A/N: Thanks guys for all the congrats on the birth of my little girl and thank you for still sticking with one even though it taken me a little while to get back in my writing grove after she was born. You guys are too sweet and without further ado, Chapter 30.

Bella felt herself sitting down, her eyes unable to move away from the man that walked towards her. It surprised her how quickly the rest of the world fell away, her attention purely on Edward. The soft impact of the soles of Edward's shoes against the newly fallen snow got louder and louder with each step he took closer to her. She took a deep breath.

She barely heard Tallulah excuse herself, advising that she needed to hunt and that she would not be back until daybreak. Bella knew that in reality that she was off to find Felix and Dimitri, and advise them the latest development and ensure that they were not disturbed. She appreciated that; there was much that needed to be said, many emotions that needed to be dealt with.

Edward was the same of course, his hair still a fashionable mess, his attire expensive and of the finest cut. Bella's heart did a small flip at seeing him; it was not prepared for him to suddenly arrive out of nowhere. No, Bella had always assumed that she would have time to prepare for this meeting after the mission was over. She had hoped that she would have the perfect thing to say to begin healing the exposed wounds.

But there were no words that came to her as Edward walked over and placed his hands on either side of his body, gingerly sitting on the edge of the wooden bench they now shared. He turned to Bella. "I know this is surprising and overwhelming. For both of us. "

Bella tried to rein in all the emotion that she felt at seeing her husband, or rather, former husband in front of her after all these months. It was hard keeping them from spiraling out of control. She was just glad that Jasper was not there to being subjected to them.

Jasper. Oh God. If Edward was here…was he currently in the process of seeing Alice again? Her stomach flipped yet again and she was not sure if her stomach was churning more at the anxiety of Alice being with Jasper, or at the presence of the vampire in front of her. "Overwhelming is good word. What-" she paused, determined to compose herself better. "What are you doing here?"

"I came here to assist."

"Did the Volturi force you to come here?"

"I was given the option of supporting them with a task or not gaining back my real memories." Edward replied smoothly, but his voice clearly bitter. "So I chose the prior."

Bella was furious at the Volturi for playing their entire family. She and Jasper should have figured that they would want to take advantage of their situation and use Edward and Alice as well. "What about Alice?"

"Alice?"

Bella nodded, choking slightly on her next words. "Yes. Alice. Your… wife. Was she given the same ultimatum?" She knew the answer already, but needed to have her fears confirmed.

She could not read the look that passed on Edwards face. "Yes. She was sent on a different mission in France to assist with the eradication of a set of newborns."

Her fear was confirmed. "With Jasper."

Edward's beautiful features soured. "They did not confirm that with me, but I had assumed that was the case given his prior experience."

They were both quiet for a minute. It wasn't uncomfortable; their moments of silence never had been. However, it was different. She just was not sure exactly how. Bella knew Edward well enough to know that he was most likely pondering over Alice being back in Jaspers company. What Edward could not have known is that she was contemplating the very same thing. How was Jasper handling it all? Now that they were both back in their lives again, how would this ultimately impact them? When she had a spare moment, she was going to need to text him.

"Did you know I would be here?"

The bronze haired vampire hesitantly tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. It was a familiar action, one that he had done a thousand times over the course of their relationship. "Yes. All I knew is I was meeting at a rendezvous point with a vampire named Tallulah and that you would be there. For that, I was glad. I needed to see you alone. There is a lot that needs to be said between us. I didn't want anyone else intruding. Our relationship at least deserves that."

Bella smiled a little at him. He was different. He was her Edward, and yet, he wasn't. His face held the concern it had for her as it had all those years of them being together; but his eyes were unsure of her and his body was a little too rigid to be comfortable in her presence. Even though she had found the love of her life with Jasper, it saddened her to think that her Edward might be gone forever. "Yeah. I guess there is. How have you been?"

The question sounded so trite the moment it fell from her lips but she knew the weight that the question carried.

"That is a rather loaded question. The past day has turned my world upside down."

She just nodded. Bella understood. It was only a few months ago that she was in the same predicament. "What do you remember?"

Edward's eyes were intense. "Everything."

