The team only stayed for a couple of hours, everyone getting their turns with Michaela. No one seemed to notice that JJ seemed to have the longest turn and her contribution to the conversation became almost nonexistent as her attention was so consumed by the infant. By the time they decided to leave, Spencer was clearly becoming sleepy. Derek had no doubt this had something to do with Hotch's decision to leave. Hotch and Rossi helped Derek move Michaela's bassinet to Fran's room for the night before goodbyes were made. They all made plans to get together for dinner in the next week the next time the remainder of their team wrapped up a case.

When they left, Fran rejoined them, waving off Spencer's apologies and assurances that she didn't have to have gone to her room that whole time. She said their team deserved their own time with Michaela and she'd been meaning to finish a book she'd been reading anyway. She cooked for them again, a simple meal that was light and quick, promising to do some shopping the next day.

After dinner, Fran shooed the new parents off to bed, seeing how Spencer could barely keep his eyes open. She cleaned up the kitchen and straightened the living room then went to her room to read before bed though her gaze kept straying to her granddaughter who slept soundly.

Spencer managed to sleep for a couple of hours then was wide awake. Only one night and he couldn't sleep knowing Michaela was in another room. She wasn't right there for him to check on. If she cried, he wouldn't know and couldn't get to her as quickly. He knew Fran was going to take care of her tonight so he and Derek could get a full night's sleep but he still found himself wide awake with worry.

He glanced at Derek, finding his boyfriend fast asleep and snoring lightly. Not wanting to wake Derek and make them both tired in the morning, Spencer carefully slipped from the bed and went out into the hall. He looked toward Fran's room but heard nothing to indicate his daughter was even awake let alone needing him so he continued on to the living room.

As he entered the living room, he saw Fran in the kitchen, slowly making circuits around the island with Michaela in her arms, the little bottle of milk Spencer had managed to pump in one hand. Fran stopped when she saw him and smiled warmly.

"Couldn't sleep?" she asked.

Spencer shook his head and sat at the island, leaning on an elbow as he watched Fran feed his daughter. "I can't sleep knowing she's not in the same room," he admitted.

"Welcome to parenthood," she said. "You're going to spend the rest of your life worrying about her."

"It gets easier, doesn't it?" Spencer asked quietly.

"You'll learn to trust others to look after her and won't worry every time she's out of your sight," Fran assured him.

"I don't think I can trust anyone but Derek, our team, and our mothers," he admitted quietly, pushing a hand through his hair. "With our jobs, we've seen the worst of humanity and how someone you trust can turn on you. What if we send her to school and her teacher – someone we trust to look after her – rapes her or kidnaps her?"

Fran was silent for a moment as she settled herself on the stool beside him, placing the now empty bottle on the counter top. What was she supposed to say to that? Every parent worried for their child but for Spencer and Derek, their jobs were going to make it even harder to let go. But the two had spoken of their boss and how he had a son. Maybe she wasn't the best person to talk to about this despite her willingness and desire to help.

"I think," she said slowly, choosing her words and tone carefully, "maybe this is a subject you should talk to Agent Hotchner about. I don't know what it's like to know what you all know but he does and he has a child. He could help you better than I can, sweetie."

After a pause, Spencer nodded. "I guess you're right. Thank you," he said, offering her a small, quick smile. Then his eyes fell on his daughter and he sighed. "I still don't know how I'm going to sleep with her in a different room."

"You know I've got her, Spencer," Fran assured him. "She'll be fine until morning and then you can have her all you'd like," she added with a teasing grin.

He couldn't help but laugh, just a couple huffs of soundless breath. It may have taken waking up and seeing Fran with Michaela but Spencer felt calmer. "Yeah," he said slowly. "I think I'll be okay now. I trust you – that was never the issue. I just..."

"I know, baby," she assured, reaching a hand out to rest on his shoulder for a moment. "Go back to bed. Michaela and I are about to head back to bed, too."

Spencer nodded and cast one last affectionate smile toward his sleeping daughter before returning to bed. As he slipped under the blanket and wriggled closer to Derek, the other man tossed an arm around Spencer's waist, his hand landing on Spencer's hip.

"Feeling better, pretty boy?" he mumbled sleepily.

"You're awake?"

Derek hummed an affirmation. "Not for long though. I don't know what made me wake up but when I did, your side was empty. I assumed you needed to check on Michaela and see for yourself that she's fine with Mama."

"Yeah," Spencer admitted with an embarrassed laugh, feeling his cheeks heat up. "But I know she's fine with your mother."

"Good."

The two were quiet for several minutes before Spencer rolled to face Derek and pressed himself flush against his boyfriend. "Derek?" he whispered.

