PART 2

It was morning, but Bellamy had been awake and dressed since the crack of dawn and therefore was ready at the sound of a polite knock on the door. Hoping it was Steve, she opened the door, relieved to indeed see his face, offering her a small smile.

"Good morning…" He greeted, before he trailed off, giving her a once over, and then a curious look. "You know…I've never seen you look so…" She looked down at her own white t-shirt and capris, remembering with a pang how she had worn them to Coney Island last. A harder pang hit her when she looked at her boat shoes that Bucky had teased relentlessly.

"Casual?" She finished for him. Steve smiled again.

"Suddenly, you don't look as intimidating."

"Hm. Maybe I should change." He chuckled.

"I just came to give you a tour, but I wanted to talk to you first. Is that okay?" She nodded her head and opened her door wider to let him inside the room. It was a nice room, light and bright with natural sunlight and full of white. Clean and tidy. Steve walked in and took a look around for a moment, noticing on the desk What Matters Most is How Well You Walk Through the Fire a second before she did.

"Is this all you brought with you?" He teased, walking closer to pick it up, but she beat him to it and pressed her palm over it firmly, and tried to smile so as not to look suspicious.

"Almost. Sorry, it's um, old. Passed down—fragile, you know? Falls apart when you pick it up." Steve shrugged it off politely and she swallowed in relief as she took her palm away, feeling it burn as though it had actually been touching the note still hidden between the pages. Steve had walked over to the window to stare out.

"I didn't want to ask you last night, because it wasn't important then. It still isn't, of course; my offer still stands, you're always welcome here. But..." he turned back around to her and she didn't miss the subtle shades of desperation in his eyes. "Did you think about what I asked you?"

Bellamy moved to sit down on her bed, bowing her head and looking at her clasped hands. It was all she had thought about leaving the sandwich shop, all she thought about all night. How could she possibly keep the fact that she had been in contact with Bucky this entire time a secret from Steve?

She didn't answer fast enough, Steve was already shaking his head reassuringly with a small smile.

"It's okay, you can still think it over—you can even tell me no."

"No, no…I did. I did think about it." She still couldn't look him in the eye.

Bucky had said he didn't want to be looked for, but maybe…maybe if she helped Steve and Sam, they could all find him. It could be fixed, the two of them could help her help Bucky. She could see him again, she couldn't help it; she would give anything just to see him and be able to talk to him.

"I would be more than happy to help you and Sam find Bucky." Bellamy finally said, staring at her hands and noting in the back of her mind how odd the sensation of holding one's own hand felt. Especially after you found someone else's fit so perfectly.

"Alright, now why don't you look at me and try to tell me the same thing. Convincingly." She looked up to find Steve watching her with creases in his forehead. "You don't have to feel obligated to help Sam and I, Bellamy. I know after everything that happened—"

"No," she cut him off and his frown deepened a bit out of apparent concern. She took a breath. "I...my anger was misdirected in the beginning. It took some time, but I finally realized that the two of us…Bucky and I…we were both sort of victims. And I know now that it wasn't his fault. He's the last person I would blame." Steve inspected her for a moment, taking in what she had told him.

"You call him Bucky now." He noted finally, his frown easing a bit. "You never did before."

"It helps remind me that he's a real person." She paused, almost tasting wine on her tongue, and Steve was still watching her closely as she stood. "I want to help you, Steve. I can feel useful again and help Sam out and maybe we can find him and…help him."

"Are you sure?" She hadn't felt this sure of anything in recent memory.

"Yes." He gave her a grateful smile before he stuck his hand out, and they shook.

"Thank you, I appreciate it, Bellamy." She tried smiling back. "So. How 'bout that tour? We can see if the others are awake. Sometimes Nat makes pancakes." Another twinge of nerves hit her, a different kind of uneasiness enveloped her that she had somehow forgotten about: her new roommates.

It wasn't as if she hadn't ever met them; she had been on the helicarrier when they were first assembled for the New York incident. However, they were...more than aware of her feelings of them. Well, prior feelings.

"You remember Tony, right?" Steve asked as he took her out towards the large kitchen. Tony was standing front and center at the counter, drinking coffee.

"Yes, of course." She offered him a polite nod, and Steve wore a cautious expression that almost made him look nervous.

"Tony, this is Bellamy Burke, she—" Tony hurried to finish his sip of coffee in order to cut Steve off.

"Right, right, right—of course. How could I forget?" He almost couldn't cut Steve off fast enough. He directed his gaze to her with something of a sarcastic look. "The girl who said, oh what was it…oh! 'Being Fury's Deputy now just means I clean up the Avenger's messes.' Right?" Bellamy's smile twitched.

