the one of Te Dark One. He had been referring to her not looking at his manhood.

"Okay, you two have everything under control here. 'I'm going home." Emma hissed, turning on her heels and heading back the way she came.

"Bye Emma! Tell everyone we'll be away for more hours." Regina called back after her, hand frantically waving before Gold literally threw himself onto her.