"Mm?"

"I want to see my mom," he whimpered, lip wobbling. "But Michaela is way too little. She should be at least a month old before traveling. But… I want to see my mom," he repeated breath hitching before he sniffled, tears sliding down his face. Angrily, he wiped at his eyes. "I'm so sick of crying all the time!"

"Hey, hey," Derek called gently, brushing Spencer's hair back and wiping the tears from his face with loving caresses of his thumbs. "First, there's nothing wrong with crying and there's nothing wrong with you for doing so. You'll feel better in a week or two, remember?" He wrapped his arms around Spencer and tugged so Spencer was lying atop him, chest-to-chest, and rubbed his back.

Spencer made a surprised noise at being tugged on top of Derek but sighed and relaxed into his boyfriend, nuzzling into Derek's neck as he continued speaking.

"Second, just because we can't fly out to see her right now doesn't mean she won't ever meet Michaela. Besides, waiting until Michaela is older also gives you time to feel more like your old self. Why don't you tell her about Michaela in a letter?" he suggested, dropping his voice to a lower tone in hopes that it might help soothe Spencer back into sleep. "We can even take a new picture of her with you if you'd like since you were bare chested in the one Garcia took for the team."

Spencer was quiet long enough that Derek thought he'd finally fallen back to sleep. When he spoke, it was just above a whisper. "I guess it doesn't hurt to at least try writing something."

"Of course not. Now," Derek said, pressing a kiss to Spencer's temple. "Try and go back to sleep, okay? Mama took Michaela with her just so we could sleep. You're not allowed to be exhausted tomorrow."

Spencer huffed a laugh and nuzzled into Derek with a sigh.

He wasn't sure when he fell asleep. The next thing he was aware of was being gently shaken awake. As consciousness slowly sunk in, he heard Derek calling his name in a low voice. Behind that, he could hear Michaela crying. The latter was the sound that jolted him into full awareness and he sat up quickly, looking around for his daughter.

"Whoa, easy, pretty boy," Derek said, gently grasping a shoulder.

"Where's Michaela? That cry means she's hungry. Why didn't you wake me sooner?" Spencer rambled, shrugging his boyfriend's hand away and shoving the blanket away to scramble from the bed and rush from the room.

"Spencer, calm down," Derek called, following after him. "She's only been crying a minute. We checked to make sure it wasn't her diaper or anything and realized she's hungry. That's why I was waking you."

As Derek explained, Spencer kept moving. He followed the sound of his baby's crying and hurried down the hall into the nursery. Fran was rocking in the glider with a fusing Michaela in her arms. Spencer hurried over to her and leaned down to carefully scoop his daughter into his arms.

"Give her to me," he said with no heat to the words.

Fran willingly passed her granddaughter over and vacated the glider for him then grabbed her blanket from where it draped over her crib.

Spencer began to gently sway with Michaela, expertly holding her in one arm and grabbing the pillow with the other hand. "Hey, it's okay, Michaela," he cooed, seeing how she rooted against his shirt. She was definitely hungry.

He carefully settled into the glider and placed the pillow in his lap to help support Michaela then began unbuttoning his shirt with one hand. As soon as her cheek met his bare skin, Michaela began to seek out his nipple. It only took a little guiding from Spencer for her to find it and begin suckling hungrily. Spencer winced at the tugging but it faded as her sucking became less fervent.

As he watched Michaela eat, he felt a twinge in his chest. She seemed so desperate to get to the milk she needed. He hadn't even been able to undress her or completely remove his shirt for full skin-to-skin contact. The idea that his baby had gotten that hungry in the time it took for them to realize she was hungry and wake him made his heart ache.

"From now on," he said quietly, stroking a hand down the back of her head, "she stays in our room."

"Spencer, she's fine," Derek said simply. "It only took me a minute to wake you up."

"Derek," Spencer snapped though he kept his voice low so it wouldn't startle Michaela and make her stop eating. "That's a minute too long. If I had been right there, I would have woken the instant she began crying and I could have fed her properly. She needs skin-to-skin contact and a peaceful mealtime. She was in so much of a hurry to eat that I couldn't undress us enough and it actually hurt when she first started eating. And no more pumping either. I don't like it anymore. I want to feed her myself."

"Spencer-"

"Derek," Fran gently interrupted, stepping into her son's line of sight to make him look at her. "It's Spencer's decision how to feed the baby. If he no longer wants to pump, he doesn't have to. Bu you have it in case he ever wants to again. And, Spencer," she added, turning to the other male. "Don't let one moment change your mind. Derek isn't as in tune with Michaela as you are. It took him a little longer to understand her cries than it does for you. I'm sure once he can tell the difference and act quicker, you'll realize having bottles of breast milk can help him help you feed her. You could have slept in if we'd had more for her, too."