"Right." She confirmed, noticing how Clint and Natasha behind Tony's shoulder gave her a glance. "Time passes, opinions change. I figured if Steve actually isn't all that bad, the rest of you can't be either." Steve raised an eyebrow but now wore a smile again. Tony shrugged, but one corner of his mouth upturned.

"Steve told us you were coming to stay. A friend of Cap's is probably a good person, so we'll just forget all those old grievances. Including what I heard you said about my tower—that you're now staying in, go figure. Past is in the past and all that. Muffin?" Bellamy took a blueberry one that Tony had offered.

"Thanks, I, um, I do appreciate it." She said, earning a bigger smile from Steve and a small one from Natasha.

"Steve also mentioned you were coming to help him out." Clint said as he chewed on a crispy piece of toast. She wondered just how much the rest of the Avengers knew about Steve's side quest.

"Yes. To be honest, it will be good to have somewhat of a task to work towards." He nodded in understanding as he chewed.

"We've been lucky to keep busy." Natasha agreed, also seemingly voicing Clint's thoughts accurately; the two always seemed to be on the same page.

"Did you pick up any interesting hobbies after S.H.I.E.L.D.?" Clint asked as he spread butter on his second piece of toast.

"Baking, if anything." Bellamy replied.

"Oh, Betty Crocker now, are we?" Tony commented and she resisted the urge to roll her eyes.

"Just trying to readjust." She said, her tone straining which seemed to make Natasha smile down at the orange she was peeling.

"It's nice seeing you back around again." She commented, and Tony turned to send Bellamy his glance.

"Yeah. Nice to see you without a stick up your—"

"Tony." Steve cut the billionaire off who merely rolled his eyes and gathered up two plates of breakfast.

"Sorry, Cap. Without your panties in a wad." He stated, straight-faced, as he passed them. Clint laughed to himself mischievously. "I'll be in the lab."

"Steve hates that word." Natasha explained, stifling a small smile herself. Bellamy gave Steve a side glance and noticed him scoffing.

"Alright, alright. C'mon, I want to show you another place. I'm sure you'll like it." They left the spies there in the kitchen, with Steve explaining Bruce was hiding away in the lab, nervous about her appearance, but he would likely introduce himself later. Thor was always unpredictable apparently and Steve told her to stay "prepared" to find him in any place in the tower, from watching the laundry cycle or using the workout facility as a form of amusement more than anything.

"To be honest, I wasn't prepared for how big it was going to be." Bellamy marveled beside Steve as he guided her through.

"I know. It took a while to adjust, but Tony had this place equipped to sort of welcome us all and give us what we needed. Plus, there's no way I could afford a place in Brooklyn at the moment." Whatever response she was going to give disappeared from her head immediately at the sight of towering bookcases surrounding a cozy sitting area.

"Oh my God…" she breathed as she stood in the middle of the room, doing a slow circle. Steve was watching her knowingly when she tore her eyes away.

"This is all just for leisure, believe it or not. We have more files and information stored on the top floors. It's working as our headquarters for now." She inspected a few of the books, nodding to herself, nothing but impressed.

"I guess Tony really does have nothing but the best." Steve chuckled.

"So…" he began, leaning against one of the leather couches with his arms crossed. "Baking, huh?" She chuckled, abandoning the books.

"Well, really just apple pie. But it's my grandmother's recipe and I've perfected it now." She had to fight to keep her smile on her face. Steve didn't seem to notice and smiled easily.

"Pie is my favorite. I'm excited to try it." She turned away from him, going back to the bookcases.

"What makes you think I'll bake you one?" She asked dryly, reading book titles almost in an effort to try and overfill her mind to shove Bucky's face and every memory of him out of her head. Steve's laugh was background noise.

"I've missed you." She blinked to herself, before she turned back around to look at him over her shoulder. He was wearing a light smile.

"What?" She murmured blankly. He shrugged his shoulders unapologetically.

"I guess I realized I missed getting mildly insulted on a daily basis." She said nothing again. "So, I'm assuming I'll find you tucked away here or in your room most of the time?" Steve asked. She bit her lip.

"Actually…one of the reasons I agreed to come here is because you're probably right. About…depending on people. And I'm trying not to isolate myself." She swallowed. Steve seemed a bit surprised, as well as confused. She walked back over to him. "It's a bit hard, but I guess a lot of things are in the beginning." He nodded slowly before he gave her a genuinely encouraging smile.

"You'll get there, Bellamy."