"Both sets?" she asked quietly. She already knew the answer but somehow had hoped that he was spared from the same fate as the rest of the Cullens.

"Both."

Bella wanted to weep for him. She reached out, grabbing his hand and giving it a squeeze. "I'm sorry you have to endure that."

"Bella, I am the one that should be sorry. This was not fair to you or Jasper."

"It was not fair to anyone. Don't you dare take this upon yourself, Edward Cullen. You do that too often."

"But what you had to see… I need to explain so you understand. All those months that we were apart…"

Bella knew he wanted to beg her forgiveness, wanted to explain him and Alice, and wanted to explain that he was unfaithful to her. She was not ready to hear about the nature of their relationship in that manner. She did not know if she ever would be, even if she had moved on.

"No. You don't need to explain. Edward, I am quite aware of the nature of your relationship with her."

This Edward that sat next to her now looked ashamed but did not say another word.

Bella sighed. Even if Jasper had not been her mate, she realized that she and Edward were worlds apart now. "Perhaps this is all for the best anyways."

"I don't see how having our memories tampered with could be for the best."

"I just mean that maybe you and Alice…"

Edward's face hardened, a rare occurrence, at least when she was with him. "Those were tampered memories."

She stared at the icy tundra underneath her feet. "That doesn't mean that maybe those feelings are not real or maybe it did just bring to light feelings you have had for her all along. I couldn't blame you really."

"Bella-"

She continued. "The past few months have changed both of us, Edward. You are never going to be the same. I am never going to be the same. I saw you and Alice and it practically killed me at first, but then after time the pain became more bearable and I came to terms with what happened …"

Edward chose to lean in at that moment; his body almost touching hers, his forehead resting against hers. His index finger pressed firmly against her lips, requesting her to stop talking. Bella took an unneeded breath. It reminded her of the so many times they were alone together, sharing an intimate moment wrapped up in each other's world. She closed her eyes.

For one brief moment, she wanted to pretend that this was Edward and Bella, the way they used to be. That this was Edward and Bella on their honeymoon, before the inevitable occurred where even if they had not had their memories changed, she would eventually found her way into Jasper's loving arms. She wanted that one memory of the two of them before she went forward with the rest of her life. So she closed her eyes, knowing that if she looked into his, that she would see the truth.

This wasn't her same Edward; this was an Edward that had been changed, whose memories warred with each other, between love for her and distrust. This was an Edward that was now jaded, and would never fully trust her again. But it was more than that.

If she opened her eyes, he would now see her truth, the one that she had been trying to tell him. That she had changed as well; she was scarred. There was an emotional battlefield that she had fought for the past eight months that left her wounded, ensuring that no one, save Jasper, could fix.

Edward's hand caressed Bella's cheek. His hand was smooth as she remembered, soft and gentle with its touch. It was so achingly familiar and soothing, she couldn't help but breath in his scent, take him all in. His thumb traced along her lower lip as he had done so many times in the past; her mouth instinctively parted slightly at the touch, her tongue darting out slightly, tasting the saltiness of his skin.

Edward's melodic voice was soft. "We could start over again Love. I know things have changed, I know it is going to take time. But I am just asking for a chance, I am asking for forgiveness."

Bella swallowed deeply as he placed his lips to her forehead. Keeping her eyes closed, she whispered. "I already told you, there is nothing to forgive. This was not your fault."

His hand cupped her cheek and she could feel his eyes penetrating into her. "Regardless, there is much to atone for."

As his fingers played with her jaw line, she continued to allow herself the luxury of thinking back to a year ago, when it was just the two of them. There had been so many laughs, so many smiles that were exchanged just between the both of them. They were as happy as any newlywed couple could be.

She realized through now hooded eyes, that Edward was comfort, he was familiarity. She did love him, she would always love him. But she did not wish that she could go back, she did not want to return from where she was now.

Bella was so lost in her thoughts at understanding the her feelings for Jasper were so much stronger than for Edward that she hardly registered his lips on her neck, his fingers pulling down her turtleneck to allow for better access, and his body freezing as he saw what she had unintentionally been hiding.

He pulled away abruptly, his tone colder. "I see things really have changed. You are marked."

