"There's one more place I need to go, actually." Bellamy told Bucky as they walked out of Susanna's Café. Flora and John had made a big deal about Bucky's birthday, naturally. They had scolded both of them for not telling them in advance and bought him a cheese Danish from behind the counter.

"I don't need gifts." He had told the old couple as they made a fuss. "Your conversation is enough." Needless to say, they loved him.

"Where?" Bucky asked her.

"Well, Mrs. McGrath's birthday is coming up too, actually. I was going to head to the market and buy some more apples and try to get that apple pie right so I can make her a perfect one. But of course, you don't have to come. I can walk you back to the apartment."

"I'll go with you." He told her. The nearest market was also within walking distance. Between them they shared a bubble of unburdened silence, protected from the outside chatter of the people they passed, and the honking cars in the street.

"This is odd." She decided as they walked and she had been alone with her thoughts for long enough.

"What?" Bucky asked, immediately but nonchalantly looking around.

"Having so much free time I picked up baking as a hobby." Bucky relaxed and glanced at her. "Not having orders to follow, of some sort."

"You need to stop living in the past." He told her, catching her off guard. "Isn't the now what's important?" Bellamy sighed.

"Yes, well…maybe I'm still not ready."

"Do you want to talk about it?" He asked, his voice lowered, and when she turned to him, he was looking back earnestly. "I'll listen." They had reached the market now and headed towards the fresh produce.

"Thanks, but I think I just need to pretend now. So let's get these apples and a few things for your birthday dinner, huh? Maybe you don't remember your favorite meal, but I can make a mean—"

"Actually…I do." Bucky cut her off. Bellamy blinked.

"Oh. Well, good, maybe I can make that. What was it, steak and potatoes? Meatloaf?"

"Hot dogs."

"…Hot dogs?" He glanced at her and she fixed her face quickly. "I mean, that's…if that's your favorite, then of course."

"They weren't just any hot dogs." Bellamy pursed her lips skeptically. "Every birthday, Steve and I would save up and splurge on the best hot dog stand in Brooklyn. We would almost make ourselves sick." Bellamy thought for a second before she let out a breath and nodded decisively.

"Okay." She made herself agree verbally. Bucky blinked.

"What?"

"We should drop these apples off and get going; Brooklyn is much too far of a walk from here."

Bucky sighed for about the fifth time of the car ride from the backseat. Every time she glanced in the rearview mirror, his arms remained crossed.

"If you keep making that face it'll get stuck that way." She joked and he rolled his eyes.

"You shouldn't have done this." That was also something he had said close to five times now.

"Your birthday only comes around once a year." He sent her a look and opened his mouth, but she cut him off sharply. "And don't say something absurd like you shouldn't have been born, alright?" He closed his mouth. When she glanced back in the mirror, he was somewhat smirking.

"You're beginning to know me pretty well."

"No. There's more to you than angst, Barnes." Something she said must have worked because he uncrossed his arms not too long after.

When they reached Brooklyn, Bellamy was to look for a specific park, apparently like that of Central Park—that was where the hot dog stand was. Bucky insisted it couldn't possibly still be there, but Bellamy finally found it.

There appeared to be nothing special of it, it was just a regular looking silver stand with a red umbrella and one man working, but the way Bucky looked at it with such familiarity had her deciding that it was anything but ordinary.

As the two of them approached the stand, Bucky began to trail back, and stopped her completely by pulling her wrist. It startled her, and she knew Bucky could see it when she turned around; he let go instantly.

"Maybe we shouldn't." He told her as she stopped. Instantly, she searched the area around them, only seeing people walking with a purpose, a young woman with black hair jogging with her retriever, a family of four.

"Are you running late?" She asked him casually, checking their path back to her car.

"…No, but…" He looked down, hiding from her questioning eyes and shuffling his feet. "You shouldn't be paying for my meals. Or coffee." His voice was almost too quiet for her to hear his embarrassed words, but when she did, she realized the problem and relaxed instantly. "It isn't the gentleman thing to do."