"So, what about you." She changed the topic lightly away from her. "What does Captain America do in his spare time?"

"Well," he mulled something over in his head before he jerked his head. "I'll show you. Come on."

They ended up in the empty gym area, equipped with pretty much every single exercise equipment invented and imagined, unconventional and not.

"Nat and I spar here sometimes. I think I spend more time here than anyone else. I know you like to run because you can get out everything you're feeling, right?" She nodded silently after a moment, watching him walk over to a hanging punching bag. "I do the same thing, just with this. It helps."

"With what?" His eyes grew distant.

"Everything. Anger. Guilt. When I think of the past." They were staring at each other with distant eyes, neither of them really in the present moment before Steve took a lingering look at the bag. "C'mon, I'll show you everything else. Maybe we can find Thor."

The day continued to pass with Steve showing her the rest of the tower. She met new faces: nurses, doctors, and researchers that worked in the headquarters. Some were former S.H.I.E.L.D. workers, like Maria Hill—again, proving there was nothing but the best around in the tower. More and more she felt like she was a part of something that mattered a bit more than wasting away over nothing.

Thor was in the media room, watching the TV projection on the wall displaying a fashion reality TV show. He bellowed an enthusiastic greeting to her and shook her hand with a ferocious grip, telling her with a grand grin a friend of Steve's was a friend of his. The welcoming trend of the Avengers continued and made her feel a bit guiltier of her prior misgivings.

Thor followed her and Steve back to the kitchen, where they surprised Bruce, who seemed to have snuck out of the lab to make a sandwich. He jumped and looked at them with wide eyes, wielding a butter knife.

"…Hi," he murmured, his eyes skimming over Bellamy completely and putting the knife down quickly, dusting his hands on his pants. "Um, it's nice to see you again, Miss Burke. I, uh, I meant to come and greet you earlier when you were here, but, I remembered your entirely understandable reservations of us, and I didn't want to make you nervous." He grabbed the butter knife again with a jumpy laugh. "I'm just making a sandwich, I promise." Steve shared a small smile with her.

"No worries, Dr. Banner. Thank you for having me here." She reached her hand out to Bruce, who shook her hand with a puzzled expression.

"Oh, uh, sure, sure. It's not up to me though—I mean, you're Steve's friend." Bellamy glanced behind her shoulder back towards Steve and wondered how much he had told the others about her. "I don't think any of us have any objections to you being here…are you here to help us with HYDRA…?"

"Excellent! More of the cavalry to help us defeat the enemy!" Thor encouraged from where he stood curiously inspecting Bruce's sandwich, and reached out to clap Bellamy on the back so hard that she stumbled a step forward.

"Actually—" Bellamy began, before a chime went off.

"Captain Rogers, Sam Wilson has arrived." A mechanical voice sounded and Bellamy looked around the room.

"That's just JARVIS." Steve reassured her, and she blinked before thinking to herself, Stark, and nodded slowly.

"Of course." She replied, just as Sam came over the corner, a bag in his hands.

"What's for lunch?" He asked.

"BLT's!" Thor said behind her with a mouthful of Bruce's sandwich. Bruce sighed and scratched his forehead.

"There has to be bacon for a BLT, Thor…" He replied, merely going and getting more supplies for another sandwich.

"Actually, I thought we could go and grab something and talk?" Steve offered looking between her and Sam. "Bellamy, you remember Sam, right?"

"Yes, of course. It's nice to see you again, Sam."

"Likewise," he replied with a small smile and a nod. "Let me just put my bag down and we can go."

Steve explained to Bellamy how he often liked spending time outside the tower so as not to feel trapped up in one world and still experience the outside world, that Sam helped him with that. He also explained he often had to wear a hat now, sometimes with sunglasses, to keep from getting recognized and drawing attention while out in public. Sam chimed in with amusement about how many girls would dress up as Avengers—Captain America was a popular one—and try and get inside the tower, especially during its first month of opening.

"I come down from DC for a few stretches of days to help out Steve when I can." Sam explained as they sat outside of a diner, the only people in sight. "It took him a while to get me a spare room at the tower; I see you got one right away just fine." He shot a look at Steve who rolled his eyes.

"Sam, it was still being renovated. I didn't know if Tony had another spare room."

"In that big old tower, you didn't know if you had a spare room?" Sam retorted as Bellamy chuckled.

"Sam will probably be sticking around more now that you're here. Our search kinda stalled for a while when I got busy...but I just can't give up." Steve frowned up towards the buildings he stared at. "I appreciate the both of you for helping. I know he doesn't mean much to either of you and I know it's a dangerous task."

