Chapter 51: Pressure

"I thought I was just comforting them, but I think I've been influencing people's minds this whole time, Anders. If that's true, I'm no better than a blood mage," I say, shame coloring my words. I feel a tear slide down my cheek. "No wonder Talon wants to find me. I thought it was about Cat, but it has to be this."

"Norah, stop," he says, putting an arm around me. "You have a rare gift, that's all. It's unusual, but I don't think it's evil. Your intentions were good, don't let doubt cloud that for you. Your talent is probably the reason Cat has persisted outside the Fade as long as she has."

Cat speaks up, "Norah, I don't think it's as bad as you think."

"I agree," says Anders. "I don't see this talent as any different than your music. You can create a better mindset, a stronger will with your song. This is just another manifestation. I mean, you and your gift are the reason I fight for mages. If you had been in a Circle, they probably would have wanted to make you Tranquil out of fear. But as far as I can tell, you've never harmed anyone with it."

"Except myself."

He looks away, his expression serious again. "What was that about Talon? You mean that pirate person, right?"

"Yeah, apparently my father works for him. Someone told Talon about me, too, probably Nikolaus. That's why Colette was so persistent."

"And why you left," he adds.

"Yes. I had to face her, but she was so pathetic I couldn't help but pity her." I look up at him and sigh. "I wonder what would have happened if I hadn't left," I say.

"Don't", he says pulling away from me. "You don't understand. Things changed while you were gone. The injustices against the mages have grown. More and more Tranquil are being seen in the Gallows courtyard. I couldn't stand by anymore. Justice and I...I fear it's too late for anything we could have been, Norah."

"What have you done?" I ask gently.

"Nothing I want to involve you in," he says, and his brow furrows.

"Let me help you," I say.

"Maker, no. No, none of this will come back on you," he says, and I'm even more concerned. "No matter what happens, I'm glad I got to see you again. Loving you was the best wrong decision I ever made."

"Why are you talking like that? Anders, what did you do?" I ask, and a sick feeling starts in my stomach. He doesn't answer. "Damn it, Anders. Talk to me." When he still doesn't respond, I turn to Cat. "Cat, help me." She just shakes her head, her eyes downcast.

After a moment, Anders walks over to the other side of the room. "I have a balm that's specific to spirit damage. It should help."

He grabs a flask from the other side of the room. The balm does indeed help, and I watch as the skin starts to heal. After a few minutes, all that remains is a vine-shaped scar. I guess I'll probably always have it as a reminder.

"Does it still hurt?" Anders asks.

"No, I think it's okay now," I say, flexing my fingers. "Anders…"

"Norah, just don't. You should go; I have work to do."

I sigh. "So that's my answer, then. It's over. I hope you're happy with your choice."I straighten my spine, and walk to the door. "Thanks for the salve, Anders. I guess I'll be getting back to the bar now. Varric will want to know what happened."

I take my time going back to the bar. Anders was acting so different. "Cat?" I call, and I see her shimmer. "Can you tell me what happened to him?"

"You saw him. He's losing himself, Norah," she says quietly.

I sigh. We're really over. He won't even let me in, or tell me what's going on. Anders always trusted me before, even when he barely knew me. I think about the promise I made to him, that I would be the one to strike the blow if he was too far gone. But, is that what this is? Or am I just hurt because he doesn't want me anymore?

"Cat, why didn't you help me back there?"

"Because this was never going to end well, Norah."

I nod, and wipe a tear away. I can't get distracted now, I need to tell Varric and the others about Talon. No time for wallowing in self-pity. I straighten my back and keep my head high. Focus on protecting the friends you can.

Walking back into the Hanged Man, I see Corff overseeing the removal of the bodies from the main room of the bar. I give him a small wave. "Somehow I knew you'd be involved in this," he says, shaking his head.

"Not her fault," Isabela yells from across the room, walking over to join us. "What? That's what you said before."

"You back for long?" Corff asks.

"Not really sure yet. I just got back," I say.

"Let me know if you want your job back. It's tough finding help that will stay when things like this keep happening," he says, motioning to the blood stains left on the floor.

"Thanks, but I think my days of serving tables may be over."

"That's good, you were awful at it," quips Varric from behind me. "Got my drinks wrong for months," he says in a low conspiratorial tone.

"Seriously guys?" I say, but laugh, regardless. "And that was intentional, I'll have you know. I was an excellent barmaid."

"I don't really have much to compare it to," says Merrill, ending that line of conversation.