Spencer glared at the Morgans, not even trying to keep his ire in check around Fran this time. Help or not, he was angry with her, too. "So it's my fault because I can't make enough?"

"I didn't say that," Fran said calmly, unaffected by Spencer's anger. She knew he wasn't thinking rationally right now, emotions having gone haywire. "I was just trying to point out that it will be beneficial not to completely stop pumping. Think about how you like to feed Michaela. Having her snuggled up against your chest, her skin against yours. If you had bottles, she could bond with Derek just as she does with you."

That last point cooled Spencer's anger like a bucket of water dousing a flame. It left him with a cold realization that he was being selfish, making decisions out of fear for Michaela without thinking about how they'd affect Derek. And, really, his decision to not pump would affect Michaela, too, in the long term. Yes, she'd still get milk from Spencer, but she wouldn't be able to bond with her other parent, too. He felt selfish and feared Derek would think Spencer assumed he didn't love Michaela the same as Spencer did. Or, worse, that Spencer was purposely trying to deny him time with their daughter.

Before he could stop it or be angry for it, Spencer felt tears fill his eyes and begin streaming down his face. His breathing hitched several times with half formed sobs. He squeezed his eyes shut against the ache in his chest which forced more tears to fall.

"I- I'm sorry," he whispered around sobs. When he opened his eyes, Derek was kneeling beside the glider and he reached his free arm to wrap around Derek's neck and stared at him through a watery gaze. "I-I didn't thi-ink. You have ju-ust as much ri-ight to feed and bo-ond with our ba-aby as I d-do. I didn't m-mean to take that aw-way from you."

"Shh, easy, Spencer," Derek instructed gently as Spencer tried to breathe and talk around sobs. He wrapped an arm around Spencer's shoulders and rubbed his thumb back and forth against the base of his neck.

"I-I know y-you l-love her just as m-mu-uch," Spencer continued though he didn't get to try to say more, the sobs overwhelming him. It was all he could do to just breathe around them let alone trying to talk.

As he became more distraught, Michaela stopped eating and began to whimper. Fran, sensing the tears coming, gently took her from Spencer and left the room to go calm her down away from Spencer so Derek could help him calm down. Once his arms were empty, Spencer flung the other arm around Derek and buried his face into his neck. The other man slid his arms behind Spencer's shoulders and knees and stood, scooping him from the chair and cradling him bridal style. Spencer pressed himself close and wrapped his arms tighter around Derek.

"I'm s-sorry," he whispered.

"Shh," Derek cooed, lowering himself into the glider with Spencer in his lap. He began rubbing circles into his back. "I know you are, Spencer. I know you didn't make the decision to not pump out of malice toward me or to keep me from bonding with Michaela, too. You're probably tired and you were frustrated. Mama shouldn't have said what she said."

"No, she's ri-ight," Spencer argued. He took a few deep, if rapid, breaths, trying to calm himself. "I n-need to keep doing i-it to have bottles of milk fo-or you to feed h-her, too."

"Well, she was also right to chastise me," Derek admitted. "It's you Michaela is getting the milk from. If you want to pump or not, I should accept it and not argue."

Spencer shook his head as he pulled away enough to meet Derek's eyes. "No," he said more strongly, frustration easing his sobs and making his speech clearer again. "I made the decision out of frustration and worry that Michaela was going hungry because I wasn't right there to feed her the instant she cried and because I'm paranoid of doing everything perfect so I worried not having the skin contact was going to negatively affect her. You were right to try to point out how stupid that was."

"You're not stupid, pretty boy," Derek said before pressing a kiss to his boyfriend's lips. "'Stupid' and 'Spencer Reid' do not belong in the same sentence," he added with a chuckle.

Spencer rolled his eyes but laughed quietly. He took a deep breath and wiped at his wet eyes before wrapping his arms around Derek's neck again and staring into his eyes, his own clear again. "I'm sorry, Derek."

Derek shook his head. "No more apologies. There is nothing you need to be sorry for."

Spencer's breath caught at how easily Derek forgave him and before his mind could fully process the action, he was pressing his lips insistently to Derek's. He felt Derek's arms tighten around him and pressed himself against Derek's chest as if he were trying to make them one being. Though intense, the kiss only lasted a handful of seconds before Spencer pulled back again, panting lightly.

"I love you," he said.