"We wouldn't be here if we didn't want to be." Sam told him, playful teasing set aside for a moment. "Plus, I feel more official now that I got a former S.H.I.E.L.D. Deputy working with me. We need laminated nametags or badges, maybe Stark can hook us up with that easier than a room."

"So…" Bellamy cleared her throat. "This entire time you haven't gotten close to finding a single trace?" Steve sighed.

"There was one time, the time I called you a while back this year. There was a sighting of him around the Smithsonian. We couldn't find anything. We came to the conclusion its more likely than anything that he fled the country, probably a long time ago." Bellamy stared at her clasped hands.

"So, we're going to be going to different countries on a wild goose chase with only our intuition? Guesses?"

"Not exactly." Steve said, exchanging a look with Sam. "Back in June, we got another lead of him in the area around downtown Manhattan." Bellamy's heart pounded. "It's not much to go off from, and maybe he left again. Maybe it wasn't even him. But it's something since earlier this year."

"You haven't heard anything, seen anything from people, news, sources?" Sam asked. She wasn't sure what he assumed she was, but his tone made it sound as if she were a true asset to their search, that she had more tools than them, more knowledge. Ironically, he was right, but that was likely due to her former affiliation to S.H.I.E.L.D., not because of her time spent one-on-one with Bucky himself.

She appraised Steve for a moment, wondering what he would say if she told him how she had fallen asleep beside Bucky on the same couch in her apartment, that they had shared dinners and midnight talks and wine. That they had nearly shared a kiss on the Wonder Wheel. Then she remembered all the times she had already lied about Bucky to Steve, directly and deliberately. She opened her mouth, but was saved when a waitress came with their food.

It gave her an extra moment to think, to remember the way Bucky spoke about Steve. About not being ready to confront his former best friend or be found by him. And then it made sense, why she hadn't yet told Steve and why she still couldn't.

"No, I haven't heard anything. I don't exactly have 'sources,' I hardly have any contacts. I've tried to lie low after everything." She finally answered, staring instead at her food. Sam sighed, but it sounded determined rather than tired.

"Then I guess we got our work cut out for us, girl."

It was hard to focus on the past when surrounded by the Avengers. The more days she spent in their presence, the more they began growing on her. They were lighthearted and friendly and nice distractors of thoughts, and she was glad Steve had them. Even Tony was bearable, to her surprise. She didn't at all regret her decision, but it still didn't keep her from thinking of Bucky when alone in her room. She sat on her bed with her legs folded underneath her, rereading his note for the first time in a long while.

Bellamy just couldn't understand how he could leave; was he hurting like her too? Aching? There was something like embarrassment in her chest now even when she thought of their good moments, which she realized was the feeling of rejection. For some reason, she wasn't quite enough to make him stay. Just as she wasn't good enough to take on a new project of rebuilding S.H.I.E.L.D., so she was here, taken in by Steve like a stray dog because he had a bigger heart than most. He even made it feel like she was doing him a favor. She chuckled and as she did so, tears flicked away from her face.

On her bed was the stuffed animal Bucky had won her and the sight of it made her realize she had been falling for him, and now without him, she had tumbled all the way to rock bottom alone. It was such a painful sight, something so soft and innocent with its white fur and pink ribbon, tormenting her heart, forever never letting her forget his existence with each night she fell asleep holding it in her arms.

There was a soft knock on her door and she quickly silenced her crying, pressing her hand to her mouth as she took in a sharp breath through her nose. Of course; she had forgotten the time and realized she was meant to meet with Steve for dinner. She jumped as her door clicked open gently.

"Hey," Steve murmured softly, with a face of pity. She turned away from him quickly, wiping her tears away. "I'm sorry, I heard you and you don't have to come out; I brought you some food." He had a plate and placed it on her desk. She nodded her head with her back to him still, glancing back when she didn't hear him leave. He was hesitating at the door before he stepped in and shut the door behind him. She sighed as he sat on her bed beside her.

"Steve…" She began.

"I know, you probably don't want me here. But I know there's probably a part of you that doesn't want me to leave. I know I feel like that sometimes. I can leave if you want me to." Now, she didn't do much to hide her tears with him sitting beside her. Instead she looked back at him and remembered the tour he had given her back on the first day.

They had been going to a different floor, and she had realized they were heading for the elevator. But before she could stop Steve or mention it at all, he stopped at his own realization and looked at her with a look of immediate understanding, a look of apology.

"Let's take the stairs." He had told her casually, without question.