It wasn't a question. She pulled up her turtleneck. "Yes. I tried to tell you."

Edwards look was back to being a cross of her Edward and the Edward of recent. "You did not try very hard. Please tell me it isn't my brother."

"I'm sorry." She reached out for his hand, which Edward denied her. "Jasper-"

"I knew it. I somehow always knew I would never be able to trust him around you! Even as a human, there was something that always lurked in the back of my mind, something that worried me more than his bloodlust. "

"Edward-"

"Don't! You allowed him to mark you. You are my wife. Those vows should mean something."

Bella found her voice. "Edward, we are not married anymore. The Volturi made sure of that. According to the law, the title now belongs to Alice, who I know for a fact you know in the biblical sense as well. I did not give in to my feelings for Jasper until I thought that there was no chance of getting you back. I thought my last chance had slipped through my hands. Don't you dare try to lay a guilt trip on me. You have no idea the personal hell Jasper and I went through as a result of this. We lost everything. We lost our home, our families, and our loves. We only had each other to rely on."

"And I see you took full advantage of that."

"I had no idea that Jasper was my mate! When I was with you, I was loyal to you and to you only. You are well aware of that Edward. And Jasper was faithful to Alice. But once we got to know each other, I discovered feelings I did not know existed. And I will now be devoted to Jasper. As much as it pains me to hurt you, my loyalties are now lying with him. You never marked me, you never wanted to mark me. Doesn't that say something, Edward?"

"You were perfect as you were."

It was a typical response from him. Always putting Bella up on a pedestal where she did not belong. She decided to use a different approach. "Edward, what about Alice? Those feelings did not simply disappear."

"Those are manufactured. They were fed to us; those memories aren't real."

"Are they? Out of everyone in the house, Alice and you have always been the closest. I always was a little jealous because it seemed that both of you were closer than you and I or Alice and Jasper even at times. Isn't it possible…"

Edward looked her in the eye. "We knew each other for decades, Bella. We were always close. But we would have recognized those feelings long ago. What I feel towards her now isn't real."

Bella put a hand on his arm. "But it is now. For better or for worse, you will always remember those feelings for her. You will always be drawn to her as your mate. Did you mark her Edward?"

Edward looked away. Bella prompted him again. "Edward, did you mark her?"

"It is private, Bella."

That was all the confirmation she needed. "You did."

"It is certainly not anywhere as obvious as where Jasper chose to mark you."

Bella could not deny that a small part of her was jealous that Alice was so intimate with him, but she was mostly relieved. There was an opportunity for him to be happy. "But see? Even if you think that your feelings are manufactured for her, you still marked her as a mate. You knew through instinct that we are not mates, just as Jasper knew that he did not want to mark her either. Maybe your subconscious knows that the both of you are meant to be and that is why you marked her."

"No. My fake memories, my fake emotions, my fake life told me I should mark her. Nothing more!" Edward pushed a chair down in the tent out of frustration. She could see both sides of him warring with each other, each personality trying to win out. She pushed further.

"You restrain. You deny yourself. You have always denied yourself fancying to play the martyr, Edward! Stop it for once and just admit that you have feelings still for Alice already. Let's not ignore the elephant in the room."

Edward walked around her. "I would not say that was the elephant, Bella." He paused for a minute, taking several deep breaths with his eyes closed. When he opened them, his demeanor was calmer, more like the Edward she knew but still a hybrid. "Anyways, before we left Alice and I had a very brief discussion and agreed that we should not be continuing a relationship."

Bella's stomach turned over yet again at this. If Alice was with Jasper…. no. She needed to focus on this at the moment. She trusted Jasper and this was important too. "So did you think that you could just walk in here and begin our relationship again?"

"I knew it was going to be difficult to separate my new feelings and set them aside, but I was willing to try to make this work. To make us work, Bella. As to your 'declarations' that we are not married anymore, you know better than I do that that was only a piece of paper Bella. After all, weren't you the one who kept insisting that we did not need to get married to begin with? But in your heart, you knew you were still married and yet you cheated. In my heart and head, I had no idea I was ever married and the second it was revealed to me, Alice and I both cut ties with each other."