Bellamy chuckled first softly, really more out of amazement than anything. He still wouldn't meet her gaze and she wondered what color his cheeks were.

"Bucky, it's on me." He still didn't lift his gaze, and she smiled; it was absolutely endearing. "It's your birthday, I want to do this." Tentatively, he looked up, still hiding a bit with the brim of his hat. "Nowadays, plenty of women pay for themselves, I always do. Sometimes couples even split the check. Just allow me, okay?" There was something he didn't understand, but he nodded anyways, albeit reluctantly. Maybe he knew she wasn't taking no for an answer. "Alright. You're going to have to tell me what to get."

"You just have to go for it." Bellamy frowned down at the much bigger than she had expected hot dog in her hands. Bucky was coaching her, in a sense, after watching her shift it to different angles every time she brought it to her mouth. "C'mon, just take a bite." She sent him a narrowed eyed glance, now regretting letting him convince her to try the messiest one, apparently.

"Why don't you take the first bite, birthday boy?" They were sitting on an abandoned bench deep within the park, underneath the shade of several trees trying to bloom again, but still struggling.

"Alright." He agreed. The hot dog looked much smaller in his hands and he took a bite almost expertly, experiencing no trouble. As he chewed, his eyes shut. Bellamy smiled at his enjoyment, so uninhibited. "It tastes exactly the same." He said in amazement, chuckling, before he looked at her. "After you, miss." Likely, the whole experience was just bringing out a lighter side of him, but his words made her heart jump and eating the messy hot dog was suddenly incredibly daunting.

"Oh no," she mumbled as she lifted it up again. What was she even doing; she never liked hot dogs ever in her life, but she forced herself to take a bite. And it was…good. If she could ignore how messy it felt.

"Good, right?" He asked. Bellamy finished chewing and looked at him without any way to disagree.

"Yeah…yeah, it is." Bucky was staring at her face before he raised his hand and pointed to the spot right above his own lip, and it took her a second to realize what he meant, and an incredibly long second to find a napkin to wipe the ketchup away. "That would happen to me…" she muttered in embarrassment, feeling her skin grow hot.

"That's how you know it's good." Bucky was smiling and took another bite. "'S'not so bad, right?" He teased.

"Well. I guess it is pretty good."

They continued to eat uninterrupted, unless the sound of the birds chirping counted. Bucky brushed his hands off and wiped his mouth clean as he finished his second.

"Do you want to talk about what's been bothering you now?" He prompted as he leaned back against the bench. His arm was casually hung over the back, she was far enough away that they weren't in contact, but with him sitting that way, it was more than easy to imagine it. She frowned at the thought and pushed it away. "I know you're just…trying to pretend you can tolerate me and everything, but…sometimes you do have to get it out."

"I'm not pretending to tolerate you, Bucky. It's not you." She disagreed. "I'm…pretending to be a person who's not so...strict and rigid and boring. Who's not just some agent." She sighed. "That literally was my life, and it was for nothing. HYDRA manipulated me because I was the way I was. And I hate them, but I hate even more how gullible I was—I wasn't picked to be Deputy Director because I was good, or ready, or experienced, certainly not because I was the best. But because I finally agreed with their agenda. Peace by any means necessary."

"Stop." Bucky told her, earning her attention with the vehemence in his tone. "You're not them, you never were. You are good. You didn't know they were HYDRA. They manipulated both of us." Bucky was shaking his head, and turned his eyes to her, speaking with intense focus. "Bellamy, they already took so much from you…don't let them take yourself too." As she stared back, she knew he was speaking from experience.

"I guess that's what we're both after. An identity." They sat together quietly. Bellamy frowned as she thought more and more about it. "Maybe we're just complicating it."

"How?"

"Maybe we should just try to be happy." Bucky stared at her for such a long time that she thought he was going to disagree, but he snorted as if he had realized something too.