"You remembered about the elevator." She told him, now back in her room and away from the memory. He stared between her eyes and nodded after a second.

"Did you know I still haven't been back by to where I used to live, in Brooklyn?" Bellamy shook her head silently. "I love Brooklyn. But...not only can I not afford to live there, I don't know if I can go back." He shrugged calmly. "We all have things we avoid, for whatever reason. But you can't avoid the things that make you cry, because that means it still hurts enough to make you cry over it. It's forcing you to recognize it. Do you want to talk about it?" Bellamy turned away to stare back at the teddy bear and looked away when Steve glanced towards it too.

"It's just...I'm still struggling to play by life's rules. They are very particular and unfair sometimes." Steve frowned a bit.

"You don't have to play by anybody's rules, Bellamy."

"If you let someone in, you don't get to tell them not to leave." Steve frowned a bit more, looking down as if he realized finally what she meant. "You choose to let them in, but they choose to do whatever they want."

"If you can't change the situation, you have to change your attitude." He said, reciting a phrase she had heard before. "It's something I learned to try and live by."

"That's much easier said than done." He nodded in agreement. "First, you have to deal with everything that comes with it, which is valid, but you feel so pathetic and foolish. It's foolish for me to feel that I'm not enough, but I do and I can't shake it and I've never felt this way in my life." Steve seemed very confused.

"Who told you that you weren't enough?"

"My own mind, jumping to conclusions. Our worst enemy is ourselves, usually."

"Bellamy, look at me." She sighed before she looked up. Steve had a soft smile on his face, and she focused on that, wishing to find that kind of peace. "When you said that you picked up on baking, I didn't believe it for a second. Because the old Bellamy I knew? She would never have the time for that." She chuckled without humor.

"You never really knew me, Steve." She told him dismissively.

"I know you weren't like this." He gestured with a nod towards her. "Even before you were this, wearing colors and jeans," Steve made it sound like a big deal and she snorted. "You were still more than some people could ever even hope to become. You intimidated people because of how capable you were, but now you're more open to even more than before and you're growing. You've changed, I can see it. And you're still changing, you don't..." She finally looked back up at Steve.

"Have my panties in a wad?" He sent her a look, shaking his head and she smiled briefly, before he finished his prior thought with the same peaceful smile he had before.

"You don't have any reason to feel like you're not enough. Even if you're not where you want to be." She stared at Steve, taking in his soft words, trying to figure out where she wanted to be.

Suddenly, the anonymous package that someone left at her apartment popped back into her head. She frowned to herself slightly.

"Steve...if you knew anything about S.H.I.E.L.D., you would tell me, right?"

"Of course, Bellamy. But it's gone, and we have to move on." He was telling the truth, and once again it wasn't him who left her the information. "Is that what this is about, S.H.I.E.L.D.?" She sighed and shrugged bitterly, once again faced with the possibility that maybe it was Bucky who had left her the information. But that only seemed silly to believe, that he was still keeping tabs on happenings that affected her life.

In reality, he probably rarely ever thought about her now, and she just had to accept that.

"I guess I just have a hard time letting go."

"Are you hungry?" Steve asked suddenly after a moment, staring at her and waiting until she shook her head. "Good. I've got an idea." He stood up and waited for her to follow, so she did, without really much of anything else to do.

He brought her back to the gym, empty again, and she watched as Steve began wrapping his hands.

"Did you know Bucky was the one who taught me how to box?" His name came at her like a jab and she had to remain expressionless. "He also taught me it could be therapy. I could punch at a bag when I was angry at the world. I didn't do a lot of damage back then, but…" He finished before he looked at her with his eyebrows raised and hands extended. She blinked before she realized what he was doing. It was an offer.

"Oh, uh..." She obliged after hesitating and allowed him to begin wrapping her hands too. "I've never done this before."

"I'll show you how." Steve's eyes flashed, but he said nothing. She was still hesitating even when he finished and he placed a hand on her shoulder.

"You know, it's still scary for other people too. You're not the only one. I can reach out to you and you might decide to leave and change your name and never contact me again. I'd probably be offended, but…" She chuckled. "I wouldn't regret helping you out and being your friend. Do you regret anything in your life?" She stared at Steve and thought long and hard.

"No." She replied. "But sometimes I regret not doing more. Saying more."

"Well, now you can do more and say whatever's on your mind. Don't hold back anymore. You just need to move on from the past and remember to do more with your present. Maybe boxing can help you with that like it helped me." Lately, with everything she had been feeling, she was willing to give anything a try.

"Fine. Okay, show me how."