She wished that she could shed tears. "But don't you see, Edward? You don't really want me. You are trying to make this work because you feel you are obligated to."

Edward walked over to her and placed his hands on both sides of her cheeks. "Love, trust me when I say I still want you. Even despite this recent development between you and Jasper, I still want you. Remember that night in Austria were we holed up in the hayloft of an abandoned barn? "

She did remember. It was a very romantic night. There was a major downpour that neither one of them expected, and they were miles from anywhere. Even moving at vampiric speed, they were soaked. They found a small barn in a field and decided to wait out the storm there. The rain pounded heavily on the tin roof and Bella couldn't help but laugh at the sight of Edward's perfectly messy hair temporarily ruined. That led to Edward chasing her and once he caught her, well, he had punished her in the most romantic and delightful ways. Bella and Edward made love for hours that night, and she swore yet again her undying love for the vampire that now stood before her.

"I told you that night that I would always love you and I would never let you go. Never. A mark isn't going to change that for me, Bella."

Bella turned towards the tent opening, staring into the wilderness. "Edward, you know what that mark means. It means that I am Jasper's mate."

Edward walked into her view again. "Yes. It means your Jasper's mate. But there are cases; albeit rare in occurrence, but cases nonetheless where one vampire mates with another but the recipient of the mark does not return that level of feeling. Don't you see, Bella?"

"What am I supposed to see?"

"That you have just gotten swept up in this all. You and Jasper were alone, abandoned, with no one to turn to but each other. You are not necessarily his mate."

"Edward, I am his mate."

"Bella, give me a chance to prove you wrong."

"I don't need a chance."

"But-" Edward tried to interject.

"No buts. I need you to understand this." Bella grabbed his hand, pulling Edward to her. She softened her voice, clasping the other hand with his as well. She looked in Edwards eyes. There was a time not so long ago she would have done anything for him when he looked at her the way he was staring at her now. "I am so relieved that you have your memories back. The thought of you not remembering me... not remembering us? Everything we have been through together? That was killing me. I do love you. I will always love you."

"And I love you, Bella." His voice was so sincere, Bella's heart almost broke in two.

She squeezed his hand. "But that weekend I went away and your memories were altered, it changed everything. It took me a long time to come to the realization that nothing would ever be the same. As much as I wanted my Edward back, it was not going to happen."

"I can be that Edward."

Tears welled in her eyes. "No, Edward. You can't. It would be selfish of me to expect you to be. You have two sets of memories now. You have two people you love. You remember loving me, and you remember loving Alice. Each set of memories is as real as the next. You are unfairly now burdened with both, and you now need to find an in between that will work for you. Don't you see? Even if I had not fallen for Jasper, even if I was still solely in love with you, the dynamic of our relationship is changed forever."

Edward grasped her tighter. "So it is changed. So we are both different. You're right. I am struggling with all of this. I am struggling with knowing that I cheated on my wife, that I ruined the future that we had."

"You didn't ruin our future. It was never meant to be."

"You have to forgive me, love. I am having a hard time believing that."

Bella removed her hand from him and pulled down her turtleneck, revealing where Jasper bit her once more. Edward looked away from it with a grimace and revulsion, as if it was poisonous. She felt bad, but she needed Edward to understand that he would never be back in her life romantically. "This mark is Jasper's. I wanted this mark, Edward. I felt completed when he gave it to me. It's not because your memories were altered or that I was alone for months with Jasper that I fell into his arms. It may have accelerated what was going to happen, but it was going to happen no matter what. Maybe it would have been a year from now, maybe a century. Who knows? But Jasper and I would have eventually found our way to each other, realized what we were meant to be.

I don't want to hurt you. None of this is your fault, you are just a victim of circumstance. But we cannot be. Edward, I know one hundred percent in my heart that Jasper is mine. He may have marked me," she tipped Edwards chin towards her with her finger so he was looking her in the eye once more, "but I also marked him. I wanted to mark him, show the world that Jasper was not to be touched by anyone but me. I've never wanted to do that you, even in our most passionate of nights together. Even in that evening in that hayloft in Austria. I didn't want to bite you because I knew, deep down, that you were not my soul mate. I'm sorry."