"I love you, too," Derek replied, carding a hand through Spencer's hair a few times more before carefully settling him on his feet and pulling himself from the glider. "Let's get Michaela and you can finish feeding her – the way you like."

Spencer nodded and took Derek's hand once the other man was standing. They went, hand-in-hand, out into the living room where Fran was attempting to soothe a fussing Michaela by rocking her and making circuits around the room. When she saw them, she made a beeline for Spencer and gently placed Michaela in his arms.

"She's definitely hungry. Nothing will calm her," she explained.

Spencer frowned as he looked down at his daughter. "I'm sorry," he whispered though he wasn't sure for what or to whom he was apologizing. He just knew his baby was hungry and upset and it could have been resolved sooner if he hadn't broken down.

"Spencer," Fran said quietly, gently tilting his chin up so he'd meet her eyes. "Please don't apologize for getting upset. Honestly, I was expecting a major breakdown like that one. Your emotions are all over and while you freely express the anger you feel and embraced the joy of your baby yesterday evening, you always make yourself stop crying and you suppress it. Just let yourself feel and let it out, okay? Don't you feel a bit better after letting it out?"

Spencer was quiet for a moment while he assessed how he felt. Then he offered her a small, sheepish smile and nodded. "Yeah, I guess I do. I feel a little worn out but still a little lighter." Fran gave him a warm smile in return then he turned his attention to his boyfriend. Derek," he said quietly. "Would you like to help? This shouldn't be just me. You should get to share in feeding time, too."

"How can I help?" Derek asked, tilting his head.

Before Spencer could explain, Fran cleared her throat. "May I make a suggestion?" She felt it was best to ask permission than to just give her suggestion since the last time she'd put in her opinion, Spencer had broken down and while he'd needed it and he'd just admitted he felt a bit better, she was hesitant to push her luck.

"Of course," Spencer said with an encouraging smile. He didn't blame Fran for his outburst in the nursery. She hadn't said anything wrong or untrue and he wanted her to continue teaching them things he may not have though of on his own.

"While Derek may not be able to feed her just yet, he can still be part of feeding time in a way that allows you all to be close. Go run a warm bath and strip yourselves and Michaela. Spencer will, of course, hold Michaela to feed her but, Derek, you're going to wrap them both in your arms," she explained.

Spencer and Derek glanced at each other, quiet for only a second before both were agreeing. While Spencer hurried down the hall to get set up because Michaela's cries were becoming louder and he'd made her wait long enough, Derek stayed behind, turning to his mother.

"While I don't appreciate the way you said what you said to get your point across that made Spencer cry, I appreciate the suggestion that will let us both help our daughter," he said with no traces of anger. True, he was unhappy with the way the scene in the nursery played out but he couldn't bring himself to be truly angry with his mother.

"I'm sorry, Derek," Fran said sincerely. "I really didn't mean to upset Spencer with what I said. I realize now I should have perhaps worded it differently."

"Derek, come on!" Spencer called from down the hall.

"Go," Fran said, nudging her son along. "We can talk later if you really want to."

Derek nodded and hurried down the hall to the bathroom. He quickly stripped then took Michaela so Spencer could strip and step into the bath. Once he was settled in the water, Derek passed him Michaela and watched as Spencer dipped a hand into the water and ran it down her back and over her legs to get her used to the warmth. He did it a few more times and Michaela's wails tapered into repetitive hiccuping sobs. Derek stepped in and settled behind Spencer, wrapping his arms around his boyfriend and daughter as Spencer relaxed into him.

He watched as Spencer expertly guided Michaela to a nipple, eyes wide in awe as she easily latched on. As he watched, he could see the movement of her mouth and throat as she sucked and swallowed. He didn't miss the way Spencer winced at first and frowned in concern.

"Does it hurt?" he asked quietly.

Spencer shook his head where it rested against Derek's shoulder. "She sucked a bit hard at first and the tugging was uncomfortable," he explained.

"She must really be hungry." He nuzzled into Spencer's neck and pressed a few kisses to the spot where his neck met his shoulder. Then he rested his chin to Spencer's shoulder and watched Michaela eat, running his hand up and down her back. "She's so beautiful," he whispered after a moment of silence.

Spencer hummed an agreement and used his free hand to caress from the top of her head down the back of it. "Derek, I just realized something," he said suddenly, turning his head to lock wide eyes on his boyfriend.

Derek chuckled at the expression on Spencer's face. He looked like a child who just discovered his first magic trick. Suddenly, he wondered if that was what Spencer looked like the first time he'd seen one as a child. "What did you realize, pretty boy?"

"You remodel houses," Spencer stated as if that explained everything whirling around in his brain.