"How's the hand?" Varric asks. I show him the scar. "Broody isn't going to like that. But you said you had news. We're all ears, Cookie, what is it?" he asks.

"Well, If my aunt is to be believed, my father works for Talon," I confess. "That's why Colette kept sending people after me: he was threatening her. She says he wants to capture me, but I'm not sure why."

"Do you think your father is one of those mindless goons?" asks Isabela.

"I don't know. I mean, my father was a templar, so he might have had some immunity to magic."

"Your dad was a templar?" Varric asks, guffawing. "That's going in the book."

"So we're going to see more of that bastard and his people," Isabela says. "I mean, I wanted to get back at him for what happened to Marco. I knew Marco, and he wouldn't have willingly served him like that. But puss, I don't want end up like one of his men. Maybe it's better if we stay out of his way."

"I know. I came back to warn everyone. I made you all a target, and I'm sorry. I don't think leaving will help with this one. I mean for starters, I don't even know where to look for him. I just know he'll try again eventually."

"But they lost their way to track you now, right?" Merrill asks.

"As far as I know," I acknowledge. "Colette could have been lying. She was a master at it; I might not have been able to tell. I looked around her place a bit before we left, and I didn't see any signs of more vials. If Talon knew about them, though, he probably has at least one. Not to mention I'm back in Kirkwall, one of the last places his people found me. I'm not going to be hard to find as it is."

"Are you thinking of leaving town again?" Varric asks.

"I have thought about it, but with or without me here, you are all in danger," I admit. "I hate the thought that he would try something after I left. I'd rather be able to be here to fight him with you."

"Yeah, I'm kind of on his shit list at the moment, too," says Isabela. "But I do have a ship now," she adds, flashing her teeth in a wide smile.

"That's fantastic!" I exclaim. "I'm really happy for you, Captain Isabela."

"I think I'll stick around for a bit longer. I'm not used to friends like you and Hawke, it's kind of nice."

"Why are you lumping me together with Hawke?" I ask, not happy at the thought.

"I'd trust both of you to watch my back, and that's saying something," she says. I'm surprised she doesn't make some kind of dirty comment again about it, but she seems to be sincere without joking for once.

"Thanks," I say, acknowledging the compliment. "I don't think my life would be as much fun without you either."

"Merrill, I'm glad to see you too," I say, remembering how we'd parted. I need to apologize. "I'm sorry things went the way they did with our trip to your clan. I know it's no excuse, but I was desperate to find a way to help Anders."

"No, I think I knew that, Norah," she says, her face sullen. "But none of that matters now."

"Why? What happened?" I ask.

"My clan is gone," she says, and chokes back a sob. "I tried to help them, and they couldn't believe in me. Keeper Marethari...she allowed herself to be possessed by the spirit that had helped me. She thought she was saving me. They're all dead now. If only we had never found that mirror..."

"Oh Merrill...I'm so sorry. I should have been here for you," I say. I sit next to her, and would have put an arm around her, but stop myself. I don't know exactly how my ability works. Cat seemed to know more, I should talk to her when I get a chance.

"Varric?" I finally ask when Merrill seems calm again.

"Yes?" he asks.

"How's your brother?" I ask. Might as well get all of the news.

"About the same. Sometimes I wonder if we really did the right thing, bringing him back. But I still think I'd make the same choice if faced with it again. They may be nug-shit crazy and homicidal, but you only get one chance at family."

"Isn't that the truth," I say. "I thought I was going to kill my aunt. I never thought I'd pity her."

"Can we all go back to being happy about my ship?" asks Isabela.

"Yes. Thank the Maker for some good news for once."

After a time, Merrill stands up. "I need to get back to the Alienage. I can usually find my way around now, but it's harder after dark."

"I'll walk you," says Isabela.

I watch the two of them walk out. Turning to Varric, I ask, "You don't suppose the two of them..."

"Oh yeah, for a while now. I think it started after the thing with her clan happened."

"Oh," I say. "Didn't see that one coming. It makes sense, though. They've always been close."

"Yeah. Speaking of, what was that with you and Fenris?" he asks.

"Things got...complicated in Orlais, but I'm not sure anymore. I know Hawke went with him, but I think I should go check on him." And, if I'm being honest, I want to see him.

"Just be careful; he was pretty heated tonight," he says. "He may be more broody than usual."

"Yeah, but I still want to go. Thanks for worrying about me, Varric. You're a good friend."