"It's pretty simple if you think of it that way." He reasoned, before sending her a cool smile. It was a good one. All day, he had made good attempts, but finally, it was starting to become a trouble-free thing. "Well, you made me pretty happy today, so…I've got a good start." He waited as if he were expecting her to say something, but she wasn't sure if she could; it took her a long time to figure out the strange heavy sensation in her chest. Only once he had turned away was when she could get out,

"Good, I'm glad I could." He looked back to her and she could feel her heart pounding, which wasn't uncommon around him, but the cause was…different. "You should always be happy on your birthday."

Even if living in the same space had gotten easier, Bucky trying to find peace while sleeping hadn't. Bellamy couldn't stop thinking about what he had told her earlier after she had given him the book. Maybe he needed one more present.

Out on the love-seat, Bucky was lying down staring up at the ceiling with a deep-in-thought-frown, and an arm behind his head. She cleared her throat with her hands behind her back again, and he sat up, before he made a face.

"Not another one…" He told her. She smiled reassuringly.

"Don't worry, this one isn't anything grand. May I sit with you?" He moved quickly to oblige and give her more than enough space. Before she sat, she pulled out the empty notebook from behind her back. "You told me this morning that sometimes your memories get jumbled…I thought this would help. Some people keep a diary to help keep their thoughts straight. You can write down anything you want, when you can't sleep you can write." He took the notebook gingerly with slow motions, and held it the way one should hold a glass antique, rather than a notebook. "You've told me a lot of old memories lately, just like the one today about you and Steve. I don't want you to ever forget a memory like that."

"Thank you, Bellamy." He spoke softly, before he started to frown. "I really don't deserve your kindness."

"You deserve to be happy. We deserve to be happy." He inspected her carefully, his features soft.

"What makes you happy, then?"

"I don't know." She admitted "I don't know how to go from trying to save the world and help it the best way I can…to helping myself. It seems very, very insignificant." Bucky frowned.

"I think finally figuring out what you want is one of the most important things you'll do. Far from insignificant. I don't think anything about you is insignificant, Bellamy." He was staring at her sincerely and intent, but a part of her kind of wished he were avoiding her gaze again.

"Sure, but I'm just another name exposed after S.H.I.E.L.D., I'm just a name with a list."

"I bet lots of little girls know about your name now. And they know your every accomplishment and how you tried to make the world better, and they want to grow up to be just like you." Bellamy felt genuinely touched, it was such a genuine statement she hadn't heard in the longest time, with such honest sincerity. The heavy feeling in her chest was back, and she blinked, uncomfortable with it and the way her face was warming.

"What did you want to be when you grew up?" Bellamy asked delicately, leaning her head back on the love-seat.

"I think I just, wanted to be a man. I imagine when I was younger, I wanted to be in the Olympics, or a doctor, or something. But then I went to war, and I just wanted to come home a hero. I wanted to settle down. Be a shoulder to lean on, have a family. Be a good man." The more he spoke, the more she smiled, and when she turned to him, she watched a slow smile spread on his lips too.

"I don't think it's ever too late to be who you wanted to be."

"And I don't think it's too late to figure out what you want. And I'm sure, being you, you'll get it." The swirling heaviness in her chest finally named itself; butterflies were tumbling around inside her ribcage and urging her heart to fly too.

"Thank you, Bucky. That means a lot." Silently, he nodded. With that, she hesitated there on the sofa, meaning to leave to go to her room, but also, surprisingly, wanting to stay. Bucky stared at her with a light look on his face. For the first time in a long time, she noticed the silence between them. It was calm. "Well…goodnight, Bucky. And Happy Birthday."

"Goodnight, and thanks." She smiled in goodbye and stood to walk away. "Sleep well." He added, and she paused, smiling over her shoulder before it turned into a somber one.

"I wish I could tell you the same. I really do."

"I'll be fine."

Bellamy wasn't really sure what that meant, until she tiptoed down the hallway an hour later, unable to sleep until she knew. Silently, she watched him sitting on the couch writing ceaselessly in the notebook, and realized it was better than nothing; it was a first step towards sleeping well.

A/N: Well, obviously this story is a bit of a slow burn but the fluff and future fluff is worth it, I promise! The hot dog scene was inspired by the song "Gold In The Air" by Jesse Woods. Anyways, thank you for taking the time to read and please review!