Derek's mirthful smile fell into an expression of confusion. That one sentence didn't explain anything to him. "Yeah?" he said slowly. "I do. Why?"

"Derek," Spencer said firmly. "You remodel houses."

"Spencer, I still don't-" Then his eyes widened as realization hit him. "Oh! I'm good at it and if we did leave the BAU, that could be my..." He trailed off, suddenly lost in thought.

If he was going to turn construction into his full-time job, he'd need more work. As a hobby, he'd buy a house for himself, renovate it, and sell it for profit – flipping. It was a dangerous tactic because he might not be able to sell or if he did, he might not always be gaining much profit from it.

And if he were going to make enough money to help support his family, he'd have to change his approach. Instead of flipping, he could start a legitimate construction business and do his remodeling without the necessity of buying the home first. He'd get paid to work on homes someone else owned. He'd need employees to help him though, of course which was going to be a big process in its own. Flipping as a hobby meant he could take months around doing his job for the FBI to finish a house. As a construction business, he'd need to finish jobs in a timely manner.

Then there was the necessity of a business license and permits to be allowed to work on homes. He didn't doubt his ability to get those. This was something he was good at and he made sure his work was sound and stable before selling. In addition to licensing, he'd need to have several types of insurance for his business and employees to cover everything from their vehicles to worker's comp to general liability coverage.

"It'll be a lot of work to get it going," he finally said, tone quiet and thoughtful. "It won't happen overnight."

"No," Spencer agreed, gaze focused on Michaela. "But it would make you happy, wouldn't it?"

"If we do leave the BAU, that would be what I choose to do," Derek agreed with certainty. "I like doing it and it would allow me to get home at reasonable hours to see you both."

Spencer nodded and fell silent for several minutes. When he spoke, it was quiet, almost unsure. "I think... If we did leave, I think I would like to be a college professor," he admitted.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. I think Hotch was right; I do look a little older now so I won't blend in completely with my students. Sure, I'll be young for a professor but learning interests me and I would like what I did. And I could be home each afternoon by four or five. We'd need a babysitter while the two of us are away," he added though as he spoke and worked out his thoughts, his tone became more sure.

"Mama and I had a talk on the way home from the airport," Derek said and Spencer eyed him curiously at the seeming non sequitur. "She said she'd move to Virginia to look after Michaela if we both wanted to keep our jobs. But I have a feeling she'd be willing to move even if we both change careers. Our team is our family and there's no one I trust more with our daughter than a group of profilers who are gun trained. But they have their jobs and aside from them, there's no one else I trust as much than my mother."

Spencer nodded thoughtfully as he listened to Derek, remembering his conversation with Fran about trusting strangers with Michaela. If she wasn't with their team, then he'd at least feel better knowing she was with someone he trusted.

"Is the decision to leave the BAU or not contingent on whether she'll still move if we leave?" he asked quietly. He felt Derek shrug around him.

"I'm not sure," he said. "I think it shouldn't matter. We should do what we think is right for us and best for Michaela and figure everything else out as needed."

Spencer remained quiet for a little while, just watching Michaela who was lazily sucking at his nipple even though she wasn't getting any more milk. He gently nudged her away and carefully turned her to hold her in the other arm so she could get at his other one but she didn't seem interested in any more. Deciding to pump from the other one later, he turned her back so she could resume sucking, shushing her when she whined at the repeated movement. She settled and resumed sucking.

Once she was resettled, he quietly said "It would be safer if we did leave the FBI. What if something happens to one or both of us on a case? We don't even have a plan for that. She'd probably go to Fran as next of kin because my mother isn't suitable to look after a child but what if we wanted her to go to someone from the team? But then they'd have to make the same decision."

"Not Hotch," Derek found himself saying even though that wasn't the point in Spencer's little speech that most needed to be addressed. "And then she'd have Jack."

"True," Spencer said slowly. "Who would you like her to go with?"

"I think..." Derek trailed off, thinking it through. "JJ and Hotch."

Spencer nodded, agreeing with his choices. "Do you want to stay? We know who she'd go to if anything happens now but still..."

"Sounds to me you're leaning toward leaving, pretty boy," Derek said gently, leaning back enough to begin skimming his hands along Spencer's biceps.

"Maybe," Spencer agreed. "I just keep picturing past cases and thinking 'What if this happened?' or 'What if that happened?' and one of us not coming home from it. I think, if we stayed and were out in the field, my mind wouldn't be on the case. I'd be worrying for you and for me and for Michaela."

"Yeah," Derek agreed, the same thoughts running through his mind as Spencer spoke them aloud. "So... should we go talk to Mama?"

Spencer nodded. "Yes."